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"There's an exit somewhere here I think," Villanelle said as she reached up to wipe the remaining blood off her face. The place was a little dusty but it was safer for them to escape through the ruins.
"Here, I can see a light," Eve said breathlessly which made her glance at the still shocked woman. Eve started to pound her fists at the plywoods blocking the door and Villanelle eyed her apprehensively. She just stood by, grimacing at the shrieking sound of wood as Eve wrecked, pounded and tore the planks preventing their exit.
"Come on you piece of shit," Eve muttered rather violently under her breath as she kicked off another wood.
"Are you sure you're okay?", Villanelle carefully asked her.
"Yeah," She answered rather quickly which made Villanelle bite her lip to stop herself from further aggravating Eve. She wanted to hush Eve because she was creating so much racket, they might be discovered. She sensed that Eve wouldn't appreciate that, so she just glanced back to make sure no one was coming to kill them. After a few more seconds, Eve jerked her head to follow her.
"Nice job….," She praised her as she ducked to avoid the splinters of wood around the door.
"Need a hand?", Villanelle offered as the older woman stopped and remained standing at the foot of the stairs. Eve ignored her as she slowly made her way up. Both women gasped as light flooded their peripheral vision and a beautiful ruin met their gazes.
"Wow," Eve breathed in the fresh air, trying to quell the massive panic that was now starting to rise up her throat. She killed someone. Her ears were ringing, the muscles in her stomach wouldn’t stop contracting at the thought of Raymond's head, crushed under the axe that she swung. Nope. She won't go there. She needs to stop going there.
"Its beautiful," Villanelle cheerfully said. Shaking herself, Eve glanced at the smiling young woman.
"What do you want for dinner?" Villanelle's smile was so beautiful, so genuine it temporarily soothes Eve's quivering gut.
"Dinner?", she echoed hollowly.
"Mmm… Tonight I could make dinner," She was still smiling but it wasn't enough to quell the screaming voice inside Eve's head.
"Oh. Spaghetti?" Eve answered automatically, trying not to think about Raymond's spilt head.
"Good idea," Villanelle agreed. There's a spring on her steps as she continued to walk, happy at the idea of cooking for Eve.
"I'm thinking we should go to Alaska. Have you seen pictures? It's so amazing. We could uh, get a cabin. Nobody would bother us there. We'd be normal," She threw a grin at Eve as she jumped to glance back at her.
"I have money so you don't need to worry about that," Villanelle assured her, as if it's the least of their problem.
"Okay," Finally sensing Eve, robotic responses, Villanelle's expression softened and reached out for Eve's arms, gently grasping them, an act of reassurance.
"You'll feel better soon. I'll look after you. It's going to be amazing," Villanelle promised. Eve nodded mutely, trying to ground herself as she breathed in Villanelle's scent.
"Come on through here," She gestured Eve to follow her. She followed the young woman absentmindedly. As they came up to another area of the ruins, both of them jumped when a flock of birds suddenly flew by. Eve's first instinct was to run towards Villanelle but her laughter and complete disregard for the danger caught her attention.
"It's just the birds. We're fine," She said with a laughter under her breath. Eve's mind reeled violently when she saw what was in Villanelle's hand.
"You have a gun?" Her voice confused but sharp.
"Yeah," A flicker of doubt flashed through Villanelle's golden eyes as she tried to hide away the gun.
"Since when?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Why didn't you..?"
"Mmm?"
"Why didn't you shoot Raymond?"
"You had it under control," Villanelle said confidently, with a genuine smile on her face, as if stating an obvious fact.
"No I.," Something in Eve's voice made Villanelle nervous. "You wanted me to do it," Eve scoffed, her voice was starting to harden at the realization of her situation.
"I wanted you to know how it feels," Villanelle eyed Eve as she walked past her. "How did it feel?"
"Wet," Villanelle giggled at her response.
"I’m proud of you.”
"Proud?"
"Yes. We're safe now. You made us safe," It was uttered gently as Villanelle took a step towards her.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, after today people will be angry but we can look after ourselves now, can't we?" At Villanelle's words, it suddenly felt like a bomb blew out of nowhere and Eve's body became rigid. Was this Villanelle's plan all along?
"I'm going home," Eve stated flatly, void of emotions.
"What?" Confusion wrecked Villanelle's once soft expression.
"I've got to go home," Convincing herself, Eve pushed away Villanelle's hands. She needed to go home. To think. To run. What the hell was she thinking?
"Eve, you can't go home," Villanelle tried to reign in the desperation leaking from her voice.
"Yes, I can," There's a conviction in Eve's voice but they both knew it felt like the older woman was trying to convince herself.
"We need to talk," Eve could be reasoned with, she loves her. Eve won't leave her after everything they've been through. Eve needed her.
"No!"
"You're ruining the moment," Villanelle refused to show her pain. She won't but god, she can't stop the tears that was forming around her eyelashes.
"What do you think is happening here?" At Eve's words, Villanelle's back snapped rigidly as if she were slapped.
"What? I think we'd…"
"You think we'd be what? Bonnie and Clyde?" As Eve carelessly threw around those words, Villanelle's stomach started to churn. Is this how Eve saw her? "Just go on a killing spree? Cut a few throats?"
She thought they finally got past all that and it and had come a long way from hurting each other, from manipulating each other. Villanelle tried to be good, to follow Eve's rules, hell, the MI6 rules. Slowly, against what she was taught, Villanelle changed. She changed for Eve but despite that, Eve still saw her as a psychopath. A monster. Villanelle wanted to throw up.
