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“i think i have to go now, it’s getting late already,” chenle said through a pout. “dad said i had to be back at five but it’s already past that,” he murmured, looking at the clock on jisung’s wall, still not getting up.
“your dad’s a big softie, though, he won’t be mad,” jisung smiled and got up. he reached his hand out for chenle to take and get up. he wished the boy stayed for longer. that’s what he always wanted - to spend more time with chenle but this time it was different. jisung was nervous. the closer chenle was to leaving, the closer jisung was to confessing.
jisung knew that even if chenle didn’t like him back, it wouldn’t be too bad. they’d be friends. chenle was a good person. but he really liked chenle. even if he rationally knew nothing bad would happen, jisung’s heart was racing and his palms were having a bath of sweat.
“yeah, you’re right. but still, i don’t want to try him,” chenle said. the older took jisung’s hand but instead of standing up, chenle jerked jisung’s hand towards him and the younger fell beside him on the bed. chenle laughed loudly about it and hugged the boy tightly before getting up on his own. “come on, get up and walk me to the door, what are you waiting for?”
“dumbass,” jisung smiled fondly and got up. he took the cassette from the table and put it in his back pocket. “let’s go.”
chenle took jisung’s hand into his and dragged him downstairs to the door outside. chenle’s hand was so warm and jisung was just so… so in love. he couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. jisung quickly looked down, trying to make his lips cooperate and frown at the very least. sure enough, that didn’t work.
“are you that happy i’m leaving?” chenle asked, chuckling cutely. “i was expecting for you to cry and beg for me not to leave but instead you’re happy about it. this is what i call homophobia.”
“of course. cishet rights!” jisung said a bit louder than he was meaning to. he saw chenle immediately get a disappointed look on his face - he had every reason to, to be fair.
“jisung, i severely dislike you,” chenle said with the most serious facial expression jisung had ever seen. he would have believed it even if he didn’t know better. “never ever say that again.”
“to be fair, i didn’t feel particularly good about saying it either,” jisung explained himself.
“good, you shouldn’t have either. come here,” chenle reached his arms forward and pulled jisung into a tight hug. chenle tilted his head lower and jisung rested his chin on chenle’s head. so they stood there for a while. it seemed like neither of the boys wanted to let go yet. all of their goodbyes went the same way; they only let go when someone or something interrupted them.
this time was no different. they stood there for a few minutes until chenle’s phone started ringing. he slowly let go and looked at his phone.
“i’m on my way, dad, uh, a lot of traffic,” he mumbled. “pedestrian traffic is a thing… our neighbourhood is very populated, didn’t you know?” chenle smiled and chuckled. “jisung, my dad says hi. wait, no, jisung’s not here, i’m on my way, don’t listen to me,” he took his words back immediately. “i’ll be right there… yeah, love you too.”
chenle made jisung’s heart beat way too fast and not at all at the same time, kind of when mixing nyquil with dayquil to create quil. he looked at the boy who looked so very small and endearing that jisung wanted to protect him - even if it was basic knowledge that chenle would definitely the one to pick a fight, not jisung. it was the thought that counted.
“i’ll see you tomorrow in school, yeah? don’t miss me too much,” chenle winked and opened the door.
“wait, uhm, take this,” jisung took the cassette out of his back pocket. “i made this for you. give me a call when you listen to it, let me know what you think.”
“i’m sure i’ll love it,” chenle took the cassette from jisung’s hands. he quickly left a kiss on jisung’s cheek and ran out of the door before the younger could say anything about it. the boy put his hand on his cheek and smiled brightly. he really was in love.
♡
jisung stared at his phone as it was ringing for the fifth time in a row. by now, he was left immobile. the boy had refused dinner tonight as well, in fear he would actually throw up out of anxiety. though he probably shouldn’t have done that, seeing as to how none of his organs worked right now anyway.
the phone stopped ringing. and it didn’t ring again. before it was call after call but now it was just eerie silence. a quick text message signal. silence.
jisung didn’t read the message. not because he was illiterate, as he often claimed, but he couldn’t make himself read what chenle had to say. jisung understood how dumb it was and how bad it must make chenle feel but jisung just… wasn’t capable. the only things he was able to do was lying down on his bed and contemplating his life.
