Archive of Our Own

+

"This is all your fault, Jim Kirk!!" the words lost considerable force when yelled in a voice so very altered. "You stay the hell away from me!"

And fuck him, Jim had the audacity to look hurt at that.

Like he was the one with the shrinking dick.

+

"Bones!" Jim knew that pleading wasn’t particularly Captainly, but he couldn’t help it. He felt so helpless, and he wanted to go after Bones, but he heeded the restraining arm that Uhura put in front of him, as he stood in the transporter room doorway, watching Bones disappear around the corner.

“Captain,” Uhura said, and the fact that her tone was meant to soothe him, to pacify him, really irritated the living crap out of him. Bones was … God, Bones was … “Leonard just needs some time to adjust.”

“To not having a dick anymore?” Jim snapped, turning to look at her. “Let me ask you, Lieutenant, since you’re so knowledgeable on this topic: what would your adjustment timeline be, if you woke up and found that your vagina, say, was sealing itself up?”

Uhura sucked in a breath. “Captain,” she said in a chastising tone. “That is not the point …”

“It’s exactly the point,” Jim said harshly. He tapped his wrist. “Spock, you better be keeping us in orbit, because we are not leaving until we get some answers.”

“Affirmative, Captain,” Spock answered smoothly. “I have relayed your request for an immediate ship-to-shore conference to the planet’s rulers and their medical personnel.”

He started to say something else, but Jim let go of the speaker. He really wasn’t fucking interested in anything other than Bones at the moment.

“Scotty,” he said, turning around to address the uncharacteristically quiet man behind the console. “You better tell me that you’ve got everything from the room that they had Bones sleeping in for the last three nights.”

“Captain,” Uhura interrupted firmly, undoubtedly channeling her boyfriend through their bond. “If you’re not careful, you’re going to create a diplomatic incident.”

“Noted, Lieutenant,” Jim said, equally firmly. “Scotty?”

“Aye, Captain,” he said. “Locked up in Cargo Bay 1. Although me boys are saying that there are no energy signatures that would explain what’s happened to the Doctor. But we're continuing to analyze.”

Jim nodded and stormed out of the transporter room and down toward Bones’ quarters, ignoring Uhura's plea that he should give Bones some time alone. Like he could actually do that. Because this time?

This time, maybe it really was his fault.

+

Goddamnit, what the hell was he so upset about, Leonard McCoy thought to himself, stomping down the corridor with a hand pressed to his bosom like a true Southern belle, trying to cover the gap that had suddenly appeared right between his … God, this could not be happening. He bolted for the open turbolift, catching a glimpse of his newly smooth face when he brushed too-long bangs from his eyes. "Goddamn you, Jim Kirk!" he said again in his altered voice.

Of course, there really was enough blame to go around.

He should have known something was up when the King's midwife was a male, but he'd thought that it was just one of those things, a linguistic blip the Universal Translator could only approximate due to the fact that Voe’o’ was a predominantly male society. Hell, it was a predominantly male planet, which certainly wasn’t the norm where species sexually reproduced. And sure, the King was a rather robust looking woman, but he wasn’t about the judging. After all, she was heavily pregnant, and all platitudes aside, some women did not glow with beauty when procreating. Besides, it was clear that her husband thought she was gorgeous, which, you know, more power to him and all.

So, all in all he’d taken the use of the male title as a quirk of the UT, noting that her – well not so much as it turned out - consort and co-ruler was also referred to as the King. He’d assumed that maybe there weren't female pronouns or even nouns in the high language, what with the Voe’o’ culture being so heavily patriarchal and class-based. But what he should have noted was that the few aristocratic women he did see at negotiations or on their tours were to a woman man being all in some stage of pregnancy.

Not to mention that he'd noticed that the King's labia seemed to have grown, for lack of a better description, when he was assisting in the delivery of the afterbirth, but he'd just assumed that it was a peculiarity of their physiology, or due to the vulva having been somewhat flattened by the passage of the infant. And anyway, he was a doctor, not a pervert, so he hadn't spent a lot of time contemplating the alien King's genitalia.

So. It really wasn’t Jim’s fault. He should have fucking known, seriously. The universe loved to piss on him, and it had taken pleasure in doing so long, long before Jim had ever come along. He’d just been hoping, of all things, that the cycle had been broken -- that maybe some of Jim's lucky shine had rubbed off on him. And damn him twenty times for being a fool.

He fled down the thankfully empty corridor to his quarters, setting the door on private before he walked slowly, like a man going to his execution, footsteps surely leading him to his reflection in the mirror.

He maybe would have been a mite prettier if his expression weren’t so murderous, but really, who wouldn’t be upset? If he’d ever thought about it – and he hadn’t -- he might have assumed that his resemblance to his own mother would have stood him in good stead. But no, the universe couldn’t even give him that little bit.

Because really, it was just the final insult that he was so damned ugly as a woman.

+

Jim pressed the chime on Bones’ quarters every 30 seconds. Between times, he bent his head, speaking into the infinitesimal crack where the door would slide back and into the pocket across from it. “Bones, please,” he said in a low voice, trying not to plead. “Please don’t make me use my override. We need to talk.”

Pressing his ear to the door, he could just hear muffled movement from inside.

“Please, Bones,” he said, after pushing the chime again. “Please let me in.”

He was startled by the unusual sound of Bones’ voice at a higher pitch, so close to the door. He hadn’t heard him move. “I need some time, Jim.”

“No, Bones,” Jim said, in the same, calm determined voice. “We need to figure out how we fix this, and I need you to be with me when we talk to the Voe'o' delegation.”

Bones was silent on his side of the door.

“Bones, I need you to understand the science of this so that we can fix it.”

“What if we can’t fix it?” Bones’ voice was so low and heartbroken sounding that Jim felt tears well up in his own eyes. He dropped his head against the door.

“I promise you, Bones,” he said in a harsh voice. “I promise you, it’ll be all right. Please let me in.”

There was a long silence from the other side of the door, and Jim clenched his fists, resisting the urge to press the chime again. Finally, his stretched-thin patience was rewarded as Bones’ door slid open. He caught himself from falling into Bones' quarters by grasping the door frame at the last minute, stumbling into the room and blinking in the low light. “Bones?”

He was standing in a shadowed corner, and as Jim’s eyes adjusted to the light, he saw that he had changed from his more form-defining dress uniform into the roomier ship-duty science blue tunic, and what looked like away mission cargo pants.

“Stop staring,” Bones said, in a low voice full of hurt.

“I can’t even see you, Bones,” Jim whispered. He took a step forward, but Bones held up a hand and he stopped, just as his comm whistled. “Kirk here,” he said into his wrist.

“Captain,” Spock said calmly. “We have the requested members of the party waiting for you and Dr. McCoy here on the bridge.”

“I don’t want to be seen!” Bones hissed, sounding very agitated.

Jim blinked at how very freaked out Bones was, but raised a placating hand. “Dr. McCoy and I will be in my ready room shortly,” he said. “Transfer the call there. You and Lieutenant Uhura will join us. Kirk out.”

“No, Jim,” Bones said again. “I don’t want to--”

“I know,” he said soothingly. He tapped his comm again. “Kirk to Engineering.”

“Aye, Captain,” Scotty said.

“Please transport Dr. McCoy and myself to my Ready Room. And Scotty?”

“Yes, sir?”

“I trust that you’re keeping Dr. McCoy’s new imprint in a separate file in the pattern buffers?”

"Yes, sir,” Scotty said. “I had the same thought meself, and am investigating how to overwrite what’s happened, but I will need to know what’s been done to the doctor to alter him before I’d be willing to attempt that. My crew is having no luck with the items in the Cargo Bay, sir.”

“Keep me informed, Scotty,” Jim said, sighing. “Kirk out.”

Bones was already talking when they reformed in his ready room, barking out an order to turn down the lights before excitedly saying, “Maybe that would work, Jim. Boy, I never thought I’d see the day that I’d willfully submit myself to the mercies of that infernal contraption, but this might be …” He stopped talking and flushed red, turning his back on Jim. “Stop staring.”

“Bones,” Jim said, licking his lips. He knew he had to tread lightly here, but this whole situation was just so weird. “I’m not staring, Bones.” He was totally lying. The process of Bones changing into a woman wasn’t as instantaneous as it would be, say, if there had been a chromosomal insertion or deletion from a transporter incident. Instead, it had come on gradually over the last three days, since they’d gone to the Lifewater, and it had all gone to hell.

