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the soft sound of music fills the room, deeply contrasting with the heavy atmosphere lingering in it. however her fingers don’t stop playing over the ivories even after the words are spoken.
whether that’s her choosing to ignore the brunette or her body going into autopilot, she doesn’t really know.
“jinsoul? did you hear what i said?” the brunette whispers, just barely audible. she can sense the sadness and desperation in her voice. she thinks her heart cracks in half right then and there.
so she keeps playing.
“jinsoul, i’m sorry,” the older girl tries again, voice becoming slightly louder.
but jinsoul doesn’t stop until her song is finished. only then does she turn to the other.
“that was supposed to be for you,” she says, voice lacking any emotion at all.
they stare at eachother for another long moment until the silence is unbearable.
jinsoul is the first to get up and leave.
“goodbye, sooyoung.”
///
the loud bang of her fist hitting the shiny wood of the piano makes jungeun jump, a tiny screech leaving her throat.
jinsoul sighs deeply in response to the glare the shorter girl gives her.
“i’m sorry, it’s just so frustrating,” she says, running a hand through her already messy hair.
jungeun gives her a sympathetic look, gently patting her back.
“i know, but you’ll get it eventually,” she says comfortingly.
the blonde groans, slamming her head a little too hard on the ivories, making jungeun flinch.
“i should already be there. i used to be able to whip this shit up in like twenty minutes,” she whines, cheek pressed to the dirty keys.
“yeah but love isn’t an easy thing to write about, let alone with no words,” jungeun reasons.
jinsoul sighs again.
“whatever, i have to go to yeojin’s soccer game anyways,” she breathes, standing up slowly.
“you’re still doing that?” the brunette asks, raising an eyebrow skeptically.
truthfully, coaching children’s soccer wasn’t what she expected to be doing for fun years ago, but now it was sometimes the only enjoyment she got anymore. her sister, haseul, had asked if she could sit in as coach on one of her nieces games last year, and since then she’s completely taken over the role, arguing that she wouldn’t have anything better to do anyway.
“yeah i am. you should come to a game,” jinsoul says, making jungeun scoff.
“why the hell would i want to do that?” she muses. jinsoul devilishly raises her eyebrows.
“because jiwoo is always there to pick up her friend’s kids,” she sing-songs. jungeun’s ears turn a deep scarlet.
“shut the hell up.”
jinsoul laughs all the way to her car.
she thinks about how at one point in her life you couldn’t pull her out of that studio for days. but that was years ago when she was an idol travelling the world with her best friend making more money than she knew what to do with at eighteen.
now sometimes sitting at that piano felt like a chore.
she shakes her head as she gets out of her car, snapping out of her daze just in time before a bunch of tiny voices call out to her.
she can’t help the smile that tugs at her lips as she sees all the kids dressed in their gear. she had loved kids since she was one herself.
she greets the children one by one, giving them each a high five.
“coach jinsoul, my mommy said that if i finish my chapter book by the end of the month she’ll get me a puppy!”
now she knows she shouldn’t pick favorites, and if she did it should probably be her own niece, but something in her heart is tugged on every time little heejin speaks to her.
“a puppy? that’s so cool, heejin,” she exclaims, making the six-year-old smile.
she wasn’t by far the best on the team— hell she was probably one of the worst. but she constantly supported her peers, always offering words of encouragement. especially to her little sister, who may only be four, but is for sure some kind of soccer prodigy.
“hyejoo says she wants a wolf, but mommy says our room isn’t big enough for one. and besides, what if he howls when we’re tryna sleep?” the little girl rambles.
jinsoul had actually never met the sibling’s mom, as she was apparently working all the time; but jiwoo was always there to cheer them on and pick them up. from the stories she’s heard from all three girls, their mom seems like she’s a really good person though— just really busy.
she leads the kids through a warm up, letting yeojin do her little pep talk before they begin the game.
heejin as per usual stands mostly off to the sidelines, alternating between chatting with jinsoul and cheering for her teammates.
the game goes by without a hitch, hyejoo managing to score them a winning goal.
they all celebrate with watermelon slices that some soccer mom brought for them, the clean white of their jerseys being stained with the pink juice.
she never seems to be in a better mood than when she’s with her little team.
she sits on a lawn chair, hyejoo on her lap talking animatedly about the wolf she’s trying to convince her mom to buy, when suddenly the four-year-old lets out a shrill shreik.
