Chapter Text
”For some reason I have the worst luck with men” Shiro said with a sigh, letting himself fall back on the bed with his hands resting behind his neck.
”I'm not sure I believe that” Keith sat down on the edge of the bed, turned so he could still look at Shiro as they spoke.
”No no, hear me out. My first boyfriend, in high school, was a jerk. Like for real. Complete ass. But he was cool you know. He was a bit of a bad boy. He had a bike. I didn't. And you know I've always liked a thrill. Actually, I think I might have been with him more for the bike” Shiro added with a grin.
”And then there was Adam.” He continued ”I loved him. I really did. And he was a really great guy. But... I donno. We were just differnet. He wanted to settle down and get married. House, car, dog, kids, and all that. But I.. I wasn't done. I wanted more. You have no idea how selfish people thought I was.”
Keith had an idea and he might have punched a few people for insinuating it.
”I wanted to go on the Kerberos mission. And Adam didn't want to wait for me.” There was regret in Shiro's eyes. He wished things had ended differently between them. But he didn't regret going on the mission, because if he hadn't, he and the Holt's wouldn't have been taken by the Galra. Which sent off the entire chain of events that led them here. Sure, the war would have been nice to avoid. But sooner or later Zarkon would have gotten to Earth and it wouldn't have been able to defend itself. And the world would've continued to tumble down into the madness that was Zarkon's rule. When all was said and done, things had turned out for the better in the end.
Just not Shiro's love life.
”And then the war happend. Romance wasn't really high on my list of priorities then. And after everything ended, when it was all over, I thought it would be okay to settle down with a nice 'husband material' kind of guy. Which... I really thought he was. He was down to earth, calm and sensible, but not boring.” Shiro went on. Pausing to think for a moment.
”You know what though.. I'm not.. heartbroken about the divorce. When I found out he was cheating on me I just thought 'oh, I guess that's it then'. I wasn't angry or sad. Just... nothing"
”Maybe you didn't love him” Keith finally spoke, pulling up one leg on the bed to half hug half lean on as he sat on the edge, watching Shiro as he spoke.
”Maybe not” Shiro agreed.
”But I guess when you put it like that, yeah, your luck kinda sucks” Keith agreed. ”But I think- I just... I don't think you've found the right one yet” he said, giving Shiro a distant smile. It was supposed to be reassuring, but Keith couldn't bring himself to smile about Shiro finding yet another guy that wasn't him.
He had accepted it with Adam. They were already engaged when Keith entered Shiro's life. And he was so young back then. He didn't understand what he felt for Shiro. It all overlapped into brotherly love, and for a time he really had convised himself that was all he felt for Shiro.
As he grew older though, and especially after Kerberos and the start of Voltron, thing had begun to change. He wasn't sure exactly when he realized what kind of love he really had for Shiro. But... now he knew. He'd known for years. And standing there, best man, watching Shiro get married had been the worse day of his life.
He'd left soon after. Going on a supply mission with the transformed Blade of Marmora, and he'd stayed away. For months. Until yesterday when his mission had brough him back to earth to restock on suplies before heading out again to planets in need.
He hadn't told anyone he was back. He wasn't staying long. But he had ended up running into Lance somehow anyway and gotten the latest update without having to ask.
Pidge was wokring on some AI which Lance was convinced would go evil and take over the world at one point. Pidge assured him she had put in safe guards to prevent such a thing. Lance didn't sound convinced when he'd told Keith that part.
Hunk had come and gone for a while, traveling all over the galaxy with his 'food empire' and Lance called it. Apparently he'd gotten a girlfriend as well and they were going steady.
Coran was wokring as the Altean representative with the Garrison. Lance didn't get into the specifics. The MFE pilots were also going good. Kinkade had recently published his documentary on 'life on the IGF-Atlas'. It was apparently popular.
And then he'd finally dropped the 'Shiro is divorced bomb' on him.
About an hour later, Keith had showed up at Shiro's doorstep, asking if he was alright. He hadn't planned to see Shiro, but his feet had walked on their own and before he knew it.. here they were.
”You're probably right” Shiro agreed, giving Keith a soft smile. Shiro wasn't sure he had loved his husband. Not.. not the way you were supposed to, when marring someone. ”You've gotten quite wise in your old age” Shiro teased.
”If I'm old, you're ancient.” Keith shot back, voice deadpanned and eyebrows up as if he was asking if Shiro was seriously accusing him of being old at 23.
"Fair enough.” Shiro said, dropping the subject. "What about you? Any luck in the romance department?” He asked back, seemingly ready to drop talking about his divorce for now as well.
Keith did a double take. Looking away when he wasn't sure what he should answer. 'No luck at all. Been pining for you for the last 10 years' was probably not the best thing to say to get a chanse with Shiro. Or maybe that was exactly what he needed to say to get Shiro to wake up and see him as a man and not some little brother he'd adopted somewhere along the line.
If it was that easy though, he would have said it long ago.
”No luck” was all he answered. ”But I'm not... really looking” he added.
”What? why not? I'm sure you could charm anyone if you wanted. Red and Black paladin of Voltron. Keith of the Galra and Blades of Marmora. Who wouldn't want a piece of that?”
”Oh my god! I can't believe you just said 'a piece of that'. What are you? A 60 year old grandpa trying to talk like the kids?” Keith said with a cringed smile. He couldn't help but laugh a little at the joke though. Even if the truth was that apparently he couldn't charm just anyone, or he'd have Shiro by now. That hurt, realzing that apparently Shiro didn't count himself into the 'anyone' Keith could charm.
