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I Have 99 Problems And You Are All Of Them

Summary:

Ben likes Kylo a bit too much. He made a promise years back to stay away from him.

Thanks to Wedge, it doesn't last.

Notes:

Written as part of the Star Wars Rare Ship April 2019 challenge, brought to you by yours truly a month late. Apologies. Prompt: Wedge Antilles.

This fic contains explicit incest (Benlo) and there is a throwaway line about Luke/Leia. So maybe don't read if you're sensitive to incest? Just a thought. If you send me hate for writing incest, I will laugh at you.

There's also minor/background relationships in this! Rey is the only member of the ship who talks to Ben, but the background ship is Rey/Finn/Poe. And I left Rey's interest in Ben ambiguous, so feel free to fantasize about Reylo/Breylo/A Big Orgy if you so desire.

It must also be said - author doesn't have experience with Wedge Antilles. Sorry if my characterization of him doesn't fit at all. Actually, now is a good time to apologize for my characterization of everyone! This is my first *real* oneshot for Star Wars. The only other Star Wars thing I've done is a smutty 400 words. Needless to say, I'm far more stressed this time around.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Wedge is about to throw the rest of his ham sandwich into the pond. Ben places a hand on his arm, stopping him. "Don't do that. Bread is bad for ducks. Even bread that ducks don't eat is bad for them."

" Right. Shit. When I was growing up, it's something we did all the time, so I guess it's become a bit… automatic." Wedge stands up, stretching before tossing the rest of his food into the nearest trash can. "Better?"

"Yes."

"Now. Back to our previous conversation…"

Shit.

Ben had thought he'd dodged that bullet. Apparently not. He gets off the bench too. "What about it?"

“When most people get invited on a road trip with their crush, they tend to be pretty damn happy about it,” Wedge says patiently. Well, maybe not patiently. His tone implies Ben is a dramatic idiot. Which, to be fair, he kind of is.

“Most people don't have a crush on their sibling,” Ben bites back, immediately cringing at how harsh he sounds. “Sorry.”

Wedge rolls his eyes. “Maybe not but this family of yours is full of oddities. What's one more? Anyway, I've had time to adjust.”

Fair point. Ben had heard about Luke and Mom one night when Luke was drunk and loose lipped - and Wedge had known for years . At least uncle Luke had an excuse, though. He hadn't been aware of what he was doing, that he'd kissed his sister. Not until later. And look how that'd turned out. Mom isn't living happily ever after with her brother. She's with a far more respectable and appropriate choice.

“Ben? Kid? You okay?”

Ben clears his throat and nods. “Just thinking.”

“Dangerous thing for you to do, kiddo.”

Ben frowns. “I'm not a kid!”

“Compared to me you are. Listen. If you don't want to see your brother, you're gonna have to tell him. Ghosting your twin is pretty cruel.”

“He's used to it. And I prefer being referred to as a coward.”

“My point still stands. What are you waiting for?”

Ben takes Wedge's words for the dismissal it is.

 


 

 

Kylo responds to his text almost immediately.

I'll be there in an hour.

Ben wants to argue, he wants to say he needs more time, that Kylo can't expect him to drop everything and leave Chandrila for a whole weekend on such short notice - but who is he kidding? Ben's social circle is a bit scarce lately. It's not that he doesn't have friends. It's that they're busy with their lives, their relationships. No one is going to have a breakdown if he disappears for a day or two.

Fuck, this is a mistake, isn't it?

An hour later, there's a knock at the door. It startles Ben despite knowing what's on the other side. He breathes deeply a few seconds before gathering his courage and opens the door.

Oh, fuck.

Kylo's in a black tank top. Which partly makes sense. It's summer, after all. The time of year meant for showing off skin. Or, in Ben's case, the time of year that he's miserable and short tempered. He's never done well in the heat at the best of times and here Kylo is fucking owning it. It isn't fair.

“Are you drooling?” Kylo asks, gesturing at his mouth.

“Uh…” Ben wipes at the spit absently. He flounders. How does he even answer that? “I'm hungry.”

