Chapter Text
The Monday after Tyler’s 18th birthday, he sits in the living room piled under three different blankets with his laptop firmly in his lap as he taps away at his keyboard. He’s currently working on an essay for English on F. Scott Fitzgerald-- you would not believe how poor the man was with money management.
His brother sits in the chair adjacent to him, plunking away at his own computer as he works on his algebra problems. Maddy and Jay are somewhere around the house, probably playing hot wheels or “kitchen” or something. It’s a typical school day; well, up until Tyler’s mother screams. It’s a scream filled with happiness, joy, and hope all at the same time, and when she rushes into the living room, tears run down her face, leaving two tiny black mascara trails down her cheeks. Her phone is in a death grip in her hand.
“They found him. Tyler, they found him.”
Tyler doesn’t believe it. How could he? It hadn’t been the first time the police had called and said they found him.
“Are you serious?” Tyler blinks. She can’t be serious. People aren't just found after thirteen years.
“Laura just called, he’s down at the police station, they found him in California, of all places--” His mother keeps talking, but Tyler zones out. California’s a long way from Ohio.
Next thing he knows, Tyler is on autopilot as his mother buckles all the kids into the car and zips over to the house across town. It’s swarmed with all kinds of news reporters and journalists, and Tyler’s stomach clenches. He remembers the questions they had asked him when it first happened. Were you good friends? Do you miss him? Do you think he’ll be found?
His mother pulls up as close as she can without running anyone over. Tyler looks at all the camera equipment and trucks and wonders what news channel they each belong to.
There’s a minivan in the driveway; Tyler’s mother pushes open her door and turns towards her eldest son. “I know you want to see him right away, but he needs time.” She looks at him with a look he can’t quite put his finger on and then slams the door shut. Tyler watches her push through the crowd, up to the window of the minivan, where she helps Laura out. The back door slides open, and Tyler’s breathing hitches.
There he is. He’s tall, with shaggy, dark hair, and for a minute, Tyler forgets that’s him. That’s Josh.
A part of him wants to ask why his mother would bring him here just to watch Josh go inside his house for the first time in thirteen years, but he knows why. He knows this is enough for now.
In the backseat, Maddy is playing some game on Zack’s Nintendo DS, something she has turned up entirely too loud. Zack has his body hunched towards the window, his nose in a book, and Jay is asleep, his thumb in his mouth as his head rests against the edge of his car seat. Tyler sighs and turns back around.
Josh disappears inside.
Ten minutes later, their mother climbs back into the car. Her face is soaked in tears again as she smiles. It’s big and goofy and heartwarming.
“He’s okay,” she promises.
It’s all Tyler needs for now.
---
The two had not only been next door neighbors from the time they were born but were best friends, seemingly by the fate of the universe. The Duns and the Josephs had been close far before children came into the picture, and remained close afterward as well. Josh was born first, Tyler second, in the same hospital even-- and only six months apart. As soon as they were old enough to toddle, they were together, playing with trucks, drawing with chalk, visiting the park with their hands attached to their mothers. The two remained inseparable, even after they each had another sibling come into the picture, and their families made sure they would never have to be apart. Josh was a grade above Tyler, so he got to go to kindergarten first. The second he would get home, he’d be in Tyler’s living room, telling him about all the cool things he got to do.
“There are crafts, and snacks, and crayons, and glue, and we get to sing and even take naps! Although I don’t like taking naps. That’s no fun.”
And every time, Tyler would become more and more jealous and tell his mom about all the cool things Josh got to do in kindergarten.
“One more year baby,” his mother would say as she pressed a kiss to his cheek, “one more year.”
December rolled around and Tyler’s fifth birthday was coming up. He was very excited-- finally, he was a big kid, he was Josh’s age, and he was soooooooo close to kindergarten, to all the fun things Josh got to do. Snacks and crafts and crayons and toys and so much more! Just a few more months.
He was supposed to have a birthday party that night. His mother spent the whole day decorating the house as snow billowed outside. It was soft snow and didn’t seem to be sticking, but Tyler was excited nonetheless. He kept making glances out the window as his mother strung a banner that said “Happy 5th Birthday!” in bold green letters and placed a matching green tablecloth over the coffee table. She laid out the goodie bags, and his cake, a cheesy looking t-rex cake Tyler thought was awesome and put out a bunch of snacks. Tyler bounced around his house with so much energy his mother debated sending him outside. He strapped a party hat on, pulling the string taut under his chin as he climbed back into the windowsill and waited for Josh to come over.
It was a Friday, so Josh had school. Unlike normal days, there was a person waiting for him that was not his mother nor his father, who claimed he was Josh’s uncle.
Spoiler alert: he was not Josh’s uncle.