“jiwoo!”
jinsoul flinches back as hyejoo jumps off her lap, running into the arms of the red head.
jiwoo approaches her, hyejoo resting on her hip.
“so, i’m out of town next week, but their mom will be off work to pick them up,” she says.
jinsoul gets excited at the prospect of finally meeting the girls’ mom.
“yeah, that’s fine,” she says.
jiwoo seems to hesitate for a moment before speaking again. “has jungeun said anything about me?”
the blonde blinks in response.
“uh, i don’t know. why?” she asks, cocking her head.
the smaller girl blushes, looking at the ground.
“no reason,” she says quickly. “heejin, come on let’s go,” she calls.
jinsoul smirks at jiwoo quickly waves, rushing off the field.
oh yeah, she was not going to let jungeun hear the end of this.
///
“jinsoul i need you to tell me i’m great.”
that’s the first thing sooyoung says to her when she pulls them both into an empty storage closet, eyes glossed with tears.
“you’re great,” she says immediately, cradling the older’s face.
sooyoung turns her head, shrugging the blonde’s hands off.
“i need this,” she whispers into the quiet of the room. “i need to debut.”
“you will, sooyoung. you’re one of the best trainees here,” she reassures.
“you don’t get it.”
jinsoul gently turns the brunette’s head back, forcing her to meet her eyes.
“what are you talking about?” she asks softly.
sooyoung sighs, eyes closing. she swears she sees a tear roll down the older girl’s face.
“if i don’t debut i have to take over my family’s company,” she says.
jinsoul furrows her eyebrows. “yeah i know that.”
“no, you don’t,” the brunette whispers, tears now flowing freely.
“if i don’t debut my mom is gonna marry me off.”
oh. well she didn’t know that.
“marry you off?”
“some guy from a rich family. my mom wants us to get married and pop out a couple kids. the only way out is if i debut,” she sniffles, leaning into the blonde’s hand.
“sooyoung, you’ll debut. you’ll debut, and then we can get married,” she smiles, making sooyoung giggle.
“okay.”
sooyoung breaks her nose the day before her debut.
jinsoul is the one they make take her place.
///
she needs a damn drink.
she had been in the studio all day playing a variation of melodies that she thinks might channel the whole “love” thing.
nothing worked.
it has been months since her manager gave her a theme to compose off of— something she had done for years. when she was a part of odd eye circle, the instrumental piece she would create based on the theme of the album was always the best seller. it became her trademark, the thing that put her aside from every other idol out there.
she’s not even sure she knows what love is at this point.
she finds herself standing outside of some shady bar tucked in an alley of the city. she always chooses bars like this in case of the off chance she’ll be recognized.
the door creaks loudly as she pushes through making her cringe. the place is basically deserted aside from a few straggly looking men around the pool table tucked into a dark corner. she plops herself heavily onto a vacant stool, burying her head into her folded arms, nose brushing the sticky counter.
“rough day?” she hears a velvety voice speak.
“you don’t even know the half of it,” she groans, still hiding her head in her arms.
the bartender laughs loudly. she swears she’s heard that sound somewhere before.
a drink is placed in front of her, the glass hitting the wood loudly. she raises her head to thank the woman behind the bar.
her words die on her lips.
standing in front of her is sooyoung— her sooyoung.
they freeze up at the same time, eyes locked on eachother.
jinsoul throws the drink back as fast as possible before she makes her way out of the bar.
her hands tug at her hair harshly as she paces around on the sidewalk, muttering curses into the cool air.
she tries to stop the tears from escaping her eyes, but she can’t.
her knees buckle as she sits down on the curb, covering her face with her cold hands.
she sits there until two in the morning when sooyoung is closing up.
when the brunette walks out of the building, she can hear her steps halt, probably spotting the blonde hair.
she expects the girl to curse her out, maybe even beat her up.
sooyoung sits down beside her.
“hey.”
huh. that really wasn’t what she expected. the older girl must sense her shock as she puts a gentle hand on the blonde’s shoulder.
