Chapter Text
After the well-wishes for the coming new year and enthusiastic hugs and numerous questions, everyone wanting to poke him and ask him about retirement and his plans for the future and just generally being clingy and touchy-feely, like Javier’s own manner seem to invite, there was at long last some time to breathe and look around at the familiar surroundings with new eyes. Javier was briefly returning to the club which made him an Olympic champion with mixed feelings, joy and hope for the future, but also wistful nostalgia at leaving it all behind for good. These would be his last remaining days at the Cricket Club and he would soak it all in as best he could. The smiling faces all around him were proof that he'd always be welcome there, no matter for how long he'd be away, but Javier intended for it to be for good time. Sometimes you just had to let go and move on. He noted his flag was still there, and seeing it, Javier remembered that video of Brian’s interview with the Olympic channel, the one which drowned his phone in notifications one day not long before Christmas. He had laughed ruefully and a little guiltily back then, and meant to call Yuzu and tease him about being so dramatic, but there was little opportunity, what with several important events planned before Christmas. And then there had been Christmas and New Year and the preparations to come back to training, and that one little thing seemed to pale in comparison with other stuff that Yuzuru was going through at that time.
“When is Yuzu coming in?” Javier asked Tracy.
She smiled a little tightly before answering:
“Late afternoon. He’s got limited ice time, since he’s still during rehabilitation, and isn’t allowed to do anything complicated. We thought it was best to schedule him when the ice isn’t as crowded....also when other top skaters aren’t there.”
Javier scoffed.
“I hope you’re not including me in that category, Tracy, I want the same ice time with him, as usual.”
Tracy hesitated.
“And that would be a great idea if Yuzuru was healthy, but you know how upset he got when you were jumping quads and he couldn’t, it wouldn’t be good for him-“
“That was back then with the Olympics looming, Tracy. It will be different now. He got that gold medal, and he’s settled down a bit ....”
Tracy still looked dubious.
“He's got no reason to be competitive with me anymore, I’m retiring, aren’t I?" Javier said, conveniently choosing to forget that Yuzuru's competitive spirit was never reigned in by such concerns. "Please, this is my last time here, I can’t imagine not seeing him. I’m sure he’d want it too.”
“Fine”, Tracy relented. “You can be here during afternoons as well. Actually some extra practice time wouldn't hurt, Javi", she said, kindly but with definite intent.
Javier chuckled in acknowledgement.
Javier left for lunch, and returned again in the afternoon. A lot of the skaters had left by then, and for a while he enjoyed the ice almost to himself. A few hours later, Yuzuru showed up. Javier spotted him out of the corner of his eye, an unmistakable figure clad in his trademark all-black Underarmour, greeting the ice with a pat as he stepped onto the rink, his dark eyes seemingly focused within, rather than on his surroundings.
After a brief conversation with Brian, Yuzuru skated off, and started warming up. He didn’t look at anyone else on the ice and didn’t appear to have noticed Javier yet.
Javier watched him as he skated figure eights across the ice, with his usual intensity but much less of his usual speed and abandon. Yuzuru’s shoulders were slightly hunched and he seemed tense, and Javier wanted nothing more than to cheer him up. But he held back for now, because he had a feeling Brian wouldn’t appreciate interrupting Yuzuru’s already brief ice time, and waited for a break.
After a while, Javier noticed Brian got a call, and when Yuzuru came towards the boards to have a drink of water, he told him something, to which Yuzuru nodded energetically, then Brian left. Javier looked around and saw they were almost alone on the ice, only a spare few were skating aimlessly, cooling off, no doubt preparing to leave as well. He hurried towards the boards where Yuzuru still was, fiddling with his tissue box, he didn’t want to miss talking to Yuzuru before he left.
Laughing quietly to himself, Javier skidded to a halt right behind Yuzuru, who had remained oblivious to his presence, facing the other way, seemingly staring at the name plates recording their achievements, and quickly put his palms over his eyes. It was a childish game they used to play with each other a long time ago, and Javier wondered if Yuzuru still remembered it.
“Gotcha!” Javier shouted joyfully. “Guess who!”
There was a long moment in which Yuzuru went completely still, and Javier was silent as well, his palms feeling hot and heavy over Yuzuru’s small, cold face. Then Yuzuru whipped around abruptly, with a shriek.
