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I left my Beretta in my other khakis

Summary:

As if adults hiding behind curtains and under beds wasn’t juvenile enough.

Notes:

oH HI!!!! I wrote this stupid, stupid thing today and finally contributed to the PR fandom aside from weird rambly comments and kudos. Chancy might have ripped my whole soul in half, but hey, at least everyone can finally reap the benefits of it.

Not much to say, here... just Chuck getting stuck in a closet with Yancy and trying not to kill him. Snatched the title from the most formative saga of our time, "Trapped in the Closet," just so you know the level of quality to expect. (equally hilarious, the pastor husband of the woman R. Kelly wakes up with in the morning is cheating with a man named Chuck OOPS)

Please please let me know what you think, it's all unbeta'd and I'm oh so keen to get decent at writing these losers right.

Come say hey on tumblr, if you want!

Work Text:

He blamed Mako.

 

Sneaky, sneaky Mako, with the devil’s own grin, had planned it all out, under the guise of a measly game of hide-and-seek.

 

As if adults hiding behind curtains and under beds wasn’t juvenile enough.

 

But it was a work retreat and she was the coordinator for the day’s activities and her father would have everyone’s head if they didn’t play along.

 

Chuck just hadn’t realized how literal Mr. Pentecost had meant play.

 

It had started simple enough: you got two minutes to run and hide and the first two found became the Seekers. The enormous lake house the company was renting had enough rooms and hidden corners for Chuck and his coworkers to hide in, around, behind, underneath, and in one extreme case—because Newt was the resident out-of-the-box weirdo—on top of (the roof).

 

But by the fifth round, all the good hiding places were well known by Mako and Raleigh, platonic life mates and the seeking pair (to very loosely adhere to the “team building” pillar of the day’s theme) and already occupied.

 

That’s what Yancy had said when he demanded Chuck share his silly hiding spot.

 

Chuck wasn’t sure if he liked Becket. As the intern, it had been his job to be the whipping boy of just about every full-time staffer and Yancy certainly didn’t make him think otherwise. The coffee runs; the replacing of his name with “hey, kid!”; the “drop everything you’re doing and make fifty copies of these because I’m very busy and important and you’re just our summer office bitch”. Most of the employees treated Chuck like the other interns, by ignoring him, but Yancy was a special case and enjoyed getting under his skin with menial tasks and degrading nicknames.

 

But now the summer was over, Chuck was taking night block classes to finish his degree and had started working at the architecture firm full time during the day. He got along pretty well with just about everyone in the office, especially Mako and Rah-leigh, who he found apologizing for Yancy’s behavior more than the lawyer ever did himself. Raleigh called it “initiation” and “trying to get you to tease him back,” but Mako would roll her eyes and had no problem telling Yancy to stop hazing her friend.

 

Chuck could fight his own battles, though. And even if he didn’t see an end in sight to Yancy’s very peculiar interest in him, Chuck would still hold his own. Even if he let the teasing get the better of him, sometimes, there was no way it’d keep him from doing his job.

 

Still, his eyes narrowed when the curtain swung back to reveal the douchelord that is Yancy Becket.

 

“Expecting my brother, huh?” the blonde drawled lazily. “Sorry to disappoint. Pretty sure they’re clearing the first floor now, so no chance of finding a spot there.”

 

“Well, this one’s taken,” Chuck growled, trying to break Yancy’s grip on the drapes. “Try finding your own, oi?”

 

Yancy just smirked, used to Chuck’s defenses. “That’s hardly fair, kiddo. We’re coworkers, we’ve gotta look out for each other.”

 

“If I recall,” Chuck said, “This is a free-for-all. The only thing I’m looking out for are Raleigh, Mako, and anyone trying to cop my spot. Get lost, Becket.”

 

Yancy considered him for a moment and Chuck narrowed his eyes when he saw Yancy opening his big fat mouth to say—

 

“RALEIGH! MAKO! UP HERE!!!” Yancy shouted at the top of his lungs.

 

Chuck’s eyes grew wide and he clenched his fist, ready for it to collide with Yancy’s jaw.

 

“You fuckwit!” Chuck whispered loudly, feeling the red in his face and not caring one bit. “You’ve just sold us bo—” The shuffling downstairs stopped and Raleigh shouted back, “I’m comin’ for you, Yance!”

 

Chuck suddenly panicked. If he was anything, it was competitive—even about a bloody kids’ game for a work retreat— and he was the only person not to be found first after four rounds. The person who was found last the most got a gift card to Bed Bath & Beyond and as a recent college graduate, Chuck was desperate to expand his kitchen arsenal, by like, actually owning kitchen utensils and appliances. He wasn’t going to let stupid Yancy end his streak.

