Chapter Text
A hand gripped his wrist and he quietly let himself be led a few steps away from the main and crowded corridor.
"Hey you," a comforting voice said, before lips were pressing against his own, "I thought I wasn't going to see you today," the boy continued, now with a pouty face.
The younger one smiled, "Hi Rog, I'm sorry I didn't find you at lunch break, where were you?"
"Oh, yeah I went out with friends, but then you weren't there for the whole day long, were you hiding from me?"
"No," John chuckled, "I had to meet one of my teachers during this morning's break, that's why you didn't see me," he explained, leaning a bit into his boyfriend's embrace.
A few students passed them but didn't really pay attention, they were known to be discreet.
"And you didn't even text me," Roger tried to blame him, but his soft voice betrayed him.
"You know it's forbidden inside the buildings. Well, you know, you just don't obey the rules here, or anywhere really," the younger one said, rolling his eyes.
"Hey! Rules are made to be broken, you should try a bit and see it's all fine! Plus, I know you like it!"
"Breaking the rules?"
"No, me doing so," Roger told him with a big smile lightening his face.
John could not help but blush a little, his body felt suddenly warm and, well, good. He shook his head disapprovingly, but the grin he couldn't hold back betrayed him too. He let the blond boy kiss him again, a little longer this time, and put a hand on his cheek, brushing it softly.
"Boys, I'm not gonna tell you once more," a voice warned them, both of them took a step away from each other, "you know it's not accepted here," the man continued. He was not much older than them, he was still a student too -at uni-, but he worked as a monitor three days of each week. The two boys liked him, he was fun and kind, but he still had to make them respect the school law. "I think I already told you this many times now, you should've learned that if you want to do share a little privacy, you have to find another place. Oh, and Roger, by another place I don't mean hiding in various parts of the building, you're lucky it was me who found you."
Roger rolled his eyes naughtily, "fine," he said, "we'll stop, then."
The monitor nodded and shot them a warning finger before walking away. The boys watched him go until he disappeared behind the corner, and John took the opportunity to grab Roger's waist and kiss him again. The blond obviously didn't reject him and put his arms around him.
"Boys! Oh my god, we really can't let you alone for one minute."
John stepped away once again, now blushing a little harder, "uh sorry," he said, looking down at his feet with embarrassment.
The monitor shook his head and smiled a little before leaving for real this time.
"See, you're also a rule breaker yourself," Roger said to his boyfriend, a little mockingly. He only received a pout in return. "Oh no, don't make that face, let's go and find a quiet place before the end of the break so I can kiss a smile back on your face."
The older one took the brunet's hand and led him for a while until he found a free corner without many students or teachers passing by. He settled John against the wall and they started making out again, until the bell rang again. The younger boy put his hands on Roger's chest in order to push him away but this didn't quite work.
"Rog we have to go to class," he said in between two kisses, "you know my mom will kill me if she knows I skipped." He didn't want to let go but he pushed his boyfriend a little harder until the latter surrendered.
"Fine, but please meet me before going home," the older one said with puppy eyes.
John shook his head with amusement, he just loved this boy so much he couldn't even believe it. "Or you can go home with me, my mom won't be home tonight, so we're free to do whatever we want."
"What do you want us to do then?" Roger asked, attentively gazing at John.
"Hm, I'm sure we'll figure it out, now just let me go to class, and you should go too," the younger one said, stealing a last kiss before disappearing behind a wall.
Roger sighed, he didn't know if it was a sigh of disappointment because he would have wanted more time with his boyfriend, or a sigh full of his love for him. He put his fingers on his cheeks for a moment, now very impatient to finish with today's classes. He quickly sent his mom a text to ask if he could sleep at a friend's tonight because they had some work to do and went for his next class.
- - -
When he got out of class, Roger checked his phone again, he hated Mr Benson because he had confiscated his phone twice already, so he couldn't use it in class anymore, at least not with him as his teacher. He bit his bottom lip as he read a text from his mom, she wanted to call him when he was out of school. He walked out of the building and quickly sent a text to his boyfriend to tell him where he would be waiting for him, and then called his mom. She picked up a moment later.