“hi,” she breathes.
it feels like she’s been underwater for hours and is just now coming up for fresh air.
“i’m not mad at you,” sooyoung whispers, eyes trained on the street lamp flickering above them.
“i know.”
neither of them know what to say. they simply sit in content silence, watching the light struggle to stay illuminated.
“do you still play?”
jinsoul’s head whips towards the brunette at the question. why is that the first thing she asks after not seeing eachother for almost a decade?
“yes,” she says. it sounds a lot more strangled than she intends.
“do you still sing?” she blurts.
fuck, maybe she shouldn’t have asked that.
the other girl’s eyes glaze over with something resembling nostalgia as she continues to stare at the light.
“sometimes. only when the kids can’t sleep,” she answers.
“kids?” she asks.
sooyoung meets her eyes.
“yeah. kids.”
“but you never wanted kids,” she blurts once more, mentally cursing herself.
the brunette seems to take a moment to ponder.
“no, i didn’t. but now they’re my life,” she finally responds, small smile creeping onto her face.
“i didn’t take over the company, though. and i divorced that bastard my mom made me marry.”
jinsoul doesn’t understand why sooyoung tells her all this, but she still nods.
“good for you,” she says quietly, breath visible in the air.
they sit for another moment.
sooyoung is the first to leave.
“i’ll see you,” she speaks.
the light goes out.
///
“are you finished my song yet?” sooyoung pouts, head resting on jinsoul’s shoulder.
”no,” she sighs. “it’s hard.”
”it shouldn’t be. you’ve written songs for everyone,” the brunette whines.
that’s true. she does write songs about everyone she cares about. but it’s a lot harder to write about sooyoung in a song than it is to write about jungeun— especially when there’s no words.
”don’t rush my art,” she condemns jokingly, poking the older girl on the nose.
”well then hurry up,” sooyoung whines, crossing her arms.
she swears she’ll never finish this damn song.
///
“good job everyone,” she yells, patting yeojin on the back as the team rushes to the water stand.
this time the team had lost, as hyunjin and hyejoo got distracted by a stray cat wandering through the park beside the field, making it a lot easier for the opposing team to score.
“but, jinsoul, we lost!” yeojin exclaims, dramatically burying her head in her hands.
“it’s okay, we can win next time,” heejin reassures, patting her teammate on the back.
jinsoul smiles at the sincerity of the little girl. again, she really shouldn’t pick favorites, but heejin makes it really hard— especially when she’s the only one not to participate in throwing the water jug over jinsoul’s head. definitely hyunjin or yeojin’s idea.
the kids gradually start to get picked up one by one, haseul staying a bit longer to gush about the vacation vivi was taking their family on next month.
stupid haseul and her perfect life.
eventually everyone is gone but heejin and hyejoo, the two resorting to kicking the soccer ball around a little longer.
“where’s your auntie jiwoo?” she asks them, eyebrows furrowed.
“she’s gone, mommy is picking us up,” heejin reminds her.
right. their mom was coming today.
jinsoul joins in on the passing the kids are doing, making sure to kick it very softly to heejin so she can’t miss it.
“i’m so sorry i’m late,” she hears behind her, the woman clearly breathless.
“mommy!”
both girls whiz past her presumably into the arms of their mother.
“oh it’s no pr—“ she starts as she turns around.
and then she stops talking when she once again sees sooyoung standing in front of her.
both their eyes widen at the same time.
“mommy this is our coach! coach jinsoul! we love her!” hyejoo exclaims, sticky fingers cradling her moms cheeks.
sooyoung looks like she’s been turned to stone as she stands frozen, shocked look still on her face.
“uh, hi,” jinsoul says quietly, awkwardly trying to smile.
the brunette seems to snap out of it when hyejoo hits her lightly.
“hey, don’t hit,” she scolds before focusing again on the blonde.
“hi.”
they stand awkwardly for another minute or so, heejin looking confused between the two.
“mommy, can jinsoul come get ice cream with us?” hyejoo asks.
“oh, i don’t want to intru—“ jinsoul starts, beginning to ramble slightly.
sooyoung cuts her off.
