Chapter Text
~ ~ 1 ~ ~
"I don't want to go," JC said again, emphasizing each word and frowning at Lance, who was methodically packing JC's clothes while JC watched from the battered old wingback chair in the corner. Both of them were ignoring the music softly playing in the background, JC because he had heard the song a dozen times in the last hour and Lance because he really didn't want to think about why JC was playing 'Just Like A Pill' over and over again.
"You can't stay here alone and we both know it," Lance replied patiently. "Justin and I want to get away, and you nee—" Lance broke off in mid word, then looked over at JC. "You need to move on."
JC's eyes were very close to angry in his otherwise expressionless face as he said, "Whether I 'move on' or not is none of your business, Lance."
Lance frowned. "Yeah Josh, it is. You're my best friend besides Justin, and his best friend, and it hurts us both to see you like this. Ryan was an asshole who used you and cheated on you and then threw you away six months ago. He didn't deserve you, and he sure as hell isn't good enough for you to sit around here pining yourself away to nothing over him."
JC stood abruptly and walked over to his window, putting his back to Lance and wrapping his arms around himself as he said quietly, "It's hard to just forget four years." JC blinked a few times, then added, "And I'm not pining away to nothing, I'm just like I've always been."
Lance snorted and shook his head, and then he walked over to JC to pull at the waistband of JC's track pants, which were elastic and still so loose they hung too low on his hips. "Quit lying to yourself, and to me. You've lost thirty pounds in the last few months and you didn't have any to spare to begin with." Lance rested his hand on JC's back as he went on inexorably, "You have a panic attack if we leave you alone for very long, you won't leave the house, you're so depressed we have to beg you to get out of bed and to eat, and those damned pills your doctor gave you aren't helping at all. They just make you throw up what little you do eat and give you mood swings, and you don't need more of those."
JC looked at the floor, tightening his arms around himself as Lance gently rubbed his back and said, "I'm getting you out of here, Josh. I think you need the sunshine and fresh air and just to get away. Howie says this Kirkpatrick guy has some really nice horses, which I know you love, and a beautiful place too. The change will do you good."
JC looked at Lance, all the anger gone from his eyes, which now just looked lost and sad like they had for much too long for Lance's peace of mind. "Seeing some trees and horses isn't going to fix me, Lance," JC said softly, then added, "I'm beginning to think nothing will. Sometimes I feel like everyone would be better off if I just disappeared."
"Don't even think that, sweetheart, we wouldn't," Lance replied quietly as he slowly ran his hand over JC's back, trying not to let the stab of fear he'd felt at JC's words show. "We love you and want you to be with us, we just want you to be happy too. Maybe you're right and this won't help, but you'll never know until you leave this house and try. If nothing else, this trip will take your mind off of him for a while. Do it for me and Justin if not for yourself. Please?"
JC was silent for a long moment and then gave him a weak smile as he nodded. "Okay."
Chris got out of his battered pickup and looked warily at the brand new Navigator parked next to it – that car wasn't from around here, he knew – before he walked down the sidewalk towards Belle's Diner, where he'd told the five person group he would be riding herd on all week to meet him. He knew they had flown up from California, and that Lance, who Chris had spoken to, had gotten his name from Howie, an old college buddy of Chris' who had just spent a week hiding out in one of Chris' cabins with his newest boyfriend. Lance wanted to go camping with a few friends and had made sure that Chris knew he was a farmboy from Mississippi that could handle a horse and camping out quite well without a nursemaid, then asked what it would cost him to get some privacy on Chris' mountain.
The guy had waited for Chris to come up with a figure and when he didn't after a moment he had said he was willing to pay double Chris' usual fee to get out there alone with his boyfriend and two other people. Chris knew he shouldn't take it because his insurance would lapse if they managed to get hurt while no one was supervising them, but he really needed the cash to get through the winter so he had agreed, hoping the guy wasn't lying about knowing his stuff. Then Lance had told him he had another friend who was coming along who was a special case and would not be going camping with them because he was recovering from a breakdown and needed peace and quiet someplace where he wouldn't be left alone unless he wanted to be.
Chris had asked Lance what he thought he was running, a business or a daycare center, and Lance had offered to pay double for the other guy too just for Chris to let him roam around his house and look at his horses. Chris couldn't make himself refuse – the extra money would keep him from having to sell a filly he wanted to keep – so he had agreed with the stipulation that the guy who'd had the breakdown could go with Chris anytime he wanted to, but Chris was not going to sit around the house watching him.
Chris reached Belle's then and jerked himself out of his thoughts as he paused at the window to scan the late lunch crowd for strangers. Chris moved to the side a moment later so he could see the back tables and groaned when he saw the group seated around the booth in the very back. That had to be them, those four were definitely not from around here. There were only four of them though, so maybe he had gotten lucky and the breakdown guy hadn't come. Chris looked them over again with more than a little distaste, trying to picture any of the four as having been a 'farmboy' and failing miserably.