“You are too staring,” Bones said agitatedly. “And I don’t need any more reminders of how hideous I am.”

“Bones!” This time, Jim didn’t have to feign anything at Bones’ outrageous statement, which Bones, forgetting himself, definitely saw when he whipped around to challenge him. So, OK, maybe he’d been lying before, but he sure as shit wasn’t now. Bones was an incredibly good-looking guy, and yeah maybe Jim thought he was more beautiful as a guy, but he was still beautiful. He was Bones. He reached out to his friend. “That is totally not true!”

Bones disbelief at Jim’s statement was clear, but he looked more confused than upset now, which Jim guessed was an improvement. Whatever he might have said was lost when the ready room door whisked open to reveal Spock and Uhura, and Bones, Bones pushed Jim in front of him and crouched down a little, hiding behind him.

Spock’s eyebrow soared skyward, and for the first time in a really long time, Jim wanted to slap him for being insensitive. “Captain, Doctor,” he said placidly.

“Leonard,” Uhura said with sympathy, crossing the room to reach out for him, but Bones shifted Jim in her way, and Jim, much to his own surprise, found himself wrapping an arm behind himself to hold onto Bones, feeling the curl of Bones' long fingers in the small of his back where he was gripping his shirt.

“I don’t …” Bones said softly, from where he’d hidden behind Jim, his breath soft on Jim’s neck.

“I know, Bones,” Jim said softly, turning his head so that Bones’ forehead brushed against his cheek. He felt incredibly protective of his best friend. “Lieutenant,” Jim said, turning his head back and shifting with Bones as he moved. “I think we all need to respect the CMO's wishes and just get this over with, if you please.”

Uhura's eyes were switching back and forth between Jim and Bones and she looked hurt. It wasn't like she and Bones weren't friends themselves, after all. "Leonard," she said again quietly.

Jim felt the fingers on his shirt tighten. "He just needs us to fix this, Nyota," he said quietly.

Her level gaze rested on him, then she took in a breath and instructed the computer to patch the communication through.

The Voe'o’ onscreen seemed obscenely cheerful to Jim. He could only imagine how they appeared to Bones, still hiding behind him.

"Captain!" King Oo'Eara'i exclaimed. "Doctor! We see that the blessings are indeed come down upon you both."

"Blessings?!" Bones sputtered from behind him.

"Indeed," King Oo'Veaira said serenely, adjusting the sling that lay across his re-masculinizing form. "It could only be a blessing for you and your partner to be so chosen."

Jim was thunderstruck at their audacity, and opened and closed his mouth as he tried to gather his thoughts. Behind him, he could feel that Bones had stood up to his original height, enough that he could see over Jim's shoulder, his uncoiling fury practically visible in the air around them.

"Partner?" Bones asked.

The Kings looked at each other and back at them, and the midwife Vaa'lash appeared to be studying them.

"I'm afraid that there has been a misunderstanding," Spock said smoothly. "Dr. McCoy did not consent to have his sex changed."

The Kings looked from each other in seeming confusion and back again to the midwife, who spoke for the first time. "It is not a matter of choice," he said smoothly, something oily and pompous in his tone, "but for the gods to decide."

"That does not seem likely," Spock said, cutting off Bones' forming protest. "Since the species from which the Doctor hails could not be so altered without considerable genetic intervention."

There was a conference on the other side of the screen between the three, so hurried and whispered that Uhura visibly leaned in, trying to understand.

"It was not that considerable," the midwife answered in a begrudging tone that still held that pompous note, "and would not have happened if it was not meant to."

"Now, listen here," Bones began, stepping out from behind Jim, who caught his breath at the sight of him.

"I assure you," Spock said in his level fashion, "that Dr. McCoy's current feminine appearance would not have been possible without some intervention, perhaps the use of some device –"

"There was no device," Vaa'lash said, then added, "not as you mean. When the Doctor assisted King Oo'Veaira in our most sacred place as he brought forth life, the Lifewater claimed him as its own."

Jim had a flashing memory of the water in the pool, eerily iridescent, rippling as Bones leaned against the pool's edge after the King had given birth. "What's in the water?" he asked quietly, keeping his anger contained.

"Life," Vaa'lash said dismissively. "You scanned it, Captain, as did you, Doctor."

"Doctor?" Spock asked.

"There was a high concentration of estrogen precursors, DHEAS and the like," Bones said, "but certainly nothing on the order of anything that would cause such a mutation."

"Indeed," Spock said. "If that analysis of the water readings is correct, then I would also conclude that it could not have had an impact on the Doctor's physiology in the way it so obviously has."

"The water is alive," the midwife insisted. "And where it chooses, it can transmit the power to house life, a temporary transition for just that purpose."

Jim's eyes narrowed. "You're lying," he said with utter surety.

Bones' head whipped around to stare at Jim.

"An omission of the truth is as good as a lie in these circumstances," Jim continued. "There's something that you are not telling us."

The two Kings looked bewildered by Jim's statement, but he was sure that he was right.

"We do not have to reveal all of the mysteries of our beliefs, Captain," the midwife said, and his voice was icy as his eyes cut over to Uhura. "Especially when one of the Unworthy is present. The Lifewater has made its choice."

Now it was Uhura's eyes that narrowed, and Jim could feel the anger radiating from her.

"It does not choose untruly," Vaa'lash said. "Although it has not chosen an Otherworlder before. We would have thought," the midwife said, addressing Spock, "that you, as a true Prince of your people, would have been chosen, but the Lifewater saw the truth, and saw what would be."

"The prophecy …" King Oo'Veaira breathed out reverently, looking down at the babe asleep in the sling. "A true princess of kingly breeding."

"I'm not having a baby," Bones said determinedly.

"Then you will remain in your current form," the midwife said sharply. "Until you and your partner," he nodded at Kirk, "do what is right. Only then will you return to your exalted form. It was, after all," he said imperiously, still looking at Jim, "your own wish that made this possible." The transmission ended suddenly.

Jim didn't even react to Uhura's giving voice to her frustration with the rampant sexism espoused by the Voe'o’. "Fuck," Jim breathed out softly. He could feel Bones' eyes on him as Uhura raged.

Goddamnit, maybe this really was his fault, after all.

+

Jim couldn't really see the point of taking someone so hugely pregnant on such a trek, but the Kings had insisted that they all must go to the site of their Holiest of Holies. Of course, like everything else about Voe'o’ society, that meant that tradition had to be observed. So, while the King had been borne on a litter for much of the way, after a certain point, the servant class had been enjoined from going any farther. A few more revolutions around the mountainside on the steep, mountain path, and much of the palace court party was left behind, sitting at a sacred marker to wait and pray. There was a brief ceremony, conducted by Vaa’lash, who seemed to have a significant role in their religion, as well as being the King’s midwife.

Those restricted from going further included everyone on the away team, with the exception of himself, Spock and Bones. Jim was sure that Vaa’lash knew how piqued being left behind made Uhura, but since the midwife had gone out of his way to make it clear that Uhura had been deemed an ‘Unworthy', there was little Jim could do. The goal of these negotiations was typical: to woo the Voe'o', and their mineral-rich planet into an alliance with the Federation. The ire of a crewmember, even if she was the Communications Officer and a member of the command staff, over inappropriate treatment at the hands of their hosts would not be deemed a worthy reason for forcing the issue -- not that Jim disagreed with her ire. After more than a year as Captain, he'd begun to find more and more disturbing the disconnect between Federation beliefs and practices. There was something unseemly, at least as far as he was concerned, about using the tenet of tolerance, of IDIC, as a foundation for ignoring practices that had been long deemed immoral by most Federation worlds. The Voe'o' might not call their lowest caste slaves, but it was clear that they did not enjoy the freedoms or material goods of the aristocrat class, or even those above them.

And he couldn't help but find it disturbing that the lower the stated class of the Voe'o', the more women there were in it. Especially since the aristocrats purported to place such a high value on women, but only those of the artistocratic caste.

And there were precious few of them. Only a handful were accompanying Bones, Spock and himself up to the mountaintop pool, and Jim had to admit that the ones who were with them were rather … large. Not one of the aristocratic women that he'd seen were built like Uhura, thin and willowy. In fact, if he were only observing the aristocrats, he would have believed that the Voe’o’ weren't particularly dysmorphic by gender, until he'd noticed that among the lower castes, not only were the women of a slighter build, but the men were as well. This, in turn, made him wonder if this class dysmorphia was due to deprivation. He knew that his experience at Tarsus led him to be more sensitive to the possibilities of eugenics theories being expressed societally, but … he had to admit that it made him uncomfortable to see such enforced disparity, even if, generally, the society was functioning well. The Voe'o' had recovered from the planet-wide illness of more than twenty generations ago that had left them on the brink of extinction, and ultimately with a disproportionate number of males in their upper castes, where women were outnumbered by at least 2:1. How exactly this had occurred biologically, he wasn’t sure, but he’d be interested to hear Bones’ take on it.

