Chapter Text
Harry tried to hide his yawn behind his hand. The Order meeting was far more boring when he was sitting in the midst of things rather than eavesdropping at the door. While Ron’s dad was once more droning on about the importance of staying united, Dumbledore hadn’t even bothered to appear and Sirius was looking as if he were about to fall asleep. The other ones were quiet too, only Snape was contributing a nasty remark about wasting his time here, now and then.
What was even worse than sitting in a boring Order meeting was sitting there after a night of splitting headache. Harry had no idea where the recent headaches came from, but lately, they were appearing more frequently. Since it was summer, he could hardly ask Madam Pomfrey, and anyway, if it had to do with Voldemort she probably couldn’t help at all.
When Arthur had finished and nobody knew anything else worth saying, Harry quickly stood up and left the room lest someone wanted to talk to him. The Order members were quick to leave through the front door, Harry noticed, climbing the stairs. He stopped though when he heard Sirius quarrelling loudly from downstairs. He seemed to be in an argument with Arthur. Harry crouched down and looked through the bars on the banister. Arthur and Sirius were standing at the front door and if he concentrated, Harry could listen to their conversation.
“Dumbledore trusts him,” Arthur said, eyes darting to the door.
Sirius snorted. “Well, he can’t fool me. He’s evil to the core, always has been. Did I mention the time when he tried to get us expelled-“
“Yes, you did,” Arthur said, putting a hand on Sirius’ arm in a soothing manner, “But that was a long time ago. And anyway, he swore the Oath of Protection too, you know. You were there when he did.”
Sirius still looked doubtful. “That just means he can’t hurt Harry, but he could still betray him to You-Know-Who. I’ll never trust him. Just keep an eye on him when I’m not around.”
“If it makes you happy, I will,” Arthur said, nodding, and made his leave.
Upstairs, Harry remained where he was until Sirius passed out of his sight and he heard a door being shut. Somebody had sworn an Oath to protect him? That was news to him, but by now he was used to not being told the most interesting clandestine information. Harry slowly climbed the rest of the stairs to his room. He wanted to find out more about that Oath, but he wasn’t sure who to ask. Finally he decided to go to Sirius, who was sure to be harbouring a guilty conscience over the secret kept from Harry.
Walking down again and following Sirius into the kitchen, Harry thought about using Sirius to get information, and felt a small pang of guilt, but quickly cast it aside. He was sick and tired of the whole Order’s behaviour; there wouldn’t be any need to gather information if they just told Harry what was happening. Dumbledore acted as if Harry was a part of the organization, but apparently it was nothing but a charade. He wasn’t allowed to help with Order business and they weren’t telling him anything of real importance. This was the last straw. Harry felt a light flare of pain in his head again.
He put on his nicest smile and pushed the kitchen door open, finding Sirius sitting at the table with a cup of tea. Or with a cup of whatever, Harry thought. He had observed lately that Sirius was drinking firewhiskey from cups, so Harry wouldn’t notice his liberal use of alcohol. Didn’t work very well, since he didn’t do anything about the stink.
“Hey,” Harry said amicably,”long meeting, huh?”
Sirius looked up and smiled. “I swear they get longer each time.”
Harry decided to plunge right into the matter before Sirius could drown any feelings of remorse in his cup of ‘tea.’
“I heard you talking with Arthur,” he said cautiously and cheered inwardly when Sirius lowered his head in shame. “Don’t look like that, I know Dumbledore made you promise you wouldn’t tell me. (As if that had ever stopped Sirius.) Just – now that I know the beginning, don’t you think you should tell me all of it?” His happy smile faded to a sad one. Sirius didn’t have to know that he only heard that there was an Oath.
Sirius sighed and took a sip of his cup. “Alright. It’s like this: when we joined the Order of the Phoenix, we had to make a vow of some kind, so no one could join just to get information from us. Albus said we had to decide on something precise, nothing that could be interpreted any other way. So we swore to protect and serve you, as the representative of the good.”
“Serve me?” Harry asked, eyes widened.
Sirius nodded. “That’s why he didn’t want to tell you. You could abuse that. You would have the power to make us hurt ourselves or somebody else, we’d have to do about anything you ordered. And, what’s much more important, if You-Know-Who got wind of it – I don’t even want to imagine what he’d make of that.”