'Why me?' Chris thought plaintively after a moment, looking up at the bright blue sky. 'What did I ever do to you? Gay I have no problem with man, even flamers, but them?!'
Chris looked back into the diner just as a guy in jeans, a flannel shirt and a white Stetson joined the four at the table, dropping his hat on the table as he sat down and then immediately began to argue with the one wearing the pink t-shirt and dorky glasses. They didn't seem very friendly at all, and Chris really couldn't picture a redneck like that hanging out with the other four so he sighed and headed towards the door to go rescue them from him, thinking that with his luck the one in pink was probably Howie's friend Lance. He looked like the type Howie would hang out with, queer as a three dollar bill and vaguely geeky in those ugly glasses.
Howie had a thing for geeks.
"I still can not believe I let you make me come out here," JC said as Lance sat down next to him again, the other three at the table just watching them with interest. The current argument had lasted over two hours and it was getting more and more fun to watch as Lance finally lost patience with JC, who Lance had been tolerating fairly well as JC slowly went from being quiet and withdrawn to bitchy and annoying over the course of their drive. "I just want to go home."
Lance snorted, giving JC a level look. "You can sit around in one of Kirkpatrick's cabins being miserable just as easy as you can at home, or you can go sit outside and watch a horse or something, Josh, but you're here and I'm not driving you back to Billings to the airport. You've hidden away in your room for long enough, dammit, and you're going to take your head out of the sand and live again if I have to force you to!" Lance knew that would make JC mad – he hated it when Lance pointed out his problems in front of Nick – but he also knew it would probably shut him up to keep Lance from going into more detail.
"You," JC said, glaring at Lance and completely missing it as a short older man with a goatee walked into the diner and quickly towards them, "are being a complete and utter asshole. I don't want you sitting by me, man, go sit with someone else!"
Lance snorted and was about to reply – there wasn't room for him to sit in the other side of the booth and it was just stupid for him to have to switch with Justin – when a short guy put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Hey buddy, c'mon, leave him alone."
"Yeah, leave me alone," JC said, shoving Lance's shoulder. "Go play cowboy for Jup, he's into that kinky stuff."
"Hey!" Justin said, grinning and trying to make light of it before Lance got pissed. "It's not kinky to like the outdoorsy type!"
Chris began to wonder if the guy in the Stetson was with them then, watching as JC gave Justin a dirty look and said, "It is kinky to get him to wear his hat to bed though, Justin, and don't even try to deny it."
Lance blushed at that and Chris rolled his eyes. He was about try and break it up – Belle would kill him if they got into a queeny screaming match in her diner – when Justin stuck his tongue out at JC, then smirked and said, "You're just jealous 'cause I'm getting some fine-ass booty and you aren't."
JC snorted disdainfully. "You lost your contacts again, didn't you?"
Lance glared at JC. "You're really being a bitch right now, you know that, right?"
Justin ignored Lance and gave JC an even bigger smirk, saying, "I thought only girls got PMS, but I have some Advil if you need them..."
JC spluttered and the other two men at the table started laughing as Chris finally managed to get a word in edgewise. "Are you the group going up to Kirkpatrick's?"
Lance turned his head to look at Chris, his still-angry eyes taking in the battered Doc Martens, dusty torn jeans, Sum 41 t-shirt and the faded old baseball cap that said 'Bad Example'. "Yes," Lance said finally, obviously wary, "we are. Are you one of his employees?"
Chris snorted. "No dude, I'm him. There are no employees other than the girl who cooks for me and helps keep the house. Where's your stuff?"
Lance looked surprised as he said, "You're kidding me! Kirkpatrick is supposed to be a professional, not an overaged reject from a punk concert!"
Chris' eyes narrowed. "Your buddy's right, you are an asshole."
JC laughed, suddenly deciding he liked this guy. "This might not be such a bad week after all." He leaned past Lance and gave Chris a grin as he offered him his hand and said, "I'm JC. Nice to meet you."
Chris took JC’s hand, shaking it and giving him a quick smile, wondering if this was the one who'd had the breakdown. "Welcome to Judith's Gap, JC. I'm Chris Kirkpatrick."
"Howie said you're the best, man," one of the others at the table said as Chris let go of JC's hand. Chris looked over at him and the other guy half-stood, leaning across the table to offer Chris his hand as he said, "Alex. Howie said you've got some great horses, too. I haven't been riding in a few years, but I had my own horse as a kid."
Chris shook Alex’s hand, grinning. "It's like ridin' a bike man, you'll do fine. And Howie's right, I do have some good stock, but you shouldn't rely on his word. He wouldn't know a horse's withers from its hocks."
"And you do?" Lance asked suspiciously. "Forgive me but you don't exactly look like a horseman."
