Work Text:
Can was practically vibrating, he was so filled with nervous energy.
Sitting in the passenger seat of Tin's car after being picked up from practice, Can drummed his fingers on the armrest of the door, staring out the window anxiously as Tin drove them away from campus. It was Friday, and they were spending the weekend together at the luxurious condo Tin rented nearby so they'd have somewhere private for just the two of them.
This weekend was special though. Not that every weekend they got to enjoy in each other's company wasn't enjoyable in and of itself, but this one was particularly noteworthy. This weekend, they were planning to have their first sexual negotiation and exploration session.
When Tin had first proposed it, Can had been scandalized. Talking about sex was almost as embarrassing as the act itself. He'd eventually come around to the idea, however. Talking about what they both wanted, or conversely what each of them didn't want as well, they'd have a better understanding of what worked for them and what didn't.
Can, not wanting to embarrass himself with his inexperience, had cheated just a bit. This week leading up to the session, he'd done a lot of online searching for different aspects of BDSM in order to seem more experienced. This research had been a real eye-opener; he couldn't believe some of the things he saw were real, let alone actually done by real people. He'd had to admit that while some things terrified him and he couldn't imagine ever trying them himself, there were a few things throughout the spectrum that appealed to him, ranging from the vanilla to what was considered hardcore, and he was pleased that he wasn't as boring as he'd feared he'd be.
Of course, armed with this knowledge, he was now a bundle of nerves. What if Tin didn't like the things he liked? What if Tin was into hardcore kinks that Can wasn't ready to experience?
What if they turned out not to be compatible at all?
These thoughts and more had Can's mind rioting, so much so that by the time Tin parked the car and got out, Can was practically frozen in wide-eyed fear, still sitting in the car with his seatbelt on.
Shaking his head, Tin walked over and fished Can out. "Stupid, you're thinking too much," Tin chastised, ruffling Can's hair fondly before leading the smaller boy into the elevator up to their floor.
"Stop that," Can huffed. "I'm just alert, Ai'Tin! Alert!"
Taking a deep, calming breath, Can looked around at the familiar, comfortable layout of their shared space when they arrived. Unlike his mother's house, with its family photos and knick-knacks scattered everywhere, and unlike Tin's family home, with its expensive art and cold, pristine air, this apartment was a blend of their two personalities. English literature in the bookshelf with an autographed photo of the Liverpool football club above it. The couch was a tasteful black sectional set in front of a glass coffee table, but a pair of blue beanbag chairs were on the floor near the controllers of a gaming console.
Tin paid for it, but often communicated that it was their space, and had even put Can's name on the lease. Their safe space. Safe from prying eyes, safe from judgment. It was the ideal place for this negotiation to take place.
Kicking off his sneakers and dropping his backpack by the door, Can wiped his sweaty palms onto the front of his pants. "So," he said, pretending to be perfectly calm. "Should we get started?"
Tin straightened Can's shoes beside his own, picked up the discarded backpack from the floor and hung it on the nearby hook, then walked over toward his shorter boyfriend. Tilting Can's face upward gently, he could see the manic panic behind those dark eyes, and smiled faintly. Clearly this had been on Can's mind all week, and he'd worked himself up so intensely he was practically trembling in Tin's hands. This wasn't an ideal state for this type of conversation; he'd have to bring Can down first.
"Go take a shower and I'll get dinner; talking to you while you're hungry is useless," Tin noted while steering Can toward their bedroom.
"Can I have shrimp congee?" Can asked hopefully, looking back over his shoulder.
"Mm," Tin agreed easily, heading out to get his love the comfort food he craved.
In the shower, Can stood under the hot spray, letting it beat the tension from his neck and shoulders. As much as he wanted to hurry and get things started so he wouldn't have to be so nervous, he was grateful for the respite. He didn't know how this would go, but that was the whole point, wasn't it? To learn and explore, together. Can stayed in the shower until his fingertips were shriveled, taking extra care to make sure he was clean all over, inside and out.
He wore his best pajamas, the ones Tin had gotten him on Valentine's day, navy blue with little red hearts and their couple-initials embroidered on the chest pocket. He dried his hair thoroughly, knowing that if he didn't, Tin would scold him. After a moment's hesitation, he added a tiny dab of cologne behind his ears, and he blushed as he looked at himself in the mirror.
