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“Ellana.”
She felt a cold hand on her shoulder, jostling her from the rest she so sorely needed. The Inquisitor groaned as she opened her eyes. “Cole? What’s going on?”
“You have to help. Telana, she couldn’t leave. Not without saying goodbye.” The spirit wrung his hands nervously.
Ellana shifted to her side, letting her bed roll fall to her lap. “The spirit left. We both saw it go back to the fade. I don’t understand.” She ran her fingers through her hair and planted her boots on the ground.
“Dreaming and waiting. It had been so long since he found another, like him. She sings her song and he cannot stop. She pulls the strings and he dances. He needs help.” Cole murmured. Ellana followed the young man out of her tent into the frosty evening. They had been forced to camp outside the massive structure of ice that the dragon had left behind. Cassandra had taken a rather nasty blow to the head and no amount of magic could replenish someone like sleep could. He lead her to Solas’ tent. “He can’t find himself.”
Ellana took a peek inside to see Solas sleeping peacefully. She cringed at the thought of her previous lover waking to see her spying and quickly let the flap fall closed. “He looks fine.” She had been reluctant to even bring the dreamer along. Their break up was still very fresh in her mind, but after she had the chance to study the customs of the Avvar it would have been ludicrous to leave him. “What’s this about?”
Cole let out a frustrated huff before stomping into the tent.
Ellana let out a mortified squeak as she made a grab for the spirit and missed. “Cole? What are you doing?!” Given little choice, she followed. The temperature inside was a tad warmer than outside and his scent was all the stronger. It had been a few weeks since she had been this close to him outside of battle. Memories associated with that smell danced behind her eyes, they left her feeling nostalgic as longing and hurt wove themselves into her bones.
“He cannot wake, she hasn’t seen him. She needs to say goodbye. He hurt like her, lost and lonely waiting. They need help. I can send you.” Cole demonstrated by shaking the elf’s shoulder. Ellana was more acquainted with the mage than most and it caused her concern that he did not wake up. That was not normal. She kneeled down to get a closer look, letting the anchor glow enough to illuminate his face. Solas was covered in sweat and his eyes bounced behind their lids with an urgency she had never witnessed before. Was he being possessed?
“No. Never that. Her pain tears at him but it’s not inside him, she needs Ameridan. She does not know he’s gone. He needs Ellana but he cannot stay. Both are separate but the same. I can’t save him, her pain won’t let me. Solas and Telana need the Inquisitor.”
Her mind swirled around the possibility. Solas was in the fade and she was no mage. “Opening up a rift in the middle of camp would hardly be appreciated,” she coined dryly. “How exactly am I supposed to help?”
“I can send you there but you need to sleep.” Cole said.
Ellana tried very hard not to face plant out of frustration. “You do realize I was asleep ten minutes ago?” She settled herself on the ground leaning on Solas’ pack. “Why not just send me from where ever I was then?”
Cole sat down next to her and held out his hand. “I can follow their pain but it’s easier, your pain is connected to theirs. It makes me stronger and I can help more, do more. Give me your hand?”
The rogue felt a fissure of nervousness. She glanced to the cot next to her and studied the man in it. If Cole had asked her that question a few weeks ago her hesitation would not have occurred. She loved Solas with everything she was. Thusly she had been devastated when he left her. Their parting had not been full of screaming or crying, that would have done no good and the childish behavior would have irritated him. She had known him well enough to let him go quietly and to keep her pain private. As far as the Inquisition was concerned their split had been amicable. A few knew the truth, Varric and Dorian might have found her halfway through a bottle or two. “The last time we spoke he made very clear that we were no longer an item. Are you sure this is wise Cole? He might not appreciate my presence as much as you think.”
“Vehnan, ar’lath ma.” Cole keened. “Hearts cannot lie like lips can. He bleeds pain and longing, his soul is screaming for it’s other half. Telana needs him to heal the hurt, sweet soft balm to an achy angry pain. Why? All we wanted was to stay with them. They do not want to die alone. They need you, now. Give me your hand, do not worry I will keep you safe.”
Ellana took a deep breath and placed her left hand in Cole’s. The spirit reached out and took Solas’ hand and joined their palms. She felt a wave of fatigue wash over her as the boy twined their fingers. “Sleep Inquisitor.” The anchor flared as her vision faded.
When she came to Ellana would have sworn she was drunk. Her motor skills were shot and her balance was wreaking havoc on her ungainly limbs. “Cole? Are you here?” She slurred.
“Yes, I am here. But you are more, I did not expect that. How are you two?”
Ellana concentrated on her breathing as her head cleared. She fought the rolling nausea in her stomach while idly wondering ‘what happens if one up chucks in the fade’ assuming that’s where she was. With a final shake of her head she supposed it’d be best not to find out. “I understand that you perceive things differently Cole but I’d really appreciate it if this got less confusing.”
“You’re not even a mage. How is he with you?”
