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The sun hasn’t yet peeked out from the horizon. Seoul Station was already packed with grunted people as they hasn’t picked their morning caffeine, furiously typing on their phones, scrolling down their phones, cussing under their breath about the February cold weather and all that.
The cold wind breeze tickled Jinyoung face as the train halted in front of him. He jolted. Oh my god, I was half asleep, he thought. He dragged his feet, shook his head over and over to summon his consciousness back. Yet, it was failed. He kept bumping to strangers here and there, repeating “I’m sorry” although those strangers glared at him.
When he was inside the train, his consciousness hasn’t come yet. He tried so hard to look for his seat number and he was looking for the conductor; but the conductors were all busy. Until he found the seat number as it was printed on his ticket. He kept inspecting his ticket and seat number since he knew that he was still half awake – and he didn’t want any misfortunes again. After thousands times inspecting his ticket, he was confident and plopped to the comfortable seat of the express train.
Jinyoung was about to close his eyes and plugged his earphones on when a raspy voice said, “excuse me,”. Again, he jolted again like a cat and opened his eyes wide. As he opened his eyes, he almost can’t believe for what was swam in his vision : It felt like an art just looking back to him. His brown eyes made Jinyoung felt warm, his brown hair looked soft and he wanted to run his fingers there forever, and his plump lips was made his heart did a little flip – ugh, so wrong. The walking art beamed at him and again, Jinyoung’s heart did a little flip again. I mean, look at his eyes : it turned into fucking crescent like soooo cute, he thought. “I’m so sorry to wake you but I believe that my seat is next to you.”
“Oh!” Jinyoung quickly snatched his earphones – and accidentally ripped his sideburns too, scooted aside, picked his backpack in the next seat and hugged it on his lap . “Go ahead, go ahead – I’m so sorry”. The guy passed him and Jinyoung could swear he can smelled a faint mixture of orange blossom and lily scent. Wow. This is the kind of guy that girls are dying to take him home and introduce him to their parents, right?, Jinyoung thought again.
Jinyoung shot the charming guy a smile and proceed to drift to the dreamland. He was really tired and too pissed off to talk.
。☆・*。* ・☆・*。
Jinyoung went into a pitch dark room. Confidently, he kept strode into the room. As he stopped to the glow-in-the-dark tape that shaped as “X”, the lights went crazy along with the loud applause. He smiled. Finally, he made it big. Soon, he will starred in TV dramas and he will shine like a polaris star.
Suddenly, the stage under him was moving.
It cracked. It was too late for him to help himself so he went down to the pitch black tunnel that has no end –
“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” said a familiar raspy voice to him as he jolted awake. He was sweating like a pig. “Whoa man, you okay?” Jinyoung turned his head and there, the walking piece of art was still there, with one earphone stuck on his ear, a mass paperback book on his hand, his eyes was filled with anxiety . Oh my god, I was still on my way to Changwon, wasn’t I?, he thought.
Jinyoung leaned on his seat again. What a nightmare. He still tried to catch up with his breath and didn’t want to give any damn to his surroundings. The guy next to him was busy with something but Jinyoung was too embarassed to look at him. Jinyoung was indeed probably making a little commotion and making people turned at him, but he just didn’t want to know.
All of sudden, the guy handed him an unsealed pocket pack white tissue along with a bottle of mineral water. Jinyoung was taken aback with this generousity and eyed him. The guy just shrugged. “You need it, come on. Besides, I have this,” he pointed a big stainless steel tumbler on the seat back pocket. “I have life-supply mineral water, chill”.
Jinyoung took a long exhale and picked the tissue and the bottle of mineral water from his hands. “Thanks man,” he said. He unscrewed the lid and gulped all of the contains. Once he finished and closed the lid again, he can’t believe that he was so thirsty. He proceeded to wipe all of his sweat with the tissue and suprised with how much he perspire.
