Chapter Text
Seven months had passed since Jude had managed to return to Elfhame. At the end of it all, after months in the mortal world, feeling as useless as a faerie would feel there, a letter from the shadow court came to Vivi's apartment, summoning her back to the kingdom.
It had all been one of Cardan's plan after all, as she had secretly hoped. With the threat of Orlagh and Madoc gathering the armies, a war was about to burst in the Faerie Lands, and Cardan needed her as his surprise element. Besides, of course, the fact that they had married secretly and the Queen of the Undersea would declare war on Cardan as soon as she knew it.
But all this did not spare the High King of Jude's fury when she finally returned to Elfhame. He had fooled her into breaking the agreement they had, so he could exile her without even telling her his plans. Jude had trusted him, and Cardan had broken that confidence in the first chance he had. He left her to rot in the mortal world, a world she had never belonged to, until he needed her again to fulfill his plans, as if Jude were something he could use as he pleased.
Then, after a not-so-pleasant meeting for Cardan, which ended with a knife nailed to the wall next to his head, she used her advantage over him, demanding a coronation worthy of a queen. They decided to wait at least 1 month until the announcement that there was a new High Queen, when everyone would have grown accustomed already to a mortal on the throne.
A mortal, queen of Elfhame. Jude remembered very well the feeling of being crowned in front of the eyes of all those faeries. The feeling of vengeance, of pride by proving that she had been able not only to survive the faerie realm but also to reach the highest rank she could hope for. She remembered Cardan's gaze as he placed the crown on Jude's head. There was fear all over his face that night, although Jude did not know if it was fear of what she could do with that crown or of what the crown would do to her.
However, six months after her coronation, Jude’s revenge against Cardan was not yet complete. She knew she could not really kill him, since they had to wait for Oak to reach the age to become king and until then she needed Cardan on the throne. But there were other ways to wreck a person, to make him suffer, even if that person was the High King.
And there she was, seven months after her return, in a revel in honor of Vivi's marriage. Her sister and Heather had married in the mortal world, but Madoc had asked his daughter to accept his offer of at least one celebration in honor of the union. After much discussion, Heather had made Vivi accept.
With Jude as Queen, they were now officially part of the royal family, so the revel was happening in the palace, a party as big as Jude's coronation. Vivi and Heather, the last time she'd looked, were enjoying the party like no other couple.
Jude was making her revenge happen every day, but especially that night. She was talking to a noble faerie of whom she did not even know the name, but who clearly hoped to get the Queen's attention. He smiled a lot, and made sure he was touching her arm whenever possible.
He was not the first to try to get her to bed. Since Cardan had announced to the court that he and Jude had been married months ago, and that she would be officially crowned, a silent competition had settled in the kingdom. Everyone wanted to know why a mortal was so special, and how she had so easily conquered the King, when not even a Princess of the Undersea had succeeded in doing so.
And Jude knew that faeries were not fond of monogamy, especially the ones as young as she and Cardan. Jude knew by the time she accepted that marriage that Cardan would not give up his private parties in his chambers with dozens of drunk and drugged friends mixing together in an orgy. It was not as if Jude was going to stand and only watch it all happen.
Although she did not act, she knew very well how to pretend she she had lovers. She could see Cardan sitting on the throne watching her as he took what should already be his thousandth glass of wine. His gaze was fixed on Jude and in the man that touched her arm so deliberately. Jude laughed at anything he said, just to see the King's grip on the glass get tighter, the knuckles on his hand turning white.
She suspected she was almost there. Ever since she had put her feet back on Elfhame, all she had done was think of how she would destroy Cardan's heart, just as he had destroyed hers. She would take everything from him, just as he had done with her.
The first step had been quiet. Tireless political meetings had passed, where Jude was leading the policies of the kingdom. After a few weeks, Cardan was already ignored by his own advisors, who now turned to Jude on any matter concerning Elfhame. That had been the easiest part, since he'd rather spend his mornings getting drunk with his friends, while she slept perfectly and went to the meetings in all her glory.
Elfhame's army respected her too. Jude was, after all, a warrior like them, while Cardan could not even raise a sword properly. Even his mother, the only family Cardan had left, had been summoned back to court by Jude and they had grown closer. The woman now even treated her as if she was her own daughter.
But the most important thing to her was his heart. She had spent endless nights in Cardan's rooms, making him want her more and more. Jude never spent the night, she always left when she was able to catch her breath again, letting him sleep grabbing the sheets with her scent. A few weeks ago one of her ladies-in-waiting had mentioned that it had been weeks since the King had attended a party thrown by one of his closer friends, which meant that he had not slept with anyone but Jude.
She knew she was going to drive him crazy. There were nights when she didn’t show up at his chamber and Cardan knocked on her door, practically begging to see her. On those nights she pretended to be sleeping and left him waiting. She had turned down all his offers of walkings for just the two of them. She ran away from all the picnics he tried to plan. Jude never reached an orgasm with his name on her lips, even if she had to bite her tongue.