“Javi!” he shouted, eyes lighting up in tearful joy, crinkling at the corners. “When you come??”
“This morning”, Javier answered with a grin. He opened his arms slightly, and Yuzuru didn’t need more invitation to launch himself at Javier, hugging him tightly, desperate little fingers crumpling the cloth of Javier’s shirt into a demanding grip.
Javier laughed in delight, matching Yuzuru’s fierceness with an affectionate hug, rubbing softly at Yuzuru’s back.
“Whoa, there there – I know how much you missed me!” he said, a note of smugness seeping into his tone.
“Brian bad for saying!” Yuzuru argued, pulling back abruptly. “He said thing that is not for everyone to know!”
“Really? Why shouldn’t people know that you miss me?”
“People, yes”, Yuzuru said, with an impatient wave of his hand. “But you-no.”
“Oh, I’m not supposed to know?” Javier chuckled, amused. “Why’s that?”
“Because then you feel guilty and think you must do something.”
Javier’s laughter turned a little more strained because yes, Yuzuru was right about that. He had felt a little guilty and awkward, not knowing how and if, he should respond to that knowledge of Yuzuru missing him so dramatically.
“Well, I’m here now anyway, so it's all good”, he said, reassuringly.
They lapsed into silence as they skated next to each other for a while, falling into an easy rhythm, Javier careful not to skate too fast or make any complicated movements that Yuzuru might not be able to match.
“I’m sorry about your injury, Yuzu. I didn’t get a chance to tell you...”
Yuzuru shrugged.
“I wanted to call you or text you at that time, but I didn’t know what to say....and in the end it seemed better not to say anything.”
Yuzuru shrugged again, with a small smile.
“You can say ‘I told you so’.”
Javier cringed, because yeah, he could have.
“That wouldn’t have been very nice, though,” he said, lightly.
“No”, Yuzuru agreed. “It was so hard”, he mumbled. “Is hard”, he corrected himself.
“I know”, Javier nodded. “You look like a newborn colt out there”, he teased. “Strange seeing you like this. But if anyone can do it all over again, it’s you.”
Yuzuru made a surprised noise.
“That’s not what you said the last time. You said I was crazy to want to go on.”
“Ah, well – it’s not my place to give you lessons. You’re free to do what you wish with your life. But I know how hard it all is.”
Yuzuru sighed noisily.
“Yes, Javi know. It’s why I want Javi here, because Javi know so good.”
“I’m here now for a bit, Yuzu,” Javier repeated, as if that made up for everything.
“You have same ice time as me?”
Javier nodded, relieved he could bring Yuzuru some good news for once.
“I'm very happy. Training with Javi is make me better.”
Javier looked at him fondly.
“That’s what I said to Tracy, as well. She seemed to think that you’d be upset at me jumping quads when you couldn’t. Not that I’m so great with jumps myself, lately. Truth be told, I’m a little rusty. Kind of freaked about Europeans, too.”
“I’m not upset”, Yuzuru hurried to say. “And Javi, you’re not rusty. You just need to", he paused, searching for the word, and lit up when he found it: ".... you need to focus.”
“Yeah....I know.”
“We’re good for each other”, Yuzuru repeated, earnestly. “It’s best you come back to train here."
Javier chuckled and pulled him close by the waist, playfully, as they circled and skidded to a stop on the ice.
“Ah, if only I could borrow your fiery spirit for a little while. Think you can lend it to me, Yuzu?” Javier joked, bumping their foreheads together. “Hm? Give me some of that fire, just until Euros, and have in return some of my chill, so you can heal faster.”
Yuzuru exhaled shakily, mindful of their proximity.
“Javi has fire of his own”, he whispered.
“I do, don’t I?” Javier answered, on a same low voice. He pulled back slightly, so he could look at Yuzuru, but his hands tightened around Yuzuru’s waist.
Something was happening between them, something fragile and unlikely that might be broken unexpectedly by sudden movements or loud voices.
“I think Javi can do anything”, Yuzuru went on, barely audible.
“I can do anything?” Javier repeated, blindly, hands rubbing absently at Yuzuru's hips.
“Yes.”