“of course she can... if she wants to,” she answers, voice trailing off slowly.
that’s how she finds herself being fed ice cream by a very clumsy six year old who apparently thought missing the older girl’s mouth was the epitome of humour.
she pretends to growl, tickling the girl when she finds herself with ice cream on her forehead for the third time.
she doesn’t let up on the tickling until heejin is wheezing out an apology, laugh ringing through the tiny parlour.
she smiles widely at the child.
then she sees sooyoung staring at her out of the corner of her eye. she turns to the older woman and sees a look she can’t decipher in the older woman’s eyes.
“mommy i wish you could pick us up every time,” hyejoo whines, stealing a bite of her sister’s ice cream.
sooyoung looks down sadly at her daughter, lightly stroking her hair.
“i know. i do too,” she responds, gentle eyes staring lovingly at the four-year-old.
jinsoul feels a pang of pity for the woman. it seemed like she really wanted to spend more time with her kids.
they stay at the parlour for another hour or so, heejin rambling about how she’s almost done her chapter book, meaning she should have a puppy by the end of the month.
the blonde feels herself easing up around the brunette until finally she feels comfortable enough to lightly tease her, making hyejoo cackle from the other side of the booth.
“we should get going,” sooyoung sighs after heejin’s head starts bobbing, her eyes heavy lidded.
“i’ll walk you back to your car,” jinsoul offers, already taking the tired child into her arms.
sooyoung scratches her neck sheepishly. “i, uh... don’t have a car,” she mumbles, avoiding eye contact.
“then i’ll drive you,” she answers automatically.
“no it’s okay, we can take the subway,” the older says, gently coaxing hyejoo out of the booth.
“i’ll drive you,” jinsoul repeats, giving sooyoung a look telling her to shut up.
they each walk back to the field with a sleeping child in their arms.
they don’t speak a word to eachother the entire ride to sooyoung’s apartment, the brunette only mumbling out quiet directions through the city.
they pull up to a run down building a little outside of the city. the older turns to her suddenly, making jinsoul shrink back a bit.
no matter how comfortable she could ever get around the other, something about sooyoung would always make her heart speed up.
“do you want to come in?” she whispers, her eyes sparkling under the sunset.
she can only nod before she gets out of the car, scooping hyejoo into her arms as carefully as she can.
they trek up a few flight of stairs quietly, sooyoung leading her into a small apartment on the top floor.
the place is messy. toys scattering around the living room area, pictures littering every inch of space on the fridge in the kitchen, even a few socks here and there. but something about it makes her feel more at home than her own boring monochromatic penthouse.
“i’m sorry it’s not much but—“
“it’s perfect,” jinsoul says, looking the brunette deep in the eyes.
they share soft smiles, and something inside of her feels like it’s been filled with molten lava. standing here in a messy apartment, cradling a sleeping child as her and sooyoung gaze lovingly at eachother.
she never realized that this is what she always wanted.
“uh, i’ll show you to their room,” the brunette says, breaking the silence as she moves through the apartment.
the kid’s room is painted half pink, half grey. there are little glowing star stickers on the ceiling and tiny flower pots sitting on the windowsill, messy printing of each of the girl’s names residing on the clay. pictures line the walls; various shots of the trio throughout the years, three smiles eerily similar to that of a bunny shining through the photos.
she can really see how happy sooyoung’s children are just by their room alone.
she lays hyejoo in her bed, tucking her in lightly to her mario themed sheets as the other woman does the same on the other side of the room with heejin.
she coos when the four-year-old reaches for an eevee plushie in her sleep, two fingers resting in her mouth.
her and sooyoung retreat back to the living room once both children are letting out soft snores.
“thank you again, you really didn’t have to drive us.”
“i wasn’t going to let my star players take the subway home after a big game,” she jokes. sooyoung still fidgets in a way that makes jinsoul want to reassure her.
“hey, they’re good kids. it wasn’t any trouble or anything,” she speaks, much quieter.
sooyoung shoots her a small smile. “um, do you want something to drink?” she offers.
she thinks about it. how easy it would be for her to accept and fall into a conversation with the other woman. maybe even apologizing for everything that happened ten years ago.
she thinks she can still see some kind of emotion in the brunette’s eyes when she gazes at her.
