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Seokmin remembers the exact moment he fell in love. Friday, April 15th, three years ago to this date. He remembers the smell of his pillow that day, the color of his underwear, and the taste of the ramen he had for dinner. He can perfectly recall the rain pattering against his bedroom window, and the small feeling of contentment, right in the middle of his chest. He remembers rubbing his eyes and the spots behind his eyelids fading when he finally opened them. He remembers looking down at his hands and feeling grateful. Not everyone is as lucky as he is. Not everyone gets to fall in love and have that love returned. And oh boy, is it returned. Seokmin knows because it makes him giddy and shy, the attention, the strength of that love.
It doesn’t take a genius to know that Seokmin and Seungkwan are in love. But nobody would ever accuse the pair of them of being geniuses. So, they don’t say it, not for a long time. They don’t even call it love. As far as they’re concerned, it’s like second nature, and that makes it easy to take it for granted. And so, Seokmin doesn’t know he’s in love for a long time, and he doesn’t ask because he doesn’t know he has to. Then it happens. Almost like a bulb comes on in his head, almost like a switch is flipped somewhere inside of him.
He knows where he has to go, and it’s not difficult to get there. He can cross the distance in, at most, 10 paces. His heart races and drums against his chest, blood rushing to his ears. He thought falling in love was gradual, that it took years of time and work and patience. But it doesn’t feel like that today. Today it feels urgent, pushing him onto his feet, pushing him out of the door, out into the hallway. Seungkwan is there. Seungkwan is here, in front of him. His hair is unkempt, and he only has one eye open. Seungkwan’s face is only barely lit by the light in the hallway, and he looks up at Seokmin, surprise clear on his face.
Seokmin thought an epiphany moment like this would feel more… epic. That he would run to Seungkwan’s room and sweep him off his feet into a passionate kiss that would last for a lifetime. The adrenaline in his chest is pushing him to go there, but it’s joined by a secondary emotion. He knows now what it is. All of the air rushes out of Seokmin’s lungs and he stands there, looking down at Seungkwan, whose expression of confusion is now one of fatigue, one of a boy who’s up before he wants to be. Endearment floods Seokmin’s chest, extinguishing the fire that had burnt bright enough to propel him to this point. Seungkwan’s about to say something, but it’s swallowed by the force of his yawn, and Seokmin feels a smile creep onto his face, heart swelling to twice its size.
“Hyung. The heater in our room stopped working, can I- “
Seokmin leans in and takes Seungkwan’s face in his hands, squishing his cheeks a little. He closes the distance between them and kisses Seungkwan square on the mouth, cutting him off mid-sentence. The look of surprise on Seungkwan’s face when he pulls back is adorable, and it’s gone as soon as it came. Replaced instead by something inscrutable, something like understanding, something like love. The anticipation building inside of Seokmin comes to a head, and he feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn’t say something, anything, to let Seungkwan know how he feels. He opens his mouth to start talking and then stops dead in his tracks when Seungkwan places his fingers over Seokmin’s mouth, gentler than he knew was possible.
“I know, me too. We can talk in the morning, but for now, sleep.”