Chapter Text
Kacchan was like the sun. He shone the brightest out of all the people Deku had ever met and every time he looked at Kacchan, he felt as if he could blind himself with his friend’s radiance.
Confident, intelligent, and talented. Deku would have thought the world to be unfair had it not been Kacchan blessed with perfection. And truly, Deku was fortunate to even be near him, to be one of his friends.
Deku would follow him around as they played treasure hunting, tag, hide and seek, and other games and would revel in the wide grin that Kacchan would bear. For every game that they played, he always came out on top and no one would be surprised.
At age four, Kacchan got his Quirk and it was as amazing as he was. When he came to school one day and showed his palms igniting with small explosions, Deku and their friends circled him to marvel at his Quirk.
“You’re so amazing, Kacchan!” Deku exclaimed, his eyes focused on his friend’s hands before flicking to his face. It was a Quirk well-suited for a hero. A number one hero, in fact.
Kacchan puffed out his chest in pride. “Of course! Who do you think I am?”
But with his explosive Quirk came his arrogance.
Months passed and Deku’s Quirk did not manifest. His dreams of becoming heroes with Kacchan shattered and so did his friendship with him.
Kacchan only accepted friends whose Quirks were also powerful, Deku told himself. Of course Kacchan would want to be surrounded by the best of the best—which wasn’t Deku.
And so Kacchan paid less and less attention to him.
He would no longer greet Deku and would avoid him instead. Kacchan wouldn’t play with him anymore and he wouldn’t eat lunch with him anymore.
Day by day, Deku drew away from his sun.
Unable to take being ignored anymore, unable to wait for Kacchan to invite him to his side again, Deku took the initiative to welcome himself into Kacchan’s arms.
“Can I join you?” he asked, a shy smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He had overheard that Kacchan and his friends would play tag and Deku wanted in.
Kacchan barely looked at him when he said, “No.”
But Deku wouldn’t be deterred by a single No. He came here to situate himself into Kacchan’s circle of friends again and he’s determined to do it.
“Please, Kacchan?” Deku took a step toward him. “It’s been a while since we played.”
“No means no. Now scram.”
Deku’s hand reached for the edge of Kacchan’s shirt. “Kaccha-”
Kacchan slapped his hand away. “I said scram!”
His hand burned with rejection. “...why?”
Kacchan sneered. “I don’t hang around with Quirkless losers.” After that, he turned around and left Deku staring after him in pain and longing.
Kacchan didn’t want to be friends anymore because Deku didn’t have a Quirk.
What was he supposed to do about that? He had begged and begged God to give him a Quirk, so he could be a hero, so he could be with Kacchan but nothing had happened. Here he was, still Quirkless.
But Kacchan had a point. What right did Deku have to stand on equal footing with him if Deku was a pathetic Quirkless loser?
However, whether or not he a had right to be with Kacchan, Deku was determined not to let his Quirkless status keep him away from Kacchan, from his sun.
And so he followed Kacchan around, even if it meant that his presence was unwanted, even if, he would find out, it meant that he would get hurt.
“Go away, Deku!”
“No one wants you here!”
“Get lost, loser!”
Everyday, those were the words that Kacchan would spout at him, and sometimes Deku’s eyes would fill with unshed tears, trying to act brave, trying to belong. It hurt, knowing that Kacchan didn’t want him anymore when before, they were inseparable.
The first time Kacchan hit him, they were 8 years old.
After years of verbal abuse, Deku still followed Kacchan around, his hurtful words barely making a dent on Deku’s heart anymore. It didn’t matter to him that Kacchan wouldn’t accept him yet, as long as he’s still with Kacchan, everything was okay.
But Deku was clingier that day, needier. Somehow, Kacchan was back to ignoring him instead of spewing insults at him, and Deku had since resolved that negative attention from Kacchan was better than nothing at all.
“Kacchan!”
“Kacchan!”
“Kacchan!”
Still, he wouldn’t acknowledge Deku.
So Deku did the only thing that came to mind, he hugged him. The smell of something sweet hit his senses and he relished the warmth of the body he was holding when-
Slam!
Deku’s back hit a desk. Sharp pain travelled through his back and he a groan escaped him.
“Don’t fucking touch me again, you hear?” Kacchan’s eyes were narrowed into slits, disgust evident on his face.
Deku’s back stung with his rejection.
Still, negative attention was better than nothing at all.
Later when Deku came home, he went to his bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes. His lower back still ached but it had dulled compared to earlier. But just as he was about to slip on a t-shirt, he caught it.
A purple bruise marred his lower back.
