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“It’s bloody, but it’s not deep,” Donnie said, peering at the cut across Shepard’s cheek. “It needs stitches, though. Shepard, stop moving around.”
Shepard winced at the sting of the antiseptic, her head jerking away instinctively, but with Donnie’s giant hand on the other side of her head, she didn’t have anywhere to go. “Can’t you just put some medi-gel on it, or—”
“Medi-gel’s a temporary fix. You can’t just go around with it slathered all over your face while this heals. It needs stitches to hold the skin together.”
“I can take her to the ER, or an emergency clinic,” said April, standing behind Donnie with her hands on her hips and a frown on her face.
Shepard was the only one who’d gotten anything worse than bruises in that fight, and the hot embarrassment of it made her want to squirm, even more than the sting as Donnie kept dabbing at the cut. “Do we have to?” she said to April’s suggestion, scowling. The face she made caused her split lip to start bleeding again. Her tongue darted out to lick at the blood.
“Stop that,” Donnie ordered, swabbing at the fresh cut. “Your mouth is full of bacteria.”
“Isn’t everything?” Shepard said, trying to smile in a way that didn’t make her torn cheek and cut lip hurt any worse. “It’s not that serious, right? You said it wasn’t deep? I don’t really need to go to the ER, do I?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” April said, her eyebrows drawing together. “I can take you, it’s not a problem. It’s your face, Shepard, you have to be careful...”
Great, now April was doing the big-sister thing again. It wasn’t bad enough to have all of the guys being protective, April had to go and act like she knew better, too. Deliberately, Shepard shrugged. “So? I’m not that pretty anyway. I’ll just look tougher with a scar. It’ll be cool.” She tried to smile again. It still hurt.
Donnie rolled his eyes, although he was smiling a little, and April blew out a breath, swiping her bangs out of her face. “Oh, come on. Donnie, what do you think?”
“You said it wasn’t that serious, and you can stitch me up, right, Donnie?” Shepard attempted her best ingratiating grin, only to stop when it pulled at the cut on her lip.
His eyes narrowed as he inspected the wound and took a step back, looking from one girl to the other. “I can,” he said. “It’s a clean cut. It wouldn’t be difficult. April’s right, though,” he added, as April’s lips twisted into a frown. “It’s likely to scar, and I wouldn’t rule out minor nerve damage. There’s not a lot I can do about that. I’m not actually a doctor, remember.”
“Not a lot they can do at the ER, either,” Shepard said. “Donnie stitches up the rest of you all the time.”
“We don’t usually get cut on the face,” April said.
Most of them didn’t have the option to go to the ER, either, but if April wasn’t going to bring it up, Shepard certainly wasn’t. She shook her head. “Look, if we go, it’ll take forever. I’m not, like, bleeding to death. I’ll be at the end of the triage list, and they’ll ask questions about how it happened, and—”
April shrugged. “We can figure out a story for that. You got mugged, or got into a fight with someone and they pulled a knife. That’s almost true, even.”
Almost, except that the someone had been a Foot ninja, or rather a whole pack of them, and the knife had been a katana.
“There’ll be a lot of questions, and I don’t want to talk to the cops. I’ve got enough crap on my record already.” Shepard shifted in place. Her record had been pretty clean for the last few years, but before that, there was a lot of petty stuff, back from when she hung out with the Reds more.
April’s expression softened. “I get that, but they’re not going to arrest you when you’re the victim.” There wasn’t as much conviction in her voice. Shepard knew April had her own reasons not to trust the police. Here was an advantage she could press.
“They know I used to have gang ties, though. They’ll think that’s what it was and maybe start poking around.”
April frowned again, but it was more of a thoughtful frown this time. “We’ll be there for hours if we go,” Shepard said, and cast a look at Donnie that she hoped was pathetic. “You can take care of it in a few minutes, and it’ll be done. And I trust you.”
April sighed. Shepard had to fight back a tiny smirk, though even the idea of making that face made her cheek hurt. Still, trusting Donnie wasn’t a point April was ever going to argue with. “Okay. I mean, it’s your face, your choice.”