It seemed, however, that women who looked, for lack of a better term, more male -- broader and bigger like the men of the royal caste -- were the standard of beauty for the aristocrats. And that seemed to be working for them. The Kings, for example, were clearly in love, with the King-consort coaxing and aiding his very pregnant partner as she labored up the steep path, stopping now and then to take her hands from his and press them against the rock.

"She's gonna have that baby, Jim," Bones said to him in a low, urgent voice. They'd been warned not to use their electronic equipment in the sacred space, and he could see that Bones hands were twitching with the need to diagnosis. "She's been in labor for a while now, and she's going into hard labor, or maybe even the transition."

Jim knew that his mouth was hanging open. "Bones, no," he said, alarmed. "We're miles from nowhere! Should I get an emergency beam out?"

Bones looked at him with grumpy fondness. "It's a baby, Jim, not a ruptured spleen. For all we know, the King has to come to the sacred place to have it."

Jim looked around the group that was with them, all viziers and chancellors, and not one of them young. The journey up had been hard, yet no one had asked that they stop, although they all rested gratefully whenever the King did. Up until now, he'd thought that their desire to get to the top of the mountain had been about showing them their sacred space. Now, through Bones' eyes, he saw their excitement differently. "Bones, my man, I think you're right."

Bones harrumphed, but a small smile dimpled his cheek. This, in turn, forced Jim to stifle the urge to kiss or lick said dimple, just like he had had to do the previous 371 times it had appeared during their four plus years of friendship. Not that he was counting, or noting that no one else had ever made that dimple appear more than a few times, here and there.

"Well, now," Bones drawled, seeming not to notice the way Jim shifted at the sound of the thick syllables. "We'll have to mark this day on the calendar, and have you make your 'X' for a signature."

"Bones …" Jim began to protest, and he was not whining -- he actually liked it when Bones teased him! Of course, but it was then that all hell began to break loose, in the form of a rock-slide. When the dust settled, Spock was behind a chest-high wall of rock that he assured Jim would be easily taken care of. Jim was dusty and a little banged up.

Bones had a scrape on his forehead, and he was even more dusty, but he was already attending to Vaa'lash. The Kings were pressed against the wall, the pregnant one clearly panting now.

"His leg is broken," Bones said, waving his tricorder over the midwife despite his protestations. "Hold this over him so I can get a position on the break."

He walked briskly to the Kings. "How close are those pains now, ma'am?" he asked politely, but firmly.

"Sir," King Oo'Veaira corrected, bending forward with a cry.

"I beg your pardon," Bones said with emphatic courtesy, just barely restraining his eyebrow.

"They are twenty-two partaleeks apart," King Oo'Eara'i said worriedly. He indicated his heartbeat when Bones' brows drew down in consternation.

Bones nodded. "Sir, you're gonna have that baby real soon, and we need –"

"--to get to the Lifewater," the laboring King replied. "We must go. NOW." She was practically wailing, her deep alto voice raised in pain. "It must be as it was foretold."

"But Vaa'lash …" King Oo'Eara'i said helplessly.

"I'll bring him," Jim said grimly.

Bones stalked over, grumbling about damned fools and superstitions and assbackward thinking, waving his tricorder and dialing up some concoction from his magic bag. "You'll be able to get up there, now," he said to the midwife. "With help. You lean on Jim and hop along, let the boneset work as well as it can until I can get to you. Do not put your weight on that leg."

"Your partner is a very determined man," Vaa'lash said tightly, as Jim hefted him up and slung his arm over his shoulders.

"Hmm?" he said questioningly, before he decided against correcting the midwife. "You don't know the half of it," Jim continued, not bothering to check the fondness in his voice as he heaved Vaa'lash up the steep path toward the plateau only a few meters above them. "He's the best doctor in the galaxy. There’s no need to be worried about your King."

"I see," Vaa'lash said, and the diamond-shaped iris of his eye winked purple in the light that was washing over the edge of the plateau. "He does seem particularly skilled."

"He's trained in more fields of medicine than any five doctors," Jim boasted. "And he's more than proficient in them all. Death," he continued cheerfully, huffing a little as he heaved Vaa'lash's not inconsiderable weight alongside him, "is afraid of him."

"Ah," Vaa'lash said. "Still, I would prefer that you get me as close to my King as possible. My place in the Mysteries can be occupied by no other."

Jim felt a little insulted on Bones' behalf, but quashed the feeling, dragging the nearly dead weight of the elderly midwife to where Bones was squatting in front of the King. She was seated on a chair with a split seat that looked no different than any other part of the plateau, the color of rocky loam that was neither brown nor red but a combination of both, her voluminous skirt divided to show her pale pink legs, and the engorged near maroon of her gigantic belly looming above them. Her husband stood behind her, holding her hands and murmuring words Jim tried not to overhear.

"Ma', Sir," Bones began, "I beg your pardon, but I've got to know how your physiology works. Jim," he said, over his shoulder.

Jim made his way to Bones' side.

"Help me sterilize," Bones ordered, pulling off his blue tunic. Bones was wearing one of the sleeveless regulation t-shirts, leaving his strong, sinewy arms bare. He handed Jim a sonic tool that cast a phosphorescent red light over his hands as Bones rotated them, making sure that the light touched his nails, his wrists and all the way up to his elbows. When the light flashed green, Bones made a little grunt of satisfaction and turned toward the laboring King.

"Wait!" the midwife ordered. "Thou must anoint thy hands in the Lifewater."

Bones' eyebrows were doing that thing that said he was five seconds from telling someone that they were fucking crazy, and wanting to avoid an intergalactic incident, Jim hastily scanned the water, showing Bones the readout on the screen. "Hmmph … " he muttered, reading. "All right," he said tightly, but Jim could tell he didn't like it.

He couldn't say that he blamed him. The water was almost luridly blue-green and seemed somehow … sentient? Jim scanned the results again, looking for lifeforce, where Bones had been looking for impurities. He shook his head, not seeing what he was looking for. Behind him, the King cried out in pain and he heard the splash of Bones' hands in the water and he looked up, watching the ripples rolling outward from Bones' plunging his forearms in, dissipating across the ten-meter wide pool.

He turned back and looked at Bones, who was kneewalking over to the laboring King, holding up his dripping hands as the iridescent water ran off his elbows. Or was it? Jim squinted. It seemed like the water was clinging to Bones, but his concentration was broken when the midwife began chanting behind him, in rising tones that the King, aiding his laboring partner, began to echo. When he turned back to Bones, his hands were hidden from view somewhere at the apex of the King's legs, and Jim swallowed hard, aware that he was intruding on a very private moment. And seriously, he thought somewhat hysterically, the last place he'd ever expected to find himself was attending a birth. Then again, this was probably as close as he'd ever get to the experience.

"The Miracle of Life," the midwife breathed out next to him. "The Great Mystery."

Jim nodded dumbly, hoping he had a suitably reverent expression on his face, only to jump at the sound of the guttural scream that echoed all around them as the King pushed. God, he hoped that the Great Mystery hadn't brought more rocks down on Spock's head, but now was not the time to use his communicator.

"All right now," Bones drawled, not one thing hurried about his speech. He had one hand on the King's rippling belly, and the other was where Jim couldn't see, probably in a position to catch. "Poppa," he said sharply to the King holding onto his partner's hands. "On the next push, I need you to help the King forward and in position to push down and out. And Sir, if you breathe down and push from here," he patted a spot on the pregnant King's belly, "that baby's head will c'mon out. All right?" he asked. "Here we go, Poppa," he said to the King above. "In three of them counts: 3, 2, 1 … now."

"He knows the rhythms, without instruction," the midwife said, looking at Bones.

"I told you he was good," Jim reminded him. "I've seen him be a doctor for rock people."

"Rock people?" Vaa'lash said, astonished.

"That was real good," Bones said. "Rest for five of them partaleeks, then we're going to push again.

"Rock people," Jim said firmly, foregoing a more definitive explanation. "If it lives, he can fix it."

"Indeed," the midwife observed. His eyes narrowed at something and Jim turned his head, surprised to see that the Lifewater was lapping at the side of the pool where Bones was kneeling at the feet of the King.

