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Today I was crying and momo hugged me, jihyo patted my back and sana held my hand tightly, they were all comforting me and asking me why, in hopes to calm and stop me from crying, but I can't stop. I can't stop even if I was already having a hard time to breathe. I can't stop even if the reason I was crying was already lost in my mind. I can't stop even if I am not really sure what am I crying for. I wonder why?
I fell asleep exhausted from all the crying. I thought when I wake up I'd feel more happy or less tired but I cried again, I don't know why but I cried again, alone in my dark room. I tried to cry silently to avoid disturbing the other members sleeping but mina approached me and checked on me, she must've heard me but I said that I was fine, because really I am fine I just don't know why I can't stop crying. I really don't know why.
I got up and went to the kitchen, I drank a glass of cold water with much difficulty because of my labored breaths caused by all the crying. I sat on one of the chairs and stared at the half-full glass of water. I was stuck on my thoughts, it was a mess I don't even know what I was thinking really. These past few days have been exhausting and my mind didn't have time to cope, the stress caught me like a whiplash. While staring blankly at the glass, my tears fell unconciously. Not again. Why am I crying? It should've stopped by now. I can't even figure out why? Is it because of the fatigue? But I've already slept for hours earlier, jihyo let me skip the dance practice to rest. Why?
As I was crying while staring at the glass in our dimly lit kitchen, all lights were off except this part of the house. "Unnie? Are you crying?" I heard someone and I snapped from my thoughts. It was jeongyeon, she was still wearing her padded coat. I stared at her as I wiped off my tears and looked at the time on my phone. 2:42 am. "Why are you back so late?" I asked her to change the topic, I hoped that she would not pry further but I know its impossible. "My last schedule for today have just ended. You haven't answered my question yet." She dragged a chair and sat in front of me.
She was looking intently at me, but I don't know what to say. I want to say something, any reason why I am crying but I couldn't think of anything. I don't want to cry but I can't help it and I also felt ashamed at jeongyeon and the others that they have to see me like this and still I dont have a reason why. It just felt so immature to cry without reason. I hate this feeling.
I was super frustrated that's why I cried again. Oh God, how many times will I cry!? I hate this. I cried and suddenly jeongyeon was hugging me. She's not saying or asking anything or telling me to stop, she was just there patting my back not even making the tiniest bit of noise. The only sound that can be heard was my quiet sob and sniffing. I cried for about 30 minutes then finally stopped. When I let got of the hug, the first thing I saw was jeongyeon, she was smiling from ear to ear. I was a bit mad because why the hell is she smiling like that, is she thinking of making fun at me in a situation like this? She better be not because I will kick her ass, but I realized that heavy feeling was gone, it felt like it did not exist at all. What happened?
Jeongyeon stood up and looked down on me. She was still wearing that big smile. I was confused and asked her why. "You just don't change nayeon unnie!" then she pinched my nose. I slapped her hand and sticked out my tongue at her annoyed. "What do you mean?" She sat down again and looked at me in the eye. Her gaze was intense and serious this time. Then she hit my head. "Pabo! don't talk in your sleep." She then walked away.
I slept with a smile on my face that night and dreamt of purple lilac that smelled like creed virgin island water.
That morning I saw jeongyeon again in the basement getting her make-up done. The order of getting hair and make-up was us first as we are the two oldest. After getting our make-up done we changed to our casual outfits. I was fixing my things when I smelled that scent again, I turned around and found jeongyeon spraying her body mist. "Yah! Yoo jeongyeon, you still wear that perfume? You've had that since I've known you, don't you think its time to try something else? Arent you getting tired of it? because I am!" I teased her. "Excuse me, first of all nayeon-ssi I will never get tired of creed virgin island water and second don't lie you like this scent." She scoffed and sticked out her tongue. "Excuse me who said I liked it?" I protested, I don't really hate it but it was just fun having an argument with her "You!" She retaliated with her smug face. "When did I ever?" "Last night! You were sniffing me while you were crying then you stopped. You always stop crying when you smell me so don't ever shade my perfume, it had save your crying ass since we were trainees! Bleh" she said the ran outside. I was left there dumb founded.
hmmm I need that perfume!