Chris snorted and gave Lance a flat look as he said, "And looks say everything about someone, don't they." He looked pointedly at Justin, who looked maybe eighteen and was fairly buff but looking more than a little like a slut in his tight jeans and a tighter brightly tye-dyed t-shirt, then at Alex, who was wearing a black wifebeater that showed off his numerous tattoos with baggy skater jeans, and then the tall blond in the corner who looked a few years older than Justin and was wearing faded, torn jeans and a Metallica t-shirt. Chris gave JC a quick once-over then, fighting the urge to grin at the combination of the pink shirt and dorky glasses, then looked at Lance and asked, "I guess that means you're guiding JC and Alex while they babysit somebody's little brother and his wannabe badass boyfriend?"
JC and Alex both started laughing as Justin and the blond said, "Hey!"
Lance just gave Chris a measuring look and then asked, "What kind of horses do you have available for us?"
"Rangerbreds and Ranger/Mustang crosses," Chris answered immediately. "Toughest horses ever, surefooted on any trail and smart enough not to let you tell them to do something stupid."
Lance looked a little mollified as he asked, "Colorado Rangerbreds? Appaloosas?"
"Spotted, yeah, but not Appaloosas, the Appy registry has ruined 'em by letting in all the damn Quarter horse blood and turning them into showboats with bad legs and feet." He paused a second, then looked pointedly at his watch and asked, "Are you coming or not dude? I got stuff I should be doing if you're going to pack up your boys and go home."
"I'm not a boy dammit," the tall blond said, glaring at Chris.
Chris raised an eyebrow at him. "How old are you, kid?"
"Twenty-one," the blond replied, "And my name is Nick."
Chris leaned across the table offering Nick his hand as he said, "Nice to meet you." Nick shook his hand, then Chris said, "But even if you are legal, you're still a kid to me. You probably don't even shave everyday yet."
Alex laughed and elbowed Nick. "He's got you there, Nicky!"
Nick made a face at Alex as Lance said, "We're coming. Our stuff is out in the truck I rented for the week."
"Then let's get going." Chris stepped back and gestured for them to precede him outside, trying not to look at any of the other people in the diner – he'd be hearing about this for months – as he said, "After you."
Lance grabbed his hat and stood, letting Chris see for the first time that Lance was barely as tall as Chris was. When the others stood up, Chris noticed that Justin was a good six inches taller than Lance, while Alex and Nick were an even more drastic contrast mostly because of Nick's heavy muscular build.
Chris looked expectantly at JC as the other four started towards the door. "C'mon, man, Belle won't let you stay here forever and there ain't no taxis out here. If you still don't want to be here in the morning, I'll have someone drive you into Billings."
JC gave him a wry smile and scooted out of the booth to stand. "Sounds good to me. Can I ride to the ranch with you, though? I've been cooped up with those four for hours and I'm so tired of Lance right now it's not even remotely funny."
Chris chuckled and started out of Belle's with JC following him as he said, "Sure man, whatever you want." He opened the door and held it for JC to go out, then let it swing shut behind them and started down the sidewalk. "Plenty of room in my truck for a skinny little guy like you, but I don't want you to fly out the window when we hit a bump. Maybe we can put you in the glovebox or something."
"Hey!" JC said, half laughing. "I'm not that skinny!"
Chris grinned. "Dude, if you turned sideways you'd disappear! You make stringbeans look fat!"
JC looked like he was going to argue, then laughed and said, "Okay, so maybe I do need to gain a few pounds," as he followed Chris to his truck.
Chris snorted and waved JC towards the passenger side of his dually, ignoring the fact Lance had left the passenger door of their rented Navigator open for JC to get in. "A few, my ass! You're even thinner than a guy I knew in high school, and we used to call him Twiggy."
JC laughed again at that while Lance and Justin exchanged a surprised look, then Lance got out of the back and into the front seat, shutting the passenger door and looking back over at Chris' truck just in time to see JC stick his tongue out at them before Chris said something that made JC grin.
Forty-five minutes later Chris pulled his truck around to the side of the main house, waving Lance on to park at the front steps as he looked at JC. "Hope you don't mind a walk, I need to park this thing by the barn. I've got feed to unload later."
JC had been good company for about half the drive up, then had seemed to slowly run out of steam again until he was quiet and withdrawn, two things Chris had never been accused of being and didn't really know how to handle. For the last few miles it had been nearly silent in the truck, the only sounds coming from outside the open windows or from the truck itself as JC stared out through the windshield or his window and Chris mentally lectured himself about greed.
"I don't mind a bit," JC answered quietly, looking towards the pasture of brightly spotted horses the truck was steadily drawing closer to, then he made a decision and looked at Chris. "Can I go pet your horses while you go get the four stooges settled in their cabins? It won't take me but a minute to settle in later wherever you want me, I promise."