Bones had been counting down, and Jim dimly heard him saying, "One more push and the head will be out."

"The Lifewater knows," the midwife breathed out.

That the princess was being born? Jim wondered what the midwife was talking about, but the King was screaming and Bones was counting and encouraging and then the King's cry broke off as Bones made a triumphant noise.

"There you are, darlin'," he crooned.

Jim leaned forward as Bones straightened up, revealing the slime-covered infant that he was cradling one-handed. The midwife leaned forward with a sharp intake of breath, but Bones continued on, unhurried, talking to the babe, whose chest, Jim noticed with a sinking heart, was utterly still.

"Now, now," Bones said to the baby. "Time for you to sing for us, baby girl. C'mon."

He put one hand over the water and Jim felt his hair stand up as the water seemed to reach for Bones. Bones never noticed, cupping his hand underneath the surface and then rubbing his finger under the infant's nose, flinging some violet mucus onto the loam floor. He rubbed the baby's breast bone, and then flipped her over, turning to dip his other hand in the water, and then chafing her back with his now cleaner hand. The baby jerked and Jim heard her expel something before she began to cry. "There you go," Bones said softly to the baby girl, turning her back over and cradling her against his chest. His free hand was deftly removing the gore from her body, dipping back and forth into the water, which seemed to be rippling ecstatically.

The baby wailed, and Jim felt the surprising prick of tears in his own eyes at the sight of Bones soothing her as he cleaned her up. "Aw now, we'll get you all warmed up and to your parents in just a minute there, baby girl. C'mon now, it ain't so bad out here in the wide world. There's plenty of arms to hold you and love you, you'll see," he continued on, and the babe quieted, opening milky blue eyes to blink blearily at Bones. "Now, now, I'm not who you want to see there, darlin'," he said, wrapping the baby in his blue tunic. He stood, cradling the baby, and only then did Jim become aware that the Kings were both crying, this time with joy. "Here she is," Bones said, handing the baby to the King who'd given birth. "She's a real beauty," he said sincerely to the Kings, smiling, and wiping at the trickle of blood on his forehead with his wet arm.

And at that moment, with Vaa'lash still leaning against him, and the treacherous Lifewater still radiating toward Bones, Jim had looked at the quieted baby with her heart-shaped face and her blue eyes, being cradled in the loving arms of her parents, and he'd looked at Bones and he'd wanted.

The one thing he knew he'd never have.

+

Bones' muffled cry of pain brought him back to the present, and he turned, finding Bones bent over his desk and clinging tightly to the edge. "Bones!"

His cry was nearly simultaneous with the Spock's urgent, "Doctor McCoy!"

"I'm fine, Jim," Bones said, but his white-knuckled grip on the desk did not ease, and Jim could feel the tension in his muscles when he put his arm around him.

"I doubt that, Doctor," Spock said severely.

Bones straightened up with difficulty. "If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that my musculature is realigning itself to create a womb," he said heavily.

There was a momentary pause before Jim said, "You have to go to Sickbay, Bones," in a tone that brooked no argument.

"I concur with the Captain," Spock said swiftly. He reached for the desk comm and hailed M'Benga. "Doctor," he said, "please prepare a private room to receive Doctor McCoy."

"Already done, sir" M'Benga assured him.

"Jim," Bones grabbed at the front of his shirt. "The water – you remember the chalice?"

"The ceremonial drink," Jim said, looking at Spock. "But I thought you said that the water alone couldn't have done it. I drank from the chalice, too, Bones."

"But I had more exposure to it," Bones gasped out, looking pale. He'd begun to sweat. "What if there was a virus in the water?" this last question was directed at Spock.

"You suspect a form of gene therapy?" Spock asked.

"It seems logical to me," Bones said.

"Fascinating," Spock said, tapping something on his padd.

"Captain," Scotty's voice said from the comm, "unless you're intending to go along with Dr. McCoy to Sickbay, you need to step away."

"Jim," Bones said, pushing him away. "You figure this out."

When he dissolved into a beam of sparkling white light, looking haunted and pained, Jim was still reaching for him.

Jim's chest was heaving in the room that felt suddenly vacant, but he turned and looked at Uhura. "Nyota," he began.

"I'm already on it," she said, pressing the console key. "Chekov?"

"Almost there," the navigator said in a worried tone, his accent heavy. "They have tried to keep us out of their archives, but I am downloading all of the sacred texts and histories as swiftly as possible. I should have them all within the next ten minutes. If you give me a list of the keywords, I can help you sift through them to find the sections for translation."

"I'm on my way," Uhura answered already starting for the door before she turned to look at Jim, realizing that she had not been dismissed. "Captain?"

"Go, Nyota," Jim said. "Please." He turned back to look at Spock. "Gene therapy?"

"Of an ancient variety, yes," Spock said, not looking up from his padd. "Essentially, a viral vector was used to permeate the cell walls and effect change, although it was conceived and utilized as a corrective form. However, its application in this way would be theoretically possible."

"So, if it's a virus," Jim said slowly, "then it would be possible to create an antivirus."

Spock tilted his head, tapping at the padd.

"Spock!" Jim snapped. "Tell me that you can figure out how to fix this."

Spock took in a small breath and looked up. "I will do my best, Jim."

Jim nodded, and put a hand on Spock's shoulder, sorry for snapping at him. "I'll be in Sickbay," he said.

+

Days had passed with agonizing results for Leonard. Although the transition had not been comfortable, it had only sporadically been painful. He should be thankful for that small mercy, but he wasn’t feeling particularly magnanimous these days. Psychologically, watching his body re-distribute itself had been disconcerting - to say the least. He felt trapped, and lost, and distinctly unhappy.

"Doctor McCoy," Spock said, stepping into his office, where Jim had been pacing like a caged lion, waiting for his arrival. "You're looking a bit more settled."

"If you're referring to how my balls have crawled back up into my body to become ovaries, I'll thank you to use another descriptor, Spock," he said acerbically.

Jim stopped pacing and looked at him with a stricken expression, and Leonard looked down so as not to see the pain in his eyes, pulling at his tunic uncomfortably, still unused to the mass of breast tissue that had appeared on his chest.

"Let's get this over with," he said with a sigh. "We all know that I can't change back into being male until I have a baby."

"Actually," Spock corrected, "it would appear that the state of being pregnant, however long that lasted, would provide the appropriate hormonal setting that might trigger the hormonal cascade and flush the intrusive virus from your system."

"Wait," Jim said. "You mean like an abortion?"

"Spontaneous would be preferable," Spock said. "There is a high probability that use of an abortifacent would not trigger the cascade."

"And what would that do to Bones?" Jim asked. His tone was flat.

Spock was silent, looking at Leonard. "There are numerous possibilities," he said quietly.

"None of them good," Leonard said to Jim, who was looking more distraught. "Voe'o' gene therapies were created to maximize efficiencies, to provoke the profound physiological changes necessary to bring about successful pregnancies. They've had 250 years to perfect their craft."

Jim was looking from Spock back to Leonard. "You're saying that it might kill him, aren't you?"

"There is no guarantee that I'll survive a pregnancy, Jim," Leonard snapped. "According to the information that Uhura got, the typical Voe'o’ transformation takes significantly less time than mine has. There's no guarantee that any of this will work the way that bastard intended it to."

"I cannot fucking believe this," Jim said, dropping into the chair at the side of Bones' desk. He pulled at the hair on his head agitatedly.

"Imagine how I feel," Leonard said waspishly.

Jim looked up at him, and Leonard saw the flash of guilt cross his face again. The damned fool probably thought this was all his fault because he'd come into space for Jim in the first place. He sighed. Lashing out at Jim was easy, but it was like kicking a damned puppy half the time. He fiddled with the stylus on his desk. "I still think we should try it," he said softly.

"Bones!" Jim said in anguish.

"I concur with the Captain, Doctor," Spock said softly. "I think the risk of possible harm to yourself is almost a guarantee."

"It's my risk to take!" Leonard roared. "And I have to say that I find the notion of staying this way completely unacceptable, and having a baby …" he tilted his chair back as he felt the tears welling up in his eyes, cursing the hormones that had made him feel this way in the first place. The tests indicated that his first period would be arriving in a few days, and from the way he was feeling at the moment, it was going to be a doozy, that was for damned sure.

He still couldn't believe that the universe was toying with him this way. He'd always wanted a child, and had never managed to have one with Joce. Now he had the opportunity … but not the relationship. Goddamnit. The universe really took pleasure in kicking him in his currently nonexistent balls.