He let go of the shirt to skim his fingers over the bruise. His back flared with pain and a choked sound escaped him. He should get it looked at just so he could be sure that the injury was nothing serious.
However, the bruise came from Kacchan.
Kacchan marked him.
And if it was from Kacchan, then it had to stay.
He was nine years old when his classmates began speculating who their soulmates would be.
“Hey, hey, who do you think your fated will be?” a high voiced girl asked her friend from beside him.
Her friend giggled and said, “I don’t know but I really wish it’s Hiro-kun from the next class. He’s just so cool!”
Soulmates.
Deku’s heart thumped against his chest, his cheeks coloring as soon as he thought of the word.
Soulmates were partners who loved, or would love, each other unconditionally. They were pairs that fate chose and there was no way to refuse it.
In other words, Kacchan wouldn’t be able to refuse him.
Deku was absolutely sure that Kacchan was his soulmate. Why else would he admire someone who treated him like dirt if that didn’t mean they weren’t soulmates? Deku had no control over his feelings, even he had wondered once why he loved Kacchan so much when he ignored and hurt Deku.
Clearly, his feelings toward his friend was the work of something greater than him, something he had no control over. Like fate.
And just like Deku, Kacchan wouldn’t be able to control his feelings toward Deku in the end once it was revealed that they were soulmates.
Or maybe… Deku inhaled sharply. Maybe Kacchan already likes me and he’s trying to suppress it because I have no Quirk.
He clenched his hands.
If Deku had a Quirk, then Kacchan wouldn’t have been ashamed of his feelings toward Deku. They would never have separated had he just gotten a Quirk.
He bit his lips.
His Quirkless status really was troublesome.
In the end, however, it wouldn’t really matter because Deku would do everything in his power to make Kacchan his.
The hours passed by and school ended. It was time for him and Kacchan to go home. They usually went home together and Deku was glad to be near Kacchan as long as possible.
Deku sneaked a glance at the desk near the front of the class, where Kacchan sat. He was talking to his friends while he neatly packed up his things, ensuring that he didn’t damage his notebooks even a bit. That little detail of Kacchan endeared him more to Deku, that Kacchan, loud, brash, and abrasive Kacchan, would be so careful with his belongings.
Would Kacchan be like that with Deku too once their soulmarks appear? Would Kacchan be soft with him but aggressive with others? Because Deku would belong to Kacchan one day and surely he would take good care of Deku, just like he did with his other belongings, right?
Kacchan finally stood from his seat and Deku copied him, ready to go home with his friend. They left the classroom and the school and soon, it was just the two of them walking together with the sunset watching.
Deku stared at Kacchan’s back, admiring his confident form. He never let Deku walk beside him, claiming that Deku was annoying with all his staring and attempts at conversation. But Deku had persevered, convincing Kacchan to walk with him until finally, his friend relented.
“Fucking fine. You can go home with me as long as you’re ten paces back from me while we walk,” Kacchan had said.
That had been months ago and lately, Deku had been trailing after Kacchan five paces back and Kacchan had been allowing it. it wouldn’t take long until Deku would be by his side again.
For now, he was content to stare at Kacchan’s back.
His gaze was focused on Kacchan’s hair, his hands twitching with the urge to touch them, to see if they were as soft as they looked. Then his eyes traveled to Kacchan’s left hand that was swinging while he walked.
One month from now, as soon as he was 10 years old, Kacchan’s wrist would have Midoriya Izuku written on it. And four months from now, Deku’s wrist would have Bakugou Katsuki written on it.
It was only a matter of time.
When April 20 finally came, Deku woke up with a smile on his face. It was a Saturday and Kacchan’s parents invited him and his mother for dinner.
He took a shower and made sure to be as clean and smelled as nice as possible. It was Kacchan’s 10th birthday and he needed to be sure to be presentable so Kacchan wouldn’t regret having Deku as his soulmate.
After checking in the mirror multiple times if his shirt was tucked in properly and his shoes were tied neatly, he ran to the living room to find the gift he and his mother would give to Kacchan.
It sat on the couch and Deku lifted it with careful hands to inspect whether the gift wrapper was secured properly. Inside was an All Might figurine that Deku had noticed Kacchan was eyeing last month.
“Mom, let’s go let’s go!” Deku yelled, bouncing on his feet, excitement bubbling inside him.
His mother entered the living room, brushing her hair. She laughed at his eager face. “Okay, honey. Let me just brush my hair and we’ll leave.”