"Hello dear, how was your day?"
"Fine, I had biology earlier so it was great," he said thoughtfully.
"Oh yeah, so where do you want to go tonight exactly?"
"Oh, to John's. You know, you met him already."
"Fine dear, but I thought you weren't in the same class, how come you have to work together."
Roger opened his mouth and closed it again. He always thought the best part of good lies was that there was at least a good part of truth, and by telling his mom exactly where he went, he had hoped she would not have been questioning him. But he forgot about the work together part.
"Uhh, yeah but he has this biology work to do and I thought I could help him with it…?" he finally answered, hoping to sound a least a little confident.
"Hmm... Should I call his mom to make sure it's all fine?"
Roger's face went pale in a matter of seconds, "no! I mean, no, mom, it's all fine, she's fine with it, please don't call her."
"Roger dear," she started, "you know it's only out of politeness, right?"
"But mom, it's so embarrassing, please don't, I'll manage with the whole politeness thing," he said, a little desperately.
"Alright, but keep me updated okay?"
"Fine..." he almost whispered. His smile came back on his lips when he saw John approaching. "So, can I go?"
"Yes dear, but please behave well."
"I will," he said with a rather annoyed voice, "bye mom, love you." He hung up before she could talk back and smiled again, the grin directed to his boyfriend this time. "Hey."
"So can you come?" the brunet asked, stopping next to him.
Roger nodded hard and smiled even brighter, which made John grin too. They started heading to the younger one's home. Roger had been there once only, and he was kinda glad that the boy's mother wouldn't be here, he was a little scared of her, in all honesty. With his mom, it was different, she didn't mind him bringing friends home, and she liked to get to know them. John's mom was more aloof, but she still cared very much about her son. Not the same way Roger's mom did though. From what he knew, John's mother mainly cared about his grades, his behaviour and his health, not really about him or his general well-being; when his own mother cared about every part of his life. Even the parts he didn't want her to stick her nose in. He still managed to keep him and John's being together a secret, not that he feared his mom wouldn't like it, but because he liked his little intimacy. He knew it was different for the brunet though. He knew the younger boy would never tell his mom, and Roger tried not to question it too much, he just accepted it.
They arrived at John's small house after taking the bus for a while.
"Just please, get off your shoes in the entrance, my mom would kill me if she found one trace of dirt," John chuckled when he pushed the door open, but Roger felt like he wasn't really joking so he nodded and did as the younger boy said. He also took off his jacket that the brunet hanged, putting his own on top of it. The blond followed his boyfriend to the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"
Roger shrugged and watched the younger boy searching the cupboard before getting them a pack of cookies, and then served them some apple juice. They went upstairs to John's room next. The house was not very big, the top floor only had John's bedroom and the bathroom, his mom would sleep downstairs as her room was next to the tiny living room.
They sat on the bed and started eating their cookies, talking about their days and a new series Roger had discovered, so they ended up watching the first two episodes, cuddled into John's bed.
When they turned the laptop off, they cuddled more closely, now also kissing softly. Roger was brushing the younger boy's short and fluffy hair while playing with his lips, adoring the moment. They didn't really have many moments alone. The only situations they found time to be close enough was at school, but even there it was complicated since it was forbidden to demonstrate affection inside the buildings. They couldn't really invite each other either, or their parents would obviously have every chance of finding out about them. They only occasionally went out, but if Roger's mother often said she was okay with it -mostly because the blond wouldn't have it any other way-, John's mother was far stricter about the brunet's outing.
John finally shifted and propped himself on his elbows, looking at his boyfriend with heart eyes, a content smile on his lips.
"What?" Roger asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Nothing, I just wanted to look at you."
"You're such a..." the blond started, searching for the good words, but he couldn't find them, "oh my god I can't believe how innocent you are."
"I know you love me because of this, don't play offended," John chuckled, heading his hand to his boyfriend's to play with his fingers.
"Right, you got me, I surrender..." The older boy said, putting his free hand in the air and shrugging.
