Chapter Text
( Succjin has created the chat Seokjin and Six Ugly Babies )
( Succjin has added Agust D, Hoesock, Chimington, Gucci Gang, Coconut Headass, and joon to the chat )
Succjin: alright
Succjin: listen up you little shits
Chimington: hUh
( Agust D has left the chat )
( Agust D has been added to the chat by Succjin )
Succjin: not so fast u cunt
Agust D: i wanna die
Succjin: no one cares
Agust D: aight
joon: Jinnie what is this?
Succjin: aLRIGHT HOES WELCOME TO HELL
Succjin: basically y’all are my m8s but you’ve never talked to each other (even tho we all go to the same uni) so here we are. now all my friends are friends whoop
Agust D: I don’t know these ppl tho
Chimington: I know tae
Agust D: honestly couldn’t care less
Chimington: first of all, bitch
Gucci Gang: leave my soulmate alone you dry ass tORTILLA
Agust D: aight
Succjin: listen lads, let’s not start brewing tea just yet, we should at least get to know each other before we start attacking
Coconut Headass: did someone say tea?
Succjin: u fuckin snake
Gucci Gang: a true icon
Hoesock: should we send pics of ourselves then?
Succjin: ye and names and ages and stuff
Hoesock: okie dokie I’ll go first
Agust D: not sure I wanna see what a dude with the username “hoesock” looks like.
Hoesock:
Hoesock: my name’s Hoseok and I’m 24 years old °ʚ(*´꒳`*)ɞ°.
Agust D: well damn
Agust D: I’m gay now
Chimington: dAMN SON YOU FINE AS HELL
Coconut Headass: A whole ass snack right there
Hoesock: UWU
Gucci Gang: Chim :(
Chimington: dw bby I still love u
Gucci Gang: :)
Coconut Headass: k I’ll go next
Coconut Headass:
Coconut Headass: I’m Jungkook and I’m 21
joon: There’s a fetus in our presence
Coconut Headass: fuk off
Gucci Gang: HAVE MY BABIES
Chimington: TAE
Coconut Headass: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Gucci Gang: Have I ever told y’all about how coconuts are my favorite fruit??
Chimington:
Chimington: my name is Jimin and I’m 23 yeheee
Hoesock: omfg you’re adorable
Succjin: aW LitTle MoCHi
Gucci Gang: sorry JK our time together was fun and all but I gotta head back to my mans ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Coconut Headass : wow
Chimington: I don’t want you anymore
Gucci Gang: :0
Chimington: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Hoesock: Where’s Agust Dick
Agust D: jfc
Agust D:
Agust D: Yoongi, 25
Hoesock: YOU LOOK SO SOFT OMFG
Agust D: I do not stfu
joon: You really do lol
Succjin: precious
Hoesock: THATS MY AGUST DADDY RIGHT THEERE
( Hoesock has changed their name to Hoesucc )
Succjin: Unoriginal Bitch
Hoesucc: eat my penis
Succjin: gladly
Hoesucc: what
Succjin: what
Agust D: I still wanna die
Chimington: and still nobody cares
Agust D: step tf up b what’s good
Coconut Headass: The Lil Bean is squaring up aw
Agust D: I’m older than you give me some respect you oversized toe.
Coconut Headass: Nah I’m good fam
Gucci Gang: can I go?
Succjin: ofc my child!!
Gucci Gang: thanks mom
Gucci Gang:
Gucci Gang: Hello, I’m Taehyung and I’m 22 nice to meet you guys!
Succjin: all my babies look so decent I’m sobbinf
Agust D: decent???
Coconut Headass: ZAMN ZADDY HMU
Chimington: YASS QUEEN THAS MY BEST FRIEND FUCK EM UP IM shakiNG IN MY BOOTS
Gucci Gang: I love you sO MUCH JIMIN OMFG
Chimington: anytime boo :*
Gucci Gang: :*
Agust D: Gay
Succjin: yALL MAKE WAY FOR THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND
Succjin: MY BOYFRIEND
Succjin: CMON SWEATY DONT BE SHY
joon: Seokjin, please
Succjin: GO AHEAD
joon: ffs
Hoesucc: goals
joon:
joon: Hey, I’m Namjoon and I’m 24 years of age :)
Succjin: NSJAJAL wHAT A PURE AND BEAUTIFUL MAN (not as beautiful as me but you’re getting there) YOU DESEREVe THE WORLD
Hoesucc: protect him
Agust D: “years of age” damn someone’s getting fancy up in here
Succjin: you’re just jealous my man is more educatyated than you
Agust D: did you seriously just spell educated as “educatyated” you alliterate fuck
Coconut Headass: *illiterate
Hoesucc:
Agust D: go suck a dick
Chimington: damn y’all dyslexia
Agust D: im not even gonna say anything about that.