“um, i have a early day tomorrow so i should probably go... but maybe another time?” she says.
“okay. another time,” the older woman repeats mostly to herself.
she waits until she’s back in her boring monochromatic penthouse before she starts to cry.
///
“they want you to replace me, don’t they?”
jinsoul swallows harshly, not knowing how to respond.
she decides to be honest.
“yes.”
sooyoung is scarily silent.
“sooyoung? i won’t do it,” she reassures.
the brunette doesn’t say a word.
“i won’t do it,” she says louder.
golden brown eyes meet hers.
she doesn’t have to say a word, because she knows what sooyoung is asking her to do.
“i don’t want to do it,” she whimpers, lip quivering.
“i know. but you’re going to.”
///
jungeun is by far the most patronizing person jinsoul knows.
that’s why she’s surprised when she tells her about her reconnection with sooyoung over the past few weeks.
“oh. ok.”
“what? that’s it? that’s all you’re going to say?”
jungeun looks at her with judging eyes.
“what do you want me to do? give a monologue?” she snaps.
jinsoul holds her hands up in surrender.
“how’s your piano thing coming along?” the younger asks, making jinsoul sigh.
“it’s not,” she deadpans.
“well maybe it’s because you’re playing too complicated. love is... simple,” jungeun says wistfully.
“huh. did jiwoo tell you that?”
she curses her slow reflexes when she gets hit upside the head.
but she still mules over the other’s words.
she falls asleep on the piano from working so hard for the first time in years that night.
the next week she gets news that her team’s next soccer game was out of town.
she tells sooyoung she’ll drive her and the girls before the brunette can speak a word to her.
the older girl had been picking her kids up from practice more frequently due to a change in her schedule, meaning her and jinsoul spent a lot more time together.
she thought that getting to know her again would be excruciatingly painful.
instead it’s like riding a bike; because she’s really not that different than she was ten years ago.
they joke over wine after the kids have long fallen asleep and eat dinner at nice restaurants— jinsoul’s treat. sometimes they even stay a little longer at the park beside the field, heejin and jinsoul competing on who can cross the monkey bars faster.
she starts writing her own music again.
she still cant figure out the “love” piece, but she makes a few little melodies that remind her of hyejoo when she sees a mario commercial, or taps out a pretty chord progression when she looks back on the pictures she takes of heejin on the playground, butterfly clips in her hair.
haseul and jungeun tell her she seems happier.
she thinks she is.
on the way of town, they make it to the third replay of “baby shark” when both kids fall asleep in the backseat.
“they’re just like you. can’t stay asleep in a vehicle,” jinsoul jokes.
“shut up,” sooyoung whines. “i’m not that bad.”
the blonde can’t help but laugh at the yawn the brunette immediately lets out after finishing her sentence.
“sooyoung?” she says quietly, hesitating on whether she should ask what she’s about to ask.
“yeah?”
“why don’t you hate me?”
she doesn’t look over at the girl, but feels her stiffen beside her.
“it wasn’t your fault,” she says honestly.
jinsoul meets her eyes. “it was my fault,” she says softly.
“it wasn’t,” sooyoung says, shaking her head.
“besides, if i debuted i wouldn’t have those two monsters in the back,” she says, lightening the mood.
she doesn’t feel the need to say more.
the drive isn’t very long, so they arrive at their hotel only a few minutes after sooyoung dozes off as well.
the golden light coming through her sunroof lights up the girl’s face, eyelashes casting a shadow down her sharp cheekbone.
she doesn’t realize she’s been staring until heejin wakes up in the back seat, bringing her back to reality.
the four of them walk in together, checking into their respective rooms.
she wishes it didn’t hurt as much as it did when the trio waves her goodbye to get their stuff set up.
the team has a quick practice in the ballroom of the hotel, as there was no outdoor space available. they have to cut it short when hyunjin shatters a very expensive looking lamp in the corner of the room.
jinsoul and sooyoung laugh all the way down the hall at the petrified expression on haseul’s face as she tried to hide the broken lamp where no one would see it.
the older leans into her as she lets out a loud cackle, making jinsoul stumble backwards.
“where’s your room?” she asks, wiping a stray tear from her eye.
