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The feelings in my heart slowly became a permanent mental state. A pathway revealed itself in my mind, always leading its way to him. He was the first person I thought of when I needed help, and the only one I trusted with my silly secrets.
We shared many smiles and countless laughs with one another. Over time, our bond went above and beyond the title of friends, yet we never stepped out of our comfort zone to see what could happen.
Was it I that was unsure? Or was I content with the title of ‘just friends’?
His soft voice and kind words always lifted me up more than anyone else’s could. I looked forward to all of our time together, even if it was brief. We never touched in all this time we spent together, learning about each other. When parting, the dismissal hug never came nor a quick brush of the hand.
Yet, here we sat, leg to leg and arm to arm, on the over sized sofa, smooshed together on a crowded couch with the black army officers. I keep my body stiff, as I try not to bother him any further. He holds his back as straight as it can get as our body temperatures rise with each passing breath.
I keep my eyes straight, missing everything that is happening on the screen. I can make out the pictures, but my mind couldn’t have registered anything further than Luka’s firm body finally touching mine. His warmth is transferring to me and filling my entire being.
Fenrir enters the room then jumps on Ray’s lap. Noticing my arm was also pressed up against Ray as well, I found the difference in emotional responses stark. I am pushed further into Luka, yet both of us only stiffen further.
Sirius throws a piece of popcorn at Fenrir’s head from the other side of the couch, asking him to settle down. This particular movie night is hosted in Fenrir’s room, thus giving Sirius’ a reason to not become particularly concerned for the tidiness.
Fenrir flopped around again, squeezing between Ray and Seth on the couch. Ray pushes up against me further, grumbling under his breath.
“You could, oh I don’t know, sit on the floor?” Ray begins to shoot daggers at his buddy. “Poor Alice is going to end up in Luka’s lap if you don’t stop twitching.”
Luka audibly gulps, shifting his body minutely beside me. My heart leaps in excitement at the thought of being held by him, in his strong arms around me, and held safely against his chest. I shake my head, willing the longing thoughts the pass through my mind quickly.
I was used to the process of these thoughts drifting into my mind, then pushing them away. I keep my head facing forward, as I continue to pretend to watch the movie. We settle in, keeping quiet for a few moments as the movie drones on.
Fenrir shifts, only to get an earful from Ray again. With a loud thud, Ray shoves his friend off the couch, throwing the small pillow he held in his lap at the man’s face. Luka’s bare arm begins to brush up against mine in the commotion. I shiver from the shock wave of tingles the contact with his skin sends though my body.
“Are you cold?” Luka’s soft voice drags me out of my own head.
“Oh, no. It was…”
Luka ignores me, stretching his arm behind my shoulders and pulls a large blanket off the back of the couch.
“You’re shivering; you must be cold.” His soft eyes meet mine briefly, twinkling in the glow of the television screen.
My eyes drift to his lips, curved slightly in a warm smile. His body twists towards mine, while he lays the small cover over my knees, then tilts to encompass his own legs under the barrier. My heart almost jumps out of my skin at the realization were actually sharing a single blanket together.
My throat absently swallows air, as my hand closest to him begins to tremble. I try to stop myself as I look up at him, but the need to see his lips perk up in a smile once more overcame me. His eyes focus forward, yet they don’t move with the pictures on the screen.
I figure it must be hard to focus on a movie with someone so blatantly staring at you. I move back quickly, shifting my arm in the process. His arm shifts too revealing how close his hand had been to mine. Our knuckles brush in our adjustments, waking the butterfly’s in the pit of my stomach.
My insides continue to twist, feeling him slowly slide his arm near mine under the blanket. His own trembling fingertips hesitantly touch mine, sending a small sigh out of my mouth. Slowly, his fingers trail down the side of my digits as my heart hammers away in my rib cage.
Receptively, I spread my fingers apart to make way for his. Finally, our hands are linked, and Luka presses the tips of his fingers over the back of my hand. I do the same, squeezing gently, not able to keep myself from looking away from the TV screen.
Luka sighs, relaxing his rigid body against the couch. I hadn’t noticed how uncomfortable he must have been sitting next to me, trying to not touch me. I look up at his content face, smiling as his hair lights up in the glow of the screen.
Luka brought his eyes to mine, his cheeks dusting in pink as he smiles back at me. A mutual understanding wafts between us, and the air that was thick with tension before, became electric with excited hope.
I bring my eyes forward, not trying to hide my wide smile any longer. Maneuvering my body against him, I melt into his side while resting my head on his shoulder. Luka’s chest begins to rise and fall rapidly at my new comfortable proximity.
With another squeeze of my hand, he turns his head leaving a small kiss atop my hair. I push my lips into his shoulder to mimic his brief kiss, effectively muffling my bubbling giggles that are daring to escape. This is the start, I hope, of something more that I have been so desperately craving.