Chapter Text
Each time Korra broke through the wall of light, she woke up. And that night was no different. Panting and covered in sweat, she tried to put herself up. The covers were pushed back on her legs, somehow falling from her bed on one side. Korra tried to even her breathing, careful not to make much noise, as she knew she probably did enough during her nightmare.
Slowly, she finally succeeded to calm her rapid heartbeat. She looked at her window. The moon was brilliant, a few clouds only casting some shadows on the gardens. It looked so calm and peaceful. So… unchanged. She let a sigh escape her lips and closed her eyes, welcoming the fresh breeze of wind on her face.
Exhaling slowly, she tried to reach Aang. She was greeted by emptiness, again. Her connection with the past Avatars was severed. She knew that, but she could not not try to reach for them, to look for them. One time, Korra had tried to find Raava, without success. She hadn’t bothered to try again.
She was broken, an empty shell, only half of her body working. She was not the Avatar anymore, that was for certain. Some days were better than others. Some days she could smile, feel actual joy and enjoy a glimpse of peace. The thought made her smile and she opened her eyes, looking at the moon again. She weakly laughed at her own thoughts and shook her head. The feeling of the nightmare was evaporating, the wall of light a vague memory.
A candle light appeared under her door. It flickered and went by. She waited. The light will come back. Of course, she knew who held the candle. Air Temple Island was home of many people, and many visitors could spend the night. She recognized the footsteps now. There were Tenzin’s alert footstep, Pema’s slightly heavier, Kya’s flowing ones, Ikki’s and Meelo’s, as it seemed they walked together-when they were not air-scooting around the island-, Jinora’s calm but aerial demeanor… And of course Bolin’s walk, with his happy step. Mako’s was more martial, but then, that was Mako. And Asami. She tried once to put a definition on Asami’s footstep, and had to settle on two words: grace and confidence.
The light came back, shaking her out of her thoughts. The ray stopped in front of her door. Korra wanted to call, to just make a sound, a sign that she was there, but she held her breath. She wished the door to open with all her heart, oh she wished. But the door remained closed.
Korra’s body tensed as she listened avidly to the sounds of the corridor. Was it a sigh? Was it? Or was it just the breeze playing tricks on her? Maybe a whisper, but so low that she could not hear? A shadow came in front of the light, blocking half of the glow. Korra felt her throat tighten as she opened her mouth.
A few minutes passed, Korra watching the ray of light under her door, hoping against hope that tonight would be different. There was a subtle shuffle on the other side of the door, and the shine started to fade, leaving Korra’s room in the pale moonlight.
Korra let her body fall back on the mattress. She was not the Avatar anymore, she was crippled, she was a spiritual mess, and on top of that, she was a coward. In the morning, she promised herself. Tomorrow morning she will ask Kya for guidance. Her decision made, Korra closed her eyes and went to sleep again.
“No Meelo, the answer is no.”
“What do you mean no?”
“No, as in, you are not allowed to train lemurs like soldiers. I will not allow it.”
“Daaaad!”
The breakfast was chatty and busy, as usual. Ikki was not so discreetly trying to smuggle food out of the common room under the quiet oversight of Bumi, while Pema’s attention was focused on feeding Rohan. Jinora’s nose was nestled in her new book, Kya was yawning and Tenzin was lecturing Meelo about the Air Nomad’s lack of army. Asami walked in and took the scene in front of her. It had an odd sense of familiarity, but something was missing. She put on a smile and went to sit next to Kya.
“Hello young woman, did you sleep well?” asked Kya, smiling as Asami motioned for the jar of milk.
“Yes, thank you, but I could not sleep that much. I had to work on some ideas for Future Industries, and I got to go to the warehouse today.” The answer was calm and polite, perfectly said.
“Asami… Honestly, you’re sure you don’t want to take some days off? Don’t put yourself under so much pressure. Your company can handle itself without you for a few days.” Kya’s tone was gentle as she put her hand on Asami’s shoulder. “You know, we’re concerned, with all that happened, with Ko...”
“I’m fine actually.” Asami had not intended to snap. She collected herself quickly. “I need that. It helps me…” Her voice faltered. “It is what I like to do.” She added with a smile.
Kya nodded, careful not to probe too much. She returned to her meal, a small sad smile edging the corner of her mouth.
Oblivious, Asami looked blankly in front of her. She should not have come here. She should have gone straight to Korra. But lately, she seemed more distant, and Asami was so tired. She wanted to be here for Korra, that was for certain. But she had a company to run and that was the truth, her days were long and… and… Asami felt her shoulders slump and she stood up. Kya looked up, startled. She hadn’t touched her plate, barely drunk half her glass.
