Work Text:
One day whether you
are 14,
28
Or 65
The anxiety you feel before taking a test is nothing like the anxiety you get as the teacher passes them back. The bold red letter in the top of the page will determine how the rest of your day goes. But this test was different for Lance, he needed his English grade to stay at the steady C, and this time Lance had studied. He had put so much effort into this test.
Lance looked behind him when a piece of paper hit his head, Keith sat with a smirk on his face holding up his test paper. A large 97 was written on the top, lance groaned and turned back to his desk. Where his paper still sat upside down on his desk. Man, his mom would kill him if he failed another test.
The bell rang and Lance jumped when a hand was placed on his shoulder, “are you going to turn it over any time today?” Keith teased
Lance scoffed, “I was getting there, just gotta prepare myself for the whopping 100 I’m about to see”
Lance let out a sigh and flipped the paper over. His frown turned into a smile when he saw a red 87 and a smiley face next to it. “Ha! I knew I didn’t fail it. My moms gonna be so proud” Lance gloated, shoving the paper in Keith’s face. "I'll score better than you on the next test, so watch your back mullet" Lance boasted, crossing his arms.
Keith scoffed and looked up at Lance, "You wouldn't have scored that high if I hadn't helped you study" Keith reminded, zipping up his backpack. He stood up with a swift motion and made his way towards the door.
"Well, I'll do better next time without your help studying" Lance replied
“Well hurry up an put it away so we can go home” Keith replied, a small smile on his face.
Lance shoved the paper into his bag before slinging it over his shoulder. “Cmon Keithy boy, I wanna stop by the comic shop before we go home”
Lance walked out of the classroom with a bounce in his step, Keith following not far behind him. Lance let out a happy sigh, that turned into a startled yelp as he was shoved sideways. Lance fell backwards, barely missing Keith as he fell to the ground. He sat for a moment, thinking why the absolute fuck had just happened to him as he stared up at Pidge.
“Dude! What the hell, you were supposed to fall into Keith!” She exclaimed, reaching down to smack Lance on the head.
If lance had a nickel for every time Pidge tried something like this he would be living on a yacht. His soulmark was a simple K on his wrist, and Keith had a similar one but he was marked with a L. Ever since the day they met Keith had been strict in wanting the touch to be natural and happen when it did. And Lance, who was young and naiive made that agreement. It hadn’t settled well with Pidge, who was convinced they were soulmates.
Lance accepted Hunks outstretched hand, gracefully pulling him to his feet. “Pidge, we agreed to let it happen naturally, not by having you shove us into each other” Lance chastised.
Pidge sighed, “fine, Hunk and I have a project to work on anyways. Let me know when you two finally agree with me”
Hunk sent a small apologetic smile as he ran after Pidge.
“Cmon man lets get home” Keith said before walking out the front door. Lance took a second before jogging to keep up with his friend.
In honest, Lance wanted nothing more than for Keith to be his soulmate, he was everything lance wanted. Keith knew Lance in a way no one else did, even Hunk, who lance had known since he was 5 didn’t click with him like Keith had. It was something in the way he spoke, how he explained complicated math problems and how he talked about his newest conspiracy findings.
It was the way Keith supported him in anything he tried, and how he was reasonable, talking Lance out of riding his skate board down an escalator.
And that’s what scared Lance the most. What if they weren’t soulmates? What if he would have to watch Keith fall in love with someone else? At first lance had been eager to finally touch Keith, to watch his name spread a rock his wrist, but now all he wanted to do was stay his distance, and to not break his own heart.
“-nce, Lance!” Keith shouted, snapping him out of his thoughts. Lance turned to look at his friend, his ocean blue eyes meeting deep violet ones.
“You okay dude, you zoned out pretty hard there” Keith said, concern dripping in his voice.
Lance simply smiled, “yeah dude, just thinking about how happy my moms gonna be with my English test” Keith seemed to nod at that before pushing the button for the cross walk.
Lance turned his head just in time to see a man walk onto the crosswalk, he hadn’t looked before crossing. Giving there was a car coming right for him that didn’t look like it intended to stop. Lance talked out to alert him but he must’ve not heard.
Keith must have saw it too, shoving lance over to grab the man by the back of his shirt, pulling him down to the ground just in time to watch the car speed by. Lance helped the man stand and Keith wipes his hands on his pants.
“Dude, are you okay?” Lance asked the stranger, who seemed to be in shock from the last few seconds. The man nodded before looking up at Keith.
“I’m, I’m sorry I didn’t even see the car. Are you alright?” He asked Keith
“I’m fine, just look both ways before crossing the street. It’s common sense” He replied
The stranger winced before looking at his wrist, which brought the stinging of Lances wrist to attention. The sharp feeling of needles filled his sensations, lance gasped. Keith had pushed Lance, Keith had touched Lance, Keith was Lances soulmate. Lance looked down at his wrist. Keith’s name inked his skin perfectly, the cursive looked beautiful on his tan skin.
Before lance could even celebrate he saw the stranger looking at Keith’s wrist, Lance could see, it wasn’t his name on Keith’s wrist. It was the stranger, who should be dead’s name inked across Keith’s wrist. Lance felt his heart stop, he couldn’t seem to catch his breath as he watched Keith interact with the stranger. He looked surprised, but he looked happy, delighted even.
“Well uh, I’m gonna head home now Keith. My moms probably excited to know my test grade” Lance laughed weakly.
“I thought you wanted to go to the comic shop first?” Keith asked, his face showed confusion and worry.