Deku could barely contain himself. He was ready to burst with the anticipation of seeing his name on Kacchan’s wrist. Sure, he didn’t need to see Kacchan’s wrist to know that they were soulmates but he just wanted to see that proof, wanted to know that Kacchan wouldn’t be able to escape him because fate designed it to be that way.
Finally, he and his mother left their house and walked to where the Bakugou family was. It still made Deku happy to know that Kacchan was merely a walking distance away.
His mother offered to carry the gift but he refused. He wanted to be the one to give Kacchan his gift.
Within 10 minutes, they were in front of Kacchan’s house. Deku’s mother rang the doorbell and they were greeted by Kacchan’s mother.
“Ah! Aren’t you early, Inko?” Kacchan’s mother said, unlocking the gate to their house.
His mother ruffled his hair and replied, “Izuku here was so excited to see Katsuki so we left early. How are you, Mitsuki?”
Deku peeked around Kacchan’s mother’s legs to get a glimpse of the inside of the house, trying to find Kacchan even though just a bit more, he would be ushered inside and really see him.
But Deku just couldn’t wait.
There!
“Kacchan!”
Kacchan had been walking by the open door and stopped once he heard Deku’s voice. A scowl made its way to his face when it had been neutral seconds ago.
He didn’t acknowledge Deku’s shout and continued to where he was supposed to go. Deku’s heart stung from Kacchan ignoring him but he was used to it.
He tugged on his mother’s pants. “Can I go see Kacchan now?”
Kacchan’s mother heard him and laughed. “Oh, sorry for keeping you.” She crouched to his level. “You must be excited to see Katsuki, huh?”
Deku nodded. He tried to keep still but he couldn’t help but fidget. Kacchan was inside! He was so close and yet Deku was still outside!
“Let’s go inside then.” She gestured for them to go inside and Deku raced to the direction where he saw Kacchan had gone.
He barely noticed the two mothers laughing at his impatience as he slipped his shoes off his feet at the entrance, almost tripping in his haste. Deku cursed himself for his clumsiness. Had he fallen, Kacchan’s gift might have broken.
Deku entered the living room, his face breaking into a grin once he saw Kacchan slouched on the couch.
“KACCHAN!”
The scowl on his friend’s face deepened and Kacchan pretended that he didn’t hear Deku’s shout that might as well have reached their next-door neighbors.
With a bounce on his step, Deku trotted toward Kacchan until he was in front of the birthday boy. Proudly presenting the gift to Kacchan, he said, “I got you a present!”
Kacchan glared at the nicely wrapped gift in Deku’s hands before releasing a harsh sigh. He reached out to take the object that Deku was holding dearly in his hands and his heart thudded against his chest, hoping that he was right in that this was the All Might figurine that Kacchan wanted.
The weight left Deku’s hands and he watched as Kacchan examined the gift he gave him with narrow eyes, as if he didn’t trust whatever was inside the wrapped box.
“You brought Katsuki a gift, Izuku?” Deku jumped at the sudden voice behind him. He turned around to see Kacchan’s father emerging from the dining room. “Now, Katsuki, what do we say to Izuku?”
Thank you. Kacchan was going to say thank you to him. Deku bit his lip and wrung his hands as he turned back to stare at Kacchan.
Kacchan sneered. “This better be a good gift!”
“Katsuki!” his father scolded but Deku laughed. Of course Kacchan was too proud to thank someone.
He sat down next to Kacchan. “I think you’ll really like it.”
Kacchan scoffed. “I better.”
And then Kacchan’s father berated him again for being disrespectful to Deku which only lead to Kacchan yelling at his father. And then Kacchan’s mother appeared and it became a yelling match between Kacchan and his mother.
Because he was sitting next to Kacchan, Deku had front seats to his loud, boisterous voice. Deku wished he could bottle up Kacchan’s voice so he could listen to him scream all day long.
Dinner was a much calmer affair with a cake that had sparklers, which suited his similar Quirk. Deku sat next to Kacchan at the table so the food prepared was more delicious than it could possibly be for him. After that, Kacchan opened all his presents, including Deku’s.
His eyes widened in amazement once he opened the package containing the All Might figurine. “Wow! This is so cool!”
He jumped up from his sitting position on the floor, forgetting the other gifts scattered around him that weren’t opened yet. There was a button behind the figurine and when Kacchan pressed it, the booming voice of All Might played, “I am here!”
The smile Kacchan had could rival the sun with its brilliance and Deku was proud that it had been him that put it there.
Kacchan’s parents then pushed him to say thank you to Deku again though this time, Kacchan wasn’t so opposed to it.
He faced Deku, his grin still in place, and said, “I love it!” He didn’t exactly thank Deku but it was more than enough.