“I’m going to get Korra. I’ll bring her breakfast.” Asami announced as she went in the kitchen.
“I’m going too!” yelled Meelo as he stood up from his seat.
“No you’re not, son, you’re going to meditate with your siblings.” Tenzin sternly stated.
Two groans followed this sentence, coming from the younger airbenders. Jinora closed her book, sighing deeply. Bumi chimed in “You’ll see her at lunch, young man, don’t worry.” Meelo’s frown was wiped out and he bent over to fake-whisper to his mother “You heard that? He called me a man!”
Kya smiled at the child’s antics as Asami exited the kitchen, a tray of food in her hands. “Oh and please, could you come to the healing room with Korra after? I scheduled a session with her.” Kya interjected quickly.
Asami answered happily over her shoulder and continued her way to the dorms. Korra had a personal room, obviously. She knew the way by heart now. She could almost find the room with closed eyes. At least she could in the dark. With a candle.
Asami finally arrived to Korra’s room. The door was closed. It always is, she bitterly thought. She knocked before announcing herself.
“Hey Korra, it’s me, are you awake? I’m bringing breakfast.”
The answer came a few seconds later. “Y… Yeah! I’m up!” A pause, then a grumble “As up as I can be anyway…”
Asami badly repressed a giggle, opening the door. She was greeted by a softly smiling Korra. She had already put her tank top on, and was indeed up in her bed. Asami noticed the small rings under her eyes but said nothing. She put the tray on the nightstand, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed.
“So, did you sleep well?”
Korra chuckled “It was not an easy night.” Talking to Asami was effortless, and in the meantime, it was as hard as moving legs. “I mean, I still have this nightmare. But it’s… It’s okay. I can handle it.”
“I know you can… But you know, if you want to talk about it, I’m here. I mean, if you don’t want that’s okay too, I’m here anyway.” Asami’s voice was sweet and caring, Korra could listen to her voice all day long. The lustrous black mane was catching the morning sun as Asami shook her head as she spoke. The water tribe girl refocused her attention when the sound stopped. Asami was watching her with an intrigued look on her face.
“Huh what? I’m sorry I spaced out!” she babbled, heat coloring her face.
“I was saying that I’m here anyway.” Asami stated, looking Korra in the eye. Her throat felt suddenly dry as the Si Wong desert. That could mean anything. But that also could mean everything. Her blood started to pump loudly in her ears.
Korra studied her hands carefully. Asami’s sentence echoed in her head. Fascinating how one’s brain refuses to work when it is confronted to one’s heart’s desire. Berating herself internally for losing time and not answering to Asami, Korra looked up and opened her mouth, willing herself to answer.
“Kya wants you to come to the healing room this morning!” Asami blurted out, standing up. She headed to the wardrobe, selecting Korra’s pants for the day.
The moment was over. She tried to open the door, but it was locked. Yet again. Asami exhaled through the nose, willing herself not to lose hope. She was starting to lose hope.
“My pants are here.”
“Sorry?” Asami turned around, facing Korra.
The latter pointed to the chair next to the bed, grabbing the said pants. “You had it prepared yesterday.”
Asami’s face turned pink. She put back the clothes she was holding. “I was just… I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well, I’m a bit tired.” It was not a lie. But it was not the truth either.
Korra’s face fell at the words. She felt responsible for her friend’s weariness. She was the one who was mostly checking on her, spending almost all her free time caring for her. Korra suspected that Asami actually took from her work time to be with her. She was a burden. The dark-skinned girl closed herself, retreating. She could not do it.
How could Asami of all people accept that and be friend with her? How could she ever hope to be a good friend? More than a friend? Korra physically snorted. “Sorry. I know it’s probably not what you wanted to do… I’m sorry. Let’s… I mean, if you want to leave it’s okay, I understand.”
Asami came rushing to her side. “Hey there Korra, slow down. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here because I want to. I’m sure Bolin and Mako would want to be here too if they could.” She took Korra’s hand into her own, acutely aware of her friend’s rapid breathing. Looking at Korra, she could not give up. She was Asami Sato, and she was not going to let this go. Whatever this was. Asami took a sharp breath. “You know what, I won’t leave. I’m going to help you. Okay? I’m going to help you dress for today, I’m going to help you go to your healing session, I’m going to help you through it all and I do it because you matter! Okay? You matter to me.” Asami repeatedly tapped her finger on Korra’s chest, her other hand still clutching Korra’s. She was now almost kneeling over her friend, who looked at her with a stunned expression, bobbing her head up and down.
“Now, your pants. You have a healing session to attend. Kya is patient but I don’t want her to wait too much.”
“Yes.” That was the only answer Korra could muster, still dumbfounded.
She would have a lot of guidance to ask Kya.