"Bones," Jim's hand on his shoulder was warm and comforting, and God help him, he wanted to turn into him and weep … but they'd never had that kind of relationship before, and as much as he wanted it, deep down, he wouldn't take advantage of their friendship, of Jim’s essential nobility, and put him in the same kind of vice bind that Leonard had been put in. He wouldn’t.

"Spock," Jim said quietly. "Would you excuse us, please?"

"Certainly, Captain," Spock said. "Doctor."

Leonard heard the door whisking open, and then closed, before felt the slide of Jim's thumb across his cheekbone. "Please talk to me, Bones," he said softly. He pushed Leonard's chair back and away from his desk, and sat down on the surface of it, leaving one hand on Leonard's shoulder and the other on his face.

"What is there to say, Jim?" Leonard said, spreading his hands helplessly. "The only way I can get back to me is to have a baby."

"Then have a baby, Bones," Jim said, still speaking in that soft tone. "Have a baby."

"Jim," Leonard said, his voice a watery chuckle. "If I have a baby, I'll have to leave the ship." I'll have to leave you.

"What?" Jim said. "No, Bones! Why would you have to leave?"

"Jim …" Leonard said, "a baby doesn't belong on a starship."

"Bones," Jim said, still talking to him in that soothing voice, and Leonard felt that he should object to being placated. Except that he knew that Jim had placated him when he was fully male, too.

"I was born on a starship, and if everything had gone according to plan, I would have spent my first year on it."

Leonard opened his eyes, and he knew that his expression was as bleak as he felt. "But things don't go according to plan, Jim," he said sadly, thinking, particularly not for me. "That's my point."

"Bones," Jim said, his voice still soft, "since the Narada, more than 500 babies have been born and berthed on starships with their parents. You've delivered three here on Enterprise. And they're fine."

"Jim…" Leonard said, shaking his head, "all those babies were born because they had two parents that wanted them."

"I know that you'll love a baby, Bones," Jim said, but there had been a slight hesitation in his tone, something raw there.

"I know that I'll love my baby, Jim!" Leonard said. "But I shouldn't be forced to have a baby to satisfy the whim of some alien! I should have been able to choose – I should have been able to find someone who'd love me first so that we would have a base, a partnership to parent a child from. But I'm alone," he said defeatedly, "I'm alone in this." He meant more than just his current situation, but Jim didn't need to know about that, about how he felt. Sure, being the Captain of the Enterprise had settled Jim down, but it had left him so busy that he had no time for any kind of a relationship – except with him. If something had been going to happen between the two of them, it would have by now. "I'll have to pick some stranger's sperm …"

Caught up in his own agony, he barely registered Jim firmly saying, “No,” before he slid into his lap, with something desperate and sad in his eyes. Then he leaned forward and kissed Leonard.

He was too shocked to respond really, and the kiss was so hard, so frantic, that he decided it was just Jim's way of having to avoid slapping him to stop his rising hysteria. He broke free from Jim, turning his head, but Jim just kissed the point of his jaw below his ear. "Stop it, Jim," he said angry and aching. It was misery of the acutest kind to be teased this way.

"No," Jim murmured. "I'll never stop, Bones. You're not alone. You aren't." He kissed a line down Leonard's unbristled jawline. "Bones, let me do it."

"What?!" He didn't mean … "Do what?"

"I don't want you to get some stranger's sperm," Jim spat out. "It should be mine."

Leonard blinked at Jim, turning to face him in shock. "What?"

Jim captured Leonard's head between his hands and kissed him again, slower and more sensually. "The baby," he said pressing his forehead against Leonard's. "The baby's supposed to be mine."

Jim's kisses were like a drug, but through the fog induced by sliding tongues, and the feel of Jim’s hands pulling him closer and closer, sliding up under his shirts to touch the skin on his back, something penetrated. He might not be as strong as he'd been, but he was still pretty big, and he had the advantage of surprise on his side. He used his newly strong pelvis to stand, dumping Jim half on the desk, where he clung for a second before reaching out for him, but Leonard was already across the room.

"Bones!" Jim sounded agonized, but Leonard wasn't hearing him anymore.

"No," he said forcefully. "This isn't you, talking to me like that."

"What?" Jim asked, looking confused.

"You drank from that ceremonial chalice and it did something to you! You don't really want this!" he said.

"Bones that's not true!!" Jim yelled, but he was already out the door and halfway across the Sickbay, barely registering Chapel's shocked, white face.

"No, Jim!" Leonard said, and then God help him, he turned and ran as Jim came over the desk in a leap.

+

"Captain!" Chapel was shocked, but not so shocked that she didn't step into his path. "You shouldn't upset him like that! His hormones are in such an uproar."

"You think I don't know that?" Jim asked her. "You think I'm not trying to talk him out of doing something that might kill him?"

Chapel looked even more distraught. "He doesn't feel like he has any good choices, Captain. They've all been taken away from him."

"I know," Jim said.

"Do you?" Chapel asked him levelly. "Then don't try to force him to do anything. If you're presenting him with an option, you might want to remember that you can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar."

Jim stared at Bones' head nurse, the retort that had been forming on his tongue lost to him.

"Yes, Captain," she said to him quietly. "I know how you feel about him. And I can guarantee you that he has no idea."

Jim blinked and stared at her. "But …"

"No idea, Captain," she said, shaking her head. She patted him on his shoulder in an oddly maternal gesture. "If you keep that in mind, I'm sure that convincing him will be all that much more easy." She cocked her head. "And well … it's a good thing you're the guy who doesn't believe in no-win scenarios.

Jim blinked again, but found himself smiling. "You want me to convince him," he said.

She smiled at him sadly. "I don't want my friend to be hurt anymore," she said softly. "And I certainly don't want him to die." She kissed Jim on the cheek. "Go get him."

"Nurse Chapel," Jim said to her retreating back. She turned and looked over her shoulder at him. "Thank you."

"Honey," she reminded him.

Jim rocked back on his heels, and rubbed his hands together. He could be sweet. Right? He walked down the corridors to Bones' quarters, thinking, and found himself standing outside Bones' quarters for a full three minutes before he pressed the chime softly.

"Go away, Jim," Bones' voice, altered but still recognizable, floated wearily out of the speaker into the hallway.

"No, Bones," he said softly.

"Jim, please," Bones said.

Jim could hear that he was probably crying, or trying to stop himself from doing so, and it just about broke his heart, but steeled his resolve at the same time. He pressed the override code into the wall panel, but held the last number until he said into speaker. "I'm coming in, Bones."

He got no response, but he pressed the number in and stepped into Bones' mostly dark quarters. "Bones?" he called softly.

He rounded the partition and saw Bones laying on his bed. When he heard Jim come in, he wiped at his eyes and turned his back. "I never took you for the kind of man that would force himself on a woman, Jim."

Jim smiled at the jab, knowing that Bones couldn't see him, and knowing that he didn't mean it, anyway. "You're not a woman, Bones," he said quietly. "And you know I'm not that kind of man."

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, toeing his boots off before he lay down behind Bones. He didn't reach for him, as much as his arms ached to do so, just lay there for a moment, listening to him breathe.

"You said something back there, Bones," Jim said slowly. "You said you were alone, but that's not true."

"Jim …" Bones sighed out.

"Shhh … Bones," Jim said, "please? Just listen to me, OK? I just … I know how that feels Bones, feeling all alone."

The restless movement alongside him stilled.

"But I haven't felt that way since August 26, 2255." He smiled. "Since you threw up on me."

"Jim …" now Bones sounded well and truly exasperated, which he had to admit he liked more than the defeat he'd heard before in his voice.

"Shh …" he whispered to the back of Bones’ head. He raised a finger and ran it down the long line of Bones' spine, leaving it in the dip that had become more acute of late. "I'm not saying that I advocate puking on someone as an opening move, Bones, but then again, not everyone has your charm." He paused. "I'm serious, you know. All those times that I said that I'd never get married because you were the only one who'd ever put up with me?"

He could feel that Bones had stopped breathing under his finger, and he drew a line out to the curve of his waist, curling two fingers over it gently. "I meant it every time. I just …" he drew in a long breath, and felt Bones do the same. "I don't know how to do this, Bones, relationships, people. Everything I've ever learned about how they’re supposed to work has just been theory … until you came along. And I didn't know, I didn't Bones, not for a long time what that meant."