He inwardly kicks himself at his response. What a disaster. He was right all along. This was a mistake, he should've stayed away -

“We can pick up burgers on the way out of town,” Kylo says and Ben's grateful Kylo is pretending to buy into the lie, that he isn't rejecting Ben outright or, God forbid, suggesting therapy. “You're ready, right? You're supposed to have your shit packed.”

“It is packed,” Ben snaps back defensively, then groans. “I'm not in the best mood today. You sure you don't wanna head out without me?”

“Not a chance.”

 


 

 

Mistake Number Two is agreeing to the burger. Ben never thought messy eating could look so appealing but Kylo is more than pulling it off. They're in Kylo's car, roasting even though they're in the shade and Kylo's tongue keeps leaving his mouth, collecting the juices on his lips. His fingers. It should be disgusting. On anyone else it would be but instead it's fucking obscene .

And Ben's hard.

He lifts his leg closest to Kylo in hopes of hiding the evidence. His weakness. Thankfully for Ben, Kylo's far too into his burger to notice. But, just in case, Ben places his meal in his lap. Crisis avoided. For now.

“Best place in town,” Kylo sighs, fingering one of the buttons on his jeans before giving in and undoing it. Then he frowns at Ben's lap. “I thought you said you were hungry?”

Ben sucks on his sweaty lower lip. “I was. But the heat is making it hard to concentrate.”

Kylo arches a brow but doesn't say anything else.

 


 

 

“Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death?” Kylo asks, breaking the silence.

“Huh?”

“Car games, Ben. Don't you remember those? Every road trip needs a car game. Now answer the question.”

Ben huffs, running a hand through his hair. “Burn to death.”

“Okay, your turn.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

Fine . Would you rather live forever or die in the next five minutes?”

Kylo chuckles. “Are you not so subtly implying you want to die in the next five minutes? Such a drama queen. And I want to live forever. Would you rather give or receive a lap dance?”

Ben frowns. “That's not… that's really improper, Kylo.”

Ben can feel Kylo rolling his eyes. “Your head is so far up your ass it'd be illegal to dislodge it in Alabama. Stop being such a prude.”

“At least I have morals and stick to them! Your opinions are subject to change at any time. You have the integrity of soggy cereal.”

“Well, that's untrue.”

Ben's frustration is flaring but he stomps it down. Kylo always loved pulling reactions from him. Loved making him yell. Not this time, dammit. He'd keep his cool.

“I'd rather receive a lap dance, by the way. Would you rather have the ability to fly or become invisible?”

Kylo wiggles his eyebrows. “Become invisible. Imagine all the naked people I'd get to see.”

Ben sidesteps the comment. “It's your turn to ask a question.”

“Hmm. Would you rather have your thoughts broadcasted so everyone will always know what you're thinking while you're thinking it or never be allowed to wear clothes again but keep your thoughts to yourself?”

Ben pales. Just the thought of Kylo knowing his innermost thoughts gives him anxiety. His body and mind are frantically turning over the information as if it's really happening. “No clothes.”

“Kinkier than I'd expect from you. What are you hiding?"

Ben squirms in his seat. “Would you rather be a vampire or a wizard?”

“A sexy creature of the night. It isn't even a contest. Would you rather your body be found on a pile of sex toys or a pile of drugs?”

“Why is it always about sex with you? Is that all you think about? I'm your brother , do you really want to know this?”

“Yes.”

Ben looks out the window. He can't make himself look at Kylo. “Sex toys. Would you rather be the drunk who cries the entire night or the drunk who starts stupid arguments with strangers?”

Kylo giggles. Yeah, that's right. He giggles. “It's no fun when you ask questions you already know the answer to.”

“It's no fun, period.”

“I love starting arguments.”

“It's good to know your flaws.”

“Sure, Ben. Would you rather have sex with me in secret or not have sex with me but everyone thought you did?”

Ben freezes, thankful he's still looking out the window and doesn't have to see Kylo's stupidly smug face. He breathes a sigh of relief when he spots a sign for an upcoming rest stop. “I've got to use the restroom.”  

“I can't help but notice you didn't answer my question.”

Damn right he didn't. Kylo's just fucking with him. Hopefully. He's not sure he'd survive the alternative.

 


 

 

“What are you doing?”

