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“So what are you doing for Christmas?”
Sana suddenly looks up at him, over the table between them covered in open textbooks and half empty paper cups.
“Hm.”
Isak lowers his head end pretends not to hear the question, staring at the text in front of him.
The truth is that he has been thinking about that question quite a bit the last couple of weeks, when more and more of his friends declared their plans for the Holiday.
He never had much of a Christmas tradition to begin with, not with his family background. A few times he’d been doing things with friends who for different reasons wouldn’t go home or go away that year. When he lived in Kollektivet him, Linn and Eskild always used to do some low-key thing together.
Sana doesn’t buy his bullshit, but simply continues, like she knows he is really listening.
“You’re not vising your mum?”
Okay, then. He finally looks up.
“Yeah I am. But I’ll probably do that the day before or something. Don’t really want to sit through the celebration they are throwing at the ward. I did that one year and it was dreadful.”
Sana looks at him and tilts her head.
“So?”
She is still waiting for some kind of answer, he realizes.
“Probably buy pizza and watch something on Netflix,” he gives a cheeky smile.
“Yes, I can totally see that. But doing that alone on Christmas Eve is just tragic, Isabel.”
“Why do you care, you don’t even celebrate Christmas, do you?”
“Well we do, in a way.”
He never really asked Sana about that, he just assumed they didn’t celebrate at all around Christmas.
Then he realizes what she is doing and sighs.
“So now you feel bad for me and are going to invite me to celebrate with you?”
He really doesn’t mind Sana caring half as much as he leads on, but he still doesn’t feel comfortable spending Christmas Eve with someone else’s family out of pity. Then he’d rather be alone.
”Listen Isak, you should come.”
He frowns at her.
“What if I have something else planned?”
“You don’t. You literally just told me. That’s why I asked.”
She looks at him like he is stupid, and he feels a little bit stupid to be honest. How will he get out of this one?
It’s not that he doesn’t like spending time at Sana’s, he just doesn’t like it to be so obvious that he doesn’t have anything else to do for Christmas.
“It’s not out of pity,” Sana says like she can read his mind. “There’s just this group of people that prefer spending time with each other than doing anything else for Christmas Eve, and I think you would like it.”
“What? Who will be there?”
Isak expected Sana’s family and maybe some relative, but this sound like something else.
“Just some lost souls that prefer our home to their own. Listen, you already know Elias and Noora will be there too, you’ll be fine.”
He still feels really uncomfortable and Sana must sense it, because suddenly she puts a hand on his over the table, which he can’t recall has ever happened before. She must be really determined about this.
“Isak, just come, okay? I actually want you to. It’s not gonna be a traditional celebration anyway, you can just look at it as some random evening, equal to a night with Netflix and pizza, okay?”
He realizes he can’t turn her down.
***
The same day he’s sitting at home when he gets a text.
Sanasol
Oh, so did I mention that we’re doing this Christmas game thing.
Isak
No?
Sanasol
Okay, it’s nothing big. Just bring a wrapped present for around 100 kronor, and them we put them all together and everyone gets to pick one.
Fuck. What will he bring? He doesn’t even know who is coming.
Sanasol
Don’t freak out Isak, it’s just for fun.
Isak
Fun?
Sanasol
Don’t be a grinch.
Isak
You said you didn’t really celebrate?
Sanasol
That’s not what I said.
But anyway, see you Monday.
Isak
Okay.
***
Isak rings the doorbell to the Bakkoush’s household. He hears laughter and people moving behind the door before anyone actually comes around to open.
“Isak!”
It’s Elias who opens the door. He gives Isak a quick hug. Must be the Christmas spirit, Isak thinks. They’ve never hugged before.
When Isak is taking his coat and shoes of Sana and Noora comes out in the hallway too and welcomes him.
“Come, come. There is gløgg in the kitchen.” Noora drags him away while the doorbell rings again behind him. He’s glad to follow her, someone he at least knows a little.
In the kitchen sits three people chatting away drinking from small cups, and Noora introduced them.
“So this is Yousef, Sana’s boyfriend.”
Yeah, Isak’s heard of him.
“This is Peter, he’s an exchange student from Sweden. And this is Stine, she’s in my class at Uni.”
Isak says hello and gets a small cup with warm red liquid in his hands.
So, all lost souls with no families to celebrate with. He gets it now. And they all seem friendly and smiles at him when he takes a set on one of the empty chairs. This might not be so hard after all.
When Sana enters and sits beside him he asks quietly.
“Your parents are not here?”
“No, they started to go to Marocco over the Holidays once me and Elias was old enough to stay by ourselves.”