Even if nothing else happened and it didn't mean anything, Javier felt that he had to do it – he needed to, or he’d go mad. There was of course, the possibility that he'd completely misread the moment, but despite the language barrier between them, Javier had never felt more certain of anything than he was of Yuzuru wanting and expecting this very thing of Javier right then. There had been other moments of sparkling tension between them but none so crazy and perfect as this. Javier’s ears pounded with white noise as he slowly leaned in. Yuzuru watched him with wide eyes, eyes crossing comically as Javier got closer, and finally closed his eyes with a sigh when there was no more space between them. Javier pressed his lips tentatively to Yuzuru’s. It wasn’t the first time he had kissed a man, but Yuzuru’s unresponsiveness was unnerving him, even if he assumed that lack of experience was probably to blame. Yuzuru tasted sweet, but intoxicating, tempting and new. Javier was surprised when he felt Yuzuru suddenly surge forward, kissing back awkwardly, with the fresh innocence of someone much younger, reminding Javier unexpectedly of his own first kiss as a teenager. Feeling bolder, Javier deepened the kiss, holding the back of Yuzuru’s head and working his tongue into Yuzuru’s mouth slowly. Yuzuru’s eyes snapped open again in bewilderment and he went rigid, which made Javier pull back.
“Everything okay?” Javier asked, looking at him worriedly.
“This dirty kiss, I don’t like”, Yuzuru answered.
“Okay....”, Javier sighed, with some disappointment. Suddenly at a loss, he took a step back, and tugged at Yuzuru’s arm, to dispel the moment. “Sorry!”
Yuzuru shook his head. He chewed on his lower lip thoughtfully, as he looked at Javier for a long moment.
“I think maybe I can like ....if you teach me it to like,” he said in adorably mangled English, as he hurried to get his point across.
Javier couldn’t help bursting into sudden laughter at the strangeness of the request and the strangeness of the situation in its entirety.
“Yuzuru-“, he started, what was supposed to be a rejection. // I’m not the one to teach you these things. // If only you had asked me that years ago. // I think I’ve done enough as it is with someone I wanted to get as far away from as I possibly could.
Someone cleared their throat behind them and they both jumped a mile, Javier reaching out just in time to catch Yuzuru and prevent him from falling butt-first on the ice.
“B—Brian”, Javier stammered, paling. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough”, Brian answered curtly, and by the look on his face it was obvious that he had most likely witnessed everything that happened between Javier and Yuzuru.
“It’s not nice to sneak on people and .... and listen, and ....and look!” Yuzuru cried out, angry and embarrassed, stomping his blade on the ice.
“Oh yeah?” Brian retorted. “It’s not nice to do these things in public at all in Japan, is it?” he pointed out, and Yuzuru fell quiet, looking down at the ground as if he wished it would swallow him.
“We’re not in Japan now”, Javier defended him. “And we didn’t do anything wrong!” he challenged, trying to put some conviction in his voice.
Brian stared at him, until Javier had no choice but to lower his gaze at well.
“First of all”, Brian started slowly, with deceptive calm, “you have a girlfriend, Javier. Unless there is something that you failed to mention to us about that. Second, you have been around each other for six years and I never had to worry about anything. However you may have been feeling, you were always exemplary in your behaviour with each other. And now you’ve decided to make me lose the rest of my hair by messing around like this? God, at this point, I don’t even know which of you to feel more protective of...I hope both of you have the sense to realize this can’t end well and put a stop to it before it even begins.”
“Brian, no offense”, Javer dared, “but you don’t have the authority to tell us what to do-“
“You’re both still my students”, Brian interrupted. “And Yuzuru at least wants to continue to be, if I understood correctly?”
Yuzuru nodded, still looking down.
“Alright then, Yuzuru – take your stuff and go home, now. I’ll reschedule your training time so it doesn’t overlap with Javier’s for as long as Javier is here. If you have a problem with that, you’re free to quit.”
Javier winced, thinking that Brian was being unduly harsh. He looked furtively at Yuzuru, wondering if he was going to throw a tantrum. But Yuzuru only bowed and did what he was asked, noiselessly leaving the ice. Javier huffed and followed, putting on his blade guards and throwing Brian a dark look as he made for the locker room.