He let all of his fingers rest on Bones' waist now, rubbing his thumb across the vertebra in the middle of the dip in his spine. Bones had always been brawnier than he was, but now that he'd been feminized, he was all lush curves and valleys. "I know it's stupid, but I thought that love was all thunder bolts and lightning, you know, two people reach for the sugar bowl in a coffee shop and bam!" He laughed a little at himself, and felt Bones huff a breath in and out, still listening. "Everyone always says that 'you just know', but no one ever said that it could just creep up on you, the knowing. That you wouldn't even know it had happened until you were right in the middle of it, Bones."

He pressed his forehead against the back of Bones' head, let his breath fall on the sweep of his neck. "I didn't know it could be like this, Bones," he said.

"Jim," Bones said, but Jim kept talking, hearing the protest in his voice.

"By the time I figured it out, you'd smuggled me onto the Enterprise," he said, hesitating.

"Jim?" Bones asked, and he turned his head so that Jim's nose brushed against his cheek.

"You won't like this part, Bones," Jim warned.

Bones turned onto his back, and Jim moved so that his elbow was on the pillow, his head propped up on his hand. "Try me," he said softly, looking at Jim.

Jim hesitated again, seeing the evidence that Bones had been crying. "In the middle there," he began, "of everything, I realized that I was …" he swallowed hard, and slid the hand that had been resting on Bones' side a little forward, grasping his blue tunic in his fingers. "I was hurt, Bones. I was really hurt that you didn't believe in me."

Bones' eyes widened, and Jim hurried on.

"I mean, I got over it," he said, in a louder voice. "I did. But, I couldn't figure out why it bothered me so much." He shrugged, went for a nonchalance that he didn't feel. "A lot of people haven't believed in me," he said, emphasizing, "a lot. I mean, let's be truthful. For a long time there I thought my full name was James Tiberius Such-A- Disappointment Kirk."

"Jim," Bones said, sounding pained.

"But it didn't matter to me," he insisted, even as Bones leveled his gaze on him, seeing right through him. "Much." He dropped his voice speaking softer. "Not the way it did when you looked at me like that."

"Jim," Bones protested again, but Jim moved the hand gripping his shirt to Bones' lips, dropping two fingers over them to silence him, then pressing a kiss to them in apology.

"I know, Bones," he said. "Honest to whatever, I do. But then we were here, and we've been so busy, and …" he ran his fingers over Bones' lips.

"OK, I am lying now," he admitted, off Bones' dubious expression.

He flopped onto his back. "I was chickenshit, OK, Bones?"

He lifted his head to see that Bones had raised up so that he could see his face, resting back on his elbows, his new breasts thrust forward, eyebrow raised to the high heavens.

"You see," Jim said, in his 'I'm totally being reasonable, even though what I am saying is insane' tone, "there's no no-win scenario to lose if you just … don't … do … anything. Stop smiling at me like that, Bones!" Wouldn't it just figure that the love of his life would be a totally irritating bastard?

"Jim," Bones said, shaking his head and laughing openly at him.

"Well, don't get all smiley there, Bones," Jim said gloomily. "Because I'm not done talking yet."

"Oh?" Bones said, turning onto his side and resting his head on the palm of his hand. "I'm all ears, Jimmy."

Jim blew out a breath, before he said softly. "I'm pretty sure this is all my fault, Bones."

When he hazarded a glance over at Bones, the eyebrow was still at its apex. "Now, Jim," Bones drawled out, "I know that despite your insecurities, you have an ego that made a millennia old God like Sargon stand up and take notice, but … I'm not seeing how this could possibly be your fault."

Jim sighed. "You know, I've always really liked it when you get all doctory," he glanced over at Bones, and said, "You know, when it's not me you're fixing."

"Go on," Bones said dryly.

"So, um, when you were delivering the baby?"

He looked over at Bones, who shrugged as if to say, 'yes?'

Jim turned on his side, facing him. "You really have no idea, do you, Bones?"

Bones shook his head. "About what?" he asked.

"You were like some kind of superhero," Jim murmured throatily. "I would have been freaked out – I was freaked out – but you were just so calm."

"Jim –" Bones voice was full of fond exasperation.

"She wasn't breathing, Bones," Jim said quietly. "That little baby, she wasn't breathing, and I think I stopped breathing, and I know the midwife did, but not you, you just … were calm and purposeful, and sure that it was going to be all right."

"She just had an obstruction," Bones said to Jim, "it happens a lot."

"I'm sure that midwife –"

"That bastard –" Bones interrupted.

"Yeah, him," Jim agreed. "Has seen a lot of babies born, but he was worried, too, Bones. And then when she started crying, I almost lost it."

"Perfectly natural," Bones said. "It's a very emotional thing, birth."

Jim laid his fingers over Bones' mouth again. "Listen," he said. "I never, ever thought that I'd have a baby. I figured, why pass anything of mine along?"

Bones looked pained at Jim's words, his fingers wrapping around his wrist.

"But when I saw you holding that baby, Bones, I thought to myself that the only way I could ever have a baby would be with you."

Bones blinked at him, and his eyes searched Jim looking for any hint of insincerity.

Jim dropped his fingers to Bones' chin, waiting for the explosion.

"That's it?" Bones asked. "You think that you thought about having a baby with me, and then Vaa'lash made me mutate?"

Now it was Jim who was blinking. "You know, when you say it like that, it sounds all stupid and shit."

Bones blinked pointedly. "Jim, I was up to my elbows in that water. Hell, I had cuts and scrapes that got a full dose of it. And yeah, Vaa'lash may have picked up what you were feeling, but whatever was started at that pool was finished off by the ceremonial toasts and that wasn’t about a momentary yearning on your part. Vaa'lash was trying to make the conditions of that damned prophecy come true, to guarantee his family's position in the palace court for generations." He hesitated, looking at Jim through his eyelashes.

"It’s not a momentary yearning,” Jim said, seriously. “Sometimes it feels like I can’t think about anything else, Bones.”

“And that,” Bones said, “is the result of something that was put in your drink!”

“No,” Jim said. “You know it isn’t.”

Bones stared at him, eyes wide and vulnerable looking. “Jim, a baby is a huge commitment, and I …"

"I know that, Bones," Jim said seriously. "I know. And I know I don't know the first thing about any of this, and I know that nothing that's happened makes any sense, but I want this, Bones, and no potion made me feel this way."

Bones was silent, studying him.

Jim took in a deep breath to steady himself. "And if you decide that you want to use some other guy's sperm –" he forced himself to say keep talking, although the idea was so agonizing to him that tears came to his eyes, "I'll understand, Bones. I won't like it, but I will, and I promise you, I'll still love that baby, just because it'll be yours."

Bones didn't seem to be breathing.

"I'm not going to lie and say that it won't hurt, Bones," Jim said, pushing through the pain. "It will. But I'll love the baby anyway, because … " Jim shrugged. "I won't be able to help it, I guess. I know that."

"Jim …" Bones began, his voice hushed and hesitant.

Jim leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Bones' lips, then pressed his forehead to Bones', pulling him in tighter. "You just think about that for a while, Bones," he said, raising a hand to surreptitiously wipe at his traitorous eyes. "OK?" He kept his eyes closed resolutely.

It was quiet in the room for so long that when Bones finally spoke, Jim had actually begun to doze.

"That's it?" Bones asked. "You're just gonna come in here and lay all this on me, and now you're what? Just going to snuggle up and go to sleep?"

Jim's eyes snapped open. "I can be up for whatever you want, Bones," he said cheekily, with a little grin.

The pillow in his face was not completely unexpected. When he removed it, he saw that Bones was laying flat on his back, looking exasperated in the low light of his quarters.

"Seriously, Bones," Jim said. "I know you're not ready. But …" he kissed him again. "You're not alone, Bones."

"I just can't believe that you want me like this," Bones admitted, waving a hand over his altered anatomy. "I mean, let's face it: I'm no Miss Universe, and I've seen the women you've dated, Jim. Lots of 'em."

"Bones," Jim said severely. "I love you."

Bones stared at him, clearly not convinced.

"Besides," Jim said, curling up against Bones' side. "I'm pretty sure I'd still want you if Vaa'lash had turned you into a horta."

Bones turned and began to grapple with Jim as he laughed, fending off Bones' assault far more easily than he ever had when Bones was a man. "You bastard!"

"Bones," Jim said, holding Bones atop him where he'd come to rest – well, actually, he was still struggling. He kissed Bones' furrowed brow, and ran a thumb along his defined cheekbones, around the curve of his heart-shaped jaw. "Don't you know, Bones? You're always beautiful to me."

