Chapter Text
“Babe, I’m leaving for the gym!” Kelley shouts up the stairs of their shared apartment, where they spend the holidays together in off-season. Just as Kelley moves to grab her key she hears Alex rushing down the stairs.
“Wait, don’t you dare leave without kissing me goodbye!” Alex pouts approaching her and tugging at Kelley’s jacket to pull her closer. They smile into the kiss, which is loving and gentle.
“How could I?” Kelley says with a smile on her face and her eyes closed taking in the moment and moving in for another kiss, deepening it. After a few seconds Alex pulls away.
“If we keep doing this, I’m not gonna let you leave.”
“Maybe that was your intention.” Kelley smirks, going in for another kiss, but she is pushed away gently, by Alex’s hand on her chest.
“Kel, no.” Alex laughs at a now pouting Kelley.
“Catch you later for dinner?” Alex asks as she pulls Kelley in one more time for a quick peck.
“Italian?” Kelley asks, smiling again.
“You know me so well. Bye baby!” Alex states as she playfully pushes Kelley away from her.
“Later!” Kelley says as she turns around leaving the apartment. Walking to the elevator, she has a huge smile on her face, while shaking her head.
After her usual workout for the off-season, Kelley leaves the gym to grab dinner at her and Alex’s favorite Italian restaurant, which they went to on their first date. Well, actually Alex doesn’t like the restaurant that much anymore since they hired a waitress, who is constantly hitting on Kelley. However, Alex also knows it’s the best Italian restaurant in town, so she has to make some sacrifices. As usually, the waitress immediately hits on Kelley, as soon as she sees her waiting for her take home food. The thing is, while Alex knew exactly what the waitress was doing the moment she first saw Kelley, Kelley at first didn’t notice at all and insisted that she was just a nice person. But after a few more visits at the restaurant, Kelley finally caught on to the waitress’s intentions and since then gets a kick out of provoking Alex. For Alex it doesn’t even help that Kelley actually doesn’t really answer the waitress and has no interest in her at all, since she only got eyes for Alex.
So it is clear that when Kelley enters their apartment again Alex first question is: “Was the annoying waitress there again?”
“Uhh yes, she was and we had sex in the restaurant’s kitchen.” Kelley says nonchalantly while putting down the containers of pasta onto the kitchen counter to serve the pasta on nicer plates.
Alex rolls her eyes in annoyance and walks over to pinch Kelley’s arm.
“Ow! Help! I got shot!” Kelley shouts pretending she got hit by a bullet and throwing head back in laughter.
“It’s going to hurt even more, when I’m going to ban you to the couch for a month!” Alex says annoyed by Kelley’s antics.
“Stop being jealous baby, we only did it once” Kelley says grinning at Alex.
At that point Alex has had enough, as she leaps to slap Kelley. However, Kelley takes off hiding behind the other side of the counter, anticipating Alex’s attack, still laughing.
Now they stand at each end of the square counter, waiting for the other to make the next move. Kelley playfully raises her eyebrows at Alex, wearing a big smirk on her face. Alex makes the first move and fakes to run to the left, but turns right, while Kelley runs away quickly, heading to hide behind the couch in the living room. However, before she can get behind it Alex catches her and they both fall onto the couch. Alex lands on top of Kelley, while they are both laughing now. As the laughing quiets down, Kelley moves to tuck a strand of hair behind Alex’s ear, looking at her lovingly. They stare deep into each other’s eyes, while Alex’s hands rest on the couch holding herself up on either side of Kelley’s head and Kelley’s hands move to the small of her back to pull her even closer.
“You drive me crazy, you know that?” Alex says breathlessly.
“Just kiss me already.” Kelley says leaning up just a bit to connect their lips. They both immediately open their mouths and their tongues start fighting for dominance, which Kelley ultimately wins. Pulling away, Alex teasingly brushes her lips against Kelley’s without actually kissing her. As Kelley goes in for more, Alex moves her hand to the center of Kelley’s chest to push her down and sits up so she is straddling her. Kelley looks at her with adoration in her eyes, still you can see just a slight bit of her mischievous grin. They are both breathing heavily and Alex is biting her lip, looking down at her.
“Come on, dinner is getting cold.” Alex says as she stands up, leaving Kelley lying on her back.
“Hey! Al, come on, don’t leave me like that! Just one more kiss!” she calls after her, but Alex doesn’t turn around.
