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Changbin was on his way back to the dorm. It was only early, the beginnings of a golden light just starting to emerge out of the dark blue, over the rooftops. He had been up all night; after a brief nap for a few hours around midnight, he had remained in the studio to finish some songs, pushing himself through until he was satisfied with the beat. He had little time in the day to work on his songs as they were always practicing, and plus he felt more awake in the late hours. So, that’s when he’d come alive, lyrics pouring out of him and melodies materialising onto paper.
He took a moment in the empty street just to watch the sun slowly rise, knowing he’d only have a couple of hours to sleep before the others would be pulling him up for rehearsal. But despite the fatigue weighing down his head, the edges of his mouth had pulled up into a smile at the thought of the new songs they were practicing. He was doing what he loved.
He lifted his backpack further up his shoulder and carried on walking, enjoying the cool weather after the stale air of the studio.
Changbin was surprised when he reached the dorm building to hear the door opening with a metallic whine. He was even more surprised to see who he immediately recognised as Felix walking out of it, his hands thrust deep in his pockets and his brow furrowed down at the ground. He didn’t even notice Changbin, so the elder sped up his pace and gently grabbed Felix by the shoulders as they passed each other, catching and spinning him around.
Felix’s eyes widened and he met Changbin’s gaze with surprise, his hands gripping Changbin’s forearms.
“Hey, hey, where are you going?” Changbin asked, eyes scanning Felix’s face for any sign of something to worry about. The younger quickly broke into a big smile, quelling Changbin’s concern.
“Binnie! I was coming to find you!” He frowned, reaching for Changbin’s hand and entangling their fingers. “You were out so long, I got worried.”
Changbin smiled, squeezing Felix’s fingers.
“I’m okay. I’m actually really happy with what I got done.” His cheeks were drawn up into a wider smile at the thought of the music he’d written and Felix grinned, turning and pulling him back towards the dorm, swinging their hands.
“I can’t wait to hear it.”
They were laughing as they entered the dorm, Felix shushing Changbin with a grin as he pulled him inside and gently shut the door. He held a finger to his lips and stood still, listening for any sign of the other members. Changbin smiled at his concentrated expression, suddenly gripping Felix’s hand tighter and tugging him close. Felix almost hit Changbin’s chest, his hands coming to rest there and Changbin steadied him with a hand on his waist, meeting his gaze with a grin. Felix was looking at him with big eyes, and Changbin was quick to lean down and connect their lips, gripping the younger boy even closer.
Felix melted into him, slowly moving his hands so they were interlinked behind Changbin’s neck. They only pulled away when Changbin’s back thudded gently against the door. Felix smiled up at him, breathless, and they both laughed lightly, Changbin reaching forward to press a kiss to Felix’s nose.
“Do you want to get out of here?” He whispered. “There’s only a few hours before we have to get up anyway.”
“You’re not tired?” Felix asked, frowning up at him but Changbin quickly shook his head. He was buzzing with emotion and didn’t want to waste it.
“I want to spend more time with you.” They didn’t get much time to themselves with their hectic schedules, and living with seven others. Moments alone were precious, and Changbin planned to treat this one as such.
They both hurried back out of the dorm, Changbin pulling Felix down the corridor and to the stairs, grinning at Felix’s quiet giggles behind him. They had no reason to be running but they were so full of exhilaration they couldn’t help themselves.
“Where are we going?” Felix hissed as they reached the ground floor.
“Wherever you want.” Changbin smiled at him. “What do you want to see?” He stopped walking and took hold of Felix’s waist again, watching as he thought. The younger boy seemed to reach a conclusion, meeting Changbin’s eyes with a grin.
“I want to see the sky.”
“Such a hopeless romantic.” Changbin scoffed, jokingly shaking his head. Felix shrugged.
“Can’t help it, babe.” He grabbed Changbin’s hand and started pulling him out of the building, leaving his heart racing embarrassingly.