Yuzuru was already gathering his things in meek silence, and before he left, there was only a small ‘Bye, Javi-“, thrown in Javier’s direction – but which had the sudden and unexpected effect of making Javier’s heart beat faster. There was a strange, never felt before excitement at hearing Yuzuru’s voice, mingled with fear that he might not see Yuzuru again for a long time.
“I’ll – I’ll call you”, Javier shouted after him.
“No, you won’t”, Brian said, coming in.
Javier rounded up on Brian, angry beyond belief, ready to start a fight, but Brian only looked at him with sadness and disappointment.
“What are you doing, Javier?” he asked gently. “Really, stop and ask yourself, what are you doing?”
Javier’s lips curled with the effort of holding in a vicious swear word.
“It’s none of your fucking business, Brian! How dare you order us around, we’re not children anymore, and you’re not my dad!”
“That’s funny, because you mentioned several times how I’m like your father”, Brian said, with the same sad resignation in his voice, and the memory of that made Javier’s anger subside a little.
“But you can’t tell me what to do with my life”, he protested, weakly. “And you can’t keep me and Yuzu apart like this.”
“Listen, Javier. You’re gonna be leaving for good in what, two – three weeks, right? Who do you think is gonna be left here to pick up the pieces?”
“What are you talking about, Brian?”
“Oh for goodness sakes! You irresponsible child!”
Javier flared at the accusation and opened his mouth to retort but Brian shut him down with a decisive gesture.
“You’re just going with the flow, as always! Letting it carry you god knows where. Here today, gone tomorrow, and what will be, will be. Typical! Men like you....hmpf!”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Brian? And why are you getting so worked up?”
“Maybe the reason I get so worked up is because I know your type, all too well!” Brian answered, bitingly.
“Hey, don’t let it all out on me because someone was an asshole to you once, I’m not like that!”
“Oh yeah? Coming back here and putting the moves on Yuzu, when you know you’ll be leaving again soon? How do you call this, if not irresponsible?”
“Yuzu isn’t a child, and he could’ve stopped me at anytime-“
“You know how he feels about you, you’ve always known!”
“I didn’t, I swear – I may have suspected, there were some clues, but in the end I always thought ‘nah, no way’. How could I ever be sure, when he never did or say anything decisive either way? He always refused me when I asked him out, doesn’t that spell rejection?”
Brian shook his head, stubbornly.
“If you really knew Yuzu, you’d know why he was like this. If you loved him, you’d know”, he stressed, and Javier started at the accented word.
“But you don’t, do you?” Brian went on, aggressively. “Of course you don’t. You’re just upset I got in the way of a fling, a pleasant way to pass the time until you leave...”
“Honestly, Brian, you really think I’m such a jerk?” Javier countered. “You think I care so little about Yuzu?”
“Actually, whether you think your feelings are real or not, it doesn’t even matter. Fact remains, you’re leaving at the end of the month. And I’ll be left to deal with a heartbroken Yuzu, on top of everything else, so no thanks, Javier, I’ll pass on that. Keep it in your pants for once. This discussion is over. And if I find out you’re meeting Yuzu while you’re here, I’ll be calling your girlfriend.”
Javier laughed.
“Don’t worry, if I do decide to date Yuzu, I’ll be calling my girlfriend myself and come clean with her. Cause I’m not the asshole you seem to think I am”, he said, bitterly.
“Fair enough”, Brian nodded. “Then I’ll call Yuzu’s mom, tell her to lock him in his room if she has to.”
Javier laughed again, a little desperately this time.
“Do you really think all this is gonna make me want to stop seeing him? If anything, it makes me want to see him more.”
Brian tightened his lips in frustration, and left in a huff, after a last dark look at Javier.
Javier sank back down on the bench, his heart still beating erratically. He touched his lips with the tips of his fingers, remembering the feel of Yuzuru’s plush lips moving against his, tentative yet eager. All of a sudden, the notion that this could’ve been their first and last kiss seemed unbearable to Javier. Still, as much as he hated it, Javier couldn’t ignore the fact that Brian was right – there were many things to consider. Perhaps it was better to sleep on it and think of it tomorrow, when perhaps his heart would be less disposed to jump out of his chest at the mere thought of Yuzuru.