“God you’re killing me.” Kelley groans as she lies still for another 3 seconds staring at the ceiling. Eventually, she hesitantly follows Alex into the kitchen again, where Alex picks up the plates and sits down at the kitchen table, while Kelley grabs two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine that suits the pasta. When they start eating. Alex can’t resist to ask Kelley about the waitress one more time.
“Was she really hitting on you again?” she asks nonchalantly, looking at the pasta on her plate.
“Babe, you don’t need to be jealous. All I want is you. You know that.” Kelley insists reaching for Alex’s hand and giving it a tight squeeze.
“Jealous? What? Me? Pfft, I’m not jealous!!” Alex says defensively.
Kelley looks at her with a disbelieving look, dropping her fork to gain Alex’s attention.
“You totally are.”
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“AM NOT!”
Kelley has a deadpan expression on her face.
“Okay, maaaaaybe I am a little tiny bit. But it’s actually not fair! You can’t go there looking all sexy after you’ve been to the gym!” Alex exclaims.
“Al, are you really banning me from going there after I’ve been to the gym?” Kelley says amused.
“Do I look like I’m joking?”
They both look at each other seriously for a moment, until they can’t restrain from laughing. They then proceed eating their dinner and talking about their plans for the next few days. They have been together for over 3 years now. Even though there always was a spark or something standing between them since their youth in the US National Team, they only realized what they were feeling during the World Cup in 2015. They were rooming together for the whole tournament and the final step it took was the After Party. Alex had been touchy all night and when they were dancing Kelley really had to concentrate, so that she wouldn’t grab Alex and make out with her right on the dancefloor. On their way back to their shared hotel room a slightly drunk Alex dared to kiss an also slightly drunk Kelley just outside their hotel room door. To the both of them it felt like fireworks exploding or the moment of hoisting up the World Cup all over again. From that moment on sparks were flying like Kelley had never experienced it before and she kept on asking herself if it all just was a dream.
“I told him I would beat him. So please, you have to help me. We really have to go train togeth… Stop smiling at me, I can’t concentrate when you look at me like that.” Alex states looking up from her plate to see Kelley wearing a huge smile.
“Sorry I just find it so funny that your competition with Dave is getting to a point where you want to slide in some extra training sessions with me.” Kelley chuckles.
“The stakes are high, Kel.” Alex counters with conviction.
“You’re cute.”
“You’re cuter.” Alex responds, leaning over the table to give Kelley a quick peck.
“Ah I just remembered, Allie texted me. Is it okay if she’s taking an earlier flight tomorrow?” Alex asks, while standing up and carrying their empty plates to the dish washer.
“Yeah of course, maybe we could do some Christmas shopping together.”
“Sounds good! Could you pick her up from the airport in the morning then? I think she must be landing at 9:00.”
“Will do.”
“Okay I’ll send you the details before I leave for training. Thanks babe, you’re the best.”
“Anything for you.” Kelley whispers, hugging her from behind.
Alex closes her eyes and intertwines her hands with Kelley’s, which rest on her belly. She takes in the moment as they sway from left to right. Kelley moves to brush her lips against Alex’s ear and kisses it.
“That tickles.” Alex giggles, twisting her head back to kiss her on the cheek.
“Wanna watch a movie?” Alex asks, as they part.
“Are you asking me to Netflix & Chill?” Kelley counters mischievously, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Are you ever not thinking about that?” Alex says, playfully rolling her eyes.
“Barely, when I’m around you. Either way, I have to shower first.” Kelley answers, slapping Alex’s butt as she walks past her, heading for the bathroom upstairs. Just before she reaches the stairs Alex jumps on her back. So Kelley gives her a piggyback ride upstairs to drop her off in their bedroom, where Alex changes into comfy clothes. While Kelley still showers, Alex makes her way to the living room to make herself comfortable. When Kelley comes down the stairs, Alex is once again struck by the permanently reoccurring thought, how attracted she is to her girlfriend. Kelley just feels the same seeing Alex cuddled up in a blanket.
“Ughh, why do you always look so hot?! Like it’s not okay anymore!” Alex groans out jokingly.
“Are you hitting on me?” Kelley asks pretending to be shocked, to which Alex responds with one of Kelley’s favorite laughs.
“Come here.” Alex says holding up the blanket she is laying under to let Kelley sneak under it too.
