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Your name is Sollux Captor, and it has been almost exactly three weeks since you and Eridan Ampora became Matesprits. You also feel the need to clarify that this only occurred after two weeks of a failed Kismesissitude, which much to everyone’s surprise, just wasn’t working out. Somewhere over the course of those two weeks you realized that as insufferable as Eridan was, he was even more pitiable.
You absolutely thought that Eridan was the biggest asshole you had ever met, and you were sure you hated him, and he hated you. For the longest time you tried to ignore the obvious caliginous sparks between the two of you, but eventually, after a very long feelings jam with KK, realized that it was going to happen sooner or later, no matter how long you put it off. You knew if wouldn’t make FF very happy, but it wasn’t something she exactly needed to know about just yet. At least, that’s what you thought nearly a month ago, but here you are making out with Eridan in a very red way, and Feferi still is none the wiser.
You’ll tell her soon. Probably.
In the meanwhile, you have a different seadweller to attend to. As stated before, you and he are currently making out in the main room of your hive. While this practice hasn’t exactly been uncommon for you the past few weeks, neither of you have attempted to go any further either, much to your relief. You’re kind of incredibly nervous about it, not because it’s your first time or anything, just because you’ve got one of the weirdest fucking kinks for a troll to have.
It’s something the humans do all the time (they must be crazy honestly, but that makes you crazy as well), and ever since you’ve heard about it the idea turned you all kinds of on. You know you’re a fucking weirdo for it, but you’re a weirdo for a lot of other reasons too. What’s one more?
You realize suddenly that your tongue inside his mouth gives you a prime opportunity to do some location scouting, and you seize it. Running the tip of your tongue over his teeth tells you what you already knew: they’re sharp as fuck. Practically shark teeth. This manages to simultaneously worry you more, and turn you on. What the fuck is wrong with you?
You break the kiss with a deep shade of yellow on your face, and an even deeper shade of violet on his. He looks disappointed that you broke the kiss, and attempts to question it with a, “Sol, what are you—” But before he can finish, you’ve shoved your hand in his face, using a thumb to pull his lip back, inspecting his teeth once more. He makes a noise which roughly translates to “What the actual fuck,” but you quickly remove your fingers so he gets the chance to say it again, this time with real words.
“Sol, what the actual fuck was that about?”
He talks with his stupid wavy accent (which is actually kind of cute when he’s not being a complete douche), and stares at you, confused. After a moment of thought, you decide ‘fuck it’ and tell him.
“Eridan I am a giant fucking weirdo, you already know that much, but there’s another thing that I’ve got to tell you and it’s going to make you think I’m an even bigger one.” You avoid eye contact, too embarrassed to say it with his eyes glaring at you.
“Well?” He prompts after a moment of silence.
You take a deep breath and tell him, “Ok, so uh, you know how humans don’t have pathetically fragile bulges like we do?” He nods slowly, waiting for you to finish before asking anymore questions. “…Uh, well. There’s this thing I want to… no, this is stupid what am I talking about, I’m crazy, forget I ever said anything, and let’s never bring it up again.”
He stares at you with an annoyed expression, clearly even more curious now. “Sol, you can’t just say stuff like that an’ then pretend it’s not important! Finish your sentences, dumbass.”
Another silence. You feel stupid, but he won’t drop the subject now unless you tell him, and you both know it. It can’t be helped.
“Uh. Have you ever heard of something called oral?”
--
After a very long talk explaining what it was, a lot of moments where you called yourself stupid, and a lot of exasperation on Eridan’s end, the two of you reached a decision. It was risky as fuck, but Eridan said that if you really wanted it, then he would be as careful as he possibly could. You couldn’t believe you were letting this happen. You’re an idiot. But on the other hand, you’re an idiot about to get a blowjob.
“Are you sure this is okay?” You ask, for probably the 20th time.
“For the love of fuck, yes I already told you it’d be okay, now can you please shut up so we can pail?”
You take a final deep breath and finally suck it up. With that, Eridan leans in and starts kissing you again, something which you gladly return. He wraps his arms around your waist as you slowly back up into the wall, giving yourself something to lean on. You run a hand through his hair as he breaks the kiss and moves his lips along your jawline and down to your neck. You’re sure you’re going to get a mark from what he’s doing, but you’re not nearly rational enough to care just yet.
He moves his hands lower until they’re pulling at the hem of your shirt, practically begging you to take it off, but you’re enjoying the pace just as it is, thank you very much, and you think you’ll make him wait just a second. Since you don’t respond to his insistence, he ends up just shoving his hands up the back of your shirt anyways. After another moment, he ends up pulling the shirt off himself, and now you lift your arms to oblige.
The second it’s off Eridan lowers himself, trailing kisses down your torso while he undoes your belt. Every time his lips touch you, you feel another pang of excitement. This is really happening, holy shit.
He undoes your pants, and as turned on as you are you can’t help second guessing it again. “Eridan,” You say in the most normal voice you could force yourself into, “Are you absolutely—”
“Sol, I swear to every an’ any god that may be listenin’, if you don’t shut your goddamn trap and trust me when I say yes I am damn well positive, then I will storm right the fuck out an’ leave you here as you are, do you hear me?”
With the glare he’s shooting at you, you know he means it, so with one last embarrassed nod, you close your eyes and let him do his thing.
He finally unzips your pants and its clear your bulge is ready. He laughs under his breath before pulling your pants and underwear down, revealing your fully exposed bulge. Too embarrassed to watch, you cover your eyes as he opens his mouth.
This is a thing that really is happening, you cannot believe it.
He licks the length of it, and your reaction is immediate; you can barely suppress a moan as a result. You quickly move a hand over your mouth so it won’t happen again, but Eridan’s already laughing at you.