By the time they reached the park the sun had fully risen, and birds were singing as they walked beneath the trees, green with the beginnings of summer. But still, they were the only ones there. Changbin was swinging their hands gently as he listened to Felix rambling about a new singer he’d discovered, and let him pull him towards an opening in the trees.
“Why are we here?” Changbin looked around the space of grass, dotted with children’s playground equipment.
“To see the sky.” Felix said excitedly, letting go of Changbin to jog over to the climbing frame, which, to his credit, was actually relatively high. He could imagine it would be crawling with children in the daytime but at this time of morning it was completely empty, and Felix was quickly scaling it, much to Changbin’s alarm.
“Hey, wait… wait for me.” Changbin called nervously, reaching the base and peering up at the looming frame. He started climbing cautiously, eyes locked on where he was placing his feet, aware that he was taking much longer than Felix had. He finally reached the top, letting out a sigh of relief as he stood on the solid ground of the platform, only to find that Felix laughing at him.
“My Changbinnie… so brave.” He patted his hair and Changbin swatted him off with a grumble, but really he was fighting off a smile.
“See,” Felix gestured around them, “you can see so far.” In reality, they could see to the edge of the trees, a few buildings poking out above them. But Felix was right about the sky; the lack of buildings meant the light blue seemed to stretch forever above them. Changbin sighed contentedly, sitting down and leaning back to stare up at it, feeling Felix flop beside him. Changbin inhaled deeply and shut his eyes. The only sounds were the birds and some distant cars, and a cool breeze was running over the platform, tousling Changbin’s hair slightly.
“Doesn’t it feel like you can finally breathe?” Felix asked quietly from beside him, and Changbin looked over to see him also staring up at the sky, his eyes with a distant look washed over them. He hummed in agreement, returning his gaze to the sky.
“Are you happy, Bin?” Felix asked suddenly, turning to look at him with a troubled frown. Changbin paused before leaning over and smoothing it out, his thumb moving over the skin between Felix’s eyebrows and giving him a sweet smile.
“I am.” He whispered. “Really.”
“You never wish you were doing something else?”
Changbin sighed.
“The work is hard. It’s hard. But it’s worth it. I love producing and rapping, and being in this group. I don’t know where else I’d be.” He smiled again, eyes scanning Felix’s face. “I’m meant to be here. I’m meant to be with you.”
Felix smiled, and Changbin fell in love all over again. Felix leaned forward and pressed his lips to Changbin’s, one hand supporting himself and the other on the nape of Changbin’s neck. When he pulled back he couldn’t help but kiss him once more, enjoying the look of surprise on his boyfriend’s face.
“I think I’m meant to be here too,” Felix said softly, looking down at his hands. “Feels like home.”
Changbin shuffled closer to curl an arm around the other boy and pull him close, pressing his cheek against Felix’s hair and feeling the younger boy sigh into him.
“I hope I always feel like that to you.”
They sat quietly together for a while longer, feeling the fresh air brush over their skin, and taking a slow moment of peace in their lives in which were usually so hectic. When it was nearing the time the others would be getting up, and Changbin’s head had begun lolling sleepily against Felix’s, they climbed down, seeing how the city had begun to come to life whilst they’d been up there.
They walked back to the dorm through early commuters and joggers, still twining their fingers together and staying close. Felix stopped outside the door, pouting at Changbin’s drooping eyelids. He rubbed his cheek affectionately.
“You should’ve gone to bed, baby.”
Changbin forced his head up, shaking it with a tired smile.
“Would’ve missed you.” He murmured, closing his eyes against Felix’s hand and sighing. “I love you.”
Felix ran his hands tenderly up Changbin’s arms with a fond smile, gripping his chin to kiss him softly.
“I love you too.”
And sure, Changbin may have been falling asleep throughout practice that day, and they may have received a few stern words from Chan, but neither of them minded. Both of their hearts were full to the brim.