“My pleasure,” the latter said. He took off his earphones, close his book, and shifted his body so he can turn to Jinyoung completely. “What happened? Nightmares? Or do you have something that has been bothering you lately”
Jinyoung nodded. His keen eyes like a kid that wanted to know how the airplanes work made Jinyoung felt warm. “What is it about? Well, if you don’t mind if I asked”. As the guy took off his shoes, dragged both of his legs and sat crosslegged on the chair, Jinyoung felt that the lump on his throat pushed him so much to well up. He can’t stand this anymore.
Jinyoung sighed. “I went to the university and majoring in acting,” Jinyoung started. He was expected for a ‘hyping-up’ response from the guy, but the guy just nodded. “Yet, it won’t give me anything. Although I was pretty good in theaters during my university year, after I graduated I end up doing – “ Jinyoung left a pretty heavy sigh.
The guy was still looked eager to hear Jinyoung’s story and said impatiently, “It’s okay, go on. If you wanted to stop, that’s totally fine. If you wanted to continue, we still have around three hours to get to Changwon.”
Jinyoung sighed again. Although he claimed that he can’t trust people easily, yet he wanted to tell this to someone. What did it cost if you tell your story to a complete stranger? “I took a lot of auditions as an actor or even a singer – I admit, I’m not bad it. Yet, my impatient ass was giving up with these things – really, dude. Like I was getting a callback then, later on? Nothing.
“So I believe that by learning anything about theatre, I may as well become a theater production manager and all that, but I end up having a job as a floor staff, you know,” Jinyoung waited for a gasp or something, but the guy kept his face straight. Eagerness in his eyes won’t fade away. The guy leaned back comfortably to the train window. “I have to do general cleaning duties, tearing tickets, collecting, ushering, inspecting backpacks and that kind of stuff.
“I was so over the moon when I got the job in the National Theatre of Korea and I’m so sure that I will make it to the top, but it won’t take me anywhere. People were so competitive there. You will do anything to get the stage or production job. But it was just – I don’t know.”
Jinyoung wanted to continue his story but here it is, the worst part that he hated the most. “Then, everything changed when I met a girl. It was like a sky and the cloud. She was an actress and very captivating on the stage. I don’t know why but this girl was also into me – I mean, dude, she knew that I was a complete loser and she’s the princess Leia here. Then, we were dating but it was not – “ Jinyoung shrugged. “It was not that long.”
The guy shifted. He tilted his head. “For how long?”
“I don’t know I lose count. Or probably my subconsciousnes completely removed that from my memory, I have no idea.”
The guy giggled. Gosh, this guy just fucking giggled and my heart just skips a beat?, Jinyoung thought.
Jinyoung laughed bitterly. “She wanted us to – you know – she wanted to take this into another step. I loved her, so I started save all my money and asked her to wait for me. I mean, with my loser job and low wage, I have to save all my money and it will take a century to marry her.
“Then, she grew very very impatient and wanted to marry soon. I don’t know what’s gotten into her. We fought a lot and left our tiny apartment pretty often, until one fought like a World War and she never coming back. I tried to call her but it seemed like she changed her number. A year has passed and I still searched for her.
“Finally, I found her again last month when I casually strolled in Myeong-dong to find some good books. She was fine – like, bloom! She blooms! She was so pretty, she dyed her hair, she wore pretty clothes, she looked fresh, she was so pretty. At the same time, my savings already reached my goal so without further ado, I asked her to move in with me again. She said yes, but she never came... I don’t know.”
Jinyoung took a long inhale. He told himself, here it is. “She never came, for real. I already bought the ring but she never came. Until yesterday I found out from a friend that she was married to somebody else, and it was my theatre production manager –“ Jinyoung wanted to ripped his hair whenever he said this. “For fuck sake, why him alright? He is the shittiest person I’ve ever known – for fuck sake –“
Jinyoung sighed. He looked at the guy. He was still in Jinyoung’s story. He tilted his head again, lifted his eyebrows and said, “what happened?”. Jinyoung facepalmed himself on the back of his head and cursed himself for being stupid as his stomach did a backflip again. Damn, this guy is so cute.