 

Yancy, who hadn’t looked so smug in his whole life, Chuck was sure.

 

Time to prioritize. Revenge was for later. Hiding was for now. Chuck’s eyes darted all around the room before landing on the door to the closet he had figured would be too bloody obvious and ignored for the curtains that had even hidden his feet.

 

This time, he didn’t give Yancy a moment to react. He grabbed Becket by the collar of his fucking Vineyard Vines button down and ran as quietly as he could—which wasn’t hard, considering Mako and Raleigh were busy shouting as they busted Newt who had oh-so-cleverly tried hiding under the table in the living room, hoping he’d blend in with the white carpet (“In your black pants?” Mako teased).

 

“What’re you—mmf!” Yancy started but was muffled by Chuck’s hand as he managed to jimmy open the closet and shove them both inside, closing the door behind him.

 

“You shut your fucking mouth, Yancy Becket,” Chuck hissed, leaning towards him. “If they find us, I’m kicking you square in that fat ass of yours, got it?”

 

He removed his hand from Yancy’s mouth to get a response to his anything-but-empty threat, but all he got was “So you’ve been checking out my ass?”

 

Chuck almost growled again—because yeah, maybe he had been since Day 1 of his internship, despite hating Yancy’s stinkin’ guts, but that didn’t change the fact that he really did hate Yancy’s stinkin’ guts—but the sound of footsteps coming up the steps quieted him. He put his finger over his mouth, then dragged it across his neck to reiterate his point. Yancy just grinned deviously.

 

“Where’d his voice come from?” Raleigh wondered out loud as they stomped up the stairs, Newt in tow.

 

“I’m pretty sure I saw Chuck go to the bathroom down the hall before I came back down,” newly allied Newt said and Chuck had never been so thankful for that scatterbrained nerd lord than now.

 

“Let’s see if you’re right, Geiszler,” Raleigh replied and Chuck could practically hear Newt’s blush, the way he always did when Raleigh flirted.

 

“That idiot,” Yancy mumbled.

 

“You,” Chuck said lowly. “Shut it, or I’ll do it for you.”

 

Yancy winked. “Well, if my ass is on the line…”

 

Chuck wanted to kill him. Really kill him.

 

It was only then that Chuck saw how cramped this closet was for two grown men. The bedroom was clearly meant for a kid and the closet yielded itself to that size of person. Chuck had his side squished against the wall, while Yancy was in the only corner not stuffed with storage boxes. Their chests were inches from touching and Chuck didn’t like the way his stomach dropped when his eyes did, noticing their proximity.

 

Yancy winked when he brought his eyes back up. “I’ll be good now, Hansen. Scout’s honor.”

 

Chuck snorted in disbelief, but Yancy stayed true to his word.

 

Especially when they heard Newt and Mako come into the room where they were hiding.

 

“Where, oh where could Chuck be?” Newt sang. “Under the…bed?!” He whined a little when he saw it was empty.

 

“Remember, we haven’t found Yancy or Harriet, either,” she said, but Chuck knew she had her heart set on finding him and him only. “Did you check the closet?”

 

Chuck and Yancy froze, sharing a worried look when they saw Mako through the slits of the wooden door. She was biting her bright red lip as she wrapped her hand around the handle and as Chuck felt all his breath leave his body, he realized that maybe he was taking this game a little too seriously.

 

But Mako shook the handle several times, before huffing. “It’s locked. They won’t be in there.”

 

Newt stomped his foot. “Dammit! C’mon, we’ll find Raleigh. He probably knows where Yancy is by now…”

 

Their footsteps and voices faded away. Both Yancy and Chuck exhaled.

 

“Thank fuck, that was close…” Chuck sighed, relieved.

 

Yancy raised an eyebrow, that smug look returning. “Hansen, did you not hear Mako?” Chuck stared dumbly and Yancy stared at him, worried he’d blown a gasket. “She couldn’t open the door, which means we can’t open the door. Which means we’re stuck.”

 

Chuck was silent for a moment, turning to look at the handle. He pushed himself from the wall and tried opening it like he did when they first went in. Nothing. Chuck could feel Yancy’s eyes on him when he tried again, with similar results. This time he really shook the handle, but it really was stuck. With a short string of swears, he rammed himself against the door, the wood creaking under his weight, but still refusing to budge. There was no way. No fucking way, Chuck was sure.

 

There was no way he was trapped in a closet with Yancy fucking Becket.

 

Chuck sighed, hand over his eyes as he leaned back against the wall.

 

“Shit.”

 

“Way to go, wonder boy,” Yancy teased. He seemed weirdly calm.