Deku’s heart skipped a beat.
“Y-you’re welcome, Kacchan!” he stuttered out, trying to burn Kacchan’s expression into his retinas. He would forever remember this moment.
But Deku’s happiness wouldn’t last forever, he would find out.
Because Kacchan’s wrist didn’t have Deku’s name. It had someone else’s.
After Kacchan finished opening all his gifts, their parents encouraged them to play in Kacchan’s room where all of his toys were. Deku followed the birthday boy to his room and once the door was shut, he finally asked Kacchan who his soulmate was.
“Kacchan…” Deku dug his toe on the carpet, shy.
Kacchan grunted, busy with his new toy. “What?”
He had to ask. He hadn’t been able to peek at Kacchan’s wrist because he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt. He couldn’t ask earlier either because there was a chance that Kacchan wouldn’t like him bringing up that question and rough him up. If Deku’s mother saw Kacchan treating him like that, then she might not let him see Kacchan anymore.
“You’ve gotten your soulmark, right?”
Kacchan paused in his playing with his new All Might figurine. He glanced at Deku at the corner of his eye.
“Of course I got it. Everyone knows that once you become ten you get a soulmark, you stupid or something?” He snickered. “Oh wait, you are. I shouldn’t have asked.”
Deku ignored Kacchan’s insult and asked, “Wh-whose name did you get?” He scratched his cheek, breaking eye contact with Kacchan when it became too much. “Do you know them? Is it someone close to you?”
Kacchan didn’t answer and just looked at him. “Deku, you…” he trailed off in favor of staring at him some more.
Deku inhaled sharply. Him?
His mouth fell open and he almost couldn’t believe his luck. He had always known that Kacchan would one day be his soulmate but to finally confirm it!
But Kacchan wasn’t finished talking yet.
“Do you actually want to be my soulmate?” He barked out a harsh laugh. Kacchan lifted himself up from the floor, dropping his toy to crowd Deku’s personal space until they were face to face. “After all the beatings and insults I gave you, you actually think you can become something more than an annoyance to me?”
Of course Deku did. Kacchan was everything to him. He was the embodiment of everything Deku aspired to be: confident, powerful, a winner, and someone who could become a hero.
He gave a shaky nod to Kacchan.
Kacchan’s cruel smile warped into a scowl. “Read it, then. See if it’s your ugly name or not.”
He tugged his left sleeve down until the writing was visible and he shoved his wrist to Deku’s face.
Deku’s eyes widened and tears began to gather at the corner of his eyes.
Shimizu Saori.
It wasn’t him.
The tears fell.
It wasn’t Deku.
He started hiccupping.
Deku was nothing to Kacchan. Not his friend nor his soulmate.
“It doesn’t matter if you cry. The name on my wrist will never be yours so stop chasing me from now on.” There wasn’t the usual sadistic or mocking tone in Kacchan’s voice. It was like he almost pitied Deku for his persistence. “In three months, you’ll get your own soulmark. Pester them instead of me.”
It was like Kacchan was saying goodbye to him.
He clutched Kacchan’s rolled up sleeve. “I don’t want to.” He shook his head and his body started wracking with his sobs. “I just want to be your friend, Kacchan, please please Kacchan. Kacchan. Kacchan.”
He kept repeating Kacchan’s name over and over but Kacchan only removed his sleeve from Deku’s hand.
“Move on, Deku.”
Deku’s heart shattered into pieces.
He stayed in his spot, bawling his eyes out. He clutched at his chest because it kept aching and he couldn’t make it stop hurting. He had been so sure that he would be Kacchan’s soulmate but just like his wishes of getting a Quirk, it hadn’t come true.
“It hurts, Kacchan. It hurts!”
“Just give up. You’ll feel better then,” were his last words to Deku before their parents heard Deku’s cries and separated them.
His mother carried him home, all the while Deku kept crying into her neck, saying, “I want to be Kacchan’s soulmate! It’s not fair! I want Kacchan!”
I just want Kacchan to look at me.
His mother rubbed his back and consoled him, “Shh… It’s going to be okay. You can still be friends, Izuku. As long as you’re still by his side, everything will be okay.”
But they weren’t even friends in Kacchan’s perspective. How will Deku even stay by his side?
The next three months were filled with nothing but emptiness. He didn’t want to get up from his bed, didn’t want to eat, nothing.
He wanted nothing.
Just Kacchan.
Only Kacchan.
He still went to school to see Kacchan and once he got home, he would throw himself into his studies and homework, desperately trying to put the fact that he wasn’t a certain somebody’s soulmate out of his head.