"STOP IT," She snapped as she gritted her teeth, wrestling that mind-numbing pain that's slowly rising through her chest.
"You want me to be a mess. You want me to be scared." Eve continued her onslaught as she stalked Villanelle.
Eve's face hovered at Villanelle's angelic face, breathing hard, drawing in her scent combined with that heady scent of Raymond's blood. "But I'm like you now. I'm not afraid of anything. This is what you wanted."
"This is what YOU wanted," Villanelle snapped back, blinking away the tears.
"This is what you wanted," Eve countered. It felt like a lifetime as they stared at each other's eyes, both of them refusing to move, refusing to look away but when Eve finally broke their connection and started to walk away. Something in Villanelle's chest twisted and the degree of the pain staggered her.
"No Eve," Her voice rose pathetically octave. "Eve wait, why are you being like this? You love me," Unable to hide her desperation, Villanelle followed her like a kicked puppy.
"No," Eve stated. Villanelle's breath hitched painfully at that monosyllabic answer.
"I love you," Villanelle cried. Her voice broke vulnerably as she tried to swallow the tears that were threatening to overflow.
"No!"
"I do," All could Villanelle think about was Eve is leaving her.
"You don't understand what that is."
"I do. You're mine," Villanelle wanted to shout, to rip off her hair, to explain that despite her cold upbringing, she KNOWS how she feels for Eve. That despite what everyone tells her, she loves Eve. Villanelle loves her with everything she is and Eve had no idea how much she can hurt her with those simple words.
"NO."
"You are. You're mine," Tears finally fell freely and the desperation clawed out of her chest.
"Eve!" She shouted once more as she watched the woman take another step away from her. Away from what they could have been. Away from what they could be together.
As tears blurred her sight, a cold familiar feeling enveloped her pounding chest and a sinking feeling swoop her stomach. How did she end up this way? Villanelle thought.
She fought for what she became for years. She clawed out of that pathetic shell of Oksana so she could avoid being hurt, being used, being betrayed…being left alone again and again. What happened to her?
Before she could stop herself, Villanelle snapped back into that cold mask. To hide away her pain. To survive. To shield her heart from breaking further. "Thought you were special," She uttered coldly but her heart was screaming otherwise.
Eve has always been special but what good it would it do Villanelle if Eve doesn't want her?
"I'm sorry to disappoint," Eve softly whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek and at that moment, Villanelle wanted to get down on her knees and beg.
But she raised her gun, her gaze unwavering as she aimed it to the older woman. It would be easy to shoot her, just to end it, to stop her chest from slowly feeling things that she buried long ago. Her life would go back to the way it was once she killed Eve.
But…
A gunshot echoed around the ruins and Eve was too stunned to react as she saw a smoking hole near her feet. Her hair whipped as she turned around when she saw Villanelle pointing a smoking gun to her.
"You can pretend all you want," Villanelle visibly swallowed hard as she wiped away the tears that were now falling freely in her cheeks.
"But we both know that when you killed Raymond, it was to save me. I never forced you to do those things. You killed him because it was what you wanted so..." Her jaw was set, eyes blazing with pain and determination, Villanelle put down her gun.
"So don't you dare stand there and blame me for the decision that you made," she finished. Satisfaction slithered through Villanelle's veins when Eve flushed with shame. "Denial is a powerful thing, Eve, but how long can you deny it to yourself? Until when?"
Villanelle watched as a storm raged inside Eve's eyes because of her words but she had no time to wait for her answer. She was close to begging Eve not to leave her. The thought of it might kill her.
"Once you decided to get off your high horse and admit that we are the same, you know how to find me," Villanelle said coolly. As she walked away she was surprised that she didn't stumble with how badly her knees were shaking. Villanelle cursed herself for being a fool. For believing that she might be onto something. It took every ounce her of will to turn her back on the woman who made her feel something.
"You always know how to find me," Villanelle said wearily as she walked out on Eve again, but this time, on her terms.
Eve’s cries echoed through the ruins and Villanelle almost turned back, shaken and terrified at how the strong woman she fell in love with, pitifully cried.
If the old Villanelle could see her right now, she would have laughed at how pathetically in love she is to this stupid, hypocritical woman. But…
Villanelle glanced back at the ruin and a tinge of sadness fluttered inside her chest. She just hoped that Eve was brave enough to chase her once again. Brave enough to admit to herself that she's in love with a monster.
Freeing her hair from that restricting bun, Villanelle threw one last sad look at that ruins before making her way out.
***
A/N:
This is just a one shot and I'm not planning to continue this because I still have an ongoing KE fic.
I wanted to write this alternative ending because it felt like a continuation of Villanelle's character development. This is not an attack on Killing Eve writers but it was to soothe those people who wished for a different ending.
Anyways, a shout out to my GC, Finger Squad. We have another year of waiting, collective breakdowns over Jodie's rare content and another year of gay mess.
A shout out to @villanelleves and @villanellesarms on Twitter. Please accept my humble gift, to mend your broken hearts.
Say thank you to my Beta hero @ATLPanther, if it wasn't for her y'all were gonna have to fumble around my awkward english.
If anyone wants to see me, I'm @ADashofGayness on Twitter. Hit me up if you want. Just not literally.