It shouldn’t surprise her that the ‘let’s have Cole make sense’ route wasn’t panning out. Ok. Maybe a more simple question. “Where are Solas and Telana?”
“They are coming, they heard me bring you.”
Ellana stared down at her hands, They were blurred? No, that wasn’t the right word. It reminded her of the dust Sera would use to camouflage their group. Her arm was there but then it wasn’t she faded but came back. She was wearing her armor but then something different?
“Vehnan.”
She shivered at the dual tone in his voice, it reminded her of her trip to the future where his beautiful blue eyes had shone red. When she saw him, he was like her, fading but not. But instead of fading away she saw blonde hair and green eyes, a woman’s stature and not a man’s. A dress instead of his traveling clothes. Telana. A surge of affection that was not her own flooded her chest. She panicked for a moment, what had Cole drug her into?
Cole’s voice filled her mind. “Do not worry, a soul cannot be forced on the unwilling. You will be just you soon.”
“Telana,” her feet crossed the distance between her and Solas without permission. “Beloved, I missed you.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, soothing away at almost a century of pain. Ellana struggled with the duality of her current situation. It was him, Ameridan. She was Ellana but she was also him. He was her but him too. He had to save her, she spent so long looking for him. Their lips met and Ellana struggled to contain the longing that washed over her. It didn’t matter that Ameridan was at the front so to speak, she still felt his lips on hers. It had been so long.
“My love, where have you been? I have been searching for so long. How did you find me?” Solas whispered. His hands mapped her face and cheeks, his touch gentle warm and welcoming. A stark contrast to the rigid professionalism she’d seen as of late. But it wasn’t really Solas, it was Telana.
“Compassion led me here and I am so very glad they did,” she placed a kiss on his brow. The surge of love and warmth that she was immersed in was like an ache against her core. She didn’t have this anymore, she had been cast aside. She would not deny Ameridan or Telana their reunion, but she wondered how much of herself would be left by the time they were done. This had to be the weirdest day of her life. “You’ve been alone for a very long time, we both have.” She leaned back in their embrace to meet Telana’s stare. “It won’t be that way anymore.”
“Ar’lath ma, vehnan,” Solas rested his head on her shoulder. The relief was flowing off of him in waves. “We can stay together now?”
“Yes vehnan, but wouldn’t you prefer it if it was just us? Perhaps release these two and then we can go where ever you want. We won’t be parted again.” Her arms slid to his waist.
Solas’ face showed confusion before glancing down at himself. “What have I done?” He whispered obviously horrified.
She chuckled, “Nothing permanent, I assure you. Your pain called to him, that is all.” She stepped back to allow for space. “Let go love and we will be free.” Ellana felt something tug at her limbs and the center of her chest. Her appearance almost solidifying for a moment. “Release that which grounds you here,” Ameridan whispered. It felt as if someone was removing layers of her that shouldn’t be there, pieces that were too big for her shape. She closed her eyes against the uncomfortable sensation. When she opened them Ameridan stood before her. The restoration of her sense of shape and balance left her reeling again and rather than fight her shaking legs she allowed herself to collapse, drawing in as much air as she could.
She watched in awe as Telana’s form stepped out of Solas and into Ameridan’s arms, both retaining a solid form. He gladly accepted her weight and held her soul as if it were precious. “Thank you, Inquisitor, for giving us this chance and compassion I am honored that you assisted us.”
“We helped the hurts and stop the bleeding. I am glad.” Cole’s voice echoed.
Ellana managed a nod towards the previous Inquisitor. She was just grateful to be the only person underneath her skin again. She turned to find Solas in a similar state of disarray. “Solas are you alright?” He didn’t answer. She managed to crawl over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, the tremors underneath his skin made her anxiety skyrocket. She angled to get a look at his face but he turned, denying her the view.
“My apologies, this was not what I intended. I underestimated Telana’s grief and I was overwhelmed. It will not happen again.”
“Her grief was your own. Same color same shape same hurt. You do not want to leave the Inquisitor. Your Vehnan.” Cole whispered around them.
Solas snapped his head up addressing the spirit with a bit more bite to his tone. “Your assistance in bringing the Inquisitor here was appreciated. I will take it from here.” The change in their scenery was abrupt. Her surroundings went from a muted white expanse to a forest where moisture dampened the air and the trees were thick around them. There was an unmistakable feeling of peace blanketed over them. “We are safe here. I assume you have questions?”
“Are you alright,” Ellana asked quietly. She wished it wasn’t so dark though, it had been so long since she had been able to see him and speak with him in this fashion.
A fire pit crackled to life in front of her. Safe assumption was that they were still dreaming.
“I am fine. Thank you for asking. I wanted to guide her to a better place and I did not expect to become overwhelmed. My apologies.” Solas mumbled. His cheeks were stained with embarrassment.
“Is it common for things like this to happen?” She kept her questions factual, the last thing she wanted to do was run him off before she could finally understand what in the void had happened here.