Succjin: iTS MY TIME TO SHINE MOVE OUT THE WAY YOU TRICK ASS BITCHES
joon: My body is ready
Gucci Gang: I honestly kinda feel personally attacked
Coconut Headass: same
Hoesucc: tbh
Chimington: but wait we already know what you look like
Succjin: Idc I’m taking up the opportunity to share my tasty selfies with you guys
Gucci Gang: when will my self confidence ever
Succjin:
Succjin: y’all already know I’m Seokjin and I’m 26 ;)
joon: That’s my boyfriend ٩(•ᴗ• ٩)
Succjin: (ฅωฅ//)♡
Agust D: gag
Chimington: everyone here is so attractive tho like wtf I feel like an undercooked spaghetti noodle compared to y’all
Gucci Gang: I’m coming to your house to assault you be prepared
Hoesucc: bUT JIMINIE YOURE SO CUTE IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL
joon: Yeah, lets just all agree here that we’re all attractive :^)
Succjin: Let’s also agree that I’m the most attractive one here tho ;)
joon:
Succjin: we’re breaking up
Gucci Gang: LMFAOOOOAO
Chimington: no more of that succ for you Namjoon
joon: you mean no more of that succ for Jin?
Agust D: tmi
Hoesucc: yOU A BOTTOM?????
Gucci Gang: damn Namjoon out here exposing himself
Succjin: okay wait, we should learn more about each other first if we’re going to take this relationship any further ;)
joon: What are each of you guys majoring in?
Gucci Gang: y’all tryina change the subject
Chimington: stop right there you buttmunch
Agust D: I major in music
Gucci Gang: YOONGI NO
Hoesucc: I major in dance :)
Gucci Gang: wow ok
Agust D: damn, i like a man who knows how to move in a special way ;)
Hoesucc: I like a man who knows how to work his fingers ;)
Succjin:
joon: ...
Chimington: Hoseokie!!! I also major in dance!!!
Hoesucc: omg how haven’t I seen you around?? o(´^｀)o
Chimington: idk but we should totally try to meet up one day ✧٩(•́⌄•́๑)
Hoesucc: lets do it! ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)
Agust D: I’m soft?
Succjin: y’all are so cute
joon: two sunshines is too much sunshine for me
Gucci Gang: i was gonna major in dance but decided to do photography and minor in art ;;
joon: omg imagine 3 sunshines dancing together
Succjin: I’m screaming
Chimington: lol
joon: he really is
Succjin: anyways, I major in culinary arts :^)
Gucci Gang: you should cook for us if we ever meet
Succjin: ofc i love blessing peoples’ taste buds with my wonderful gOURMET MEALS
joon: dats my bby right there
Agust D: ew
Succjin: ew your face
Agust D: aight
joon: I major in psychology btw
Succjin: ^^^ my bitch smart
Hoesucc: d-did you just call him your bitch
Gucci Gang: what a bottom
Succjin: where did juancock go??
Hoesucc: he died
Succjin: oh no
joon: Rip
Agust D: he will not be missed
Coconut Headass: first of all
Coconut Headass: fuck you
Agust D:
Chimington: HOW DID YOU GET THAT
Gucci Gang: I DM’d it to everyone
Chimington: you’re no longer my soulmate
Gucci Gang: Chim :(
Chimington: don’t “Chim :(“ me you hoe
Succjin: wait Kookie what do you major in
Coconut Headass: dance and I minor in art
Gucci Gang: I’m changing my major to dance
Coconut Headass: YEET
Succjin: That’s gay.
Agust D: u have a whole ass boyfriend
Succjin: And?
Agust D: I-
Succjin: exactly. Bitches STAY silent.
Coconut Headass: What even is this gc anymore
Hoesucc: You guys wanna see how long i can hold my breath???
Chimington: Sure
joon: Yeah
Hoesucc: k
joon: Hoseok it’s been 10 minutes are you okay