“I felt everything was too much in Seoul. Last night, I sold the ring. So, here I am, I use all of my money and on my way home to my parents. I need to clear out the negativity from Seoul, try to find some way to heal myself,” Jinyoung continued. “If my parents asked me to hike to some kind of mountains, do a meditation and some kind of that thing, I’m totally down for it. I inhaled too many negativity in Seoul.”
As he finished, Jinyoung can’t helped it but he beamed. He finally let it all out and he suddenly felt.... okay. It was as if all of his burdens went away and he was at ease. He looked at the guy and the guy smiled back at him.
“How do you feel right now?,” the guy said while leaned in. He put his hands on top of his lap and Jinyoung can sense the guy’s perfume again. “Do you feel better than before?”
“Surprisingly yes,” Jinyoung said. “After all of this weeping and weeping, turns out, all I need is talk about this to someone.”
The guy giggled. His giggles was so funny and Jinyoung can’t helped to giggle too. It was sort of a high pitched giggle that made you feel warm, fluffy, and fuzzy. “So, you’re from Changwon?,” Jinyoung asked.
The guy shook his head. “I’m from Seoul – umm, actually, I’m originally came from the States. I’m in Seoul for school. I go to Changwon to attend the Korea Physics Society Meeting 2019 in Changwon Exhibition Convention Centre.”
“Wait, you’re from the States?” The guy nodded. “Dude, your Korean is flawless!”
“I’ve been in Seoul for five years now. It’s almost my sixth year.”
“You’re majoring in Physics?”
“I am. I’m taking master degree majoring in Physics.”
“That’s cool!”
Handsome and brainy? Wow. Jinyoung thought. Jinyoung didn’t know what’s been gotten into him, really. He kept praising the guy over and over and Jinyoung scared by that kind of thoughts. He didn’t know that he was into a guy too – umm, isn’t it?
“So, what have you been up to while you’re in Changwon?,” Jinyoung asked again after the guy asked about the tourist attractions in Changwon. “Are you going to visit those tourist attractions that you’ve asked me?”
The guy shrugged. “I planned to stay here for a week. I’m bored with Seoul. I need to take myself away from the busy street for awhile.”
“Umm,” Jinyoung couldn’t believe he said this but he indeed asked this, “Do you need a friend as umm – you know – your tour guide?”
“Yes!,” the guy’s face suddenly lit up. He pulled Jinyoung’s arm and squeezed it. Jinyoung was totally taken aback with this. “Yes! Do you mind if I use you as my tour guide?”
The guy’s puppy eyes was irresistable and Jinyoung went stupid again. “Y-y-y-yeah, of course.”
And so they planned their mini tour in Changwon until the train stopped in Changwon station. They still chatted and chatted while taking a bus to Jinyoung’s house that turned out, next to where the guy stayed.
They still chatted while walked to Jinyoung’s house. Once they reached Jinyoung’s house, the guy bid him his goodbye. Jinyoung smiled. He went into the house, unlocking his house door until he just remembered something. He bolted out from the house, sprinted as fast as he can to find the guy’s trace and –
“HEY! SLOW DOWN!,” that was the last thing that Jinyoung heard. He was still surprised that something rough shove had him tumbling. He slammed his eyes shut, wondering what happened next for the impact. He expected to land hard on the asphalt, getting sharp pain on his knees.
Instead, he get surprisingly warmth and soft underneath him. He quickly opened his eyes and he’s now face to face with the guy that he chased. Yet, looking at his features : brown soft hair, gorgeous lips that are pulled into a small smirk. He was taken aback when the deep voice, chuckled and said, “hey, you’re staring”.
Jinyoung quickly got up. He bowed multiple times and saying sorry over and over. The guy stood and brushed himself off. “It’s okay, man,” the guy said. “How about you? You okay?”