 

“Don’t you even start, mate,” Chuck grumbled, lowering his hand, but still refusing to meet Becket’s undoubtedly patronizing stare.

 

But he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt Yancy’s lips against his ear suddenly, his voice lower than before in his ear. “Too bad Seven Minutes in Heaven isn’t on the schedule today, huh, Hansen?”

 

Chuck let a surprised whimper escape his mouth and felt the red in his cheeks and ears spread quickly to his throat.

 

Yancy just chuckled quietly, pulling away from Chuck’s ear. “Don’t worry, we save that for after dinner once Pentecost turns in for the night.” He paused, but moved his hand against Chuck’s waist. “Not much for team building, but it’s good for morale.”

 

“I—are you fucking with me?” he stumbled over his words, feeling the heat from his body pouring into the air between the two.

 

Yancy’s older hand joined its mate on Chuck, sliding up the middle of his chest, to his shoulders.

 

“You’re just realizing this now?” Yancy said, his hands gripping Chuck a little tighter, trying to twist him out of his awkward angle against the wall.

 

Chuck frowned a little, helping and a little thankful, as he moved into a more comfortable position that just happened to be about an inch from Yancy’s face.

 

“Might as well find some way to keep me quiet, right?” Yancy added and Chuck felt his heartbeat jump up into his ears and of course his eyes darted down when Yancy’s tongue came out to lick his own lips, which, again of godfucking course, made his throat go dry.

 

Yancy just smirked again before ducking his head to bring his lips against Chuck’s cheek. “Relax, kid,” he chuckled again, grazing his teeth oh so lightly against Chuck’s jaw, causing his breath to catch in his throat. “I can’t make you go on coffee runs in here.”

 

One of his hands found its way into Yancy’s hair and Chuck cursed his immediate reaction, but at least he wasn’t standing there gaping like a bloody fish. Christ, his hair is soft, even with the pomade.

 

“Fuck you,” Chuck managed to sigh, but it doesn’t carry the same bite as his earlier insults.

 

Yancy pulled away and the look in his eyes makes Chuck want to collapse in on himself like a dying star. He felt the heat of it run straight through him and knows he’s tenting in his khakis.

 

“Oh, that can be arranged,” Yancy whispered and Chuck didn’t even get a chance to react before he felt those soft lips against his own.

 

He was not proud of the whimper he made when their mouths align, but couldn’t make himself care with the grip Yancy has on his shoulder and now waist, bringing him closer. Chuck tightened his hand in Yancy’s hair, feeling the smooth blonde strands run through his fingers, and Yancy made a pleased noise in the back of his throat that caused Chuck gasp loudly in return, opening his mouth to Yancy’s very persistent tongue.

 

Chuck’s other arm wrapped around Yancy’s to clutch at his shoulder and the toned muscle he felt there sent another shock through him. The buttons of that stupid pink Oxford come undone as fast as he could get them to; Chuck ignored Yancy laughing at his enthusiasm and rewarded himself on his quickness with running his hands slowly down Yancy’s smooth chest, the pads of his fingers pushing in desperately trying to leave a mark.

 

Chuck was barely aware of anything around him; there was some loud talking downstairs, but it was a far-off blip on the radar with one of Yancy’s hands sliding under the waist of his trousers to grab his butt.

 

“And you say I’m the one with a great ass,” he cooed, giving it a firm squeeze.

 

Chuck’s head fell back when Yancy latched onto his neck, biting down where it meets his shoulder.

 

“If you leave any marks there, Becket, I’m not fucking around…” Chuck groaned when Yancy darted his tongue out after his teeth.

 

“Yeah, yeah, loud and clear,” he mumbled against his skin. He decided to use Chuck’s position to his advantage, pushing him up against the wall again to give them some more room and himself some leeway.

 

At some point in the scramble, Yancy’s other hand found Chuck’s ass under his khakis as well, and both men groaned at the contact, especially since it made it that much easier for Yancy to grind himself against Chuck.

 

The only solace Chuck took in his desperation, moaning as quietly as he could against Yancy’s lips, was that he knew the fucker was in the exact same boat. The rub of his dick against his own was sending Chuck into a frenzy and it took all his will power not to wrap his legs around that waist and…

 

“Shit,” he sighed when they broke apart again. “Want you, Yance…your—ah!—I want that cock in me.”

 

Yancy nipped his lip, before delivering a particularly hard kiss. “You’re mouthy, aren’t you?”

 

Chuck grinded his hips forward to response. “Why not find out yourself?”

 

All Yancy can do is shake his head and laugh lowly. “Have faith, I plan to.”

