Work Text:
Musings:
Walking away from the woman he loved was the hardest thing Daniel Castellano had ever had to do. And Danny had seen his fair share of hardship. These past hardships were responsible for what had just occurred. So much of him wanted to turn around and run back to Mindy. To tell her he was sorry, that he loved her…..that he could change. But could he change? Doubt once again clouded his mind. He turned and began to walk. He didn’t have a destination in mind….he just walked. He fought an inner battle with himself. He had done the right thing he told himself for what seemed like the thousandth time, willing himself to believe it this time. She was his best friend, his only friend, she was……well she was his everything and he couldn’t lose that…..not again. The first time he thought he had had everything was when he was with Christina……that was a horrible lie that hid behind a façade of physical connection…..there had never been real depth there. Christina had been young and adventurous and intriguing, words that weren’t generally near the top of the list when describing himself. Maybe that had been the draw. Looking back, they had never been happy, either of them. But he had loved her because she had been all he had. When their divorce had been finalized Danny had almost gone internally the same. His normal wasn’t normal anymore and insecurity and fault crept in. Sure some things were still the same. He visited his Ma every Sunday, attended mass, and threw himself into his work. Work had been his sanctuary, a place where he was appreciated, seen and thrived. But every day he came home to an empty apartment and an emptiness that was almost overbearing. The loss of Christina had been visible, physical, and tangible. It compared nothing to the weight of emotions he now felt to the very core of his soul. It had been all different with Mindy. Mindy had waltzed into his life so unexpectedly but undoubtedly when he had needed a distraction most. And distraction she was. She had turned his world completely upside down from day one. She was everything he wasn’t but not in the same ways Christina had been different. There was a certain energy connected to Mindy. It was electric. She was bright and loud and flew by the seat of whatever multi-colored skirt she was wearing. She had a damn chocolate fountain on her desk….at her place of work for god’s sake. But even with all the fluff that flummoxed him so much, he found himself being drawn into her bubble, participating in her wild schemes and gradually adjusting to being in the light that so vividly illuminated around this woman. He was drawn to her light like a moth to a flame. She had him doing things he had sworn he found himself wanting to do these ridiculous things and even enjoyed doing them, even though he would never admit it. He became more open with her something that he hadn’t done to such a full extent with anyone in his life. He learned that true friendship required dual transparency. He found the bitterness of his past slowly seeping out and a quiet, peaceful contentment trickling into the newly vacated spaces. Overtime he found himself submerged in a life that was more fulfilling that held a hope for a future that was better than anything in his past. He had her back and she had his. He righteously defended her through awkward situation after awkward situation. He was there to pick her up when other men trampled on her overwhelmingly giving, gracious and caring heart. She taught him not to look so much at the the grey in life but to live vividly in the color of every situation he encountered. They saw each other as a whole and accepted each other, perfections and imperfections. And he loved her. He knew he loved her the first time she left a void in his heart…..when she had left for Haiti. With Mindy gone he had felt the void in his life more vividly and painfully than any Christina had left on him. Christina had been a visible, physical void, Mindy was those things missing in his life but also a void that was internal that reached to his very soul. Her letters had been his solace and the highlight of his week. When she had come home he was overjoyed. It was as though he had finally discovered the last missing puzzle piece to his life. But his old reflexes rose to the surface once more, push away, bottle up; don’t get drawn in for fear of failure. There had been so many opportunities that had become missed opportunities to tell her how he felt. But if he was being truly honest with himself in a full and complete way he was absolutely one hundred percent scared straight. This woman had so much to offer and had given him so much already hurting that in anyway scared the shit out of him. Danny stopped to survey his surrounding; during his inner conversation with himself he had not paid attention to where his feet were taking him. Battery Park neat the Staten Island Ferry. He looked out at the light on Liberty Island illumination Lady Liberty herself. He sighed and turned for home. As he walked he allowed his thoughts to drift to the past couple of weeks. They had been the very definition on perfection. Life day in and day out with Mindy was as normal to him as the sun rising and setting. It sounded like a cheesy line from one of the many rom-coms Mindy had made him watch, but she completed him so fully in a way he never thought was imaginable. Everything with her was enough. All he felt now was like a shell of the man he had been only hours before. Empty. He took a breath and exhaled then another. He had made a mistake. The worst mistake of his life. He had to fix it but how? He needed conformation, a sign. He paused, closing his eyes silently pleading with the universe to give him the sign he needed. He opened his eyes and looked up from the pavement. What he saw made a small smile play at the corner of his mouth. He sighed a sigh of relief. There it was, plain as day…… How could it be any clearer? There in front of him rising brightly above the shadowy NYC skyline was the Empire State Building….”the most romantic place on earth” according to Mindy. Just seeing the building sparked a glimmer of hope in Danny. He decided right then and there that no matter what it took to fill his Mindy size void in his heart, soul and very being, he would get her back. No matter how hard the road to getting there was, he would do whatever it took. He hadn’t been lying when he said he had to have her in his life…. She was the brightest ray of sunshine in his day…..the best notes of music to the melody of his life…..she was the very essence of the air he breathed…….
The End