John laughed a bit more frankly and leaned toward him to steal another kiss. The blond gripped his shirt and pulled him against his chest again in order to get him closer. They shared a soft kiss that turned into a warmer one and Roger turned to his side when he felt himself getting hard from it.
"What are you doing?" John mumbled, letting himself lay down again.
"Nothing, just getting myself comfy," the older boy said, shrugging lightly, hoping John wouldn't find his suddenly deeper voice weird, "why are you asking?"
The brunet shrugged too and kissed him again, throwing an arm around his boyfriend. Roger kissed him slowly, trying to gently restrain the power the kissing session had on his body, but somehow John thought it was a great idea to deepen the kiss and play with his tongue. The blond got a little lost into it and fought his own will to break the kiss. John groaned a bit.
"Now what's wrong? You're really acting weird."
Roger shook his head, "no I'm all fine, more than fine actually."
"Okay...?" the younger one said, a little confused, "did I do something wrong?"
The blond giggled, "John babe, you absolutely did nothing wrong, far from it actually."
"Then what is it?" the brunet said, absolutely clueless, "please tell me, even if I don't like it. You know how much I hate it when you're hiding things from me."
"You sound like I'm hiding a million things from you!" the blonde complained, but he softened quickly enough and let his temple rest against the pillow again, his eyes flickering, "well, you're just a little too attractive."
"What do you mean?" John asked, arching an eyebrow in pure confusion.
The older boy inhaled, searching how to put this into a great explanation, "uhm, you know, I love you and... My hormones also love you and react to you, you know..." he tried, wincing and squinting a little, hoping his boyfriend would not get afraid. They never quite talked about it and he knew John was very self-conscious with his body.
Roger could see the boy thinking hard, and his face got suddenly flushed with redness as he finally understood what he'd just said. The brunet even looked down just to check if he got this right and the sight of the older deformed tight trousers confirmed it.
"Oh," he just said, almost as a whisper. He looked back at his boyfriend's face, first avoiding his gaze, noticing Roger's cheek also were a soft tone of pink and he found it so very cute he got the courage to look at him in the eye. "Yeah... uhm... What should I do?"
The blond bit his bottom lip and John thought it was the most innocent face he had ever seen on him, so the latter thought he was the one meant to unblock the situation.
"I mean, maybe I can try to touch you, if you want...?" he tried shyly, "I guess you want me to do something, you wouldn't be... Uhm... You know... If you didn't expect me to try anything."
Roger could feel his face turning into a real shade of red this time, "baby we don't have to do this if we're not both comfortable with it."
John closed his eyes for a moment, his boyfriend only rarely used pet names but he actually really liked it now he was thinking about it. He opened his eyes again and tried to sound confident, "no, I think I'm fine with it."
The blonde watched him carefully and smiled a little, pulling him against himself once more and kissing the corner of his lips. They started making out again for a little while until John moaned shyly.
"Now I think you'd like something more too," Roger said quietly, skimming his cheek with his fingers.
John couldn't deny it and blushed even harder if it was possible, escaping his boyfriend's gaze. He wasn't gonna lie and say he never thought of it at least a little. He wouldn't have been able to avoid it since teenage years were when everyone started constantly talking about that. He hid his head against the blonde's collar bone and clutched at his back. The older boy thought it meant he could go on, so he started by putting his fingers down John's shirt top button and undoing it, but a hand stopped him as soon as he reached the second one. He frowned slightly and let his boyfriend move apart a little.
"I'm not really sure about the whole 'get naked' stuff," he said desperately, looking so ashamed of telling Roger this.
The blond nodded after a moment and thought hard about what to do next before talking again: "Sure babe, it's all fine. You do want us to please each other, don't you?"
The younger boy nodded shyly, "b-but please don't... Look at me," he stuttered.
"As much as I'd love to see your body, I won't do it if you don't want to okay?" He waited for the brunet to nod before he talked again, "look I may have an idea that would work without you being afraid of me seeing you, do you want to try it?" he asked, waiting for John to shoot him a confused look, "I thought we could either turn the lights off or only remove our pants, and then we'll figure out...?"