“near yours,” the blonde responds.
sooyoung must sense her hesitation to return to her own room.
“do you wanna watch a movie with the kids and i?” she asks.
jinsoul can’t help the wide smile that spreads across her face.
her and hyejoo both advocate heavily for zootopia until heejin finally gives in, making them the winning team.
in hindsight, they probably should have realized that a four and six year-old probably wouldn’t stay awake for a full movie after an entire soccer practice and a semi-long drive.
they’re barely twenty minutes in when heejin lets out a loud snore from where she’s sprawled across sooyoung’s lap.
jinsoul giggles at the image of the three all curled up together, the brunette stiff as she tries not to move and wake her kids up.
the other gives her a blinding smile in return.
“hey, jinsoul?” she murmurs.
“yeah?”
“did you ever think about me?”
that was a loaded question. for the years she was an idol sooyoung was always the on the forefront of her mind. sometimes she hated her. she wished she had never met her so she wouldn’t feel the pain she felt. other times she physically had to restrain herself from calling the girl to tell her she was still in love with her.
“all the time,” she answered after a long pause.
sooyoung smiles softly, eyes sparkling.
“i thought about you. even when i was married to him.”
the blonde’s breath hitches at those words, heart speeding up immediately.
“he left when he found out i liked girls. i was still pregnant with hyejoo,” the brunette tells her, voice bitter as she reminisces about her ex.
“i never thought i’d want kids, you know. i only thought they were a business thing, like my mom saw my sisters and i,” she continues, eyes glazing over.
“but now i can’t picture my life without them.”
jinsoul smiles at the mention of how much sooyoung loves her kids. she gazes down at the plumpness of hyejoo’s cheeks where they’re smushed against sooyoung’s arm, and then looks over at the way heejin’s eyes fluttered in her sleep, probably as she dreamt.
“they’re great kids,” the younger mumbles, eyes soft.
“they never shut up about you,” sooyoung reveals, crooked teeth showing as she beams in jinsoul’s direction.
she snorts as she pictures little heejin talking her mom’s ear off about her.
“sooyoung...” she breathes, gaze heavy. “i think you still care about me as much as i care about you,” she admits.
the brunette nods slowly.
“i do.”
she wants to live in this moment forever.
that’s the last thing she thinks before she closes the gap, careful not to wake the sleeping children.
she wakes up to hyejoo cuddled into her side, sooyoung’s arm around her waist, and a very grumpy heejin who weasels her way into the middle with her sister.
she meets sooyoung’s eyes in the early morning glow.
yeah, she was definitely happier.
///
“i can’t write you this song.”
”what do you mean?” the brunette groans, rolling over from her spot in the bed.
”i mean it’s too hard. i can’t capture you in a single song,” she giggles.
”you can, you’re just over complicating it,” sooyoung states.
”how so?”
”you focus on the big picture and not the details,” she says.
”isn’t that what i’m supposed to do?” jinsoul asks.
”not with this.”
///
hyejoo is practically vibrating with excitement as they enter the shelter, feet swinging in the air, accidentally kicking jinsoul a few times.
“are you excited?” jinsoul asks, laughing at the squeal she gets in response.
heejin runs faster than she’d ever run in any soccer practice up to the cages, standing on her tip toes to get a better look at all of the dogs.
sooyoung kneels down beside her, quietly asking which one she liked.
they end up at the shelter for hours, because sooyoung’s first mistake was letting both her kids pick out the dog.
jinsoul fully expects them to pick one of the newborn labrador puppies that were selling quickly at the front of the building.
they walk out with the ugliest shi-tzu she had ever seen picked from the very back of the array of cages.
heejin names him “moomin” after much debate with her sister.
she laughs at the disgusted look on sooyoung’s face as her daughters squish their cheeks against the dog’s matted fur.
“you let them choose,” she reminds her, elbowing the older woman slightly.
the woman sighs deeply, running a hand over her face.
“yeah, that was a mistake.”
moomin returns home to a fluffy pink bed, bright purple collar and rainbow food bowl.
sooyoung snorts when the little creature immediately curls up in the pink bed, falling asleep and ignoring the coos of the hyperactive children poking at him.
“your dog is breaking gender norms,” she muses, smile tugging at her lips.