Was he getting ready for a date or something?!
Finally, he could stall no longer, and he left the bathroom, following the smell of dinner out to the living room. When he stepped out, his breath caught slightly. Tin had their food laid out on the coffee table, and a thick blanket was on the couch, making a soft, comfy nest for two. The lights were dimmed, and there were candles lit everywhere, giving the room a warm glow. Tin's tablet was nearby, opened to the BDSM page he'd showed Can last week, the one that gave a rough, beginners outline of things to discuss during an initial negotiation.
"Did you leave any water for the rest of the city?" Tin wondered drily as he emerged from the kitchen with a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in other.
Can ignored Tin's ribbing, instead making a beeline for the couch and cozying in. "I'm starving," he groaned dramatically, a spoonful of congee passing through his lips immediately afterward. Tin settled in next to Can, pouring the two glasses of wine before picking up a napkin to wipe Can's chin.
"So messy," he lamented, before picking up one of the pork skewers he'd gotten and holding it out for Can to bite, which the younger boy did with gusto.
Chewing happily, the light in Can's eyes was softer, less tinted by anxiety than before, and Tin smiled faintly. This was more like it, his hyperactive boyfriend was so easygoing most of the time, but when something was really concerning him he could tie himself up in knots over it. This had almost caused their relationship to end before it could truly begin, with Can's fear of commitment causing him to pull away from Tin. Thankfully, they'd gotten through that time period together, and been better for it.
They ate in companionable silence, Can tucked securely against Tin's side as they polished off the light meal. Tin cleared away the dishes while Can leaned back, patting his tummy with a silly, satisfied expression. Refilling their emptied wine glasses, Tin re-took his seat at Can's side, leaning over to pop a strawberry-flavored lollipop between his boyfriend's lips. He'd passed a stand selling them on his way back and hadn't hesitated to stop, knowing Can would love it.
Naturally, Tin was right; Can's eyes lit up and he sucked on the candy as Tin picked up the tablet. Warm, safe, full, and obviously cherished, Can was now in the perfect state for them to begin. Tin looked more relaxed as well; there was something so intrinsically satisfying about taking care of Can's needs. The beast inside of him, the part that wanted to own, claim, monopolize, and ravage, was soothed by these little moments. The moments where Can's attention was fully on Tin, where he had no lingering doubts about Can's happiness at his side, no more fears about Can trying to pull away from him again. Of course, tomorrow was another day, and no relationship didn't have its ups and downs. But for today, for the moment, Tin's darkness was held at bay by Can's light.
Looking at the first section of the negotiation guideline, Tin smiled faintly, then turned to Can. "What I enjoy most about having you as a partner is that you're so expressive," he said quietly, reaching out to brush the back of his fingers over Can's jawline. Sure enough, Can blushed as if on command. "It's such a turn on to know what you're feeling, no matter what we're doing."
Ducking his head, Can blushed even more deeply, but took the lollipop out of his mouth to speak in his turn. He couldn't believe he'd been so worried about this. This was Tin, the guy that could read him better than anyone else. But even if Tin was exceptionally talented at picking up on Can's cues, he wasn't psychic so this was the perfect opportunity to add another layer of clarity and openness to their relationship.
"What I enjoy most about having you as a partner," Can echoed, "Is that you're so focused. It makes me feel good when your eyes are on me and only me, like I'm important," he added, fighting the urge to look away from the very focus he was talking about. Tin was looking at him so intensely it was as if he could see through to his soul, and Can felt naked, and scared, but mostly really hot. He squirmed in place, squeezing his legs together, and his hand accidentally brushed over Tin's lap, where he could feel that Tin was also reacting to this exchange, his erection tenting his pants.
"Next section?" Tin asked, his voice deep and steady with a sexual undercurrent that only turned Can on that much more.
"Mm," Can agreed, not trusting his own voice.
"Let's talk about our fantasies," Tin said, glancing down at the tablet before launching into a detailed recounting of the many ways he'd imagined taking Can in his mind, shocking the younger boy as he gave the lurid details of his spank bank with seemingly no shame and no end in sight. The heat rising between them, it would be a test of their willpower to make it through to the end of the session while keeping their hands off one another, but the anticipation would make it that much better in the end.
Of that, they were both completely sure.