“Pulling over to the side of the road. What's it look like?”

“Yeah, but… we've got places to be, right?”

Ben can't wait to get the hell out of the blistering hot sun.

“Did you forget how road trips work? It doesn't count unless you get unnecessarily sidetracked!”

“This is stupid.”

Kylo rolls his eyes and unbuckles his seatbelt. “There's dinosaur statues on the side of the road. They're dressed like farmers! We need to get out of the car and investigate."

“No thanks.”

“Get out of the car. I require a selfie and you need to be in it.”

“You're the worst .”

“Hey, maybe, but at least I don't avoid my brother for months or years at a time. That's your job.”

Ben lets out a long sigh and opens the car door. He squints at the statues. “A t-rex in a sunhat and raptors in overalls. Wow. What artistic genius. Thank you so much… can we leave now?”

Kylo slams his door and moves to Ben's side in seconds, offering his hand. “Sarcasm. Nice.”

“I don't need your help.”

“But are you capable of having fun and not being a wet blanket? That's the question of the ages.”

“Ask me again when we're indoors and near AC,” Ben grunts, sliding out of the car. “Ugh. Those are -”

“Awesome?”

“No.”

“Well, what would you know? You don't even like Jurassic Park !”

Ben shrugs helplessly. “I didn't hate it, I just think it's overhyped.”

“Fantastic. Quick selfie and we can head out.”

Ben grumbles, dragging his feet the whole way over to where the statues reside. “Thanks, I'm going to have nightmares.”

“Do you need big brother to protect you?” Kylo asks, throwing an arm around Ben's shoulders.

“You're four minutes older than me, I don't think that counts,” Ben grouses, trying to shrug Kylo off of him.

It doesn't work.

“Yes, it does.”

“Shut up and take the picture already.”

“As you wish, your majesty.” Kylo cackles and kisses Ben's temple.

Ben stiffens. His breath is almost non-existent as his brain tries to reboot. “What the fuck was that?”

Kylo chooses that moment to snap a few pictures of them. The bastard. “I wanted you to make a silly face.”

“So you kiss me?”

Kylo shrugs and backs off.

 


 

 

“Can we find a motel?” Ben asks many hours and numerous other pit stops later. “I need a bed. Maybe some mindless TV.”

“What's wrong, old man? Can't pull an all-nighter anymore?” Kylo teases but, thankfully, he takes the next exit off the freeway.

“You realize you just burned yourself, not just me, right?”

Kylo laughs his perfect fucking laugh that digs deep into Ben's skin. They both fall into silence as Kylo enters the nearest motel parking lot.

“I'll get us a room, grumpy. You stay here,” Kylo says, patting Ben's cheek.

“Get off of me,” Ben hisses, slapping Kylo's hand away. His heart pounds in his throat so hard and fast he swears Kylo can count the beats.

“What did I do to make you hate me so much?” Kylo asks and Ben's taken aback by his serious tone. Kylo's out of the car before he can open his mouth, slamming the door.

He does the only thing he can think of in that moment - he calls Wedge.

Wedge answers on the second ring. “Is someone bleeding or dying?”

“Well, no, but -”

“Are you in emotional distress?”

Yes .”

“Really?” Wedge doesn't believe him. Wonderful.

“Pretty much.”

“You haven't seen your brother in about a year.”

“Yes, I'm aware.”

“So it stands to reason you'll be a bit rusty. Unless he's screaming at you and telling you he hates you I don't think I'm the one you should be talking to.”

Ben huffs out a sigh. He hates that Wedge is right. “Kylo seems to think I hate him .”

“So set the record straight.”

“Maybe this is better.”

“Ben?”

“Yes?”

“You're an idiot.”

There's an ‘I know’ on his tongue but Wedge has already hung up. Damn. When even Wedge fucking Antilles has compassion fatigue… you know you've fucked up.

Tap tap tap.

Ben jumps in his seat then turns his head to see Kylo on his side of the car. They stare at each other for a few seconds before Kylo opens the door. “So. I've got good news and bad news.”

“Oh no.”

“I got us a room.”

“Can't be too bad then -”

“There's only one bed.”

“You're kidding.”

