Work Text:
Tony
“What? But … but… ew. Way to destroy my childhood. I mean, I had action figures of you two when I was a kid! And they were completely smooth below the belt, you know, just flat plastic, no doodles poking at each other. Now I’m traumatized.
“By the way, who’s usually on top? No, never mind, I don’t want to know. Okay, tell me. No, don’t tell me. Okay, tell me.”
“Tony,” Pepper said, impatience in her voice.
Tony said, “Never mind. I’m very happy for you both.”
Fury
“Seriously? Captain America and the dude who almost killed me? Okay, that’s one more reason I’m fucking glad to be retired.”
Coulson
“Oh. Well. Congratulations to you both. Reconciliation is a beautiful thing. Since Agent Barnes is now part of SHIELD, you will both need to fill out a fraternization disclosure form. I’ll get those to you right away. And on a personal note, I’ve totally shipped this since I was in high school.”
Bruce
“Huh. Well, I always figured that the history books would be a lot less boring if they told us who was sleeping with who.” Bruce gave them a polite smile and went back to reading his magazine and sipping his tea.
Clint
“What!?! I was sure you were fucking Sharon!! Man, now I owe Natasha 50 bucks!”
Natasha
“Obviously.”
Sam
“About damn time.”
Thor
“I am happy that things have worked out. Redemption is a noble pursuit, and we must all be willing to help those who seek it. On a completely unrelated note, I’m working with my brother to bring down one of our enemies, so he’ll be staying at the Tower this weekend, hope that’s cool.”
Rhodey
“So, how did you two meet?”
“Really?”
“Oh.”
“Wait, you were the Winter Soldier?”
“Huh.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah, that’s a really sweet story. Hey, I’m gonna put on my Iron Patriot suit for the rest of dinner, okay? Don’t think anything of it, I wear it all the time. In case I spill spaghetti sauce on my shirt. That’s why.”