The car sped off, and Josh was gone, him and the stranger on their way to who knows where. Josh’s parents had pulled into the parent pick up circle only minutes later to discover their eldest son was gone.
After a teacher had said she saw Josh climb into a white Subaru with a bearded man, the police were called immediately, and soon the town learned everything. He was a college friend, an old boyfriend, who never forgave Laura for breaking up with him. He wanted a son and a son he got. The police looked everywhere, tried everything, but there were no leads. He had definitely thought hard about his plan.
Josh was gone.
Tyler’s mother got the phone call from Laura shortly after the police got involved. He remembered hearing his mother gasp, a hand over her mouth, as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. Only a few kids were over, and no Josh, but his mother had told him soon. And then it was, “Josh isn’t coming over.”
And Tyler cried. He didn’t understand. Josh was his best friend, how could Josh not come to his birthday party? Tyler was five! He was a big kid, just like Josh, and they were going to color, and play dinosaurs, and eat cake and open presents!
As the events unfolded in front of him, Tyler kept expecting Josh to come over the next day. And the next day. And the next day.
He didn’t understand that Josh wasn’t going to come over anymore.
Tyler cried. His parents tried to distract him with chocolate chip cookies, but he couldn’t even eat those. “I want Josh!” he would scream, and his parents did everything they could to comfort him.
“He’ll be home soon, sweetheart,” his mother would coo, lying to him, because it was all she could do to calm him down. At first, Tyler believed them, but as the years passed, he knew it was nothing but a lie. He understood why they had done that.
His mother began spending all her time comforting Laura, who spent all her time sobbing into her hands. The first couple of weeks, his mother would hold her while she cried into her hands, rocking back and forth slowly like she was sitting in a rowboat. Sometimes, late at night when the Dun’s were over, Tyler would sneak down the stairs just to catch a glimpse of the adults, and he’d see Josh’s mother there, an orange bottle shaking in her hand as tiny white pills tumbled into her palm. Her husband wasn’t around much, usually at home with Josh’s younger sister Ashley. The town was very supportive, trying to look for Josh, forming search parties, giving the officers steaming cups of coffee, but eventually, the news reporters all left, the officers gave up, and the neighborhood returned to normal. Tyler attended a few therapy sessions here and there, to avoid “trauma,” as the officers put it. His excitement to start kindergarten quickly faded when his mother made it very clear he wasn’t going to step foot in a public school, opting for homeschooling instead. Josh’s elementary school tightened security to make sure another child would never go missing again. The unsolved case of Josh Dun was shelved, but he was never forgotten about.
Tyler would have nightmares and wake up drenched in sweat. His mother would hold him, and for a second, Tyler would think about how Josh’s mother might never get to hold her son ever again.
The Dun’s moved across town about a year after Josh disappeared. Laura claimed the house held too many bad memories, and Tyler’s mother agreed (but she usually agreed with everything Laura said.) They still went over though, for dinner and movies. Their families grew; Both gained a baby girl and boy, and it took Tyler everything to forget about the fact that Josh would never meet them.
Laura stayed hopeful. Sometimes police would call with a lead or an eyewitness account, but it would hit a dead end every time. Three years passed, then six, then ten, and still no Josh. At thirteen years, many thought he was dead.
But he wasn’t. He was more alive than ever.
Josh was home.
Tyler isn’t sure when he’s going to get to speak to Josh. After the sea of reporters and journalists swallowed his doorstep, Tyler sat in the car for a few more minutes, his heart racing, his palms sweaty, before his mother sent him a text. Take the kids home. I’ll be back later.
So he did, and that left him here, sitting at the kitchen table, his laptop open in front of him to his Fitzgerald essay. He flips through a few more pages of notes and sighs loudly. As much as he appreciates Fitzgerald as an author, writing essays was not his most favorite thing in the world.
The back door creaks open, and Tyler glances up to watch his father file into the kitchen. He flashes a smile and leans against the island. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Hey.” The laptop closes and Tyler leans back in his chair. “How was work?”
“Alright. How was your day?” Tyler shrugs. His father scoffs. “That seems like a bit of an understatement.”
“Josh is home,” is all he can say, all he can think. His father sighs, runs a calloused palm through his hair, and rubs his neck. He’s the principal of a private school downtown, so Tyler is sure he gets stressed most days. Teenagers are ruthless.
“I heard. Your mother called me.” He’s looking, studying Tyler, trying to see into his very soul. “Where are your siblings?”
“Around.” It’s about five o’clock. His dad must have had a lot of work to do.
“They’re probably starving. How about I take you all out for dinner somewhere?”
“I have homework.”