Kelley cuddles up beside Alex, taking her in her arms. Out of habit Alex rests her head on Kelley’s chest and puts one of her legs between her girlfriends. When they lay together like this they both know everything is alright. However, since they are very competitive there have also been days, where Kelley got banned to the armchair, because she beat Alex in a very serious match of FIFA. As a matter of fact, all their friends know that they should never let the both of them team up on their monthly game night, because there is no chance anybody will beat them at a game of ‘Heads up!’ or ‘Pictionary’, if they are in a team.
“Babe, are you wearing my shirt? I’ve been searching that for months.” Kelley asks looking at Alex’s outfit before wrapping the blanket around the both of them.
“Well, now it’s mine. But maybe you’re lucky and get to wear it once a month, so it smells like you again.”
“The perks of a long distance relationship.” Kelley chuckles, but there is a hint of sadness in her words.
Alex looks up quickly and barely catches the sad look in her eyes. Alex reaches for the side of Kelley’s face and soothingly strokes her cheek.
“Hey. I’m here now.” Alex whispers comfortingly. Still, Kelley stoical stares at the still black screen of the TV.
“Kel? Hey. Babe.”
Just then Kelley detaches her gaze from the turned off TV. “Hmm?” Kelley says absent-mindedly.
“You never told me that this is so hard on you. I mean I know it’s not easy, but you always said it was fine for you.” Alex says worried.
“No no, everything is fine.” Kelley says quickly, avoiding Alex’s glance.
“This is clearly bothering you.” Alex reasons, but there is no reaction from Kelley.
“Kelley, look at me. It’s not fine.” Alex says firmly, which forces Kelley to look at her immediately.
“Well, for the most of the past years we were apart. I really thought it was okay for me, but when we are here… together… in our shared apartment, on those breaks, I realize how fucking stupid it is that we are living apart, even though we miss each other that much. I mean, I know I’m always the one to tell you that it is okay and it really was, but I’m starting to realize that it actually never was as much as I thought and I only wanted to be strong for you.” Kelley reflects.
Alex listens attentively, still stroking Kelley’s cheek. She always dreaded this conversation. It already was hard enough to be so far away from their families. Alex moved to Orlando just before Lyon and barely sees her family in California, while Kelley got signed to Utah in 2018. Still, the biggest burden is to be so far away from each other and Alex truly always wanted this long distance to end as well. All those nights she craved for Kelley to be with her, all those tears she shed, and all those goodbyes. The only things keeping them close were a phone screen, a soccer game every now and then and the National Team, which was great considering the horror scenario when Alex played for Olympic Lyon. However, Kelley had been injured for almost all of 2018 and so there even wasn’t the National Team anymore. Either way, now it just wasn’t enough for neither of them. The problem is, her career always was the most important thing in Alex’s life. She knew it was her destiny to become the best and her will was the only thing standing in their way. They both had their jobs and they also knew it wasn’t easy to get traded to the exact team you wanted to get traded to.
“So maybe it would be best, if I moved to Utah. I could talk to your coach and even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll find something else for the time in between.” Alex says pretending to be confident about everything she utters, but they both knew that this was far from the truth.
“Alex…” Kelley runs her hands through her hair a few times frustrated. A nervous habit. Alex knows Kelley long enough to interpret every little detail. Kelley was nervous, and it shocked Alex how they could have let this discussion slip by the last few weeks.
“I know you love your team. You love Orlando! This is absolute bullshit.” Kelley intervenes.
“Well, I love you a whole lot more than all of those things.” Alex answers trying to stay calm.
“But we said we wouldn’t let our relationship get in between our careers, Al. What do you think? I’m not letting you give up your dreams for me! I swore that to myself! ” Kelley exclaims devastated.
“At the beginning of this relationship, we said it wouldn’t change anything. Alex, you said so yourself.” Kelley tries, her voice wavering.
“Kel… I want this. I don’t need Orlando, I’ll find something else. All I need is y…” Alex starts quietly, as tears start to form in her eyes, but Kelley interrupts her.
“No!” she says as she stands up, shaking her head. Her eyes are closed and her head hangs down. She guards herself from the sight of Alex’s tear-filled eyes. She knows the tears are already rolling down her lovers face and it’s all because of her. Her hands are shaking as she moves them up to her hair, where she grasps it tightly. A sight, which breaks Alex’s heart. The room is silent for a moment. Kelley takes a deep breath and lets go of her hair, to run her still shaking hands across her face.