He feels somewhat touch by the fact that Sana invited him. Even though he at first got nervous about the whole thing, this is really a nice idea. To have the night together with friends and other people instead of everyone sitting by themselves being miserable on Christmas Eve.
As if Sana can read his mind she continues.
“We realized a few years ago that we were a few friends who never celebrated Christmas with our families. At first it was just me, Elias, Noora and one of Elias friends. But now usually some exchange students come along as well as other people that we find on the way.”
“Like me?”
Sana just smiles at him.
Just then Elias enters the room with another guy in tow.
And okay, wait now. Isak knows who this is, this is Even. He doesn’t actually know Even, they’ve never spoken to each other. But Isak has seen him around.
Even is this tall and nice dude who seems to know everyone and runs the film club at the University. He might also be the most gorgeously stunning guy Isak has ever seen. He might have dragged Jonas to a few of the University film nights to watch some of the short films Even has made, hoping Even might be there. He might also have stalked Even quite a bit on Instagram.
He just didn’t know that Sana knew Even.
He doesn’t realize that he is starring until Even smiles around the room and suddenly their eyes meet.
And Even freezes.
Isak is sure of it. It’s just a second, but something in Even’s smile definitely changes when his eyes lands on Isak and his eyes widens.
It’s over in a second and then Even is back to smilingly saying hello to everyone and he also gets a cup with gløgg from Noora at the stove.
What was that?
Isak coughs and looks down at his cup, not daring to look back again.
Even being here, right in this kitchen, at the same freaking Christmas celebration, when Isak has been trying to get to talk to him for months. It’s a little overwhelming suddenly.
He tries to concentrate on the conversation that Stine and Yousef are having right next to him, but he has no idea what they are talking about. All he is aware of is Even standing beside Noora at the stove, laughing at something. And that’s such a lovely laugh.
Isak’s heard it before, but not this close. And he can’t help but glance over to see how beautiful Even looks when he is laughing.
Oh God, how will he survive this without making a complete fool of himself.
Thankfully Elias asks for help in the living room and Isak sees his chance to busy himself with something, quickly gets up and leaves for the other room.
In the corner of his eyes he sees Even looking at him when he moves past him.
Once in the other room he felt like he can breathe again.
“Fine, Isak. Just help me with these.” Elias says and hands Isak a stack of napkins.
There is a table set for dinner at the window and Isak starts placing a napkin at each plate.
Elias gets a big pan from the kitchen and it smells delicious.
“Did you cook it?” Isak asks.
Elias laughs.
“God no. I wish. No, this is all Yousef. He’s the only one in this lot that can actually cook.”
Soon there is bread and salad on the table as well and the others are milling out from the kitchen to take place at the table.
Isak ends up between Noora and Stine, with Even a cross the table to his right.
“Well then, don’t be so dramatic – dig in!” Elias says, when he sits at the high end of the table.
Sana rolls her eyes but everyone else laughs and happily starts to serve themselves.
***
The food is delicious, the conversation is flowing easily, and everyone seems to be having a really good time. Peter is hilarious, reminding Isak of Magnus, when he entertains the whole table with a story of a crazy night out he had recently.
He’s trying not to glance at Even too much, but it is really difficult, him sitting there on the other side of the table talking animated with his hands and laughing at something Elias says.
In Isak’s eyes he lights up the whole room.
To his surprise Even is looking back at him quite a few times when he’s looking over, with almost makes him blush. Oh for fuck sake, he needs to chill.
He might have been stalking Even for a while, but Even obviously has no idea who he is. Isak hasn’t even gotten a chance to properly speak to him yet. Of some reason he can’t seem to do it here at this table with all these people around either. He’s afraid he will give himself away immediate if he tries to initiate a conversation here.
But he’ll be damned if he lets this opportunity to at least get to know him a little bit tonight go to waste. So he can maybe approach him next time he sees him at Uni.
***
Some hour later when the food is mostly eaten but everyone still sitting at the table Isak goes to the bathroom.
Just as he comes out, he sees Even entering the kitchen.
This is his chance.
He cast a glance towards the living room to see if anyone talks any notice of him, but no one is looking his way, so he quickly moves towards the ajar door that Even just went through.
Before he enters, he stops in his tracks, clearly hearing Even speaking to someone on the other side.
“He’s the library guy!”
The library guy, what does that mean? Isak wonders.
“What?” It’s Elias voice and it sounds amused. “Isak is the library guy?”
Isak freezes when he hears his name.
“Yeah.” Even sound a little bit out of breath.
Now Elias actually laughs.
“Well then, go talk to him.”