 

They got back to kissing, Chuck desperately holding onto Yancy’s shoulders while the blonde gave him a thigh to relieve some of the ache in his groin. They were both feeling each other’s hardness very acutely at this point, Yancy delivering a few hard thrusts when Chuck tweaked his nipples with wet fingers.

 

It’s all so hot and close and cramped that they don’t notice the voices until they’re right in front of the room.

 

“Do you hear that?”

 

Both of them freeze, more panicked than before at the slight worry in Mako’s voice.

 

“It definitely came from in here,” Raleigh agreed. “Yo, Yance! You didn’t hear us? Ollie Ollie oxen free!”

 

“Cannot find you or Hansen,” Aleksis called out.

 

“Maybe they’re together,” Newt offered to the group.

 

Raleigh laughed. “Fat chance. And you definitely checked the closet, right?”

 

Chuck and Yancy scrambled when they heard that, trying to rearrange themselves as best they can.

 

“Yes,” Mako said, approaching with her partner. “And it was locked. But I think someone must have found a way in.” Chuck didn’t like the all-knowing tone in her voice.

 

“Do not worry, door gets stuck sometimes, the owners tell us. Sasha has the key,” Aleksis said, before calling for her husband, who was in the other room.

 

Yancy got the last button done up on his shirt when the hulking man came into the room and Chuck had to help him tuck it back into his pants again while he fixed his very mussed-up hair.

 

“Thanks, Sasha,” Raleigh said and by the time the door is swinging open, Yancy and Chuck look pretty presentable.

 

Or so they think, upon seeing the faces of all their coworkers.

 

Once they’re in the light of the room, Chuck realized they shouldn’t have bothered fixing themselves up; his own pants are wrinkled and he completely forgot to re-buckle his belt because when the fuck did that even happen? Yancy wasn’t looking much better. He made a mess of the buttons on his shirt and try as they might he wasn’t going to get his Tintin and the Picaros hair back without a mirror and some Bumble & Bumble.

 

“Bro, are you fucking kidding me?” Raleigh groaned, hand over his face as if he’d caught them in the much more precarious position of two minutes ago. Chuck was sure he was mirroring the wide-eyed, red-faced look Raleigh had going.

 

Yancy smiled, a little sheepish, but managed a less-than-sincere “oops” as an apology.

 

Mako just smirked and walked Raleigh out of the room, throwing Chuck a very discreet wink. “Well, you both won this round, I think. Newt and Sasha are ‘It’ now.”

 

Yancy started to fix his shirt as the scene around them dispersed, Sasha with his very large hand on Newt’s shoulder as they talked strategy. He wasn’t fazed by the scandalized faces of the newer interns or the salacious grin Aleksis gave him as she walked out to him shirtless.

 

“If this is just the beginning of your affair,” she told them, her red nails like claws against the doorway, “please come by my office on Monday so we can…talk.”

 

Chuck ran a hand over his face and wondered what would make a woman like her work in human resources.

 

“Don’t worry,” Yancy promised, finishing tucking his shirt back. “They’re all a little thrown, but nobody will tell Pentecost.”

 

“I—oh, fuck,” Chuck stammered, his boss hadn’t even crossed his mind—that’s fucking obvious, you stupid twat, he scolded himself.

 

“Aaaand, he’s back,” the blonde laughed, “Stammerhead Hansen.”

 

Chuck felt the red rise in his face. “Shut the fuck up. Sorry you’ve got no shame, but I’d rather like to keep a little professionalism at my place of—”

 

He couldn’t help but let Yancy hold him in a kiss, almost as electrifying as the one in the closet.

 

“Cool your jets,” Yancy insisted against his lips. “Or I won’t take you up on your offer from earlier.” He smirked seeing Chuck shiver at that, with nary a comeback, and pet his still messy ginger hair. “Good boy.”

 

Chuck whacked his hand and moved further away to make sure he wouldn’t get pulled into Yancy’s orbit again.

 

“We’ll see if I let you, now, after all this,” he grumbled. “That was so bloody humiliating.”

 

Yancy grinned. “Well, you had to come out of the closet eventually…”

 

“Oh, shut up,” Chuck groaned. “One more crack and you can totally forget it.”

 

Yancy raised his arms up in defense. “Okay, I can take a hint. No more.”

 

“The interns were priceless though,” Chuck conceded as they walked down the stairs. They both laughed at that. “Pretty sure Kelly’s never seen a gay guy before,” he added.

 

“I can imagine what she was thinking when I followed you out,” Yancy snickered as he slid right back next to Chuck, pulling him flush against his back and sang, “I can’t believe it’s a ma-an…ma-an…”

 

Despite his threats, Chuck managed sneak into Yancy’s room that night and they even managed to be a little quieter.