Harry barely repressed a snort. He hadn’t had any visions for quite some time and while Voldemort had some access to his memories, he couldn’t control him through their bond, or he would have tried that already. The adults were singling him out on purpose and as petty as it was, he wanted revenge. He was part Slytherin after all, and now he had the perfect opportunity.
“Thank you for your trust, Sirius,” Harry said with as much honesty as he could lay into those words without being sick and squeezed Sirius’ hand. “I won’t tell anyone that I know.”
Sirius looked up thankfully at him. With a jolt, Harry realised that he wasn’t any better than Malfoy in his hypocrisy. And, that it felt really good.
*
The next day, Harry was thrilled to find Remus alone in the kitchen, preparing breakfast, when he came down in the morning. He had always thought the man was attractive, even when he hadn’t known he was homosexual. But as in everything else, Harry was special. Now was his chance to test Sirius’ revelations on an attractive subject. He only needed to go slowly and phrase his orders in a way that wouldn’t make Remus suspicious.
Harry nodded at him with a shy glance. “Hello, Remus.”
Remus smiled happily and took a second cup out of the cupboard. Harry noticed he wore the same clothing as the day before and that it was wrinkled. Either he couldn’t afford freshly washed clothes every day or he had stayed overnight.
“Good morning. You’re up early.”
“So are you,” Harry quickly answered. The faint blush appearing on Remus’ cheeks confirmed Harry’s suspicions. He had stayed here for the night, and probably with Sirius if there was a reason to blush. Harry joined him and found rolls and butter and several other toppings, which he carried to the small table.
“Ah, you know,” Remus explained,”I couldn’t sleep anymore so I thought I might as well look if there’s anything to do here.”
They sat down and began preparing their rolls.
“Understandable,” Harry said and got ready for the first test. “Pass the butter,” he mentioned as casually as he could. The results were immediate. Without time for Remus to even think about Harry’s command, his hand seemed to spring to life of its own accord and in a second Harry was offered the butter. Remus looked a bit irritated, but quickly wiped the expression off his face when he noticed Harry watching him.
“Thanks.” Harry took it and buttered his roll happily. This had gone well and he couldn’t wait to proceed, but he needed to let some time pass. Regretfully, he bit into his roll and watched Remus eating too. For the rest of the meal they talked about the weather and what Harry would do for the rest of his Christmas holidays. Finally, Harry reluctantly left the table and trudged up to his room after throwing a slightly flirtatious, “See you, Remus,” over his shoulder.
He spent the rest of the morning leafing idly through his books, but he couldn’t concentrate on reading a single word. There were so many members of the Order! Well, maybe Harry couldn’t manipulate Dumbledore himself but Remus was a start and, oh, how he craved to take revenge on Snape, Snape who had made his life a living hell whenever he could. He could make him jump off a cliff or snog the Giant Squid or eat Mrs. Norris!
At about noon Harry snuck down to the kitchens again to make some sandwiches, all the while thinking about ways in which he could let Snape torture himself. When he was finished, he allowed his rummaging to become louder and for sure, after a few minutes, Sirius and Remus arrived as if called. They were surprised to see that Harry had waited for them and gladly wolfed down the sandwiches. Sirius left shortly after with a forced smile on his face. Maybe they’d had a fight? All the better, Harry decided, this would make Remus’ advances even more plausible should he ever tell anyone.
Harry started to fidget exactly two minutes and thirty seconds after Sirius had left the room. He avoided Remus’ gaze and sighed exactly one minute after he had started to pick at the tablecloth. It was just a matter of time until Remus asked, and finally, he did.
“Is something the matter, Harry?” he asked, apparently concerned. “Do you want to talk about something?”
Harry sighed again and laid his hands flat onto the table. “No, I’m fine, thanks,” he said, aware of how much his body language suggested that he was, in fact, not fine.
Remus smiled encouragingly. “You can tell me anything, Harry, you know that.”
Harry smiled in a way that he hoped looked thankful and ran a hand through his hair. “You know, this year suddenly everyone started dating. Ron and Hermione are going out too, but I don’t mind that; I’m happy for them. It’s just that I don’t want to be with a girl. I never think about girls the way Ron and the others do.” He lowered his gaze. “I’m not normal, am I?”