“Yeah yeah, totally,” Jinyoung still cursing himself for being stupid. “So, I forget to ask your number since we’re going to meet again tomorrow – “
“Hey, you know what, I was just about to go back to your house and want to ask you to go – “
“I actually want to ask you to go – “
They both giggled. The guy scratched his nape. “Actually, can I take you somewhere?”
Jinyoung nodded. “I’m free today, actually. But I left my backpack in my house, so – that’s alright. I just gonna text my parents soon.”
“Okay,” the guy smiled. “Shall we?”
Then, they both went somewhere. The guy was in fact just got here yet he knew every road that they has been passed when they went to Jinyoung’s house. They stopped in front of the tiny shop. Jinyoung lifted his eyebrows, “dude?”. The guy just smiled at him and motioned Jinyoung to follow him. He pushed the door open. They both strode into the tiny store. The light wasn’t so bright. There were plants surrounded them. There were a lot of pots of tall greenery lining the walkways, hanging above them. There was a huge freezer, displaying delicate blooms. The scent was a mess; sweet and even strong. It was packed with a lot of couples choosing flowers, elders picking flowers, and young bachelors and bachelorettes that asking about good flower bouquet to the shopkeeper. Jinyoung sighed. Valentine’s day.
“So, can you help me?,” the guy finally said to Jinyoung. “Choose any flowers that you like so I can make a beautiful bouquet with it.”
Jinyoung was taken aback. He pointed at himself. “Me? Why me?”. There was a lot on his plate lately and now, he was swooning over a guy – that he also couldn’t believe that he was able to swoon over a guy too – and now this guy was choosing flowers for a girl that he liked? Gosh.
“Come on, do me a favour and pick any flowers that you like. Choose it for me,” the guy said. His stupid smile won’t go from his face.
That winning smile of the guy made Jinyoung choosing the flowers while muttering curses under his breath. The guy just sat near the cashier table and did whatever he did, Jinyoung was so pissed off he didn’t want to know. This just wasting my time, he thought. He picked roses in various colors – since he didn’t know much about flowers, lily – because that guy smelled like lily, and some tiny orange blossom. Whoever that received this was lucky. Not only because she getting a flower from this handsome guy but also she will received a handpicked bouquet by Jinyoung that resembled the guy so much.
“I’m done,” Jinyoung announced while putting the handful blooms to the cashier table. The woman behind the cashier table eyes’ glimmered. “This is such a pretty combination!,” she said. She proceeded to cut the stalks to be in the same height. Then, she put the flowers into one with a fabric. As a final touch, she tied it with a purple ribbon. Then, she handed that to Jinyoung. Jinyoung was about to refuse it when the guy said, “would you be so kind to carry that for me, please? Just for a little while.”
Jinyoung rolled his eyes. The guy paid the flowers and said thank you to the shopkeeper lady. They strode out from the flower shop.
“Anything else?,” Jinyoung said. “I badly need a shower and I’m tired”. When he said this, he kept yawning over and over. Realizing how mess his sleeping schedule for the past few days, he felt like his world about to crumble down again.
The guy turned to Jinyoung. “Okay,” the guy said. “I was about to take you somewhere again but I recognize that there has been a lot on your plate so I let you go home. Come on,” he held out a hand.
Jinyoung eyed the guy. “What was this for?”
The guy still held out a hand. “Come on, I take you home.”
Jinyoung rolled his eyes and strode before the guy. “I’m tired, I don’t provide the bystanders some jokes,” he shouted. The guy jogged to keep up the pace with Jinyoung.
“Why don’t you take my hand?,” the guy said.
“I told you, my life has been a joke and I don’t want to give any jokes again to everyone. They already pitied me. I don’t want any – “
A warm touch suddenly slipped into Jinyoung’s free hand. He never liked any skinship, but this one sent him weird tingling sensation to his spine. What was this? He was about to jerk his hand from the guy’s hands but his hands was.... soothing.
“I forgot to ask your name, anyway,” the guy said nonchalantly, despite Jinyoung’s heart pulse went crazy and he can hear his heart pulse to his heart. “I’m Mark.”
