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"I can't. Just. What even?" And Oliver can't because this is his apartment but he's sure- like 100% abso-fucking-lutely sure- there weren't any pets there this morning. Let alone 6 puppies. So maybe this isn't his apartment.
He goes back out into the hall, checks the number on the door, looks for forgery, walks up and down the hall looking for a copy and comes back in.
Yep. This is his apartment.
So he puppy proofs the house because what else is he supposed to do? Any rugs that are to remain stain-free go away, shoes are put into high places, and he calls Roy and tells him to bring 12 dog bowls home and six leashes with matching collars. and, No, this is not some strange sex thing with Dinah.
He then makes the call to Connor and Mia making sure they're not coming home tonight because if they see the puppies then there's no way he's getting rid of any of them.
Ollie's still not sure where these little guys came from so he makes the effort to find out. As it turns out, he's known everyone on this floor for 2 years and none of them have dogs and the building is supposed to be pet free and there's no way the fluff balls could have got in through the window because they're 3 stories high.
So Ollie repeats. "Just. What. Even."
He spends six hours chasing the fuzzballs around and begs Roy to stay and help when the kid shows up but, No, Dinah's gonna kill you when she finds out and I'm not going to be caught in the crossfire.
Oliver can't remember the last time he sat down or felt so exhausted and the one pup won't stay off the stove and another one keeps turning on the vacuum cleaner and- how?- until Ollie realizes he should unplug the stupid thing but that doesn't account for the other four who are disappearing in intervals trying to steal Dinah's jewelry, eat his stashed donuts, scale the bookshelf, and tear up all the papers in his den.
They finally seem tuckered out and so Ollie takes a well deserved break on the couch, stretching out, and like a mass of fluff all the puppies jump on him and knead with their paws in so many uncomfortable places. He's half off the couch with his leg falling asleep and his arm bent at a weird angle holding the pup on his chest before they're finally settled and he's too tired to care so he falls asleep too.
That's how Dinah finds him however long later and he wakes up to a camera flash and then all the pups are climbing over him, stepping on his face and sucking Dinah down into their fuzzy tornado as she sits on the sofa.
"Before you say anything Pretty Bird, this is not my fault. They were here when I came home." Who says he doesn't have any self preservation skills?
Dinah laughs, though Oliver isn't so sure it's at him, as she sets some of the pups on the ground and they go running off. "I brought them home Ollie. It's okay."
"Wait. So it's okay for you to bring home, six, I repeat, six, puppies but I can't buy a bird from the pet store?"
"That was an annoying bird, Ollie."
"No it wasn't. I was even going to name it after you too."
"It was a parrot."
"So."
Dinah rolls her eyes and Ollie crosses his arms, indignant.
"Okay, why?"
"Why what? Why is it a parrot or why did I bring puppies home?"
"The second one, if you please."
"Because they were all alone. What was I supposed to do? You know how it is it, they were there and I had to do something."
"So you brought them home?"
"You doggie proofed the house, I can tell."
Ollie frowns, shrugging. And he's not pouting. Really, he isn't. It's just he had already lost this conversation. Awhile ago. He lost it the moment he woke up this morning.
Instead he watches as another pup stretches his neck out, pushing his nose against Dinah's finger before opening real wide and- "No you don't furball."
Oliver has the pup in his lap just as that jaw clicks shut and Dinah's looking at him with this weird look in her eyes.
"You have to watch this one," He says, rolling the pup's ear between his fingers because he's found that it's something the pup enjoys. "Chewy likes fingers. And ears. And noses. And really anything with skin on it. He's definitely a carnivore."
"Chewy?"
"He's pretty behaved though, other than that." Ollie goes on, not even hearing Dinah. "He keeps Solo in line, most of the time. The two of them were on top of your mom's cabinet earlier and Solo jumped off, like, I can believe I can fly jumped the hell off. Gave me a damn heart attack. He was fine though, he was. I checked. But Chewy just gave him this bland look like, idiot. So he's one of the smart ones."
"You named the pups? After Star Wars characters?" "
"What- were you even listening? He jumped off the cabinet, to his possible death. He has no sense of danger."
"And you named him after Han Solo."
"It fit."
"Well, what about the others?"
Oliver grins, standing and grabbing Dinah's hand and taking her on a tour.
"This one, is Selina." He says, taking her into their bedroom where the pup, Selina, is pawing at Dinah's jewelry box. At Dinah's raised eyebrow because, You named a dog after Catwoman?, he takes the defensive. "They both like shiny things."
They walk back into the living room towards the alcove where they have a balcony seat and a view. "This is Bruce. He is one broody thing, and he keeps staring at the others like they're either prey or little playthings. I'm not sure. He likes Selina though, tends to nip at the others." Ollie scratches behind Bruce's ears and though the pup's head tilts into the touch, the look Ollie receives is wholly unimpressed.
They skirt around the furniture into the kitchen where the last two pups are perched on the kitchen counter, leaning on each other.
One of them is dead asleep and leaning so heavily he's dangerously close to falling. The other is just watching her friend, licking the fur of his head and giving Ollie and Dinah occasional mildly curious glances.
"I haven't named these two yet. They're a bit harder."
Dinah picks up the sleeping puppy, curling her arms around him and gesturing for Ollie to pick up the other. "That's easy. Arrow," she dips her head towards the pup in her arms, "And Canary." She nods at the one in Ollie's.
"I feel like you're trying to turn these two pups into some weird metaphorical representation of our relationship. Or, you're calling me stupid because, Arrow, is the idiot who kept traveling through the entertainment center trying to choke himself to death on wires because he couldn't just go around."
Dinah pats his cheek and gives him this look- You tell yourself whatever makes you feel better, honey- and just leaves him standing in the kitchen.
Oliver already knows they're keeping these dogs. And he knows he's going to have to defend the name choices to his Trekkie of a son Connor, the traitor, and hope that Mia and Roy don't encourage the furballs' adventurous tendencies while setting them up in mock war battles, because, really, these are his kids and he knows them.
But they're keeping these dogs and he's actually happy about that, he thinks, because dogs are way better than birds. Except for his Pretty Bird of course, but that's neither here nor there.
Oliver looks down at little Canary in his arms and she looks a cross between amused and annoyed and he's seen that look before. "Well, I'm really confused about my emotions. But, I guess we're going to be stuck together."