“Wish I was.”

Fuck. Okay, well, I'll sleep in the car -”

“You will not, we're adults, we can share a bed for one night.”

“I don't think we can,” Ben says, inwardly starting to panic. He's been looking forward to getting away from Kylo and now he's being expected to sleep inches from him?

“If you sleep in the car, I'm sleeping out here too. So you might as well sleep on an actual mattress.”

Ben scowls at his brother but he's already relenting. “Okay. But no…” Ben's voice trails off and he waves his hands. “Weird stuff.”

“Do you think you're not acting weird? I hate to break it to you, dear brother, but -”

“Keep your voice down!” Ben's eyes dart around the motel parking lot. Maybe it's rapidly growing paranoia but Ben can't shake the feeling that there's eyes on them. Watching. Waiting.

“Whatever. Ready to see the motel room or what?”

Ben huffs and steps out of the car. “Sure.”  

Kylo wasn't lying. There is only one bed. There's also more than one curious stain on the floor - but at least the blankets look clean.

“See? We'll survive. We'll fit.”

“Yeah, it doesn't look so -”

Noises come through the too-thin walls. A thudding of a bed. Moans. It's a threesome. Ben's pretty sure. A very loud, very enthusiastic threesome.

Ben turns on the TV in hopes of drowning them out.

“Hey, what do you think you're doing? This is basically free porn, I wanna listen.”

“You're disgusting,” Ben says, scandalized as he gingerly sits on the edge of the bed.

“Already established. And, you know, I could be worse. I could go over there and see if they need any extra hands -”

“Don't you dare!”

Kylo smirks and plops down on the bed next to Ben. “Careful. I might think you're jealous.”

“One, you're being far too cocky for your own good, assuming they'd even say yes. Two, I'm not jealous, I just don't want to hear your moans on top of theirs you absolute walnut.”

Kylo sighs unhappily but at least he drops the subject.

 


 

 

Ben's not sure how much more of this he can take. It's 3 o'clock in the morning, the lights are off, and he's trying to sleep - but those motherfuckers next door are ruining everything. At it again. Seriously, who needs to fuck this much?

Kylo's close. Too close. Every time he breathes, Ben can hear it. His body heat can't be ignored either.

If Ben shifts just so, they'd be pressed flush together. And wouldn't that be something?

“You awake?”

Ben could lie. He could squeeze his eyes shut and pretend this isn't happening. He doesn't need to engage.

“Unfortunately.”

Kylo moves ever so slightly and the next time Kylo breathes Ben feels it along his neck. Hot. Heavy. “You ever have sex so loud the neighbors got mad?”

Ben swallows thickly. Dangerous territory, that's what this is. No good can come from this.

“I don't think so, no.”

“Would you like to?”

Ben gasps and bolts upright. “What kind of question is that? Why are you messing with me?”

“I've come to a conclusion about you. I think it's time that it's verified one way or the other.”

Ben makes a face. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“You've been irritable this whole trip -”

“Not the whole trip.”

“Let me finish.”

Ben lays back down. He's not sure why. This time he turns his body so he's facing Kylo in the darkness.

“I think you either hate me… or you're in love with me. So which is it?”

For a few heartbeats Ben doesn't react. He can't react. His brain is having a hard time processing the information its just heard. So, he reacts without using his brain - he leans in, presses his body against Kylo's, and drops a kiss on the edge of his mouth.

"I could never hate you," he whispers as he pulls away.

Kylo doesn't let him get very far, hands shooting out to grip Ben's arms. His shoulders. Working to keep him in place. "Say it."

Ben gulps. "Say what?"

"You love me. You want me. Say it ."

Ben groans softly, Kylo's tone making him shiver. With want, yes, but also a bit of fear. What if this is a cruel joke? What if it's a dream? "You're insufferable. I often feel like snapping at you… and sometimes I do. But you're right. I love you. I tried to get over you, tried to distance myself, but I still love you."

"So why did you come with me on this trip?" Kylo asks. A hand drifts up, caressing Ben's cheek.

"Blame Wedge. Also… I think, perhaps, a part of me was tired of fighting and maybe hoped you'd make a move."

