Chapter Text
My name is Keith Kogane, I’m a 17-year old male omega, and I study the first year of college at Garrison Academy. Some weeks ago, I had a few grades-related struggles and…
“Keith, you´ve been staring at the same page for the last ten minutes. Is everything alright?” …Let´s just say they were bad enough for me to ask for help. For specific help.
“I don’t understand these”
“Let me see”
Shiro rotates the book and reads the page I got stuck with. Not that I chose or wanted to read the same line 11 times straight without ever getting to understand shit; My dyslexia kept me from reading long words without getting distracted since elementary school, and even though I managed to not flunk all this way. I was 90% sure tomorrow’s Literature test would contain lots of the odd words we learned during the month. And I knew there was no way I could pass if I didn’t get help; Pidge already backed me up in Science, so I thought Shiro, the all-mighty Champion of spelling and orthography contests (and nowadays a living dictionary) could help. Of course, he agreed, like the good Alpha best friend I could ever ask for. And until now, despite our different schedules, jobs and school, everything had gone smoothly.
“Immaculate. Excruciating” He reads out loud the words I underlined with pencil some minutes ago. “Hmm…” His head shifts, grey eyes semi-covered by his black hair. “Nobody uses this kind of words outside books, long lectures or spelling contests”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get to use them in normal life”
“And you won’t, but you’ll need them to pass your midterms and finals, Mr. Kolivan used similar words with me back then. Here” He grabs a pen and my notebook, then writes down:
Immaculate => Very clean
Excruciating => Very painful
“They’re just maximized adjectives; may look difficult, but they’re actually quite simple once understood” He explains tapping the notes “You can learn many of them by context, rather than by using a dictionary”
“Says the Alpha that read one for fun” I said, half mockery, half serious
“It was an Astronomy encyclopedia” He replies, feigning offense. I laugh trying to ignore the rising temperature on my face.
“I don’t have your brains, I can’t do that”
“Yes, you can”
“If I could, I wouldn’t have asked your help in the first place” I snap at him. He stays quiet for a while, hand in the air, but then shuts his mouth in defeat.
“Then I guess we’ll be studying for a bit more” He smiles. A smile that could melt entire icebergs and I could look at for hours.
Or seconds, because Shiro’s phone rings and he excuses himself, I nod in understatement and wait for him. Well, it was good while it lasted
He walks some bookshelves away, not many people are around at this hour, no one would know if I sneak on his back and overhear Shiro’s conversation. But I’m not that kind of person.
Do I have a crush on Shiro? Yes. He’s strong, good-looking and the nicest gentleman I’ve ever met. So why not? Plus, it’s normal for Omegas to feel attracted by Alphas and vice versa. So yeah, I really like Shiro. I have for a while
Does he know? I don’t know, I don’t care. , He helped me a lot, and I help him in anything he needs in return.
How long have I felt this way towards him? About three or four years, some months after I first presented. At first, I thought it was a preheat symptom, but after taking suppressants and still overreacting at the mere thought of him, I knew that was not the case.
But hey, some Omegas fall for assholes who use and then dump them after getting bred. I developed a crush on the man who basically raised me up from the streets’ mud without ever asking for anything in exchange (unlike anyone I’d met before).
I’d be long dead hadn’t it been for that Alpha. I owe him everything I own now, and I’m sure as hell that I would do anything for him. And that anything includes leaving my feelings aside.
“Got it. . . Be right there bro” I hear Shiro’s voice just a few steps away and then his body emerges from between the shelves.
“Sorry, I gotta leave” The look on his face seems concerned
“Is everything alright?”
“My brother’s flight arrived early and I have to pick him up at the airport. Sorry for that” Shiro grabs his bag. Muscles flexing underneath his tight vest.
“Oh, Ok. No problem” I reply as I pick up my mess from the table. I’m not happy my time with him has been cut by half an hour, but I’m not getting mad at the fact he needs to be somewhere else with his relative because something out of his control just happened.
“You sure? Didn’t you have a test tomorrow?”
“What do you think I studied the whole week for?” He lets out a small chuckle. I’m not lying, I’ve had Shiro’s help for a few months, but we’ve been focusing on literature since last week.
“Alright, then you’re fine” Shiro waits for me to pack everything up and then he walks his way out, I jog mine to follow his rhythm.
“Can you take the sub? The airport is pretty far from here” I nod.
“Have some rest then. Good night Keith” He says goodbye with a small pat on my back before drifting away.
“G’night” I say, nothing interesting happened after that; I just took the first sub that’d drop me near my apartment and arrived at nearly 21:00 hrs. And since I smelled as scent cocktail after being locked in an underground cabin for 20 minutes, I decided to take a shower.
I wait for the water to be warm enough while taking off my clothes and putting my playlist on shuffle mode. It isn’t long until the steam comes out and I get in the warm sensation cleaning the stress and worries away.
Ah, this is my second favorite part of the day. First is going to sleep.
