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Ide hadn’t meant to go home with Matsuda after the Christmas party.
In his mind, he still had Matsuda down as a vague annoyance. Someone who was making rather a mess of everything he did and probably didn’t deserve to be there at all. He wasn’t a bad colleague but he wasn’t like Aizawa or Mogi. Not necessarily absolutely reliable.
Matsuda seemed to sense that. Or perhaps it was just that he knew his natural state of being was to be faintly disappointing to people and wanted to change it. Whatever it was, he seemed determined to be extra-nice to Ide at the moment, always asking if he needed anything, smiling hopefully whenever Ide met his eye. It was vaguely frustrating and yet a tiny bit of him thought it was almost sweet and he found that he didn’t actually mind it.
He wasn’t going to admit that to anyone.
Still. Matsuda carried on trying. A lot. Sometimes too much. Ide was rather glad that he got distracted at the Christmas party and left him alone for a little. Matsuda was easily distracted at parties. He liked them. Ide hated them. Parties were inevitably boring and loud and you usually couldn’t escape without looking rude or sulky. It usually meant that he drank too much and then woke with a headache, though that was generally better than staying sober all the way through.
He had reached the pleasantly hazy stage of drunkenness when Matsuda reappeared at his side. He was obviously drunker than Ide was, flushed and smiling and Ide found himself smiling back, just because it was a bit funny.
“You’re wasted,” he said and Matsuda shook his head.
“Am not! Maybe a bit. You’re wasted too!”
“Rubbish. I can hold my drink.”
“Yeah, in your hand before you drink it!”
And Matsuda had laughed at him and it was weirdly nice. So he’d let Matsuda stay with him, get him more drink and they’d ended up laughing about stupid shit and it had been sort of fun in a really ridiculous way. And then at some point, he’d realised they could probably leave politely and he’d said that and Matsuda had shrugged and said “Want to come back to mine then?”
“All right.”
And Matsuda had smiled, a big, happy smile, and held out a hand and Ide found himself taking it.
He’d known. He had known. Because why else would Matsuda invite him back? Why else would Matsuda try to hold his hand? But he didn’t let himself think about it. If he’d thought about it, he’d have had to back out because he didn’t do things like this, certainly not with someone like Matsuda who was stupid and a bit useless and sort of pretty ...
Matsuda kissed him the minute his front door was closed. His mouth was hot and wet and it was a bit clumsy but it was nice, it was really nice and he kissed back and Matsuda made such a delighted little noise, like it was the most special thing in the world and wrapped his arms around Ide’s neck and hung on tight.
He hung on tight all the way through. Ide wasn’t exactly surprised by that. Of course Matsuda was the cuddly, clingy type. Of course he wanted nothing more than to wrap himself around Ide and mumble stupid things into his ear while he was trying to get on with things. Of course he was needy and desperate and wanted to touch Ide all over and begged for more almost constantly.
It was good though. Better than good. Fucking fantastic.
“You staying the night?” Matsuda asked sleepily.
“Are you going to cuddle like an idiot?”
“No,” Matsuda said but he was already curling up close, head seeking Ide’s shoulder and he already sounded half-asleep.
Ide found that he couldn’t be bothered to move him.
He’d thought it might be awkward in the morning but Matsuda was so cheerful about it all that he found it hard to be embarrassed. He made Ide coffee and breakfast and apologised for everywhere being messy. It was just another thing about Matsuda, that was all. You couldn’t let yourself be bothered by it. You just had to accept it.
Ide found he didn’t mind.
He found he never minded Matsuda quite so much after that.