As much as you would love to tell him to shut his mouth, he beats you to it by wrapping it around your bulge. It’s clear he’s being careful not to get his teeth too close, but you can still feel the edges of them every so often. To be honest though, that doesn’t exactly turn you off.
He’s actually been doing a pretty good job at this, even though it’s one of the most reckless and taboo things either one of you have ever done. The feeling of his mouth on you already drives you crazy, add it directly to your nether regions, and, well.
Suddenly, there’s a small knock on your door, but seeing as you’re clearly preoccupied, you don’t get the chance to say anything before the door opens.
Feferi walks right into an eyeful of something she N-EV-ER N-E-ED-ED TO S-EA, and before you can say anything, or Eridan can realize that someone just walked in and who it was, she shouts, “OH MY GLUB, WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT, YOU TWO?!” While quickly covering her eyes.
The sudden shout startles Eridan, but the recognition of the voice is enough to scare him right into a closed jaw, which is quite possibly the worst news possible for you.
--
twinArmegeddons [TA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]
TA: ff ii’m really 2orry you had two 2ee that.
CC: SOLLUX I AM S)(OCK-ED.
CC: )(OW COULD YOU TWO NOT T-ELL M-E ABOUT T)(IS?!
TA: ii2 that really the biige2t problem you’re haviing wiith thii2?
CC: W)(ale, I mean yea)(, the w)(ole WADING IN ON YOU TWO PAILING was certainly an experience I could’ve gone wit)(out, but I still feel like I could )(ave been told sooner!
CC: Reely, I t)(oug)(t we were friends! 38(
TA: we are friiend2
TA: ii ju2t diidn’t want you freakiing out on u2…
CC: W)(ale, I freaked out anyways!
CC: You had better tell me next time you plan on joining someone’s quadrants, mister!
TA: fiine fiine ii wiill, ok?
CC: Promise?
TA: promiise.
CC: Good!
CC: Now if you’ll excuse me, I )(ave some culls)(it to attend to! 38D
CC: BY-E!
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
carcinoGenetesist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: HAHAHA, OH MY FUCK.
CG: THIS IS PROBABLY THE FUNNIEST THING THAT I’VE EVER HEARD, AND I’VE HEARD A LOT OF BULLSHIT.
CG: PLEASE EXCUSE ME IF I FAIL TO RESPOND, IT JUST MEANS I’VE LOST CONSCIOUSNESS FROM SUFFOCATING OF LAUGHTER.
CG: YOU REALLY ARE A STUPID MOTHERFUCKER AREN’T YOU?
TA: wow kk, ii’m 2o glad you’re beiing 2upportiive for me iin thii2 tiime of need, 2o cariing, 2o niice.
CG: HAHA, NO OKAY, SERIOUSLY THAT’S FUNNY SHIT THOUGH.
CG: IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE THREE WEEKS AND A DISASTER HAS ALREADY OCCURRED.
CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE ERIDAN MANAGED TO FUCK UP SO BAD.
TA: well ii mean technically iit wa2 my fault.
CG: NO SHIT
TA: do ii really need two explaiin my2elf two you?
CG: THE EXPLANATION WOULD SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE MATTER, YEAH.
CG: DO TELL.
TA: …ii wa2 the one who 2ugge2ted iit.
CG: HOLY SHIT YOU DENSE TOOL.
CG: THAT SOMEHOW MAKES THE SITUATION A LOT FUNNIER THAN IT ALREADY WAS, EXCUSE ME AS I PROCEDE TO CRY TEARS OF LAUGHTER.
TA: oh 2hut the fuck up kk, iit’s not a2 iif you’ve not done that 2hiit wiith john.
CG: WELL JOHN DOESN’T EXACTLY HAVE SHARK FANGS FOR TEETH, DOES HE?
CG: ALSO, KINDLY SHUT YOUR SEED FLAP OVER WHAT JOHN AND I DO.
TA: maybe iif you 2hut iit over me and eridan.
CG: FINE, BE THAT WAY.
TA: 2peakiing of which, ii’ve got two go.
TA: later a22hole.
CG: BYE IDIOT. <>
TA: ugh you’re 2o dumb
TA: <>
CG: SO ARE YOU.
twinArmegeddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
CA: sol
CA: sol im sorry
CA: you knoww i didnt mean to do that
CA: fuck that wwas entirely my fault though so i mean
CA: sorry
TA: eriidan you really are a complete iidiot you know that.
CA: wwell hey thats a little bit much
TA: no no iit’2 not two much at all, ii mean you diid kind of 2EVER MY BULGE.
CA: i know an im sorry for that
TA: pfft, whatever iit doe2n’t even matter anyway2.
TA: ii ju2t wanted two giive you a hard tiime agaiin.
CA: wwhat
TA: well actually ii looked iit up and iit turn2 out that we’re not the only iidiot2 who’ve triied that before.
CA: wwell
CA: wwhats that supposed to mean then
TA: iit appear2 that uh
TA: bulge2 actually can grow back.
CA: wwhat the fuck
TA: ii know that2 what ii 2aiid.
TA: but
TA: iit doe2 mean that techniically when iit grow2 back fully we can do that agaiin.
CA: sol wwhat the fuck are you literally the dumbest grub on the entire fuckin planet
CA: wwhat if I bite it off again or some shit then wwhat are wwe supposed to do huh
TA: well
TA: iid be a liiar iif ii 2aiid ii diidn’t completely enjoy iit anyway2.
CA: holy shit
CA: youre the biggest fuckin masochist ivve evver met
TA: 2hut up.
twinArmegeddons [TA] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]