and so he did just that. the calm sound of rain helping the boy calm his nerves and his heart that was beating too fast for it to be healthy each time he even so much as thought of chenle - the boy he was hopelessly in love with, the boy he had confessed to through a stupid mixtape, the boy he was ready to do anything for. except answer his phone calls.
jisung stared at the ceiling, trying to concentrate on the tiny ‘chenji’ written there. when jisung used to have a bunk bed, the boys always fought over who would sleep on the top bunk when they had sleepovers and in the end, they ended up sleeping on the top one together and in the middle of the night when jisung had had a nightmare, chenle took the pencil he had fallen asleep with and wrote that, telling jisung it was some kind of a magic spell that would protect him. jisung couldn’t even read then yet and he trusted chenle because he was older and smarter. his mind still hadn’t changed.
best friends. they had been best friends since forever until forever. the boys already had plans to go to university together, they were inseparable. jisung couldn’t even think of having to be apart from chenle for longer than two days and he believed that it was the same for chenle. they were at the point they didn’t doubt each other in things like that anymore.
it had to happen, right? one of them had to develop feelings for the other sooner rather than later. jisung was glad it was him - having a crush sucked, to be completely honest. the torment and the confusion about if what the other boy did was a romantic gesture or if it was out of very strong platonic love was horrible.
“you absolute fucking idiot,” a familiar voice half-yelled, suddenly storming into the room. “i know the sound on your phone is on, you never turn it off. i had to come over here in rain,” chenle threw his jacket on jisung’s bed, only inches away from the boy’s face who now seemed horrified. “’give me a call once you listen to it’,” he said in a mocking tone and sat down on the chair, facing jisung. “well, how was i supposed to do that when you aren’t picking up? now i’m all wet and cold because of you!” he crossed his arms on his chest, indicating he had finished his rant and was now waiting for jisung to speak.
“i’m sorry,” the boy muttered. he couldn’t think of what else to say. jisung couldn’t exactly say ’hey, so do you like me, too, haha’. technically, he could but that wouldn’t be good manners. and jisung was all but disrespectful.
“i told my dad i would stay over at your place because it’s already late,” chenle said, still pouting, trying to look very offended but instead looking like a cuddly teddy bear. “move, i want to get under a blanket,” he ordered and got in next to jisung, taking hold of the younger’s hand and putting it around him.
jisung still couldn’t get another word over his lips, he was so… confused, the boy had no idea what to say.
“the mixtape…” chenle spoke up, now softer. he had his back on jisung so they couldn’t see each other’s facial expressions. “there was a meaning behind it, right? it wasn’t just songs you like…”
“yeah,” jisung could feel his heartbeat rising.
“okay,” chenle squeezed jisung’s hand. “good,” he said contently. “good,” he exhaled again, “because i think i like you.”
“you do?” jisung asked in disbelief. he was sure he had just misheard the older or that it was just a joke.
“yeah. yeah, i do,” chenle’s breath hitched.
“oh,” jisung said. the boy was still in disbelief and still had to have some time to think, which he would have had if he had answered a phone call instead.
so they lay there in silence, chenle playing with jisung’s fingers and the younger letting him. at this point, there were all sorts of thoughts in jisung’s head - except for what to say to chenle. the football match yesterday went well. taeyong probably made a great pasta for dinner. his phone’s battery percentage was probably around 40%. should charge it soon. chenle’s hair really was wet.
chenle.
chenle…
“so,” jisung started, not having a plan at all, “what do you want to do?”
“in general or about… us?” chenle asked, quietening down the last part.
us. that sounded so right. jisung wished he could refer to him and chenle as us forever. the boy’s anxiety suddenly washed away. nothing that sounded so right could lead to bad results.
“us,” he firmly said. there was a bit of silence as if chenle was thinking about what to say.
“let’s date,” he finally replied. “y’know, why not?”
“so i have a boyfriend now?” jisung laughed, being able to relax after all the anxiety-filled hours. “i’m so happy i could kiss you,” he murmured. “wait, i can, right? we’re dating. i can kiss you, right?” jisung wanted to make sure.
“of course,” chenle turned around, a smile on his face.
jisung never thought kissing chenle would feel so right.