Work Text:
“ Wonwoo ah, it’s been long hasn’t it? Even I cant remember how long it’s been. It took me that long to get myself back together because of you. I thought over time I’d forget you but I soon realised that it was impossible to.
How could I forget you? Your smile, the way your eyes shone when you saw something you loved, how you’d stop in the middle of a street just to pet a stray cat or how you’d tell me you love me. I still wonder to this day, do you still stay true to your word?
I’m currently writing this as Soonyoung said writing my feelings and thoughts down was a way to get everything out of my system and he’s right. This is more efficient than crying or typing it down in my notes app.
Wonwoo, my love. I have so many questions for you, you know? We spent years together, from young till when we became adults. Doesn’t it hurt you to just leave? Without a warning? Do you think it’s fair to me? To your friends? Your family?
You promised me under a cherry blossom one afternoon that we’d get married, live a happy life with our three cats. You even picked out their names already. Simba, Stitch and Spring. Your three favourites.
Sometimes I think back, a trip down memory lane, you know? How I would feel like the luckiest man on earth to wake up to your gorgeous bare face next to mine in the mornings. How you’d always take a polaroid of us whenever we went to somewhere new together and that you’d keep it stashed in your drawer, for safekeeping.
I used to think that I could have changed something in our futures together you know? But it was only recently that I realised no matter how hard I wished, nothing would change. Time still goes on, without you by my side.
This note will probably be kept with me for as long as live, if I ever get Alzheimer’s , I’ll read this note to remind myself that I love a man called Jeon Wonwoo and no matter how far away you are from me, you’d always stay in my heart.
Do you know that even after a month after you left, I drowned myself in food and alcohol? How dumb of me to think that’d make me forget you and the memories we have together. Soonyoung and Jihoon took ages to get me back up to my feet and I am so thankful to them that they never gave up and showed me that I have to depend on myself to carry on living.
Nothing in our apartment has changed, apart from the small details like the rug and curtains. I kept everything just as it was before you went. The photo frames of us on our trip to Japan, when you gave me that beautiful promise ring that I still wear to this day and a frame of just us, taken by Jihoon, under our cherry blossom tree. Looking at them makes me feel nostalgic, as if they happened decades ago but I know in my heart, it’ll always feel like they were taken just yesterday.
You left your clothes in our closet and they smelled like you. Now they don’t because I slept with each and every article of clothing that you left behind, it made me feel like you were still next to me whenever I slept, you know? It sounds pathetic when I write it out like that but it’s the truth. Don’t worry, I know you’re a clean freak so I washed them even though I really didn’t want to.
Jeon Wonwoo, you are my everything. Today, tomorrow and forever. No one knows what happened to you or where you are but it doesn’t matter. Dead or alive, you’ll keep living on my heart. As time passes, my hope that you’ll come back to me fades too but my love for you shall never wither. You showed me what love was, how to love and why. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you and I am so damn grateful to you.
If you are alive, please come back to me, I don’t know how much longer I can be strong without you, you know? Some days I fear that I would randomly break down, in the middle of the streets. Come back to me and we can carry on with our lives, together. We’ll adopt the cats. We will get married and adopt a kid when the time comes. We will be together again. I miss you so much, my love.
If you are no longer around, I would wish it was a joke. There was always a part of me fearing the worst, that you’d be a corpse when you returned to me. If that were true, I really wouldn’t know what to do or how to continue on. Come to me in my dreams and tell me your last wishes please, I hope you’ll allow me to carry them out for you.
Please stop torturing me. Our friends and families. We just want to know what happened to you. We waited, and waited and waited but you never came back. None of us have forgotten you though, we would never. For you are Jeon Wonwoo, a son, a lover and a person we love and cherish.
You are my first and you will be my last. I love you so much Wonwoo, it’s been years but I still pray you’ll come back home to me, safe and sound. I’ll never be able to love another as long as I remember you.
It’s about time I stop writing, I’m about to drown this piece of precious paper with my tears. Maybe I’ll write another when you’re back.
Always remember,
I love you.
with love, yours forever,
Wen Junhui “