“Mark,” Jinyoung repeated it again. The way every vowels and consonants rolled on his tongue felt right. The name felt like belonged to his tongue. “I’m Jinyoung”.
“Jinyoung,” Mark repeated his name. “Jinyoungie. Nice to meet you.”
Jinyoung didn’t know why but he felt like he wanted to look at Mark’s face. Mark smiled at him and said, “your hands are cold, Jinyoungie”. Jinyoung just silent and kept walking, hand in hand with Mark.
As they reached their destination, Jinyoung handed Mark the flower bouquet. Mark shook his head. “It’s for you, Jinyoungie,” Mark said. Jinyoung was taken aback and almost dropped the bouquet when Mark said that.
Mark’s eyes still staring back at him. Then, he leaned and caressed Jinyoung’s cheek. “Do you believe in love at the first sight?”
Jinyoung rested his cheeks on Mark’s palms. It was so warm and soothing, just like a warm blanket during December cold weather. “I don’t know, Mark,” he shutted his eyes. He just wanted to enjoy this moment. Who knows that Mark probably go away by tomorrow’s morning and never coming back? “I’ll let you know. If you ever came again to me.”
“You know, I will,” Mark said. Then he cupped Jinyoung’s cheeks and this was something that gave Jinyoung weird sensation : the road was so quiet. Mark closed the gap between them by landing a peck on Jinyoung’s forehead, Jinyoung’s nose, and Jinyoung’s both cheeks. He stepped back and released his hands. Jinyoung suddenly felt empty as the warmth went missing. “Happy valentine’s day, Jinyoungie. I have to go. See you tomorrow.”
As Mark walked away, Jinyoung still stood in awe. Mark’s kisses was still burning on his forehead, nose, and cheeks. Yet he knew, like every lovers that he knew, even his almost-bride-to-be; that in the morning, they won’t come again.
。☆・*。* ・☆・*。
Jinyoung was awake when he heard his sister’s loud laugh from downstairs. The curtains of his window room was still closed and the room was still in pitch dark. An afternoon sunlight peeked from the gap of his window curtain. Jinyoung took his phone from the nightstand. 11.00. He clearly was overslept.
He forced himself to wake up and dragged himself to open the window curtain. The sunlight made him blinked over and over in order to adjust his eye pupil with the sudden lights. He went to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. He took a look of his reflections in the mirror : he has a bold eyebags underneath his eyes, there was a sheer moustache on the top of his upper lip, his hair was matted by the sweat on his temple, and he needed a haircut. He looked mess. He shook his head.
He wasn’t in the mood to do his morning skincare routine so he just went out from his bedroom and went downstairs. He didn’t acknowledge with the loud commotion from the living room and just proceed to go straight to the kitchen. He took a box of oatmeal from the kitchen table and a bowl. Then, he poured the oatmeal to the bowl.
“Hey there, sleepyhead,” Jinyoung looked up from his oatmeal bowl in order to say hi to his dad. Yet, it wasn’t his dad. There was somebody leaned over the dining table. He wore a oversized hoodie and it made the hoodie felt like eating him. The hems were dragged down over his hands, clutched around his hands instead of rolling it up. Sweater paws. Oh god. It’s –
Jinyoung poured the oatmeal until it went overflowed his bowl and spilled. He stopped pouring, putting his bowl aside and rubbed his eyes over and over. “You?”
The latter guy just smiled. Then, in his deep raspy voice, he said, “Yes, it’s me. Your sister let me in when I said I’m Jinyoung’s friend from Seoul. Your family and me went along pretty well, though. We end up laughing a lot – “
Jinyoung just jumped to embrace him. Mark was here. Mark was here.
“I told you I’m here, right?,” Mark whispered in Jinyoung’s ear. He patted Jinyoung’s back softly. “I’m here, Jinyoungie.”
Jinyoung hummed and inhaled Mark’s scent. He still smelled like lily and orange blossom.