Except for once. It was the only time in seven months that Jude was driven by desire and failed in her mission to destroy Cardan's heart. It had been on his birthday, when Jude decided to try nevermore for the first time with Cardan, and they had lost track of anything. She remembered only flashes of that night. The way he touched her and she did not back down. Cardan had taken advantage of this opportunity to worship her, to do everything that Jude would not allow when she was sober. She remembered the look on his face when she first moaned his name and begged for more. Jude had never seen that look at his eyes.
But none of it mattered. It had been only once, two months ago, and would not happen again.
She looked again toward the throne, and noticed that Cardan was no longer there. She smiled as she realized that she had managed to annoy him to the point where he no longer wanted to watch her show. Jude dismissed the man she was talking to without a second thought. The girl then walked away, looking for Cardan. She wanted to make sure he had left the party, and not gone into the crowd to clutch with the first faerie that looked at him.
She needed to end his party.
Jude walked a little further through the crowd until she felt her stomach twist as she set her eyes on a group of gold-stained nobles, using nevermore. She felt the vomit creep up her throat, her nausea catching her off guard. Jude found herself obliged to walk out the first door she had found and wander through corridors she barely knew until she finally found a bathroom.
She vomited everything she had eaten at the party. The truth was that almost nothing had stopped in her stomach for some time, and she suspected why.
And Jude was completely terrified at the thought of that.
Footsteps echoed in the hallway, and she did her best to wash away the vomit, but the smell in the bathroom would expose her to the faeries, who had a keen sense of smell. When the bathroom door opened, Jude faced Vivi, her sister had a worried expression on her face.
“Jude? Jude, what happened? her sister asked, entering the bathroom and closing the door hastily. She could clearly smell the sour smell in the bathroom.
Jude left out a sigh of relief for being a family member. Vivienne looked to her from head to toe, searching for a sign that something was wrong with Jude.
"It's nothing Vivi," she tried to smile. "I do not want to disturb your wedding party. We must go back”
She took two steps toward her sister, but Vivienne blocked her path.
"Jude," her sister said reprovingly, "something is clearly wrong. I used to think that when once you came back to Faerie you would look better. At least better than you were in the mortal realm. But you do not look happy. And now you’re vomiting through the palace bathrooms…”
Jude leaned against the sink, closing her eyes vaguely so she would not have to look at her sister as she listened to it.
“I think…” she began, choking on the words. She opened her eyes and looked at Vivi, who was looking at her, waiting for the girl to finish her speech. Jude took a deep breath and said, "I think I might be pregnant."
Vivi blinked a few times, too stunned to say anything in the first few minutes. They stared at each other for a while, saying nothing.
"Well, you do not look very happy about it ..." Her sister commented, breaking the silence, then lowered her voice “is it Cardan's baby?”
"Of course it is" Jude replied quickly, also speaking quietly. "I... I've never been with anyone else”.
Vivi frowned.
“Seriously? I thought... I don’t know… You've been acting strange, talking to all these nobles, laughing at them as if they were close to you. I always thought you and Cardan were married only because of the political alliance.”
Jude closed her eyes again, squeezing her temple hard. She wanted it to be a dream, a nightmare. Anything that made it less real.
"Well, we spent some nights together. But I've been taking care... You know, he never…”
“He never what?”
Jude became pink. She was not the type of girl who ever had this kind of conversation with anyone. All she knew was what she had learned through the internet while she was in the mortal realm.
"He never came inside me" she whispered, afraid that someone was passing by and listening to the conversation. "Well, I guess he never did. There was this night... Two months ago... I really can not remember what happened. And my period is late for two months, I have been having these nausea all the time, vomiting almost everything I eat. I'm more tired than normal and…”
"You're definitely pregnant," Vivienne said, interrupting her. "The question now is, are you going to tell Cardan?"
Jude swallowed hard, feeling the bad taste of bile still on her tongue. She had already considered the possibility of telling Cardan of her suspicions, but she had no idea how he would react. Maybe he did not even believed this child was really his, since Jude had hinted so many times that she had other lovers. As a human her word was worthless.
"All I do not need now is an heir to the throne that is Oak's" she said.
Vivienne raised an eyebrow when she heard Jude say that phrase.
"I can not have this son Vivi, you know that. And I'm going to need your help finding a clinic in the mortal world" she said, so low that she thought her sister would not listen.
Vivi approached her, for the first time looking like her older sister, even if Jude was taller. Her expression was too serious, too heavy. Jude cringed.
“You need to tell him, Jude. I understand that you do not want to have this baby, but Cardan is still the King, and he is your husband. He is the father of this child” she whispered quickly “You may rule this kingdom alone, but this… This you can’t endure alone. I can help you, but he must know. I won’t do this behind his back”
“I could command you to do so. I’m your Queen” she said, her voice not as steady as she would like it to be.