The younger one nodded and got up so quickly that Roger was almost startled because of his sudden move. They were soon enough in the dark, the only light coming from the moon and street lamps outside, but not enough so they could really see each other. In fact, they could only barely see each other's silhouette and the reflection in their eyes. John came back onto the bed and Roger could only see -well, mostly hear him and feel the movement of the mattress- him struggling with his trousers for a while before he did the same with his. Before he could even think, John got on top of him and kissed him again, then settling on the top of his legs. The blond put his hands on the younger boy's thighs, but he only felt the soft and warm skin for a second before John gripped his fingers to hold them away. He felt a little frustrated because he felt the urge to touch his boyfriend, but he tried to concentrate on the fact that he was actually in bed with John and they were going to have sex, which, to be honest, almost made him come straight away. He moved a little, aching for the brunette's touch on him.
"Uhm Rog?" John suddenly whispered.
"Yeah?" the older one said, realising his boyfriend was still holding his hands into an awkward position in the air.
"Uhm... What should we do now?"
"I guess... Let me touch you?" Roger tried carefully.
"No," the brunet said, a little too hastily for Roger's sake, "I mean... I'm not sure I want to do this that way...?"
"How do you want to do it then?" the blond asked, he was the confused one now.
"Uhm... Let me try something, would you?"
Roger shrugged, "okay?" he said, now a little impatient and caught in anticipation. He wasn't very certain of what to expect.
He was answered promptly as John brushed his bulge against him, causing him to shiver from head to toes, he almost gasped when the younger boy pressed a little more frankly against him, finally letting go of his hands. Roger didn't really know what to do with them now, as he knew the brunet wouldn't like it if he tried to touch him again, so he just let them fall flat on the bed at first. Then John leaned a little more forward to kiss him, allowing them to really feel each other even through their underwear. This time Roger couldn't help but gasp for real, and the sudden sound was echoed by John's innocent moan. The blond didn't even remember throwing his arms around him, but this time the younger boy didn't seem to mind. The blond arched his back a little to be able to feel him more, his arousal now more than noticeable. He then managed to get them on their sides so he was more able to rub himself against John's now slightly wet underwear, and the brunet responded with the same kind of movement, getting him to almost hiss in pleasure; now that was way more enjoyable that masturbating all alone while watching some porn video. Their moves got a little stronger, and when Roger heard his name in his boyfriend's mouth, he at first thought he did something wrong, but then John shivered so hard against him and he suddenly felt some warmth spreading against his cock. He was almost holding his breath in when he let go of himself, closing his eyes hard as the waves of an orgasm got him almost by surprise.
They were both panting when Roger opened his eyes again. He met John's eyes, or what he could see of them, and he was astonished by how much emotion he could read in them. He smiled a little and stroke his cheek, feeling his boyfriend's legs brushing against his softly. Since he wasn't able to touch him as he would have loved to, he tried to concentrate on how his bare skin felt against John's, and it felt so amazing.
They did not talk for a while, only appreciating the calm and content atmosphere, letting their breaths settle down to normal, Roger drawing some circles against the brunette's shoulder blades topped by his shirt. They kissed softly. Probably the softest one they ever shared. And it was amazing.
They only got up a while after, Roger went straight to the bathroom and John changed his underwear, put his pants on again and went downstairs so he could cook some pasta. He was biting his lips during the whole time he put water in a saucepan and waited for it to boil. He almost jumped out of his skin when the water overflowed, he inhaled, god he was too much in his own mind. He put the pasta to cook, looked for the time and set the table. He wasn't even thinking about anything. Actually, it felt like his brain was empty, but in a good way. His body also felt relaxed.
"What did they do?" Roger asked when he walked in the tiny kitchen.
"Who?" the brunet asked, filling their glasses.
"Your lips, they look like they're going to split from you biting them," the oldest one said, stopping a step away from him.
John wanted to answer, but when he looked up he was met by Roger's bare torso since the blond apparently didn't felt the need to button up his shirt. He blushed a little, he was a little jealous of how his boyfriend seemed to be comfortable with himself enough to show more skin than necessary to the world, but at the same time, since they were alone right now and no one but him got to see that, he was not going to complain.