"My dear brother… I wanted you to make a move." Kylo leans close, brushing their lips together. "I still do."

What's left of Ben's walls come crumbling down. Ben whines and lifts a leg, draping it over Kylo. "Is this enough?" he breathes out, kissing Kylo again, full on the mouth. Harder.

Kylo growls and pushes on Ben's chest. "On your back," he demands before sitting up.

"What are you doing?"

The light flickers on.

"I want to see your face."

"Do you really need to? It looks just like yours."

Kylo huffs out a laugh. "I think you already know the answer to that. Take off your pants."

Despite the summer heat, Ben had worn sweats to bed. He hadn't trusted himself, what he might do if his bare skin touched Kylo's. His breath hitches and Ben nods, wiggling out of his pants and underwear. His cock bounces happily at the brief stimulation. "What about you?"

Kylo smirks. "Patience. You know I get what I want, and right now I want to focus on you."

"Okay."

Kylo lays out beside him, nuzzling at Ben's ear. "Touch yourself."

Ben shivers, biting his lower lip as he curls a few fingers around his cock. "Why am I doing all the work?"

Kylo strokes his fingers along Ben's jawline. "Because you're self conscious and blushing."

"Is that bad?" Ben gasps out, squeezing his length.

"No. But I've got this kink…" Kylo pauses, chuckling. He kisses Ben's ear. "I like making people beg. You're no exception. So… I won't touch you until you lose control and tell me to."

"That's pure evil," Ben decides, and his voice comes out as more of a whine than he'd been hoping for.

"But in character, right? I mean, what else did you expect?"

Time for payback.

"I thought you'd slip between my legs, get me squirming on your fingers. Thought you'd fuck me bare, with nothing between us," Ben says, becoming bolder as he speaks. Kylo's breathing is heavier. He sounds affected. Good. "Or maybe you'd get me on my hands and knees. Maybe you'd fuck me so hard the bed would hit the wall and put a fucking hole through it."

Kylo groans and shudders beside Ben. " Fuck."

"Don't you want that?"

"Call me old fashioned, but when I get my dick in your ass, I think I'd rather it be just the two of us."

"So romantic," Ben teases, arching off the bed and into his fist. "Please."

"Please what, Ben?"

"I'm going to come very soon. And I really want to do it while you're touching me. Please. "

It seems Ben says the right thing because Kylo's tearing off his clothes seconds later and pushing Ben's hand off his cock. "Me. Let me."

Ben doesn't need to be told twice. He lets go of his dick and watches Kylo expectantly as he settles on top of Ben and takes both of their cocks in his hand. Kylo slicks precome along their cocks and Ben sighs in relief as Kylo strokes them in earnest. He alternates between messy tugs with his hand and the delicious grind of his hips.

"Beautiful," Kylo pants.

Ben shakes his head. "No."

"Ben," Kylo says firmly, stroking him faster. "If you think I'm hot, if you think I look good, you're gonna have to get it through your head that you do too."

"I can't work a room like you can," Ben insists as the pleasure climbs. "I can't make friends like you do. I'm not easily loved. I'm difficult. I'm -"

"A pain in the ass. And we love you for it," Kylo growls, nipping at Ben's jawline. "I need to hear you say how fucking hot you are."

"Not on your life."

"So fucking stubborn," Kylo hisses, paying special attention to the underside of Ben's cock.

"But you love me for it?"

Kylo huffs out a laugh. "Yeah. You cheeky bastard."

Ben can't stay still. He has no hope of it. He's rocking into Kylo's hand the best that he can even though it ruins Kylo's rhythm.

"I'm really close," he says, hating that it's about to end.

None of his fantasies included him having a problem with premature ejaculation. It's, quite frankly, a little humiliating. But Kylo's face helps. If anything, he looks happier at Ben's words. "Do it."

He's about to argue that he can't come on command but then Kylo's sinking his teeth into the sensitive flesh of Ben's throat and he's gone. Ruined. He's coming hot and messy between them and there's no turning back.

"Warn me next time," he tries to complain but it comes out little more than a moan, confirming his enjoyment.

Kylo releases Ben's throat, licking the bite before he begins scooting up Ben's chest. "My turn."