“Yes, I know. But before being my Queen you’re my sister. And I’m older than you, so listen to me when I say this because it’s for your sake, Jude” she got closer, whispering in Jude’s ear “Cardan is not that kind of monster. You know he will not tell you to keep this baby if you don’t want to”.
Jude swallowed all the words she wanted to say, all the arguments against that nonsense that Vivi was asking for. Deep down, she knew her sister was right. If she did that without telling Cardan, she would never be able to look him in the eyes again. He was as guilty as she was.
“I will tell him” she said at last.
Vivi nodded, letting her pass, finally leaving the bathroom.
Jude entered Cardan's chambers easily. She was the only one allowed to enter without being announced, according to the King's own orders. She passed the guards and the meeting room, finally reaching the bedroom.
Cardan was lying on the bed, his head to the side. He had taken off his party clothes and wore only a black silk robe. The glass of wine was still in his hand, and his lips were partly gold.
Jude sighed. He was drunk and drugged, as usual.
He smiled when he saw her come in, bowing a little and lifting the hand that did not hold the cup toward her.
“Here comes my wife, beautiful and deadly as ever” he said, his voice seemed happy but his eyes were not “Do you come to kill me at last?”
Jude approached the bed and sat on the edge of it. She looked at Cardan and wondered for the first time of what he had become since her return. She knew he had ruled alone while she was in exile, or the war would not have been won. The bomb told her about how he attended every official meeting, how he inspected the army himself. But since Jude had been crowned, Cardan sank himself in the wine and drugs again, going deeper into his journey of doom.
"I do not intend to kill you Cardan, you know that”
At this he laughed, and drank the rest of his wine, closing his eyes then.
“You know what they say, my sweet Jude: ‘There are other ways to kill a person. Fill them with love, and then leave’."
She had succeeded, then. Cardan was in love with her, and he knew she would never return the love. She had managed to broke his heart, as she wished.
And at that moment Jude regretted. There, looking at the boy who had never craved the throne, she regretted what she had done to him. Jude was indeed a kingmaker, but also a power ripper.
“What? You thought I was not going to realize your intentions?” He said, opening his eyes and looking into hers “You took everything from me Jude: my freedom, my kingdom, my army, my friends and even my heart. How much more do you want?”
“Cardan…” Jude tried to say something, but she could not. That was the drunk version of him talking, even though he still could not lie.
There was no point in questioning him if he would not even remember the conversation in the next morning. She remained silent.
"I do not blame you, Jude dearest. Balekin used to tell me no one would ever want a rebel boy like me, inconsequent and drunk all the time” he lifted his hand to touch her hair, sorrow all over his face “You are so brilliant and smart. And you are brave Jude, the bravest person I've ever met. How could someone like you love someone like me?”
He dropped his hand, still looking at her as if it was the last time he would be able to do so. Jude had never seen Cardan so sad, and to think that all this had been caused by her...
For a moment, she forgot about the revenge. Jude remembered the countless nights in the mortal world when she woke up missing Cardan. Missing the peeves, the fights and the teasing. Missing tedious political meetings with him. She had even missed his smirks.
She remembered what it was like to come back and live with him every day, playing her role as wife and Queen. How it was to let Cardan touch her again, after months of exile, even if it was just a hold of hands. She knew from the beginning that she would have to bury her feelings if she wanted to destroy him, and hoped that in the process she would stop feeling what she felt. But sitting there, seeing Cardan destroyed, she thought for the first time that maybe she would never be able to bury what she felt.
And to tell him that she was pregnant and wanted take the baby off... That would only destroy him even more.
“You're too drunk to even know what you're talking Cardan. We can talk tomorrow” she said, and then got up from the bed. But Cardan held her hand before she could leave his chambers.
“Stay with me tonight” he asked, whispering. She felt her heart start to beat faster on her chest “Even if it wrecks me more, stay here Jude. Just this time”.
Jude hesitated. Her immediate answer would be a resounding no, but she was so tired, and Cardan looked so miserable…
“Please”
She nodded, seeing herself give in for the second time since she'd started all this. Jude climbed onto the bed again and lay beside him, feeling Cardan's hands pull her closer to the warmth of his body.
Jude was tired and terrified. She told herself she could do it tonight, lighten the weight on her shoulder a bit, let Cardan console her, even if he knew nothing.
When she finally laid her head on his chest, and was able to hear Cardan's heart beating as fast as hers, Jude sighed, seeming to take some weight off her back. Maybe the next day she could tell him everything, but not now. She did not want to ruin that moment.
Cardan opened his eyes to face her, their foreheads touching. He sighed softly.
“I love you, Jude” he said in a whisper. Her heart stopped at her chest “I've known this for a while. And since the day I realized that, I wondered with myself: how can I love the woman who took the life of the only person who ever loved me?”
Jude closed her eyes. It was better to pretend that none of this had been said, she thought. She did not want to feel sorry for Cardan, the boy who thought so little of himself that he had clung to the mischievous love offered by a brother who abused him.
It was better to pretend that their life was easier than that.
She closed her eyes and forced herself to sleep.