Chapter Text
Yoongi is gay, with a capital G.A.Y. He’s so gay that he shits out rainbows and sneezes glitter. All his friends are also inclined in the art of sucking dick because Yoongi, whether he does it subconsciously or not, likes to keep all aspects of his life at peak homosexual.
So when he meets Hoseok in his philosophy class his first instinct is to befriend the cute gay boy with the heart shaped smile and fluffy brown hair. After talking to him during their break he found out they had quite a bit in common and from when Hoseok picked up his phone to speak, claiming it to be his significant other Chris, Yoongi knew this would be the start of another beautiful, fat, gay friendship.
What he didn’t expect though is that when they’re hanging out for maybe what is the twentieth time is to meet Chris, Hoseok’s girlfriend . To say he’s shocked would be an understatement. He is astonished, mind blown, slightly appalled at how wrong he had been, and felt like boo boo the fucking fool for befriending a straight man that was indeed NOT gay but gave off the gayest vibes he has ever encountered.
Hoseok, unfazed of course by Yoongi’s flabbergasted reaction, proudly presents his girlfriend Christine . Plastering a smile on his face Yoongi tries his best to remain neutral and shakes her hand, averting his eyes when she kisses Hoseok goodbye twenty minutes later. As soon as she was gone the younger man could tell something is wrong with him.
"Hyung, is everything okay? You seem too quiet...almost like you’re going through your first existential crisis.", he says with his face twisted in concern. His eyebrows are furrowed and the little pout sits on his face so cutely that Yoongi in that moment decides Hoseok will be the exception to his gays only rule and casually waves the question away, giving the excuse of a headache coming on for the look on his face.
- ••••One Year Later•••••
"Hobi, I brought home some of that candied fruit you like!" Yoongi yells out into their shared apartment as he kicks off his shoes. Walking into the kitchen he’s greeted with a wave and a mouthed ‘thank you’ from a bed head ridden Hoseok as he sits on the kitchen counter with his cell phone pressed to his ear.
"Okay...well can you just think about it? No, I’m not pressuring you I’m just asking you to think about it since I know that I did kind of just drop it on you last night." He chuckles half heartedly but stops to listen some more to the voice and whatever they said has him running a hand over his face. He lets out an exasperated sigh and this action increases the volume of the voice on the other end to the point that if Yoongi were a few inches closer he would be able to hear what the other person was yelling about.
"Okay Chris that’s not fucking fair for you to criticize me like that. I just want to try it out, we don’t have to do it all the time. And I’ll make sure to clean up well fo-" Hoseok pauses as he gets cut off and meets his hyungs eyes, sending Yoongi into a panic at being caught listening so blatantly to what is obviously meant to be a private conversation. Just because Hoseok hadn’t left the room doesn’t mean he’s free to sit there and try to decipher what the conversation was about. He picks up the near empty box of cereal and fakes reading the label as he listens intently to the half of the conversation he can hear.
"You know what? Just forget I asked, it was stupid anyway. I’m not mad it’s just Yoongi is here and I don’t want him to over hear." He bites his bottom lip, something he does when he lies.Yoongi knows he’s lying because Hoseok wouldn’t be sitting there if he cared about him hearing.
He watches him nod sadly, his shoulders sagging with defeat and he whispers an, "I love you too." into the phone right before he hangs up. With that dispatch the older man figures it was Christine on the other line, not just some random Chris, and now he doesn’t know how to approach his roomie. Does he talk shit about his girlfriend with him or does he try to comfort him with...a pat on the back? Yoongi is really bad with feelings. He wants to ask what the argument was about that way he can decide which method to go with but honestly he hoped he could just talk shit because again, Yoongi was terrible at feelings. Ends up he didn’t have to speak at all because Hoseok was already.
"So...she’s mad because she thinks I’m mad at her for saying no to fingering me. I’m not even mad I’m just disappointed with how she reacted when I told her I want to try it. She was all grossed out and just shot me down before we could talk about it. She acts as if I’m not the cleanest guy she knows." He scoffs out the last part.
Yoongi blinks. He’s trying really hard not to be extra and make a show of welcoming Hoseok to the pleasures of prostate stimulation and racks his brain for an appropriate reaction to his straight friend’s revelation. He never has been good at thinking on his feet.
"Well have you tried fingering your own ass?" Yoongi is also really bad at communicating like a normal human being and lacks the filter that would help during moments like these. Unexpectedly he gets a nod in return and his poor brain practically malfunctions with this new information about his friend.
"Yeah but it just doesn’t feel right and I don’t even really know what I’m doing? That’s why I wanted her to do it so she could really get in there and help me learn what I like. You know what I mean?" The younger says with an exasperated sigh, meanwhile Yoongi tries not to flush at the new image in his brain of a desperate Hoseok trying to get off with a hand on his dick and a few fingers deep in his ass, his brow furrowed with frustration at not being able to find that little bundle of nerves. He shakes the thought from his head and nods along in sympathy, awkwardly patting his friend on the back. They sit in silence until one of them decides to start eating the sweet treat Yoongi brought.
~~~
Neither of them mention Hoseok’s predicament until days later when he himself brings up a solution to his problem. Yoongi is on the couch watching a baseball game with his third beer in hand when Hoseok comes bursting out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair still dripping.
"What if you fingered me?" He says with eyes wide like if he had just come upon the greatest discovery known to man. "It’s perfect! You’re gay, I actually know you, and I’m comfortable with you. Also I could swear one time you called me hot."
Yoongi still trying to comprehend what’s going on just responds with, "Just because I think you’re hot doesn’t mean I want to finger you."
To this Hoseok raises an eyebrow, "So you wouldn’t finger me?"
"No, I would but I can’t."
"Why not? You’re not dating anyone." He says with a pout on his lips.
"Did you forget that you are?" Yoongi says exasperated.
Hoseok rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, "Pfft, it’s not cheating. It’s just my friend helping me out. Bros helping bros."
A laugh bursts out from the older mans mouth, he’s gasping for air " That has to be the straightest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Also it still qualifies as cheating even though we’re ‘bros’ Hobi." the younger waits a few seconds for the now red faced man to catch his breath.
"Well since the only two people in my life who I would trust to do this don’t want to help me I guess Tinder is my best bet."
That shuts Yoongi up real quick and he glares at his friend. "Okay don’t be stupid now. Having strangers stick their fingers up your ass is different. You don’t know them and have no idea if they’re going to stop if it becomes too much for you, it’s not safe."
"Well then be that person for me! I just really want this and I trust you .", he practically whines out, his eyes shining with something akin to tears.
Yoongi is at a crossroads, he wants to help his friend but he also doesn’t want to feel like a home wrecker even though Hoseok will insist that he isn’t. The more he rolls it over in his mind he agrees with his friend that it’s not really cheating. He’s not going to enjoy it, and there’s no feelings involved. Just one friend helping another friend so said friend doesn’t get desperate and do something stupid out of desperation.
Before he’s even completely thought it over his head is nodding yes and Hoseok is fist bumping him. The brunette is babbling on about when it should happen and Yoongi is still trying to convince himself that no feelings=not cheating.