“Tyler.” He moves towards the kitchen table and sits across from his son. “Mom isn’t going to be home for a while. And I know things are hard at the moment, but they’re going to get better, easier, with time. You’ll be able to see Josh soon. There’s just a bunch of legal stuff he has to do first.”
Tyler scoffs. “Maybe I can start going back to the therapist! You think he’d still let me choose out the color of my lollipop?”
Dad rolls his eyes. “All I’m saying is that a distraction is good for now. When your mother comes home, I’m sure she’ll talk to you about Josh. For now, whaddya say? Pizza or hamburgers?”
“How about BBQ?” Zack asks as he pads into the kitchen for a water bottle. Tyler watches in irritation as he unscrews the cap and waterfalls half the thing. Why doesn’t he ever just drink it normally?
“I think maybe letting Tyler pick is the right thing to do tonight.”
“I’m fine with barbeque.” He stands up, stretches, and shoves his hands into his pockets. “Just realized-- I’m starving.”
“Go round up Maddy and Jay and we’ll head out.”
“I’ll do it,” volunteers Zack as he heads upstairs to collect the youngins’. Tyler continues to stare off into space, still in a little bit of shock that Josh is back, that Josh is home. Does he remember who Tyler is? Does he remember all the things Tyler has never forgotten about?
“Tyler? You okay?”
He blinks a few times and looks over at his father. With a tight, small smile, he nods. “I’m fine.”
---
Later that night, long after they’ve eaten and his younger siblings are in bed, Tyler sits in the living room watching some nature documentary on television. He’s not really paying much attention, mostly just using it for white noise, as he tries to find a distraction away from Josh.
His father sits in his recliner next to the sofa, his reading glasses perched on his nose as he reads his historical fiction novel Tyler is pretty sure he’s been working on for at least a month now. When the front door opens, both turn and watch Tyler’s mother walk in. She looks absolutely exhausted.
“Hey,” she offers a smile as she drops down next to Tyler on the sofa. “How are you?”
“Fine,” Tyler replies for what feels like the hundredth time today. His mother doesn’t believe him, he knows that. He’s thankful he doesn’t have to explain himself.
“It was an emotional day at the Dun household, I can tell you that.” She sighs. “Josh is alright. He’s a little distant, but that’s to be expected.”
“How’d they find him?”
“He walked into a police station and told them he thought he had been kidnapped. Apparently, he grew up believing his parents were dead. I can’t even imagine.”
Tyler’s eyes widen. He can’t imagine that either. Josh must be traumatized.
“They found his file almost immediately. Josh’s disappearance had been a pretty big nationwide thing.” Right. Tyler remembered. “He met his younger siblings, said hello, and went upstairs to his room. Or his new room.” His mother shakes her head again. Her hands tremble. “Laura is still pretty hysterical, and Josh needs time to adjust to things. So as much as I know you want to see him, it’s probably best for you to give him some space.”
Space? Space? Tyler wasn’t able to talk to his best friend, who he hadn’t seen in thirteen years, because he needed space?
Irritated, Tyler nods his head. As annoying as it was, it made sense. Josh was having to basically start his life all over again; this was the least Tyler could do.
“Just a week or so. He still has some stuff to go over at the police station. The man that took him is still out there, so any information he can offer to help catch him is appreciated. Like I said before, this is all new to him. I know Ohio is where he was born, but he hasn’t lived here in thirteen years. Plus, new room, new house, new family.”
“Things will be okay in due time,” adds his father, and Tyler nods again.
“Sure.”
“How much food have they gotten?”
Tyler’s mother laughs, soft and gentle. “Lots of casseroles and jello.”
“I’ll eat some jello,” offers Tyler, forcing a smile of his own.
“I’m sure they’d love that.” She pats Tyler’s knee and stands up. “I’m going back over tomorrow to help clean and keep an eye on the kids, just for a few hours so Laura can take Josh to the station. Tyler, can you take care of the house while I’m gone?”
“‘Course.”
“Thank you. Remember, bedtime at ten, lights out at ten thirty.”
“Of course,” Tyler lies. Who seriously goes to bed at ten thirty?
“Good.” After a kiss to his cheek, Tyler’s mother disappears into the kitchen, leaving him with his father once more. They share a look before Tyler stands up.
“I’m heading to bed.”
“Really? So soon? You don’t want to finish your show?” He continues to peer at him over the top of his glasses. Tyler only shrugs and turns to head up the stairs.
---
“So you haven’t even spoken to him yet?” Mark asks as he begins flipping through records. Tyler sighs as he keeps a close eye on his selections. He’s been looking for a good one.
Mark was a freshman in college, one grade above Tyler. They had met at one of Tyler’s club basketball games; he had been taking pictures for some local newspaper and they ended up hitting it off. That had been almost five years ago, and without Mark, Tyler really wasn’t sure how he would have pushed through all the Josh stuff. Therapy and medicine could only do so much.