Chris nodded, surprised. "Sure, just stay away from the corral out back, Demon doesn't like strangers."
"Demon?" JC asked, watching Chris' face as he turned the truck around to back up to the barn door.
Chris grinned at him, then looked in the rear view mirror again. "Yeah, I got him from a buddy at the BLM. He's my only wild-caught mustang, tougher than hell and he knows it, and more than a little rank from being mishandled by a couple of the BLM guys who didn't know you just can't push a horse that smart without him fighting back. He'll barely tolerate me messing with him without going postal and I've been working with him for over a year, so you need to stay away from him."
Chris parked the truck and turned it off as JC said, "I will, I'll stick to petting the ones who look friendly, or the babies if they'll come to me."
"Good idea," Chris said as he got out of the truck, leaving his door open. "You'll have to get out my side, I think. The fence is too close on the other side."
JC slid across the bench and hopped out Chris' door, then shut it and looked around with a smile. "Howie's right, it's beautiful up here. You must get a lot of business."
Chris laughed. "I wish I did! If Howie hadn't pointed y'all this way I'd be looking at selling a couple of my broodmares right now."
JC gave Chris a surprised look, then looked towards the pasture on the far side of the truck where a dozen or so spotted mares and their foals could be seen walking towards the barn. "Do you usually sell them?"
Chris shook his head and looked towards the small herd, suddenly serious as he said simply, "You don't sell family." Chris stared at the approaching horses a long moment, then seemed to realize where he was and gave JC a quick self-depreciating grin. "I'm gettin' sappy in my old age man, sorry. You can go on out in the pasture there with them if you want, the foals especially would love the attention. All the mares are gentle and friendly except one, and she's just shy so you'll be perfectly safe out with them."
"Don't be sorry," JC said, impulsively reaching out to put his hand on Chris' arm. "I think it's great you can admit you care that much about them. And I'll try to make them happy, but I don't know much about horses."
Chris chuckled at that, moving his arm away from JC's touch to gesture towards the horses as he said, "All you have to do to make these moochers happy is pet them and talk to them, or feed them some carrots out of the blue bin just inside the barn, but it's about empty I think. I wish I could stay too." He looked wistfully over the back of the pickup at the horses who were now standing along the fence, then gave JC a smile and said, "Have fun and come on up to the house when you feel like it. I'll carry your stuff in. Do you want a cabin or a room in the main house?"
"A room, please," JC replied immediately, smiling. "I hate living alone, even for a week."
Chris grinned. "Me too. Like the girl says, it's bad when you annoy yourself."
JC looked surprised. "I love that song! 'Don't Let Me Get Me' could be like, my life story or something."
"I sure didn't picture you as the type to listen to Pink," Chris said, also surprised.
"Oh yeah man, it's not just a good color," JC replied, grinning suddenly. "I love her new album, it's great."
Chris laughed and shifted his weight slightly, thinking that JC's grin lit up his whole face as he said, "Yeah, it is. I just got—"
"Christopher!" a female voice yelled from the front of the house, startling both of them. "Quit talkin' to the horses and get your butt up here!"
Chris rolled his eyes and gave JC a grin. "Brit's on the warpath, I gotta go. Have fun."
JC smiled and nodded, not letting the little twinge of disappointment he felt show. “I will, thanks."
Chris gave him a wink and then started towards the house just as the girl yelled, "Did you hear me, Kirkpatrick?!"
"Yeah, yeah, I heard you, keep your shirt on!" Chris called back.
A brunette stuck her head around the corner of the house then. "You don't pay me enough to go topless, Kirkpatrick!"
Chris snorted and called back, "Don't nobody around here wanna see your hooters anyway, girl, payin' you or not!"
JC chuckled softly and walked around the truck to the fence, leaning on it to pet the horses for a moment before he slipped between the rails and walked in amongst them talking softly. Ryan and all of the problems he'd caused were out of JC's mind for the first time in a long time, his complete attention on the horses as he stroked sleek hides and marveled at the bright patterns of their spots, smiling when the ones further from him crowded closer. He didn't notice when the smallest foal, one that was white with black spots all over it, decided it liked him and began following him as he walked a little further from the fence to pet the oldest foal, a big buckskin filly with black and white spots over her hips. The littlest colt rubbed up against JC's hip as he started to pet the yearling, pushing him away from the bigger horse to make JC pay attention to it while JC laughed delightedly.
JC didn't even notice that Lance watching him from the corner of the house, smiling and silently congratulating himself. JC was not only talking and making friends – something JC hadn't really done since long before Ryan left him – he was also striking out on his own for the first time in months and laughing. JC being happy had become a rare enough occurrence over the last few months that even a chuckle was a small victory, so the happy laughter Lance could barely hear had just made this whole trip worth every penny to his mind.