The beats started seconds before I got ein. I recognize the song almost immediately
When the passing looks to die for
Take it in your heart now, lover
It’s Andromeda from Gorillaz. I like that song, the beat, the voice, the rhythm. It’s all calm enough to chill, but not enough to fall asleep (unless being really tired). Sometimes I would even use it to study or just to kill time
When the case is out and you’re tired and sodden
Take it in your heart
Take it in your heart
I couldn’t sing it perfectly yet, due to my quite often voice cracks. But I did have the lyrics more than memorized by now, and sometimes I would just whisper them to myself.
Back to when it was cool
‘Cause there’s no substitute
I grab the soap and rub the sweat and filth away from my body. The honey-like aroma puts my mind at ease. First the arms, then my neck, chest, armpits, everything.
Take it in your heart now, lover
I discovered that song months ago. I was in the mood for new music and searched for the first word that popped in my head after listening to Shiro’s reasoning about a galaxy colliding and then fusing with the Milky Way in a matter of thousands of millions of years. The name of that galaxy was Andromeda.
Outside cold and ghosting
out with jet lag
I took it to the right man
Some days later, while both of us were taking the subway and the lights went out, I shared earphones with him. He liked the song, even though he also said it had nothing to do with it, but now he even uses it as a ringtone (not that I’m complaining).
Caught in your eyes
Stacks of lights
Come streaming back
Make it for the best of times
This song, like many others, was a reminder of our friendship, which had managed to stay on their feet for the last four years.
The only reason I’m still standing, is thanks to Shiro.
Andromeda
Andromeda, Andromeda
Take it in your heart now, lover
Andromeda, Andromeda
I pour some shampoo on me and wash my hair, rubbing it in circles, taking my time.
For some reason, I’ve always liked it when my hair gets rubbed; (maybe because I’m an Omega) every time I felt stressed or tense, I would just look for a private spot and rub myself until it passed, always being careful of not purring.
Ow, fuck!
I feel itching on my eyes. I blame them on the shampoo, I blink repeatedly and use the falling water to wash it away. Owowow.
I won’t use my hands as there is more soap in them, it’ll just make things worse. I learned that the bad way.
Not matter how many times does this happen, I’ll never get used to it. Not even getting flashed by a car at freaking black midnight was this sore for my eyes.
I wait until there’s no more shampoo on me. Cut the water and get out.
I wrap my waist in a towel, and dry my hair with another one. I rub the foggy mirror with a hand and look at my reflection. My eyes are still a bit red, crap that hurt.
Bad thing about having long hair: This shit happens like three times a week.
Good thing about having long hair: You need no hats.
After drying myself and putting on some comfy clothes I did a quick revision to my house, it was something easy once you got used to it, nothing but verifying everything was still running.
Food. Still enough.
Electricity (I put my phone to charge). Check.
Gas. Super check.
Money. Still enough.
Water (I washed my teeth). Check.
Clean clothes until the next weekend. Still enough.
Humidity, rust, mold. Nowhere to be found.
Wi-Fi. Check
Leaks. None
Cleanliness. Could wait until weekend.
6 green lights and 4 yellow ones. Huh.
Not bad. At least not that bad, like back when I wouldn’t wash a single dish until no more clean ones remained, which would result in bugs and mold.
Or when I was afraid of darkness, before being afraid of the insane light bill.
So, all I did later was to get on my bed and sleep. I’ll need my full energies for tomorrow. That test needed a good grade if I intended to keep my scholarship. I’ve been studying hard for the whole week. C’mon Keith, you can do this.
Heh. That sounds like something Shiro would say
Maybe he’s right. Maybe I can do this. Just maybe…
I walk across a long hall, which is made by doors of all forms and shapes, some wooden, some rounded, but they’re all doors. A t the end of the hall, a simple white door with a small wooden sign awaits . I walk towards it and enter before thinking twice.
I recognize the room. It’s the same hospital room in which my fate was both sealed and cursed.
Nothing has changed, the bed, the sheets, the sober metallic furniture.
But why am I here?
“Keith. . .” I look behind as a voice calls me, Shiro. I want to say how happy I’m to see him, that’s before I see the paper he’s holding with both hands. Oh no.
Please tell me he did not read that turquoise paper, of all the scattered sheets on the table beside the door.
Not the turquoise one.
Shiro looks at the paper with an unbelieving expression and then to me, then back to the paper, and back to me.
“What does this mean?” He stutters, switching looks between me and the sheet.
“Shiro, I can exp. . .”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I didn’t know how to! I was. . .”
“You were what? Trying to hide it?!” Shiro had never talked like that to me, I’m scared.
“I never wanted to, Shiro let me explain. . .” My voice cracks noticeably
“Explain what? That you never told me something this important!? I thought you trusted me! Was that a lie too!?”
“Ahg. . !” I wake up with a jolt. Freaked out in the middle of my room’s darkness. Some seconds pass until my senses recover.
A nightmare, it was just a nightmare. It’s ok. It wasn’t real. Calm down. I reassure myself as I curl up in a ball.
What time is it? Should I get ready for school now?
I tap my phone and the light forces me to shut my eyes, only then do I realize that I’ve been crying since I woke up, and possibly during the dream.
01:34 a.m.
February
Friday
Huh. Better go back to sleep, I would need energy for tomorrow.
It’s ok. Just go to sleep.
Go. To. Sleep