“You’re sure?” Donnie asked, but he was already reaching for the surgical kit.
“Let’s just get it over with,” Shepard said. It was starting to smart a lot, both the slash across her cheek and the split lip, and now that the adrenalin from the fight had faded, she felt wrung-out and sore and a little shaky. All other consideration aside, she really didn’t want to be waiting in the ER, one of a crowd of sick and miserable people, pressing a wad of gauze to her torn face. So what if the wound scarred, at least it would be done quickly, and she’d be safe and comfortable in the lair with her friends.
“Do you need any help, Donnie?” April asked.
“No, I think I’ve got it.” He glanced at her over his shoulder, with a smile. “You can stay if you want to, though.”
She stayed, and patted Shepard on the shoulder while Donnie got the equipment ready. “Be more careful next time,” she said.
“Yeah, I know, I—” Shepard shifted in place, the embarrassment coming back. She’d kind of left April in the lurch when she charged into the fray. “You were okay, though, right?”
“No, I was fine, no hard feelings.” April gave her a wry smile. “It might be a different story if Karai were there, but it was just their rank and file this time.”
“Good,” said Shepard, the uncomfortable prickling in her gut lessening.
“Hold still and stop talking,” Donnie said. “This is going to sting.”
Shepard nodded once and complied, keeping as still as she could. It did sting, a little, but mostly it felt like pulling. She stared at the wall, trying not to think about the cut edges of skin being pulled back together by Donnie’s steady work. She wasn’t too squeamish, usually, but she’d never gotten cut like this before, either. April, still smiling in her line of sight, started talking about the classes she was taking, including the drawing class she’d taken because she had to do some kind of fine arts, and how she didn’t know how to put the portfolio together for her final project. Normally Shepard wouldn’t have cared that much, but it gave her something to focus on other than the tug of the needle and thread in her cheek.
“That should do it,” Donnie said at last, taping a bandage over the sutures. “Keep it covered for now, and I’ll check it tomorrow.”
“Great,” said Shepard. “Seems like a lot of work for something that’s not related to your degree, April.”
April shrugged. “It’s kind of fun, at least. Dad and Master Splinter both said it’s good to be well rounded, so—” she shrugged again.
“Better you than me,” Shepard said, trying out a one-sided smile that didn’t stretch her cheek as much. She pushed herself off the table she’d been sitting on just as Leo stuck his head in.
“Everything okay in here?”
“Yes,” Donnie said. “All patched up, superficial wounds only. She’ll be fine.”
“Good. Can I have a word with you, Shepard?”
“Sure.” Shepard rubbed her palms on her thighs and followed Leo, a little nervously, into the kitchen, away from the common area where Raph and Casey were still talking about the mission and Mikey had turned the vidscreen on. This was only the—what, fourth?—time she’d been allowed to go along on a real mission. If Leo said she couldn’t come any more because she’d gotten hurt, that was just stupid. All of them got hurt sometimes. This really wasn’t any big deal, and she’d done her part—she’d jumped right in with them, no problem, she just hadn’t been quite fast enough to avoid getting hit. “What’s up?” she asked, putting her hands in her pockets and trying to smile, even though it stretched her wounds.
“Don’t ever do that again,” Leo said in a tone that allowed no negotiation.
Shepard stopped, shocked, blinking at the suddenness of it. “What?”
“You were careless, and reckless. You were supposed to be working with April. You charged in and got out of position. Don’t do it again, or you won’t be coming with us.”
Shepard set her jaw, trying to ignore the hot prickling around her eyes. “Is this because I got hurt? I—I’m fine, Leo, it’s not even serious, and—”
“This time you were the one who got hurt, yeah. Next time it could be any of us.” He had that look, head tilted slightly forward, eyes dead serious, mouth set in a straight line. “This team has enough loose cannons. It doesn’t need another one.”
“I— what?” She stiffened her shoulders, trying to find enough anger to counter him, but she was just too tired. She blinked rapidly to keep back the first tears.
“I need everyone focused on the mission at hand, and that’s already hard enough. Raph and Casey and April are all apt to go off half-cocked, Donnie gets distracted by new tech, and Mikey’s... Mikey. We’ve learned to work together, and we have to be able to count on everyone to do their part—”
“That’s what I was trying to do!” Shepard burst out.