That lost and vulnerable look was back in Bones' eyes and it made him feel tender and protective, although he was more than half hard under Bones, something he had to feel, pressing against the softer line of his altered abdomen. He kissed Bones softly again and again, until the hands clenching his shirt pulled him closer, pulled him in. They kissed until Jim was breathless, and he disengaged, not wanting to, but knowing he should. "Just give me a chance, Bones," he whispered. "I swear I'll prove it to you."

"For how long?" Bones whispered back.

Jim shook his head, bemused but serious. "For as long as you'll have me, Bones."

Bones stared back at him for a long time, before he said in a low, determined voice. "If I do this with you, Jim Kirk, I promise you that if you ever leave me, I will hunt you down and cut your balls off."

Jim smiled, the soaring happiness he felt making him feel even more all-powerful than he had when Sargon had inhabited his consciousness. He rolled, pressing Bones back into the bed. "Don't go all sweet on me, Bones," he said, "I'll start questioning if you really mean it." And then he swallowed Bones' indignant protest with his kiss.

+

One year later

"Jim Kirk," Leonard roared, "if you don't stop fussing over me, I will kick you right out of this room."

"He can't do that, can he?" Jim asked Chapel, and damn her if the woman wasn't hiding a smile. "I'm the father!"

"I'm the father," Leonard said, panting as he began approaching the transition. "You're just the bastard who did this to me!"

"Leonard," Chapel said, looking up from where she was seated between his legs. "You're at zero station."

"Thank Christ," he grunted.

"Can we push?" Jim asked, and God help him, Leonard wanted to punch him.

"We?" he asked sarcastically. "Are you about to push a flour sack out of an opening that you didn't have a year ago? Not to mention the muscle … " his tirade was cut off by the flexing of those muscles as his body fruitlessly tried to expel the fetus. "Goddamnit!" he said weakly, falling back against the pillows. “She has a head like a bowling ball, I swear!”

Jim, bless him, raked the sweaty hair back off of his brow, and gave him some ice chips, somehow managing to look equal parts terrified and proud. “You always say that I have a head like a bowling ball,” he murmured to Leonard.

“Hmmph!” he snorted.

"Maybe if you tried to focus some of that energy on getting that baby out of you rather than expelling it uselessly at your partner, that would work better," Chapel deadpanned.

"Chapel?" Leonard asked.

She raised an eyebrow at him, saucy wench.

"When you're having the baby, I hope that I am just as understanding," he gritted out.

She smiled at him. Bitch. "I'm adjusting the bed so that gravity will help you, Chief," she said cheerfully.

"Fuck you," Leonard said.

"Bones!" Jim said, sounding shocked. "Don't swear at Chapel!"

"You're right," he said, licking his dry lips again. "I should be swearing at you, you bastard."

Jim beamed at him. "It is kind of our little thing," he said in an intimate tone.

Leonard fisted his hand in his shirt and pulled him down for a long kiss.

"Oh God," Chapel said from down below him. He thought she might be making a little gagging noise, and God help him, if he could get his foot out of the fucking stirrup, he would kick the woman.

"Get behind me, Jim," Leonard ordered, leaning forward. He could feel the ramp up to another contraction coming at him like a freight train.

Jim made to get behind him, and was just about to whisper something inappropriately filthy in his ear when Chapel interrupted him.

"TMI," Chapel crooned evilly, making a note on a padd.

"Chapel! I swear!" Leonard said and then gripped Jim's hands and bore down, unfortunately catching Jim unaware. "Sorry," he said gruffly to Jim when he could see again. He dropped his head back against Jim's shoulder and Jim kissed his cheek, wiping the hair off his brow with one hand and surreptitiously shaking the other one, probably trying to get feeling back into it.

"'s fine," Jim said.

"That was a good one," Chapel announced from her station. “+2.”

"Thanks for the update," Leonard snapped. "Jim," he said into Jim's neck. "I can hold onto the rails."

"Don't you dare," Jim said seriously. "I'm right here with you, Bones."

Leonard spent the next few minutes in agony as he burned and pushed. Spent, he dropped his head back on Jim's shoulder to wait for the next contraction as Jim murmured and told him that he was beautiful, told him that he loved him. Leonard laughed, not because he didn't believe the latter, but because seriously? He still believed that Jim's view of him as beautiful was a little cracked. A year of being a woman had shown him that most humans thought that he looked, at best, like a really big chick in drag. Who was pregnant.

"Jim," he said. "Why did you let me grow my hair out? It's so hot."

"I'll shave your head as soon as you give birth, Bones," Jim said, flipping the hair up off his neck and kissing his cheek. "Promise."

"It's all gonna fall out anyway," he said, grabbing a hold of Jim's hands and pushing for all he was worth. The burning stretch felt different this time, more burny. God, he was really losing it.

"I kinda like it long though," Jim said wistfully.

Leonard shook his head at Jim's bizarreness. "The Admiralty doesn't though. Oh, here we go!" He pushed and pushed, until Chapel ordered him to stop. He heard the sound of suctioning. "Oh, thank God," he said.

"The Admiralty can suck it," Jim said, trying to keep up their conversation, but his voice had tears in it, and Leonard knew it wasn't about the Admiralty's opinions.

He still remembered the day he'd woken from a nap, somewhere late in the second trimester, and heard Jim calmly telling Admiral Greeley that if Leonard was reassigned to Earth, that he'd be going with him, and their baby, and that it would be up to the Admiralty to explain why the Captain of the Enterprise wasn't deriving the benefits of Starfleet's much ballyhooed new family-friendly policy.

"Bones," Jim whispered in awe, "I can see her head." Christine, who had her good points, occasionally, had set up mirrors so that Jim and he could see the baby's progress.

He wrapped an arm around Jim's neck and panted, wanting to push so badly, but knowing that he needed to wait for just a minute –

"Go, Leonard," Chapel ordered.

And he pushed, and felt tissue rending, and God! Was that noise coming from him? There was a long slippery, burning gush from his lower body and then … nothing. He dropped back against Jim.

"Bones …" Jim was barely breathing against him, but he was so tired … he couldn't open his eyes, just reached out his arms as Chapel, that wonderful woman, laid their baby on the deflating bulge of his belly.

Leonard laughed, even though he could feel the tears streaming down his face, running his hands all over the bewildered, blinking infant laying there, covered in blood and vernix. He turned her over and pulled her up to his chest, watching as Jim touched her face, her belly, her hands and feet.

"Oh, Bones," he was saying over and over again. "She's so beautiful."

He nodded, blinking, watching as their daughter flinched as her fathers' tears, his and Jim's, fell on her face, making them both laugh.

"It's a girl," Chapel said tearily.

"Joanna Leigh," Leonard whispered to the baby. "That's your mean Aunt Christine."

Chapel blew a raspberry through her tears, leaning over to kiss him, then Jim, then the baby. "I'm so glad Scotty blew up Engineering again," she said, running a hand over the baby's head. "I wouldn't have missed this for the world."

"Geoffrey might have a different opinion," Leonard said dryly, then bit his lip. "Jim baby," he said.

"Hmm …" Jim answered, one long finger under their daughter's chin. "I think she has your eyes, Bones."

Leonard looked at the baby. "I'm pretty sure those are blue eyes, Jim," he said, squinting, although he couldn't say that they'd stay that way.

"The shape, though," Jim said dreamily. He was besotted, and Leonard couldn't help but agree. Joanna Leigh Kirk-McCoy, named for both of her fathers, was clearly the most beautiful baby that had ever been born. There was no contest, really.

"Jim," Leonard said, a bit more urgently. "You gotta get up and take her. I'm not done yet."

"Oh," Jim said, kissing Leonard once and then again before he clambered out from behind him as Chapel cut the umbilicus. He took their baby from Leonard's arms with a look of wonder on his face, and even though he was smiling, Leonard couldn't help but feel a pang of loss at the separation. She'd been inside him for so long, after all.

"Leonard," Chapel said softly, from between his legs. She was rubbing his belly, trying to get his body to expel the afterbirth. "Ready?"

He watched Jim, holding their baby with one hand cupping her head, the other one spread out under her back. Jim was completely transfixed.

Leonard closed his eyes and pushed, reluctant to let them out of his sight for one minute, but needing to let his body do its work. He opened them again as he heard Jim talking to their daughter.