“Well,” Remus cleared his throat, “it’s completely normal if you don’t want to go out with girls yet, you’re very young still. Also, homosexuality is not uncommon among wizards. Do you feel anything similar for boys?”
“Well, not for boys my age,” Harry answered slowly, raised his head again and looked directly into Remus’ eyes.
Remus blushed again. Harry could practically see the words ‘Oh, dear’ forming in his mind. Without leaving Remus time to answer, Harry plunged on. Easily, the words fell into place without him having planned anything in advance. It was like speaking parseltongue.
“Ever since you taught us in third year, I knew I had a crush on you. I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you might look like you now do.” He sighed and hid his head in his hands.
Remus started to stutter. “I’m not- how am I looking? Anyway, Harry you know I like you, but I am your teacher and your senior by decades!”
Harry looked up again. “You’re not disgusted? I don’t care about your age, Remus, I like you exactly as you are!”
Remus sighed and started to try and convince Harry again, “Harry, you flatter me, but this is a crush that will pass, nothing more.”
Harry got up and walked around the table until he stood before Remus.
“Let me show you how I feel. Come up to my room?”
He inflected his voice at the end, but the sentence still counted as an order. Instantly, Remus stood and followed Harry up to his room. When Harry had closed the door behind them, Remus started to speak again.
“Harry, we can’t – it’s not as you think. I don’t-“
Harry quickly strode over to him and held a hand to his mouth. “Don’t say anything.”
Wonderful. Now he had insured that Remus couldn’t object again. This was fun.
“I know you’re not supposed to do anything with me because of the teacher thing and you’re a member of the Order. But nobody asks us what we want. I could be dead tomorrow, for all I know.” Harry stopped and looked into Remus’ eyes again with as much sorrow as he could muster. Inwardly, he had to laugh. Remus looked as if he were about to explode. Well, a little more couldn’t hurt.
“Make love to me, Remus,” Harry implored, “Please. I’m not doing this for the first time and I want you. Please, say yes.”
“Yes,” mouthed Remus, almost inaudibly.
Harry brought his head to Remus and slung his arm around him before he captured his lips in a tender kiss. Remus responded lightly as Harry’s tongue traced his lower lip. Harry had ordered him to make love to him, after all. He wove one hand into Remus’s soft hair while the other travelled down his back, stroking him lightly, until he arrived at his arse. Harry squeezed it and pulled Remus even closer until he could feel the heat radiating from him. Rubbing against the older man, Harry felt himself harden at the thought what he must smell like to Remus, all arousal and a bit of fear.
He sighed, leading them back until he felt the bed frame poking into the hollow of his knees. “Let’s take off your clothes.”
Remus didn’t say anything, just stood and let Harry take off his pullover, then his shirt, and finally open his trousers and push a hand into its confines. Harry wasn’t surprised to find a hardness matching his own. Slowly, he began to pleasure Remus in long, firm strokes until the man’s breath quickened.
“Tell me how it feels,” Harry ordered and started to open his own trousers, which had become far too constricting for his liking.
“Feels...absolutely...wonderful,” Remus panted, seeking support on Harry’s shoulder with one arm. Harry guided them down onto the mattress and slung one leg over Remus’ thigh.
Leaning over him, he sought out another kiss while his hand snuck into Remus’ underpants and finally met naked flesh.
He was rewarded with a low and feral groan from Remus, who had seized Harry’s pullover in a tight hold. Harry smiled and took his hand out of Remus’ trousers for a moment to get off his pullover and his shirt.
Remus watched him with half-opened eyes and licked his lips when Harry’s naked front came into view. Harry saw his nostrils flare and a shiver go through him. Judging by Remus’ hungry look, Harry had to smell delicious. Quickly he wriggled out of his trousers and pants and then sank to the floor. Kneeling before Remus, he took hold of his waistband and slowly pulled them down, revealing the man’s fully erect cock. Remus had scrambled to his elbows to see what Harry was doing and was now staring into his eyes.
Harry slowly lowered his head to his cock, let his hot breath envelop it before he licked at the head, where some moisture had already gathered. Remus tasted very intense, but not bad – something Harry could definitely get used to. He smiled and dragged his tongue down until he arrived at the base and received another groan for his efforts. Drinking in Remus’ scent, Harry scratched down his thighs with his fingernails, while he swallowed down the cock in one swift movement.
