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1. Smile at Thorin in the morning and say "Why Thorin, you look positively elvenly today"
2. When Thorin comes into the room get spooked and say "Sorry thought you were Thranduil for a while"
(I know it might be bit repetitive, but if he still doesn't react pull out the big guns)
3. "And did you know that when our lore says, that Durin woke up alone, it was because his elven lover already left?"
4. "Brother dear, were you aware, that there was this book about your quest (Well another, that was not written by Ori)? It was written by a Man and is very well known and even more loved throughout our land and beyond. And do you know what it's name is? *smirk evilly* THE HOBBIT"
5. Exchange all his majestic coats for patchwork bathrobes with pink faux fur collar.
6. Spread a rumour that Thorin the King Under The Mountain is actually Thorin the Queen Under The Mountain and watch what happens when he is for the first time in his life called "My Lady".
7. Put a practice target on his back for Fili and Kili and give them a challenge. The best shot and run will get their own weight in cookies.
8. Hide his coat and draw him a map, or make him ask for direction, he got lost twice in Hobbiton.
9. Give him laxatives before the elven diplomats arrives and watch him squirm through the whole audience.
10. Show up in dress with glitter and ask whether the Arkenstone shards make your dress sparkle enough.
11. Run to him with a message that there were oldest writings from Old Erebor found. When asked what they say. Show him a writing on a wall that says "Thorin sucks"
12. On his birthday make him a giant cake from which will naked Óin jump out.
13. When Gandalf comes to Erebor steal some of his firework and point it at Thorin. (I know I already did this one as a little dwarfling, but I'm sure unlike his beard, his hair will grow back)
14. When Thorin comes to argue who will ride the pony (You only brought one) tell him. "Alright we will both ride the pony" And then fasten him to the pony's belly. Figure out later where to put his feet.
15. Hang many drawings in Erebor of young Thorin with his bottom bared with a writings "That's where he keeps his beard"\he didn't have his beard but he had plenty of hair elsewhere\Thorin his majestic buttness
At the end of the day just hug him (in front of witnesses), kiss him, and call him The bestest brother there ever was with a cute voice and puppy eyes. After all Kili and Fili learnt from the best.