“Not at all. This evenings events are very rare and are usually mistaken for possession. Although I have to admit, I am not exactly pleased with playing the damsel in distress.” Solas pursed his lips before seating himself near the fire. “Telana and I shared enough circumstances that... Our feelings on the matter were enough to make me forget I was in the fade. I could not see her past them and Telana could feel Ameridan close, her want to find him was... consuming. Luckily enough neither of us was corrupted, thanks to you and Ameridan.”
“So, it’s just me in here right?” She couldn’t keep the waver of nerves out of that question.
That brought a touch of a smile to his face. “Yes. What we experienced was a blending of souls, not possession. It requires a vessel that can accept them, that is like them and embodies their state of mind. The soul must be at peace to follow the correct path to her new body. Telana was not at peace.”
Ellana tried to keep her emotions from showing on her face, but the wave of guilt was heavy in her heart. “Truly, if I cause you this much pain I would not hold it against you if you left Skyhold.”
The silence that met her words was unsettling.
“Please do not say such things. The fault is mine, it is only appropriate that I carry the pain and the weight of that decision.” He sounded wounded and disappointment soured his tone. “I would stay near you as long as I can.” Solas whispered. “I have a question of my own, if you would permit?”
Ellana nodded as she took her own seat at the fire, careful to keep a respectful amount of distance between them.
“You would have had to of reflected Ameridan for him to be able to latch on to you. He seemed calm, at peace with his fate. Accepting of the role given. I am glad to see that our parting did not hurt you.” He stared into the flames, his countenance not giving her any clues. She however, was pretty sure she knew what he was trying to elude to. She stayed quiet, allowing him time to formulate the words needed to express his inquiry. “Did... Did I mean so little to you that...” He shook his head, attempting to dismiss the train of thought. “Forgive me. I ended things, that is an unfair question to ask.”
Ellana felt conflicted, so she gave him the most honest answer she could. “I was just grateful I had the opportunity to fall in love.” She fiddled with her gauntlets, tinkering with the buckle to ease the uncomfortable feeling of letting someone beneath the Inquisitor’s helm. “I do not need you beside me to know I am yours. I would not chain you to me if you wish to be set free. I’m just glad for the time I was given.”
“This world has been cruel to you, Ellana, and so have I.” Thunder rumbled above them, rain drops landed on her face cool and soothing.
“I don’t believe that.” She sighed, eyes tipping upwards. “While chance and circumstance does enjoy making my life as complicated as possible I would not have been here without them. Life is not the almighty promise of a fair and ideal life with the best outcome guaranteed in a box with a ridiculously lavish bow, it is a chance. A chance for good and bad, learning and exploring, but there is always hope that maybe we get it right this time. Maybe we help someone and then they help us. Maybe we don’t help, maybe we make it worse. It doesn’t change the fact that we are. We exist and we will keep trying to make it better.” She met his cobalt stare for a moment, dropping all the barriers and curtains so he could see. “I will always be yours vehnan, whether you are by my side or halfway across Thedas. Nothing will change that. I am grateful that I was given the chance and circumstances that brought you to me.”
She felt his hand wrap around hers. He was the only person in the entirety of Thedas that was comfortable touching her without fear of the anchor. “It’s not fair,” he whispered. “In this life I have never wanted anything more than I want to stay with you.” She watched his body flicker, the distortion from earlier returning. “I will wake soon.”
She brought his hand to her lips, trying to convey her feelings. “And I will be there, for as long as I can be.”
He was there and then he was gone. Ellana was left alone by the dying firelight. She supposed this would end when she woke up and left to her current devices she wasn’t quite sure when that was going to be. She had always slept like the dead. The flames slowly churned down to embers as the forest around her grew quiet. It was peaceful.
“You are remarkable.”
Ellana eyed the spirit approaching her. It was luminous in the way the Divine had been while guiding them past the fear demon. It took the form of a child. She unconsciously made to reach for her daggers.
“Do not fear me, please. I do not wish to become caution and the world needs a spark. Your spark.”
Finding her holsters missing Ellana forced her fear aside. It’s not as if she could do a whole bunch to defend herself anyway. “What manner of spirit are you?”
“I am Hope. You wish to save your wolf?” The child asked. It moved closer, staring at her face as if mesmerized.
Confusion brought her brows down low. “My what?”
The child smiled, “Your vehnan.”
“I wasn’t aware he needs saving.” She felt a discordance in her being. When Ellana looked down her form was disappearing.
Hope stepped forward. “A gift lethalin.” Her small hand cupped the Inquisitors forehead as images flashed before her eyes all too quickly to be processed. Two images however persisted, a castle floating in the sky the sickly green glow of the breach glowering from behind and the orb, broken in pieces on the ground. “Save the orb and save him from himself. Give him hope.”
Ellana broke back into the waking world with a very large headache and a whole lot of answers.