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IS THAT NOT WHAT YOU SEEK? KNOWLEDGE ABOVE ALL ELSE?
“Don’t be ridiculous. It is what you seek.”
BUT ARE YOU NOT A PART OF ME? YOU CAME TO ME, ELIAS. THOSE WHO DO NOT SEEK CANNOT KNOW ME.
“I was lost and broken.”
AND I HEALED YOU.
“You healed me.” Elias confirms.
YOU CANNOT RUN FROM THOSE WHO HEAL. YOU CANNOT RUN FROM ME, MY DEAR ONE. I FIXED YOU AND WILL ALWAYS BE IMPRINTED ON YOU. YOU CANNOT RUN.
“I tried though, didn’t I? I ran. Surely you remember. I was free once. Before you. You are the all-knower, a presence that terrifies holy gods, don’t you know that one day I can be free from you again?”
It releases something like a cackle, a laugh full of mirth and pity. It rumbles through Elias like an avalanche, shaking and groaning.
FREEDOM REMAINS A FALLACY. YOUR HUMANITY SPEAKS OF DESTINY AND FREE WILL AS THOUGH THEY CAN EXIST WITH EACH OTHER. YOU WERE FREE ONCE, MAYBE. AND EVEN WHEN YOU ATTEMPTED TO FIND YOUR WAY BACK AFTER YOU LOST YOURSELF TO ME, YOU RETURNED. YOU CRAWLED THROUGH DIRT AND STONE, DUG UNTIL YOUR FINGERS BLED ENOUGH FOR A SACRIFICE BUT YOU STILL CAME BACK. YOU SPEAK OF FREEDOM BUT YOU DO NOT SPEAK OF WHAT YOU DEEM THE SHAMEFUL DESIRE THAT ALWAYS HAS YOU ITCHING TO DISCOVER ME AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL YOU’RE BREATHLESS WITH PLEASURE.
Elias shifts in his cot so he’s facing the cell wall, curling into himself.
WHY DO YOU HIDE. I AM THE EYE.
“How did you come to know so much? How do you exist?” Elias whispers, tightening his arms around his torso.
YOU ASK ME THIS NOW? AFTER SO MANY YEARS?
Elias feels a liquid warmth crawling up his spine. He shudders and digs his fingernails into his skin, grounding him, reminding him he alive, even after hundreds of years. It is touching him as much as a faceless, formless, entity (monster? god? something worse than divinity? Elias still doesn’t know). Elias is afraid.
HOW DOES ANYTHING BECOME? BY STARS? BY NOTHING? BY HUMAN CREATION? THAT IS THE ONLY THING I DO NOT KNOW. THE ONLY ANSWER THAT IS OUT OF MY REACH. ONE DAY I EXISTED AND ALL I KNEW WAS EVERYTHING. ONE DAY I MET OTHERS WHO EXISTED. AND THEY ATE THINGS OF FLESH, THEY KNEW THINGS OF BONES AND DIRT, OF ROT AND BLOOD. AND ALL I KNEW IS THAT THEY EXIST BECAUSE THEY HUNGER. YOU EXIST BECAUSE YOU HUNGER.
Elias laughs, something bitter and vile. “I was human once, there was a reason behind my birth.”
YOU KNOW BETTER BY NOW. YOU CAN NOT HAVE FOOLED YOURSELF FOR SO LONG. YOU ARE NOT HUMAN. WHO YOU ARE NOW IS BECAUSE YOU HUNGERED FOR SOMETHING AKIN TO ACCEPTANCE. YOU WERE HUNGRY. YOU ARE HUNGRY. YOU FOUND ME AND YOU WILL REMAIN HUNGRY.