"Appreciating the view?" Roger asked cheekily enough.
"Shut up," the brunet said, shoving him a little but with an intentional lack of strength, "yes."
The blond chuckled and kissed his cheek, "look, I know you probably won't agree, but I'm sure you're just as handsome."
John rolled his eyes and still leaned a bit into him before he went to get the pasta. "Sit down and stop talking nonsense"
"Alright, alright... I'm sure you'll be proved wrong the day I get to see you, though," Roger replied, watching him attentively just to see the way the other boy slightly shut down. He definitely didn't say that to embarrass him, so he continued, "when you're ready obviously."
John said nothing to ease the silence that settled afterwards and served them approximately equally. He sat down and finally looked up at Roger.
"Look I know you're probably dying to see me, but I just don't get why, I'm not that special."
The blond smiled a little in response, "John, if you weren't at least a little special to me I wouldn't be your boyfriend."
The younger one blinked a little, okay, that felt very rational. He could trust Roger about that, he thought, but he still wasn't going to strip for him in a minute. Or in a day. Or probably not in a week, he couldn't even imagine it. He felt like shit about it actually. He didn't even have a real reason to hide like that. He'd heard stories about people having complexes for good reasons, but he didn't feel like he had those exact reasons. He just didn't feel right in his body, especially since puberty kicked in. Okay, maybe it could be the bullies a few years ago who liked to tell him he looked like shit when his mom was still choosing his clothes -and he couldn't really blame her for that. It probably played a role into all of this, actually. But then, even if he had felt better when he got to actually choose the way he wanted to dress, he still wasn't going to be comfortable with people looking at him. He hated to be so insecure when Roger obviously didn't understand that, even though, thankfully enough, his boyfriend never would force him into anything he didn't want to do. Apart from breaking some laws, but to be honest, John had grown to like it a little bit. It felt good not to have any limits sometimes.
They ate in silence until Roger started to talk about a presentation he had to work on for next week, and John tried to give him a few ideas to make it even better. All awkwardness had flown away. John took a shower before going to sleep and they cuddled quietly until both of them fell asleep.
- - -
"Now this is utterly disrespectful!"
John startled out of sleep the second he heard his mother's voice and propped himself up, still a little lost. There was light coming from outside so he only had time to figure it was the morning already, but probably early enough because his alarm clock hadn't rung yet.
"First you invite him home without telling me, and now I find you both..."
He could only see his mother wince before doing the same himself, for another reason though. He shook Roger's shoulder since the blond didn't have seemed to surface yet.
"Mom it's-"
"I don't want to hear whatever excuse you make up, you, get out of here," she spat.
That's when John realized his boyfriend had time to wake up and grasp the situation because he got up rather quickly and put his pants on, "sorry Mrs Deacon, I didn't mean to bother," he squeaked.
"You should have thought about it before coming here and getting my son to this kind of practices," she replied, her voice full of hate, so Roger didn't take more time to grab his things and stuff it clumsily into his backpack. He glanced at John who looked absolutely terrified right now, and he wished he had the courage to stand up to them, but the look on Mrs Deacon's face made him think it was better for both of them that he left now.
He almost ran down the stairs only to hear the woman tell her son that no, he wasn't going to follow him because they had to talk it out, and Roger wanted to cry because if he felt so scared right now, he couldn't even begin to imagine how John must feel. He put his shoes on as quick as he could and got out. He looked up to John's window but nothing told him what was going on inside of the room now. He inhaled shakily, and as much as he definitely wasn't a believer, he prayed for John to be alright.
He walked a little and sat down on a bench when he felt far enough from here. That's when he realized he had no idea what time it was. His phone said 6:37. He winced, his body felt sore from so much stress.
He sent John a text.
John didn't reply.
He wasn't even at school that day.
When he asked Liam, the kind monitor, about it, the man told him his mom had called to tell them he was sick. Roger didn't feel like complaining, he didn't want to talk about any of it. He just hoped John was safe and he was jumping to conclusions.