“well he does have two lesbian moms and lives in a tiny apartment that could be mistaken for a halfway house.”
jinsoul laughs loudly. she can’t help the flutter she feels when sooyoung refers to her as a mom, though.
“now, if there is any feces on this floor, who is cleaning it up,” the brunette says sternly, pointing a finger at her kids.
“i will,” heejin says confidently.
“and if there is any hair on the couch who will sweep it?”
“i will,” hyejoo says, pointing dramatically at herself.
“great, we’re all on the same page,” sooyoung smiles.
the oldest makes them all a grand feast for dinner, as it was moomin’s first night with them and heejin and hyejoo insisted it be memorable.
“mama, can jinsoul sleep over again?” hyejoo asks, mouth full of ramen.
“if she wants,” sooyoung responds, glancing at the blonde from across the table.
“of course,” she smiles, making hyejoo cheer.
they finish their dinner slowly, as heejin apparently has to recount everything that happened in the book she finished.
jinsoul laughs at the child’s animated retelling of the princess bride, and cheerfully informs her that there’s a movie to go along with it.
of course, as moomin’s first movie night with his new family they watch the princess bride.
hyejoo is out like a light five minutes in, but surprisingly heejin stays awake for the whole thing, eyes glued to the screen.
the six-year-old asks jinsoul to tuck her in that night. she’d be lying if she didn’t have to blink back tears when she accepts.
“you know, you and mommy are kinda like buttercup and westley,” the little girl yawns, reaching to turn on her lava lamp.
“yeah? why is that?” she questions.
“because you and mommy love eachother,” she states. now jinsoul really has to blink back tears.
“and you’re rich,” heejin adds. jinsoul laughs softly as she tucks her in, kissing her forehead quickly.
“goodnight, baby,” she whispers.
heejin smiles in her sleep as jinsoul closes the door.
she finds sooyoung in her bed, moomin cuddled to her side.
she freezes like she’s been caught murdering someone when jinsoul enters the room.
the blonde tries not to laugh, but can’t help the snort that rises out of her, resulting in a pillow colliding with her head.
“shut up. i hate dogs,” sooyoung grumbles.
“i know you do.”
///
it’s three months later when shit hits the fan.
‘former idol and pianist, jung jinsoul seen with mystery girl and kids. is the former play girl finally settling down?’
that’s the headline that ruins her life.
“when the hell was that picture taken?” sooyoung exclaims, pacing frantically around jinsoul’s empty living room.
“i think it was last week when we went to the aquarium,” she answers quietly, eyes trained on the ground.
the older woman grabs fist fulls of her hair, whimpers leaving her mouth as she continues her pacing.
“i’ll take care of it, sooyoung. i can—“ she starts, but the other doesn’t let her finish.
“you can’t,” she snaps. “you can’t fix this because people have already seen it.”
“sooyoung—“
“do you know what people are going to do to my kids? they already get tormented by all the snotty little rich kids at school. what the hell do you think is going to happen when their parents see this?” she shouts, arms gesturing wildly.
“soo—“
“i’m going to have to tell them that i was the one to ruin their lives. god knows i already have by raising them alone,” she cries, tears streaming her face.
“don’t say that. we can move them to a bigger school or we—“
“there is no ‘we’ in this, jinsoul. i can’t do this to them,” she says harshly.
“do you think i don’t care about them?” the blonde asks, eyebrows furrowed in anger.
“no that’s not—“ sooyoung lets out a deep sigh. “look, they don’t have to be your first priority, but they are mine.”
jinsoul pauses in shock, mouth agape.
“you think they’re not a priority?”
“no, because they don’t have to be, and that’s okay,” the brunette explains. “i don’t expect them to be, they’re not your kids,” she says a little more softly.
that shouldn’t hurt her as much as it does.
“so what are you saying?”
sooyoung sighs deeply, tears continuing to pour.