"Your turn for what?"

"To come," Kylo growls, tapping the tip of his wet cock against Ben's cheek when he's in position. "Be good for me and help me get there."

Ben does.

 


 

 

So, how'd it go? Did you and Kylo kiss and make up?

Ben flushes as he stares at Wedge's message, then glances up at Kylo, who's naked and smirking.

"Ready for a shower?"

"Uh…" Ben clears his throat and stands up, searching for a pair of clean pants. He knows he'll regret it as soon as he steps outside into the heat, but he's not comfortable showing off his body. "No, go ahead without me. I have something I need to take care of."

Kylo pouts. "More important than me?" he asks with mock hurt.

Ben rolls his eyes as he pulls on a t-shirt. "Of course not. I'll be right back."

He doesn't stand there and wait for a response. Instead, he runs for the door without socks or shoes. He breathes a sigh of relief when the door shuts, hiding Kylo from his eyes.

Ben's about to call Wedge when the door next to him opens and a woman steps out. "Hello."

Ben sucks in a breath. It's her . The one who was having loud and wild sex. Her voice confirms it. "H-hi."

"You're staring," she says but, to Ben's surprise, she doesn't sound angry. "I'm Rey. And you are?"

Don't be weird.

Ben tries to give her a normal smile. "Ben. You're… loud."

He inwardly kicks himself. What the hell? Why did he say that last part? Rey probably already thinks he's a lunatic, he doesn't need to give her more red flags.

Rey smiles, showing off her teeth. "I won't apologize for enjoying sex. Besides, I'm almost certain you had a round of your own, so your night couldn't have gone that badly."

"What?!" Ben's voice cracks.

"You've got sex hair. And you aren't nearly as quiet as you seem to think you are."

"Sorry."

"No." Rey takes a few steps towards Ben and reaches out, brushing her fingers against his. "Don't be. I liked hearing it."

Ben's phone buzzes, interrupting his staring. He swipes and sees that Kylo's texted him.

I want you in my mouth.

He's about to type back 'yeah?' when a photo comes through next. He groans, touching Kylo's sinful mouth.

"I take it you got a nice surprise?"

Fuck. Right. Rey's still here.

He clears his throat. "Yes. I should… I should get back."

"So soon? I was going to ask you to brunch."

Ben rubs the back of his neck. It's tempting, he must admit - but Kylo wanting him? It's not really rocket science. He needs to see him.  Besides, Rey's just being friendly. "I can't. Kylo's used to getting what he wants. He's not going to give me any peace until I get back in there."

"Oh. Well, maybe I'll see you again before you go? We're paying for two nights and I'm not the only one who was curious to meet you."

"Um…" Ben furrows his brow, not quite sure what to make of Rey's words. "Maybe. Yeah."

His phone buzzes once more and he hisses at the new text.

I miss you. Miss the way you moan for me.

This time, Ben responds - you won't have to miss it much longer.

"You've got it bad," Rey says, elbowing Ben.

"I do."

"Looks like it's my cue to get out of your hair."

He wishes he knew how to socialize better. Unfortunately, Rey had met the wrong twin. Ben has no idea what he's doing. Kylo would have excelled at this.

They part ways, Ben heading back inside and Rey going to her car. Kylo's on the bed. Naked. His hair is completely dry.

"Took you long enough. Get over here," Kylo says, licking his lips.

Ben snorts and starts wiggling out of his clothes. "I was gone for maybe two minutes. Clearly, you didn't even try to shower."

"Can't. Too horny. What were you doing out there?"

Ben flushes. "Met the woman from last night."

"Really? How'd it go?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Should I be worried? Do you have a crush? Is she hotter than me?"

"Oh my god. Please. Shut up."

"Make me!"

Ben smiles. "I can do that."

Notes:

The Would You Rather questions were, for the most part, found online. So were a couple of the insults. Thanks internet!

Comments and kudos give me life!

If I'm missing any important tags, please let me know?

A massive thanks to Rose and Bex for listening to my incessant whining and angsting. Both of you are rockstars!

Edited to add: I now have a Star Wars side blog (for Reylo, mostly) - outofleashes. Huzzah!