“Joanna Leigh,” Jim said reverently, “tell me that you’re going to take my side, and tell your Daddy that we need to make this official as soon as possible.” He tilted his head toward the baby and cut his eyes at Leonard, grinning like a loon when the baby made a feeble but well-timed squawk.

Jim looked so triumphant that Leonard didn’t have the heart to tell him that she was probably protesting the fact that she didn’t feel secure with her limbs all hanging out in space the way they were. As she started to fuss, Jim carefully wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest, uncaring of the fact that she still hadn’t been cleaned up and that she was getting his uniform dirty. He smiled wearily at the sight. Jim never minded getting his uniform dirty, but for the first time ever he didn't mind seeing it streaked with blood.

One of the younger nurses approached the Captain a bit fearfully, and Jim turned to let her go by, not realizing that her mission was to take the baby to be cleaned up. “Jim,” Leonard said, “why don’t you go with Bobbie and get a lesson on bathing Joanna?”

“Are you sure, Bones?” Jim asked, looking torn.

“I’m fine, Jim,” he said tiredly. “Let Chapel finish up here and then let’s go home. We got some planning to do.”

The smile on Jim’s face was as bright as the sun on the water on a June Georgia day. He crossed the room and bent over with Joanna in his arms and kissed him like he needed the kisses to breathe. “Whenever you’re ready, Bones,” he said, when they broke apart, still beaming. “You pick the day.”

He rested his hand on Jim’s face. “You’ll be the first to know.” Between them, Joanna made a squeaky noise. “You’ll be one and a half, Peanut,” Leonard drawled. At the sound of his voice, the baby turned her face, seeking, and he pressed a kiss to her impossibly small forehead. “Bring her back soon,” he said to Jim, then made a shooing gesture, closing his eyes. He really wanted a shower and his own bed – well, Jim’s bed – their bed. He rested, barely noticing while Chapel fussed over him, stitching up parts of his anatomy that, with any luck, were soon to disappear.

“Leonard,” she said, echoing his own thoughts. “I swear that I can already see some changes.”

“Thank God,” he drawled, then paused at the timbre of his voice. “You hear that, too?” he asked.

“Definitely,” she said.

“All right then,” he said, and let himself drift off until his family came back.

+

“Captain? I’m sorry to disturb you, sir.” Jim smiled at the tone in Uhura’s voice. He’d known her long enough to recognize her cat that swallowed the canary voice.

“Not a problem, Lieutenant,” he said smoothly, using his official Captain voice. “Carry on.”

“Auntie Nyota’s up to something,” he said to Joanna, in an ‘I’ve got a secret tone’ when he released the comm. Joanna batted eyes that were sometimes blue, and sometimes really, really green at him, and smiled, showing her gums. God, he loved being able to work from home.

Joanna was wearing a blue science onesy, the kind that had covered her little feet, the ones that were kicking as she batted at the holo-animals that Scotty had set up to swirl over her head as she sat in her chair, 'to help the wee lass with her hand-eye coordination, which will be important to her future career as an engineer'.

At three months, she was getting closer and closer to actually getting one of the animals. Just a few minutes ago, she’d come thisclose. No surprises, there. She was clearly exceptional for her age, something that Spock found eminently logical, 'considering her parents are both well above normative standards in their relative fields'. What was less logical was flung across one of his padds as Joanna batted at the animals with infant verve. Jim fingered the booty, watching as the lightweight chameleon thread changed to mimic the color of his hand before he grasped her foot, putting it back on. He'd claimed that it was a perfectly logical gift for an infant who was still incapable of regulating her body temperature, but part of Jim still couldn’t believe that Spock had actually knitted booties for Joanna. And made sure, by his choice of thread, that they would complement any of Joanna's outfits.

“Vizier Vaa’lash would like to speak to you, Captain Kirk,” Uhura said formally.

From behind him, he heard Bones snort and he turned in time to see him stumbling, still half-asleep, wearing nothing but low-hanging sleep shorts. "I just bet he does, Nyota," he drawled.

Joanna vibrated with excitement at the sound of his voice, making cooing noises.

"Hello, my baby girl," Bones said to Joanna, giving her a kiss and picking her up from the chair atop Jim's desk. He bent over to kiss Jim, and Jim took the opportunity to run his hands up the sleep warm long muscles of Bones back. Ever since he'd gotten back to his original form, Bones had been working out extra-hard. He claimed it was because he needed to build the muscle he'd lost back up, but Jim wasn't complaining. He'd enjoyed Bones' voluptuous beauty when he'd been feminized, and he definitely was enjoying the perfection that was Bones in his masculine form. Especially now that he was totally ripped.

Bones broke away from Jim, taking Joanna with him into the bathroom. She had chairs everywhere in their quarters, so that she could be with one of her parents, or Spock or Uhura, or … hell, even Cupcake had a chair for Joanna in his quarters.

"I hope I didn't wake him," Uhura said worriedly. "I know today's his day to sleep in."

"Don't worry," Jim said. "He wouldn't have gotten up if he wasn't ready. I think he's meeting Christine at the gym." In the bathroom, he heard Bones singing to the baby while she squealed and he smiled. "So … " Jim said, after listening to Bones and Joanna for a bit longer. "Vaa'lash?"

"Oh my goodness," Uhura said, her tone deceptively innocent. "I am so sorry, Captain Kirk. Have I left him waiting all this time? How unworthy of me. Will you be taking the call?"

"I'm afraid not," Jim said. "I'm too busy taking care of my daughter this morning to answer anything other than the highest priority calls."

"Of course, sir," Nyota said, "I'll certainly let him know. You should know, sir," she continued in her dutiful way, "that the Vizier has renewed his offer to officiate at your upcoming wedding ceremony."

"In a pig's eye!" Bones said thunderously from the bathroom doorway. He was still bare-chested but was now wearing his gym shorts as he bounced Joanna on one arm, bicep bulging. She was completely undisturbed by her father's bluster and continued waving the rattle that she must have found in the bathroom.

Jim swore that Spock or Nyota, or both of them, was supplementing Joanna's already overflowing toy basket by just leaving things in their mutual bathroom.

"Would that be your official answer, Dr. McCoy?" Uhura asked.

"Oh, I'd have a few other things to say if I was going to let loose, Ny, and you damned well know it!" Bones swirled his hand over Joanna's mostly not there hair. She'd been white blonde like Jim had been when she was born, but that hair had pretty much fallen out, and her new hair didn't seem to be much of any color, although her eyebrows and eyelashes were dark.

"Our official answer," Jim said, cutting off a further tirade, "is that our upcoming wedding will be an exclusive, family-only, invitation event. You can thank him for the offer, Lieutenant, if you care to."

There was a smile in Nyota's voice. She, as Bones' witness, was definitely on the list, along with the rest of the crew. "Certainly, Captain. Uhura out."

"That bastard," Bones said, propping Joanna up on the coach next to him as he pulled on socks and sneakers. "Still trying to make political hay off our lives. Fuck him."

"I swear to God that's going to be her first word, Bones," Jim said, shaking his head mock sadly.

"I'm pretty sure her first words are going to be 'Bones, Bones, Oh, Boooones'," Bones smirked, "especially if you don't learn how to modulate your voice."

Jim waggled his eyebrows at Bones. "Four days to change your mind, Booooones."

Joanna squealed as Bones picked her up and stalked over to Jim, handing the baby over before he reached down between Jim's legs and squeezed lightly. "Balls, Jim … remember?" Then he plundered Jim's mouth with a bruising kiss before he broke away, pulling the t-shirt out of his back pocket.

"You keep sweet talking me like that and I'll definitely marry you," Jim said, looking up at Bones through his lashes as Bones pulled the shirt down over his newly shorn hair.

Bones smiled at him, dimple and all, then bent and kissed Joanna. "I'll be back for lunch, baby. Don't let your Daddy start any wars."

Joanna shook her rattle at her departing father, and Jim swung back around to his desk to watch him go, admiring the view. Then he sat with Joanna on his lap, contemplating his pile of never-ending paperwork. Memo to Scotty about expanding their quarters? Almost done. Note to Pike, confirming his travel plans? Sent. Monthly intel reports? Completely boring, but getting there. Ops report? Accepted and sent to Uhura for transmittal.

Jim whistled lightly as he worked, bouncing Joanna on his lap and humming under his breath as he felt her settle in against him and get heavier, readying for her mid-morning nap. He supposed that he should put her back in her chair, or lay her down on the couch, but he rocked back in his chair and watched until she drifted off, lips pursed as she soothed herself to sleep, and he smiled.

Life was … unexpectedly good.

+

fin

/Dental warning