Shiro was laughing too. ”Well, you did say I was ancient" Shiro tried another joke and got a pillow thrown at him. He sat up, placing the pillow in his lap as he collected himself form the laughing, turning to Keith, looking a little more serious ”No, but in all honesty, you're a catch Keith” Shiro said truthfully
”Isn't there anyone you like?” Now that Shiro thought about it, they had never really talked about this before. Shiro knew nothing of Keith love life. He never seemed to want to talk about it, so Shiro never asked. He didn't in a all honesty even know if Keith liked men or women. Or if he had ever had a lover at some point or not. They talked about so much. How come they'd never talked about this?
The question caught Keith off guard. His grin from their jokes disappearing, replaced by a slight bit of panic. What did he say to that?? He didn't want to lie to Shiro. But he also couldn't tell him the truth.
”No, I.. I mean..” He tried. Stumbling on the words and looking anywhere but at Shiro's face that was much too close now that he'd sat up again. ”I don't know if romance is for me” he ended up saying. It was true in the sense that he'd only ever liked Shiro, and that wasn't likely to ever lead to anything.
”That's not what I asked” Shiro countered, smiling curiously ”Do you have someone you like?” he sounded more convinced that the answer was yes this time. Who then? Of the people they knew that Keith had a connection too.. there weren't that many as far as he knew. But then, he hadn't seen Keith in a good long while. Maybe he'd gotten to know someone on his resent missions.
Keith didn't answer.
”Acxa” Shiro guessed
”What?!” Keith's dumbfounded face was enough to make Shiro believe him. Not her then.
”Okay, then who?”
”I never said I liked anyone" Keith protested
”I know. But you're acting like you are” There was something genuinely gentle about the way Shiro said that. Lance would have made fun of him endlessly for it. Pidge too probably. But Shiro looked at him openly and invitingly, asking him to trust him. Saying that it was okay to talk to him about this. That was just like Shiro. That was one of the many reasons Keith loved him.
Keith hesitated for more than a moment, chewing his bottom lip and fiddling with the hem of his shirt. The moment dragged on but finally it seemed like Keith made a decision. He let out a breath, let his shoulders slump and looked up at Shiro.
”You” he answered. Plain and simple. ”I like you”
If there was any doubt in Shiro's mind as to if Keith was serous or not, it was washed away by the look on his face. Keith was dead serious, he wasn't making a joke to avoid talking about this. He just simply... like him.
The smile on Keith's face was sad though. Like he already knew the answer he would receive from Shiro. If Shiro had felt the same way as him, he would have done something about it by now. Not go off and marry some random guy Keith didn't even know.
”I don't.. expect you to feel the same. I'm the little brother you took in off the streets and put on the right path. There's so much you've done for me. I don't expect anything back. But... I didn't want to lie to you anymore.” Keith explained when it looked like Shiro wasn't going to say anything.
The silence washed over them for a minute. It wasn't so much uncomfortable as it was deafening. It felt like time slowed and drowned out all sound in the room to the point where Keith could almost hear his own heart beat against his chest. Ticking by while he waited for Shiro to finally say something.
”Since when..?” There was something strained in Shiro's voice when he spoke. Like it was hard for him to ask.
”Since forever?” Keith answered, looking like he wasn't sure what to say ”I think I knew for sure when.. when you died.” he said. Those weeks after that fight with Zarkon. After Shiro had disappeared... Keith just knew he wasn't the same after that. And when he found Shiro again... He had no doubts about how he felt. But he was just so happy to have Shiro back that he couldn't bring himself to say anthing in case that ruined things.
Besides. Just like Shiro, Keith had other priorities at the time. They were fighting a war. Confessing his feelings hardly felt like the right thing to do in the middle of all the chaos.
”Why didn't you ever say anything?”
”You were with Adam. And I was just a kid. And then.. the war and... before I knew it, you were married” That was the short version of course. But it looked like Shiro understood.
After another minute of silence Shiro spoke again ”I'm sorry I never knew. I just thouhgt... You always called me your brother. And I didn't know you liked men. But you're right. You were just a kid when we met. I didn't see you as anything else then. But I'm sorry I didn't see it later. When you got older. All the times you saved my life. Had my back. Supported me.”
Keith could almost hope at those words. Almost.
”I just never.. thought of you that way”
And his hope was gone.
”That's okay. I know- I knew. That's why I never said anything. It's okay. I.. I don't want to lose what we do have and.. I'd rather be your friend than nothing.”
It was awkward.
Things were rarely awkward between them. They'd been through enough, knew each other enough, to be able to sit together in silence comfortably. But not now. Not after the reveal. Not after...
Keith knew it would change things. That's why he'd kept quite all these years. Why did he have to go and ruin it all now?
Because you love him and he's single again. Maybe this is your chance? A voice in his head told him. It sounded reasonable. It also sounded completely stupid. A fools hope. Keith should know better.
”I'm sorry Keith” Shiro said again.
”Don't apologize. Please Shiro” this is hard enough as it is.
They didn't speak much more that night. Shiro told Keith of some unimportant events, how his teaching was going at the Garrison. Keith told Shiro of some uninportant events, how wokring with the blades was like these days.
Keith went home feeling slightly dazed. Altough 'home' was exaggerating. He was staying in one of the Garrison guest quarters. He hadn't had a home in what felt like a lifetime. Home had been with his dad. Till he was gone. Then home had been at the Garrison, spending time with Shiro. Until Shiro was gone. Then home had been on the castle of lions. Which was now also gone. Now... now he wasn't sure he had a home. He loved spending so much time with his mother, but.. they were always on the move.
'Home is where your heart is.'
Maybe that was true. Maybe that was why he missed it so much.