“i’m saying i can’t have them resent me.”
long after sooyoung leaves, her body moves on autopilot to her piano.
she plays until the early hours of the morning, her fingers aching from the pressure.
she thinks about love.
she knows why she got it wrong.
to her, love wasn’t an overwhelmingly complicated melody filled with intensity and skill like she kept trying to make it.
it was in the way hyejoo kicks the ball to her sister, even while knowing she won’t score. the way jiwoo blushes whenever jungeun’s name is mentioned. how heejin talks about her mother for hours to anyone who will listen because to her, her mother was a princess. when haseul and vivi get yeojin a new bike even after she’s the one to destroy her old one. how sooyoung smiled at her the night she told her she was great in that empty closet.
she doesn’t realize until that moment that she’s known the right melody for a decade.
///
“jungeun told me she thinks she won’t debut,” jinsoul reveals, eyes scanning the night sky above her.
“she will.”
“what if i don’t?”
sooyoung grabs her hand.
“all of us will,” she states.
“and if one of us doesn’t?”
“then all three of us can quit and start our own company.”
“pretty ambitious,” jinsoul muses.
“so is dating another girl while i’m still a trainee, but here we are,” sooyoung reminds her, a teasing smile on her lips.
“what if we don’t make it?” the younger whispers, making the smile disappear off the other’s face.
“then we don’t make it. but i think we will,” she says.
“me too.”
///
no matter how many times jungeun reassures her, she’s still nervous to preform.
she hasn’t done a show since her idol days, and then she had her friend on stage with her.
now it was just her.
she thinks for a moment that no one will show up. no one will want to see the washed up performer that burned out years ago.
she’s amazed when she sees a full crowd, people smushed like sardines in the theatre to see her.
the large crowd should probably make her more nervous, but instead it puts her more at ease.
haseul catches her right before she goes on.
“don’t mess up,” she says seriously, pointing a finger at her.
“i’ll try my best.”
and she doesn’t mess up.
not a single note.
and the crowd knows it.
she plays through all her favourite songs she composed over the years, even convincing jungeun to come on stage and sing with her for a few.
she feels so happy she could burst.
and then she gets to the end way faster than she expects.
this was it.
“i want to thank everyone for coming tonight.” she laughs, making the crowd cheer loudly.
“over the past year i’ve been tasked with writing a lot of music, and it was really easy for me up until i got this one song,” she begins, voice trembling at the end of her sentence. she clears her throat.
“truthfully love wasn’t something i thought i could channel in a song, because i wasn’t sure i even knew what it was.” she scans the crowd until she sees her. “but i do.”
they lock eyes. she’s near the front, just where jinsoul bought her a ticket.
“i’ve learned a lot about myself over the past year. and i think this is the only thing i could ever write to adequately express what love is to me.”
she starts to play.
the softest melody she’d ever written echoes through the room, some notes so faint she wasn’t sure she even hit the key.
hyejoo passing the ball. jiwoo blushing. heejin talking about her mom. haseul buying yeojin a bike. sooyoung’s smile.
sooyoung.
she doesn’t know she’s crying until she’s finished her piece.
she’s never gotten applause that loud her entire career.
it’s not enough anymore.
sooyoung finds her after the show, sitting on a bench behind the venue.
“i’ve heard that song before,” she says, plopping down heavily beside the blonde.
“it’s yours.”
the other girl smiles. “i know.”
“i’d drop it all for you and those kids,” she whimpers, tears welling in her eyes suddenly.
“i know. but you won’t. because i saw the way you played tonight,” sooyoung says matter-of-factly.
“why won’t you let me just be with you?” jinsoul whispers.
“because i can’t have you resent me,” the brunette says.
”why the hell are you so afraid of people resenting you?” jinsoul says harshly. “you’re letting it take over your life.”
the other girl squints, eyes analyzing every feature on the younger’s face. she’s never felt so small in her life.
”because of the way i resented you.”
she knows that sooyoung doesn’t say that to be mean or malicious, she only states it as a fact. and even though she might be over it now, ten years ago she knows that the older girl was hurt.
the blonde nods slowly, tears staining the ground below her.
“maybe someday we can be together,” she murmurs, barely audible. sooyoung hears her.
“maybe someday.”
jinsoul is the first to leave.
“goodbye, sooyoung.”
///
she finishes sooyoung’s song the night she knows they’re going to break up.
—but she still invites the other to the studio to hear it.
they’re silent as the blonde begins to play softly.
“i’m getting married.”
she doesn’t stop playing.