Chapter Text
Oikawa leaned back, leaving Iwaizumi chasing after his lips.
“Tooru, what's wrong?” he asked as he lowered his head, pressing gentle kisses to his shoulder. He stopped when Oikawa pulled away again.
Oikawa looked away, and Iwaizumi noticed a flash of guilt play across his face when he finally spoke.
“We shouldn't be doing this, Iwa. And, you know we shouldn't. Our teammates’ rooms are right there, and they could hear us.”
Oikawa watched as Iwaizumi quietly sighed before nodding as he pulled away. He'd never understand how Hajime was able to just ignore everyone and do what he wanted. Oikawa knew that he could never be like his Iwa-chan. He could never just be with him in spite of what everyone else thought, even though it was what he wanted most in the world.
Iwaizumi was brave, unlike Oikawa. Iwaizumi didn't think twice about being with him; he didn't care what anyone else thought. It was Oikawa who held them back, who was terrified of the world around them and what that world would say. For Oikawa, nobody could know, no matter what.
Then again, Iwaizumi had always been the braver one out of the two.
Oikawa could remember when they first met, could picture it perfectly. Iwaizumi had been the first to react to the spark that signified that they were soulmates, the one that they felt when they touched for the first time. His eyes had widened, and he stared at Oikawa, watching as he realized that they were soulmates as well. And then came the heart wrenching words that had shaped their entire relationship.
“Nobody can know.”
Iwaizumi had stared at Oikawa when he heard the other boy utter those words. He had watched as Oikawa's eyes filled with tears, as Oikawa's heart pounded with the realization that he had to keep his soulmate a secret. Oikawa still didn't know what Iwaizumi had been thinking during those moments. The moments that had changed their lives. The moments that had not only changed their lives, but shaped the rest of their lives up until that point.
Oikawa had known, even at the age of ten, that nobody could find out that his soulmate was a boy. Nobody could know. His parents would never approve, and he knew it.
Everyone knew the stories of what could happen if your soulmate wasn't acceptable to your parents, to the world. Countless stories of people harassed, beaten, disowned, murdered. The worst was places that claimed that they could break the bond between soulmates or transfer the bonds so that they were between two new, acceptable people.
Oikawa had hid. Iwaizumi had hid with him, but it wasn't what Iwaizumi had wanted. He allowed Oikawa to hide. One could say he let Oikawa hide behind him, behind his bravery. Oikawa knew Iwaizumi wanted more, that he wanted to be with Oikawa openly, not just behind closed doors. He knew he wanted to go on proper dates. Dates that Oikawa couldn't offer him.
Because he wasn't brave. Because he was scared.
“Tooru.”
He barely registered Iwaizumi calling his name.
“Tooru, talk to me.”
Oikawa started a bit when he felt Iwaizumi’s hand on his face, cupping his cheek. It grounded him, pulling him back to reality and forcing him to focus on Iwaizumi instead of the endless thoughts that roamed his head. That was something that happened often. Oikawa was always getting lost, and Iwaizumi was always pulling him back, never the other way around. Iwaizumi was his rock. Iwaizumi was what grounded him to reality and kept him from floating away.
He didn't deserve Iwaizumi.
“Tooru, please. Tell me what's on your mind.”
Oikawa felt Iwaizumi brush away a tear he didn't know he had cried, and then the tears continued falling. Oikawa could feel his control slipping as he broke down, letting Iwaizumi pull him into his arms like he did every time Oikawa broke down like this, every time everything became too much. Iwa-chan was always there for him. No matter what.
Iwaizumi pulled the taller boy onto his lap, cradling him like a child, and gently ran his fingers through Oikawa's curls. He looked down as Oikawa pressed his face into his shirt, and Iwaizumi didn't care if Oikawa ruined another one of his shirts or not. They were just shirts, and they could be washed or replaced. But Oikawa couldn't be replaced. He was one of a kind.
And he was his.
“Tooru, please talk to me. I'm here. I'm always here for you. No matter what.”
He needed Oikawa to talk to him. Oikawa didn't like to talk much about his feelings or what was bothering him, but, if he didn't, it caused many more problems in the long run. He would bottle them up, would obsess over things, would be consumed by them, and it would lead to an explosion or some sort of disaster when it finally became too much for him to handle.
“I'm… I'm scared, Hajime. I'm always scared someone is going to find out about us. You know how my parents are. You know what would happen. You know how scared I am everytime we do anything at all! You know, but you still push for more. You know, but you're somehow able to forget about all that. Or you just don't care.”
Oikawa felt more tears slipping down his cheeks, felt Iwaizumi brushing them away, gentle as ever. He knew he was being too harsh towards Iwaizumi, that he did care just like Oikawa did. He was starting to drift back into his thoughts when he heard the reassuring words that Iwaizumi softly spoke near his ear.
“I care, Trashykawa, of course I care. It's easy to forget when I'm with you because you let me forget. I'm always too focused on you to care what anyone else thinks. You're the one who matters, not anyone else.”
Oikawa visibly relaxed, starting to calm down, and Iwaizumi smiled at the thought that he might be the only person in the world who knows Oikawa Tooru well enough to know what to do in any given situation. To calm him when he was upset. To get him to relax.
Not to say what Oikawa said didn't hurt. It always hurt when the other boy lashed out at him, even if Iwaizumi knew he didn't mean it.
“Dinner is soon,” Iwaizumi said as he grabbed a tissue and wiped away the remaining tears before putting the tissue to his nose.
“Blow.”
Oikawa couldn't help but laugh, pushing at Iwaizumi’s shoulder. “I'm not your child, Iwa-chan!”
“You sure cry like a child,” he quipped back, barely suppressing an amused chuckle.
“Mean Iwa-chan!”
Oikawa watched as a smile ghosted across Iwaizumi’s lips while he stubbornly pressed the tissue to his nose again. Iwaizumi chuckled slightly when Oikawa reluctantly blew out into the tissue, smiling when he saw the pout on his soulmate's face.
“What?”
“That was gross, Iwa-chan. I probably look gross,” he said as he pulled away and turned so Iwaizumi couldn't see him. He covered his face like the drama queen that he was. “Don't look, I'm ugly when I cry.”
Iwaizumi laughed. You didn't care five minutes ago when you were sobbing against me.
“Tooru, you're not ugly when you cry. You always look amazing,” he said as he pulled him back into his arms, earning a cheery smile from Oikawa, who nuzzled against him.
Iwaizumi kissed his cheek, running his fingers through Oikawa's curls again. He could feel him continuing to relax and calm down, just like he always did. Most people wouldn’t be able to tell when they looked at him, but Oikawa was more fragile than he lets on. He worked so hard to project the perfect image of himself to his fans—to the world—but Iwaizumi knew the truth.
Oikawa Tooru was scared and, above all, hurt.