He continued without pausing. “Raph didn’t need backup there; Mikey had him covered. Right now you’re more help out on the perimeter with April. Which is where I told you to be, and where you should have stayed.”
Shepard bit her lip. She wanted to argue, but she couldn’t come up with any good reasons. She’d just been excited, and she’d thought she’d seen an opening, so... she’d taken it. “I thought I could help,” she muttered, but her eyes were on the floor. Her cheek stung.
Leo continued, more gently. “Come on, Shepard, you’ve practiced with us enough to know this. What’s your greatest asset?”
Shepard worried at her lip until the hot feeling around her eyes receded. Shame curled like a knot in her chest, and it made her want to slink off and hide in a hole, but she’d been asked a question, and she knew the answer. “I’m fast,” she muttered.
She could see him nod out of the corner of her eye. “Yes. Speed and agility. You can do a lot of damage when you’re in and out quickly. You don’t have the raw strength yet to stand up to all our opponents. This is why I need you to do what I tell you.”
He had a point. Of course he did. Her memory of the fight was a little blurred, but she could admit she’d gotten carried away. She had one last argument, though: “All of you improvise. I don’t see why I have to just follow orders. Just because I’m younger than the rest of you—”
“It’s not that,” Leo said. “Or it’s not just that. We’re used to fighting together, and that means we can predict each other. Keep your eyes open, and you’ll learn, too, but a real fight’s different from practice. For now, try to do what I tell you to.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “I just—” she scrubbed at her teary eyes, irritated, and winced as she grazed the cut on her cheek. “—damn it, I just want to help.” For years, now, she’d watched them put their lives on the line, for people who didn’t even know they existed. There was only so long she could watch as they came back, bruised and exhausted or exhilarated, without feeling like she had to do her share, too. And to really be part of the group, and not just tagging along— She’d been begging to join them on missions for at least a year, and the permission had come so slowly, even reluctantly, just after her last birthday.
“Hey. I know you do.” Leo put a solid hand on her shoulder. She hadn’t noticed him moving. She couldn’t even summon up any anger at him, no matter what he’d said, because of the squirming conviction that he was right. Like usual. He added, “And you did help. But don’t get reckless, okay? We all take hits, it happens, but we still need to avoid making mistakes.”
“Okay,” she said again. “I get it.” It had been easy to tell herself at the time that they needed her to jump in, even though Leo had told her to stick with April. Now, with her face stinging and her muscles aching and Leo’s warning in her ears, it was easier to admit that she had rushed in, eager to show what she could do. Carelessly. Recklessly. She looked up, managing a real smile, even though her eyes still felt watery and her cheek hurt. “It won’t happen again.”
He returned an encouraging smile. “You’ll figure it all out. You’re smart, Shepard, that’s your other strength. You’ve just still got some things to learn.”
She nodded, promising herself that she would do better next time. “So take it easy,” Leo added. “Stay here the rest of the night and we’ll figure out what to tell your foster parents in the morning.”
“Right,” she said, with a flash of panic—her foster parents had too many charges and didn’t pay a lot of attention to her as long as she didn’t get into trouble, but they’d definitely have questions about her being hurt—and what was more, Leo was guiding her back toward the pit, and she wasn’t ready to face everyone else with the fresh awareness that she’d screwed up.
She was most of the way there before it even occurred to her to resist, though, so she went along as Leo deposited her on the bench next to Mikey, who promptly pulled her into a hug. Shepard yelped at the suddenness of it, but she couldn’t help laughing, either, sandwiched between him and Leo, and Raph passed her the bowl of popcorn without comment, so... it was going to be okay, after all.
#
“How did you get your scars, ma’am?” Jenkins asks, and then blanches when he realizes what he’s asked. “Um, uh, if you don’t mind my asking, I mean.”
Shepard smiles grimly. The scar on her cheek doesn’t pull any more, but there’s a numb area on her lip from the smaller cut. “I was a reckless youth,” she says. “Let’s suit up.”