“Aaargh.. oh God, Harry,” Remus panted, “Please...”
Harry smiled around a mouthful of cock and began to suck as best as he could. Remus wouldn’t have any of that though and tugged him up after a few seconds.
“Harry, I have to tell you-,” he started but Harry pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth and summoned a tube of lubricant he had secretly bought in Diagon Alley. Quickly, he opened it, warmed a bit of it between his hands and applied it to Remus’ cock, which reduced Remus to a panting mess again. Then he lay down next to him and turned Remus’ head towards him. He wanted him to watch when he stretched himself, fucked himself with his fingers to get ready for Remus’ cock.
Coating two fingers in lube, Harry spread his legs and made sure Remus was watching. He needn’t have worried though, for Remus’ eyes were completely fixed upon him, and he leaned onto his side to stroke Harry’s cock while the boy was preparing himself.
Harry dipped his fingers into his cleft and pushed in, moaning. Doing this while Remus was touching him was ever hotter than he had imagined. He scissored his fingers in and out, careful to stretch himself properly but impatient, as his arse was already clenching, eager to be fucked.
When he thought he was relaxed enough – contrary to what he had said before, he was still a virgin, but a regular reader of a gay wizards’ magazine – he wriggled over to him and pushed him up until they arrived at the headboard of the bed and Remus was sitting upright. Harry turned his back to him, glided onto his lap and hovered over his cock, throwing a teasing smile over his shoulder at Remus, which vanished when Remus grabbed his hips and pulled his tight arse down onto his cock. Harry gasped for air. Apparently he had not been ready, he ached and burned and just wished Remus would stay still, but the man had taken initiative and was moving Harry up and down, impaling him on his hard cock, which felt far bigger than it looked, Harry noticed, wincing.
After a few more seconds it wasn’t so bad anymore, and after a few minutes, Harry was squirming on Remus’ lap, trying to get more contact.
“Remus,” he said, grabbing one of his hands and squeezing, “I want you to fuck me through the mattress.”
Remus pulled him off his lap as if he weighed no more than a puppet – God, the man had to be strong – and pushed him onto his front, with his head resting comfortably on a pillow.
In a hard stroke Remus entered him again and Harry saw stars fly when a sweet spot inside him was roughly hit. Desperate for some friction on his cock, Harry lifted his hips and tugged on it while Remus drove into him and out again, always making sure to hit his prostate.
After a minute or two, Harry felt Remus’ thighs trembling and he quickened his strokes as Remus’ hand wandered to his head. Thrusting into him one hard last time, Remus jerked him upright by his hair and bit into his shoulder as Harry cried out and spilled his semen over his own hand.
Remus slowly pulled out and they sank back onto the covers again. He looked at Harry and sat with his back against the headboard, head in his hands.
“Oh God, Harry, this should never have happened...” he mumbled.
Harry crawled up to him and started to pet his hair.
“Didn’t you like it?” he asked quietly, wondering how long he could continue to play the innocent act.
Remus looked up and studied Harry’s face intently.
“No, that’s not what I meant, Harry. I did like it – I bet you could tell – but that doesn’t make it any better, quite the contrary, actually. We shouldn’t have done this and I’m the one to blame, I should have said no. I must tell the Headmaster, Harry, but you can be sure that he will not put the blame on you; I’ll make sure of that.”
Harry felt his anger surge up in him again. How could Remus just chuck him away and go and tell everybody what they had done? He tried to pull Remus close for a kiss, but he turned away and fumbled for his clothes.
“Remus, don’t tell him,” Harry ordered, making it sound like a plea, “And don’t tell anyone else either. I swear it’s not going to happen again, if you don’t want it to!”
Remus stared at him helplessly. Guilt was worming its way through the angry cloud in Harry’s head as he watched him dress and pick up his wand, but it was soon replaced by more of that green anger he felt all the time, lately.
Remus started to leave. Harry watched him walk to the door, where he hovered for a moment.
“I’m not an idiot, Harry, I know something’s -” he started.
“Sleep well,” Harry cut him off amiably and lay down again. Content, his anger coiled up like a snake and as Remus left, Harry imagined the hundreds of possibilities to enjoy his newfound knowledge.