“Nope. I’ve been commanded to ‘give him space.’”
Mark’s nose wrinkles. “What? What does that mean?”
“It could mean a lot of things. For now, it means I can’t talk or see him until his family deems him comfortable. What I don’t understand is why I’m being told to give him space when he’s being forced to spend all his time in a house with a family he doesn’t even know.”
“The dude’s lived quite a fucked up life. I think getting to know his family will be good for him. I’m sure they’re probably pampering him in that house since he’s on lockdown and stuff.”
“My mom’s been over there every day this week. I wish I could just go with her one of these days.” Tyler shakes his head and reaches out to stop Mark from flipping. “Dude, that album is fantastic.”
“Licensed to Ill?” Mark pulls the album out and hands it to Tyler, who sets it to the side to scan his other choices. As much as he would love to leave with a gazillion records, he told himself only one. “Didn’t realize you were a Beastie Boys fan.”
“I think it’s a crime to not like the Beastie Boys.” Tyler scoffs and gently nudges Mark out of the way to resume record browsing. He’s on letter D when he finds the album he wants, no questions asked-- Transatlanticism.
And right as he reaches for it, someone on the other side of the shelves does as well. They must have seen the back and realized, like Tyler, who it was.
“Oh, sorry,” Tyler says as he pulls his hand away, and his breath lodges in his throat.
It’s Josh.
Up close, he looks even more like a stranger. His long brown hair is straightened, his bangs covering his forehead, and his eyes gleam a dark shade of brown. He’s pale, and tall, and he’s got a nose ring.
Mark nudges him, urging him to say something, but Tyler is unable to do so. His tongue is numb and his mouth is dry.
“Hey,” Josh says, and his voice, wow. “Tyler, right?”
Yes. I’m Tyler. We were best friends up until you were kidnapped. “Yeah.”
“We used to be neighbors.” He smiles, and Tyler’s cheeks blush.
“Yeah,” Tyler says again. Josh clears his throat.
“So, you’re a Death Cab fan?”
“Yes, he is,” Mark speaks up for him, throwing an arm around Tyler’s shoulders, “the biggest fan.”
“Well I wouldn’t go that far,” Tyler starts, but Josh interrupts.
“That’s awesome. I love them too. I got to see them in concert a few times. You?”
“Never been to a concert,” Tyler sheepishly admits. Josh’s eyebrows disappear into his hair.
“Shit, seriously? That sucks.”
“Yeah.” A pause. “I thought you were on lockdown?”
Josh scoffs. “Feels like that. I can’t go anywhere without my mom freaking out. I’m here with my dad.” He points behind him, where sure enough, Mr. Dun is sifting through the ninety-nine cent CD bin. “Today’s the first day I’ve been allowed to leave.”
“That’s a step up,” Mark offers. “I’m Mark, by the way.”
“Josh.”
“I know.”
Tyler clears his throat. “Well, you can have the record.”
Josh looks surprised. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. They restock the records here every few weeks anyway, so it’ll be back. Besides, I’ve got this.” He holds up Licensed to Ill and smiles. “Take it.”
“Thanks, Tyler.” The record gets pulled tightly to his chest and suddenly the two of them are five again, Josh is blowing hair out of his eyes, and clutching a plastic dinosaur in his clammy palms. Tyler suddenly gets an overwhelming urge to break down into tears.
Mr. Dun comes back over and clasps his son on the shoulder. “You ready to go, kiddo?”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’ll see you guys around. Nice to meet you, Mark.”
And just like that, he’s gone.
Tyler’s hands shake. Mark is touching his shoulders again. “Ty? You okay?”
“No,” he whispers. “I’m not.”
A sigh. Mark takes the album and guides Tyler to the counter, where he purchases it for his friend and steers him out to his car.
They sit in silence for a few minutes. Mark is studying him, making sure he’s okay, just like Tyler’s parents did. Just like everyone has done. How many times were people going to ask if he was okay? He wasn’t okay. He hadn’t been okay since the day Josh disappeared.
“You don’t regret it,” Mark finally says. Tyler looks up from his hands.
“What?”
“I know you would have told me you regret coming to the record store today on this wonderfully dreary and soggy Ohio day, but you don’t. Because you got to see Josh. And even though you aren’t okay, you’re glad you got to see him.”
“Yeah,” he admits.
“I think this whole ‘give him space’ thing will be easier now, don’t you think?”
Tyler shrugs. Mark starts his car.
“Let’s go back to my house. I’ll make you hot chocolate and we can listen to records, alright?”
“Yes,” Tyler nods.
Thank God for Mark.