“I can’t! It’s like I can’t come up with a single thing to say to him.”
Even sounds frustrated and Isak suddenly feels all flustered. Oh my God, they are really talking about him!
There is silence for a few seconds and Isak debates whether he should just turn around and go back to the living room, before anyone notices him standing there, eavesdropping. But then Elias speaks again.
“You should get him to pick your present.”
“What?”
“Come on, you always get the same thing.”
Suddenly there is a sound as if someone is moving towards the door and Isak abruptly turns and walks quickly as if he was not near the kitchen door - at all.
He hears someone coming out though the door behind him but he doesn’t turn around, but walks quickly back to sit down at his chair.
When he looks up he is meet with Elias looking right at him as he enters the room.
Isak can’t help the blush that creeps up on his cheeks.
He realizes that Elias must have seen him walking away from the kitchen door.
But then Elias tries to hide a smirk behind his hand and Isak thinks that can’t be all bad, can it?
“Okay, time for presents!” Sana announces as she and Noora starts putting all the presents on the coffee table.
They all move over.
When Even enters a few minutes later they are all already sitting down, and the only seat left is right behind Isak in the red sofa.
Without really looking at him he squeezes himself down at Isak’s side, his long legs pressing against Isak’s thigh. Isak peeks over at Elias who is already looking back at him, at them. Still with that smirk on his face.
Isak can’t help but smirk himself when he drops his head. If he is reading Elias right this might not be so bad after all. He is obviously “the library guy”, he is obviously someone Even has noticed before tonight, and that thought sends a trill through his whole body.
He moves just a tiny tiny bit, so little that it might be unintentional. But it makes his whole side press against Even’s, not just their legs.
It’s a small sofa, okay?
Even doesn’t move away, with Isak considers a small victory.
He presses some more, which makes Even lift his arm to place it on the back of the sofa, behind Isak’s head. It almost feels like he could lean into that warm body next to him and he would be welcomed.
But of course, they are in the middle of a celebration with friends and that would be plane weird.
Now Sana has a hat turned upside down in her hand and she’s making everyone drag a paper with a number on.
Isak gets number 2, which makes him strangely excited because now he has a good possibility to pick Even’s present. But how will he know which one it is?
Yousef is first to pick, and he goes straight for a present wrapped in golden paper. It turns out to be some luxurious bath salt from Noora.
“Everyone deserves a good bath now and then,” she explains and Yousef nods seriously.
So, now everyone is looking expectantly at Isak. He stares at the pile. How is he supposed to know which one is from Even? He doesn’t even know what it is Even usually buys. And what could it be that Elias thinks Isak should have?
“Hm, I don’t know..” He smiles and tries to make a joke out of picking really carefully to buy some time.
He looks up at Even to see if he will give him a clue, but Even is starring right in front of him, not giving anything away.
“Oh please, Isak. Don’t mind us waiting for our turn.” Sana snorts.
Isak moves his hand towards one present wrapped in a red wrapper, but then he looks up and sees Elias making a small shaking movement with his head.
So he continues to move his hand until it is right before a small flat present, looking more like an envelop with a bow on it, and he sees Elias give a very small nod.
When he stills his hand right over the envelop, he feels Even’s leg pressing slightly against his.
Okay then.
He picks up the envelop.
“Hahaha, you got Even’s!” Yousef laughs immediately.
Obviously, everyone but he and the two other newbies knew.
Beside him he can feel Even stirring slightly. Isak looks back at him smiling before he even opens the envelop and from what he can tell Even looks almost nervous.
“You can change it if you want,” Even says quietly, but Isak just frowns at him.
“I’m not gonna change it. This is my Christmas gift!” Isak tries to sound cheerful but he is really curious now.
The others have moves on with the next person, who is Sana. No one pays attention to him anymore, so he quickly opens the envelop.
From the inside he drags a piece of paper. On the paper is a drawing. It is made like a comic book, with two panels. In the first one a person, Isak things it looks like Even himself but in a comic style way, is sitting by himself in front of at big movie screen looking sad. In the second one the same comic character is sitting with another person, someone without a face and in gender neutral clothes, beside him and looking very happy. Now with popcorn in his hands.
Welcome to a movie night with me, to see a film of my choice.
Popcorn included.
is written under the drawing.
Oh. Oh.
He feels a big smile breaking out on his face and he turns to Even who is starring back at him with worried eyes.
When Even sees him smile he seems to relax a little.
Isak just looks at him for a few seconds, taking in the absolute stunning person before him.
“It’s a date,” he says in a low voice.
And the smile that breaks out on Even’s face takes his breath away.