“I love you Alex. I love you more than anything in the world, which is why I need you to be happy. I can’t let you do this.” Kelley says as she walks towards the door.
“Please…” Alex cries.
The moment the door closes behind Kelley Alex breaks down, as does Kelley, while walking towards the elevator. If one could see the both of them, the only fitting word would be heart-wrenching.
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A crying Alex knows the problem won’t be solved by sitting alone in their now empty apartment, worried sick, while Kelley knows that it won’t help to walk through empty streets all alone, buying herself a beer. Additionally, it also doesn’t help at all, that she forgot her jacket and now is roaming the streets of New York in December, wearing only sweatpants and a hoddie. So after a good hour of self-torture Kelley is sitting on a park bench. As she’s looking up at the stars, which are crystal clear in this crisp winter air, it hits her what she has just done and in this exact moment her phone starts to ring.
“I hate myself.” Kelley answers the phone.
“You have every reason to do so.” Allie says coldly.
“I’m such a fucking idiot!”
“I couldn’t have said it any better. So what are you waiting for?!” Allie says firmly.
“Thanks Allie, I have to go!” Kelley says as she hangs up and sprints towards their apartment in full speed. As she enters the living room she is met with the sight she wanted to avoid all her life. There lies Alex, curled up in a ball, with silent tears running down her face. Kelley approaches Alex, carefully sitting down a few inches apart from her.
“Is it okay if I hold you?” Kelley asks softly.
To which Alex replies with a relieved “Please.”
So Kelley spoons Alex from behind and holds her as tight as she can.
“I’m so sorry.” Kelley sadly whispers into Alex’s ear.
Alex turns around in Kelley’s arms, coming face to face with her. Kelley’s heart breaks a little bit more as she looks into Alex’s eyes. In fact, it hurts her so much that she flinches in shame.
“I’m an idiot.” she states watching Alex’s facial expression closely.
“Yes, you are.” Alex whispers back. “I’m really angry at you.” she continues.
“I know, Alex, I’m really sorry, I-I ju-” Kelley starts, but Alex interrupts her.
“First of all how could you leave without a jacket?” Alex says angrily.
“H-huh?” Kelley stutters surprised.
“Are you trying to freeze to death?”
“Eh, I-” Kelley tries, but Alex interrupts her yet again.
“I swear you’re so dumb sometimes.”
“Babe.”
“I can’t believe you went to Stanford.” Alex rants on.
“AL!” Kelley says loudly. This finally shuts Alex up.
“I’m really sorry and I shouldn’t have left you. I should have stayed, so we could talk. That wasn’t mature of me.”
“My suggestion wasn’t either.” Alex admits.
“Maybe, but I hurt you, while you only tried to come up with a solution and that’s not okay.” Kelley says honestly.
“Can you forgive me?”
“How couldn’t I, Kelley?” Alex says lovingly, which makes Kelley let out a deep breath in relief.
“Okay, now let me fix this.” she says as she starts to wipe Alex’s tears away with her hands. She then proceeds to kiss the spots that were touched by Alex’s tears, starting under her eyes, moving on to her cheeks, her nose, her chin and finally her lips. As she starts to pull away, Alex doesn’t let her go and pulls her in for another kiss, tangling her hand in Kelley’s hair to softly stroke the spots, where Kelley pulled at them. It’s their way of saying sorry one more time. As they finally part, their lips are lingering only an inch apart from each other. They are looking deep into each other’s eyes, their breath fusing into one.
“Let’s talk about it tomorrow.” Alex says pressing her forehead against Kelley’s.
“Okay.” Kelley responds softly.
“I love you.” Kelley says.
“I love you, too.”
“Doesn’t change that you’re an idiot. Let’s get you warmed up.” Alex says as she stands up, to which Kelley rolls her eyes.
“O’Hara, don’t you dare roll your eyes at me! Come on.” Alex comments sharply, extending her hand to pull Kelley up from the couch.
“Yes mom!” Kelley answers like an annoyed teenager, letting Alex pull her up, who then walks towards the stairs immediately.
“I’m not your mom. However, if you come upstairs you could show me again why they call you frat daddy.” Alex says suggestively, disappearing upstairs.
Kelley throws her head back desperately.
“God this woman will be my death.” she whispers to herself as she follows her upstairs as quickly as she can.