Whenever Deku’s longing for Kacchan ate at him more than usual, he would grab a pen and write Kacchan on his wrist.
He would stare at it for hours and hours on end, daydreaming about being Kacchan’s real soulmate.
All too soon came the day of Deku’s 10th birthday.
“Happy birthday, Izuku!”
His mother woke him up while he had been blissfully sleeping in his bed. He frowned at her because he didn’t actually want to wake up. His wrist was burning with a name that wasn’t Kacchan’s and he’d rather never see it.
It wasn’t a happy birthday. He wasn’t happy. Not at a-
“Happy birthday, Izuku,” an all too familiar voice greeted.
Deku’s eyes widened. He whipped his head to the side where he saw a boy with blond spikes.
It had been years since he called Deku by his name.
“Kacchan?”
His usual glare was ever present in his face but he had called Deku by his real name. His body tingled with joy and Kacchan saying his name was like getting a rare All Might trading card.
“We’re going to an amusement park,” his mother said. “And Katsuki is joining us today.”
Deku didn’t break eye contact with Kacchan and he almost couldn’t believe it.
He was going to spend the whole day with Kacchan?!
“Really?!”
Deku didn’t notice the smile growing on his face and he also didn’t notice his mother looking away to hide her wet eyes at seeing her son’s rare smile.
They spent the whole day in the amusement park until Deku’s legs ached from all his walking and his cheeks hurt from all his smiling. Kacchan was as grumpy as ever but he was more behaved around Deku’s mother. More importantly, he kept calling Deku Izuku.
He guided Deku through the rides and it was like they were four again, when he and Deku were close and had adventures together.
Only one thing cemented in his mind after his time with Kacchan at the amusement park: Deku wasn’t ready to let go of him.
In the comfort of his home, after his mother had gone to bed, Deku sneaked into the kitchen.
He dragged a dining chair as quietly as possible so as not to wake his mother up. Placing the chair against the kitchen counter, Deku pulled himself up the chair so he could reach the counter.
So he could reach the knives.
Ink from pens didn’t last long. As soon as water drenched his hands, the writing would smudge, and as long as he was diligently washing his hands before he ate, the name Kacchan on his wrist would fade away.
The scar that he had gotten when he accidentally sliced his finger with a knife from a long time ago, however, was still there. It hadn’t disappeared.
And so Deku stretched his hand out, reaching for the smallest knife that was usually used for apples. His fingers wrapped around its small handle and he pulled it out from its holder.
The knife gleamed in the night.
Deku gulped.
He hopped off the chair and returned it to the dining table before sneaking into his bedroom. He turned on the lights to get a better visual on his wrist.
For the whole day, he had done everything he could to avoid even accidentally glancing at his left wrist. It had worked and even until now, he didn’t know who his soulmate was. However, in order to carve Kacchan’s name on his wrist, he would have to look at it.
Deku sat on his bed and made himself comfortable, laying the knife beside him.
He took a deep breath.
Staring straight at the wall, still not ready to read the name that wasn’t Kacchan’s, his hand inched toward his sleeve. He pulled the edge of it to reveal his arm, his soulmark.
Deku counted from one to ten, readying himself.
Then he glanced at the name.
Takahashi Mamoru.
Fresh tears gathered in his eyes and he didn’t hold them back, letting them freely stream down his cheeks.
This was the final nail on the coffin.
He really wasn’t Kacchan’s soulmate and verifying it more than once was too much for him.
Fate was cruel to Deku.
It hadn’t given him a Quirk despite having dreams of becoming a hero and it had introduced him to Kacchan even though it had never any intention to give him Kacchan.
Today would be the start of Deku defying fate.
From now on, he would become a hero even without a Quirk. And from now on, the only name that Deku would acknowledge would not be the one that fate had written, but the name that he would carve himself.
He picked up the knife beside him and positioned the tip over his wrist, initially considering that Kacchan’s name was going to be below his fake soulmate’s name.
No.
Kacchan’s name should drown out Takahashi’s. It would be an insult to himself and Kacchan otherwise.
Deku rolled up his sleeves some more.
He was ready.
The blade of the knife was cold against his skin. When the blade finally sunk into his soft flesh, Deku grit his teeth to keep himself from screaming. He was used to pain from Kacchan’s beatings but slicing his arm was a different matter entirely.
Droplets of tears fell onto the bed, unrelenting, unending.
His breaths were heavy and he was heaving from the pain.
Despite that, however, he was smiling.
Because on the night of his 10th birthday, he finally freed himself from fate’s restraints.