“Nah, I’m good now, I just gotta get home” Lance said as he crossed the street “I’ll see you at school tomorrow” he yelled
Lance turned around and started to run towards his house. His eyes were wet and he could only hear ringing in his ears. Did this mean he didn’t have a soulmate? Was he some error in the system? He had only ever dreamed of meeting his soulmate, and now that he has, he isn’t even his soulmates soulmate. He belonged to someone else, some stupid stranger who doesn’t know how to cross the street.
Lances legs shook when he got home, ignoring his mother’s greetings when he walked through the door and running straight for his room. Slamming his door shut and locking it.
He let a broken sob escape from his throat, letting the tears flow freely down his face as he chucked his backpack across his room. How could this happen? How could he not have a soulmate? How could his soulmate have someone else? Why did this happen to him?
Lance felt more sobs fall from his lips as he angrily knocked stuff off his desk, knocking over his chair as he broke down. He could hear his moms concerned voice from the other side of the door as he slide down his navy blue wall. Burying his face in his knees.
He was defective, he didn’t deserve love from the universe. He was destined to be alone. Sobs shook through his body as he wiped his nose, he never wanted to leave his room again.
You will stumble upon
someone who will start
a fire in you that cannot die.
Lance stood up, his tears had stopped long ago. He stared at his wrist, Keith’s name was still there, taunting him. It mad lance mad, it looked stupid there, he wanted to erase it, for it to disappear forever. He didn’t want to be reminded of it every time he looked down.
Lance moved across his room and dug through his desk, finding the old pencil sharpener. He sat and unscrewed the screws, dumping the dull razor into his hand. His fingers were shaking as he brought the blade down to his wrist.
Allowing himself to bring enough pressure to drag it across Keith’s name. He watched as beads of blood leaked from the cut, but Keith’s name still remained, mocking him. So he did it again, and again, and again. Until his wrist was nothing but red.
It wasn’t a good night.
When lance showed up for school the next day he tried so hard to be himself, teasing Pidge and flirting with Allura. But as Lunch rolled around his bandages were itchy and he was in no mode to hear everyone question Keith about his soulmate. So opting to sit in the bathroom was honestly one of his best decisions, until his love able beat friend came waltzing in.
“Lance, buddy you in here?” Hunk called out, to which lance only groaned. “Dude, are you okay? You never miss pizza Friday”
Lance unlocked the stall and came out to see Hunk. Lance felt tears well up in his eyes as he raced to hug his friend, letting himself cry into his shoulder. Hunk was shocked, hugging lance back, offering reassurance as he cried.
His thoughts clouded his mind, how he was destined to be alone, to never have a family of his ow , how he’d be stuck living a cursed life. How he wouldn’t be the reason Keith smiled in the morning, how he wouldn’t never be able to propose or take Keith on dates.
Lance would never get to call Keith his.
“Lance, I need you to breath with me alright? Just calm down and take a deep breath” Hunk said, rubbing Lances back as his breathing quickened.
Breathing? Lance thought, was that something he was supposed to do? It seemed so hard. His lungs weren’t filling and his head was spinning as Hunk helped him to the ground.
“Come on lance just count with me okay? All we’re doing is counting” Hunk explained as he began to count.
Lance mumbled out numbers with Hunk, his breathing still fast but better. Hunk rubbed his back while lance continued to count, counting was easy. Lances wiped at his face with his sleeve, he was tired, exhausted even.
“I’m sorry you had to see that hunk” Lance whispered, pulling himself up into his feet. Hunk grabbed his shoulders and looked in his eyes, god it was like he could never lie to those eyes.
“No, man, what’s wrong. You’ve been weird all day and I’m worried” Hunk said.
Lance simply smiled and let out a weak laugh. “Nothing to concern you, I’m handling it fine” Lance lied, looking away from hunk.
“I’m actually gonna go home buddy, I’ll see you Monday” Lance said before running out of the bathroom, ignoring Hunks concerned pleas.
Lance felt himself getting dizzy as he walked out of the school doors.
However, the saddest,
most awful truth you will
ever come to find-
Lance ran straight to him room when he got him, not bothering to lock his bedroom door as he slammed it shut. He closed his eyes, pacing back and forth in his room.
Was life really worth it if he wasn’t never meant to find love? He was a defect in the almost perfect universe. No one had ever heard of someone without a soulmate, it was a crazy philosophical idea.
It was the one thing Lance wanted, the one thing he yearned for was someone who he could call his. Someone who would love him unconditionally. But it seemed the universe wanted him to suffer, wanted him to be alone in the dark, while everyone else lived happily with the love of their life.
Lance felt more tears fall down his face as he pulled out his phone, pulling up Keith’s contact. He knew he wouldn’t see the message until after school. Knowing Keiths annoying ‘no phone during class’ philosophy he had. Lances hands shook as he typed the short message.
‘I’m so sorry’
Was all it said, and once the send button was pushed Lance felt himself throw his phone across the room. His tears falling faster as he ran to the bathroom.
He let out a choked sob as he gripped the edges of the sink, his mind racing as he opened the mirror and pulled out pill bottles. Hands shaking as he tried to open the lids on the pill bottle, his tears had stopped as he poured a handful on them onto his hand. He took a deep breath before pouring then into his mouth, using the faucet to rinse them down his throats. He laid on the bathroom floor, silent tears escaping from his closed eyes as he felt himself slip into darkness.
Is they are not always
with whole we spend our lives with.