Chapter Text
The vacuum’s busted.
Your feeble attempts at fixing it only made it worse. 50 plus uses for duct tape your ass.
And now you need a new vacuum. And how lucky for you that a nearby store sells just that. At least, you’re presuming that’s what they sell. The large sign on the storefront proclaims ‘VACCUMM’ in large, bold red lettering.
On the surface, it seems a blatant typo, and one you’d think would be embarrassing for a store owner, but you heard that this shop is run by monsters. And the library you visited that one time was actually a … Librarby? So, maybe it’s a monster thing to have different spellings? You certainly don’t judge.
Your workday was wrapping up smoothly. No pressing emails had come in last minute and it looked like you were going to get out on time today. All the pieces falling in place to get that new vacuum as soon as possible. The ridiculous mess still residing in your living room was getting on your nerves more and more with each passing day. It was a reminder of your poor life choices that were acerbated by alcohol and friendship. And it was the reason you had no more pillows to sleep on, had a ripped duvet and some of your favourite t-shirts were now garbage. Among other things.
“Hey.” You looked up to see the face of your co-worker Sarah peering over your shared cubicle wall. “Mason, Kana and I are heading to Chili Hot Pot after work. You in?”
You halted your task of stuffing debrief notes into a hot pink folder and met her gaze.
“Thanks for the invite, but I’ve got plans right after work. Plans that involve dealing with that disgusting mess you made of my living room”
Sarah feigned pain, placing the back of her hand against her forehead with a dramatic flair, expression turning to a smirk soon after.
“Cruel being, you wound me. As I remember it, and admittedly the details are a bit hazy, it was our mess. And one Skudworth would be proud of.”
“Guilty parties aside,” you interjected, “it still needs to be cleaned up.”
Sarah scratched the bottom of her chin, face turning pensive. “I presumed you would have had that cleaned-up days ago. Not that you’re a clean freak, but, that mess … ya know?”
Oh, you did know. But you really wished you didn’t.
“My vacuum took one look at what I was asking it to do and it killed itself right then and there. Noped the fuck out. I tried to resurrect it from the dead, but there is not much black magic in duct tape these days.”
That made her snicker.
“Fair enough. I won’t offer to help clean that war zone.” Sarah shudders a little at the memory. “But I will order some of those buns you like and bring them in tomorrow. That work?”
Delicious, delicate morsels of doughy deep-fried goodness, dipped in the creamy nectar of the Gods that is condensed milk? Oh, hell yes that works.
“Hmm…” You pretend to ponder this as if it were a grave decision. Face twisting between that of a grimace and one of acceptance. “Deal!”
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The vacuum shop is on your way to and from work so getting there is convenient; your lack of a vehicle to drive the vacuum home once purchased is less than convenient. Still, this is a smaller obstacle than the one you have awaiting you when you get home. Seriously, how the four of you managed to decimate four phone books– No, you scold yourself. Stop thinking about it. It only brings on feelings of shame.
The walk to Vaccumm was pleasant. For being later in fall the days have been unseasonably warm. You enjoy autumn for the air’s crisp bite in the mornings, the perfect excuse to wear snuggly scarves and mitts, but this felt nice too. Only a thin sweater needed.
You smiled to the humans and monsters that you passed on your route. Your cheery mood from a good work day had much to do with that, but you always tried to be outwardly polite, especially to monsters.
When you considered what they had to go through, a smile doesn’t even begin to make up for the hell they survived at your race’s hands. All Monsterkind, forced underground for generations. Some of them living and dying without ever seeing the sky above them; it made you sad. These people, at the very least, deserved smiles from strangers. Not looks of hate and scrutiny.
Only ten minutes into your walk and you’ve arrived. The storefront walls were a simple spattered beige with two large windows on either side of the building’s centered red door. Bright, colourful vacuums were propped up in the window displays. You could hear the sound a loud buzzing above you. Like that of a neon bee. Taking a couple of steps back you could see the letters of the store sign lit up slightly with the onset of night. The distorted noise in question was coming from somewhere within that Vaccumm sign.
Well, daylight’s burning. Let’s get this over with.
You opened the door and a bell rang overhead. You heard music quietly playing in the background. A song you recognized as one of Mettaton’s new singles ‘Give me Alloy Your Love.’ The store was mostly empty, save for the displays in the window and a large wooden counter straight ahead of you. On it was a computer monitor facing away from you and a radio that was responsible for the pop song.
This is a bit odd.
You expected to see shelves of product; cleaners, vacuum bag liners, and replacement parts. And racks of vacuums with price tags. But the only indication that the place had anything to do with vacuums was the window displays and the name.
You could hear shuffling from the door behind the counter that was slightly ajar. A very tall figure emerged back first through the doorway ducking low to clear the door.
A Skeleton. It was a skeleton. You’ve never seen a monster like that before.
“Brother?! I hope you came back with the spare bulbs I asked you for. It’s been three days and. Oh, hello there human! Welcome to Vaccumm. The best place for… all your. Umm. Sucking needs…”
The man wore a smart orange dress shirt and dark tan pants. His height would have been his most noteworthy feature had it not been for his face. His smile was wide, revealing large, slightly crooked teeth that were adorned with large oranges gems. Braces. This cutie pie was wearing braces. The black framed glasses perched upon his nasal bone and framing small black eyes finished off the look which smacked of that of a bookworm.
He seemed genuinely surprised and pleased to see you in the shop; his enthusiasm only tapering off when he said what you imagine to be the store’s slogan.
You smiled back at him and cleared your throat.
“Hello, I’m in the market for a new vacuum. My old one is dead and I need to pick something up tonight.” You took a few steps closer to the counter
“Splendid, you’ve come to just the right...” He looked a bit troubled as he cut his sentence short. “You mean to buy a vacuum from here. Right now?”
“Yes?” Your reply came out sounding unsure and more like a question. Was it really that odd of a request, wanting to purchase a vacuum in a vacuum store?
The skeleton began to wring his hands in a nervous gesture, clearly not sure how to progress.
“You see. The thing is.” He sighed. “We don’t normally have customers coming into the store looking to buy our vacuums. All of our sales are done within the customer’s home. Vaccumm is a door to door vacuum selling service. We don’t actually have the means to sell anything instore…”
He seemed very anxious about telling you this, unable or unwilling to continue making eye contact as he spoke. Perhaps he thought you’d be mad. You suppose you might be a bit perturbed if you went out of your way to go to a store that appeared to sell vacuums, was called vacuum (sort of) only to find they do not, in fact, sell vacuums. At least this place was on your way home. But sadly, this meant you would probably be unable to start triage on the battleground that was your living room like you had hoped.
He continued before you could reply, perking up slightly.
“But, my brother is a fantastic salesman whose cliental has nothing but positive things to say about his services. I could give him your address and have him go to your home first thing tomorrow morning?”
It took you a moment to register that he had asked you a question. It was your turn to be a bit nervous.
“Well, umm. I work during the day and wouldn’t be home for long enough in the morning. If he came over at all it would have to be after 6:30.” As much as you needed a vacuum, the thought of a member of the general public seeing the hate crime that is your living room wasn’t a comforting thought. And buying a vacuum at your door? How does that even work? How are you able to compare products, prices, get a feel for it? It is purchased from a catalogue? If so would you still have to wait for the damn thing to get shipped to you? The more you thought about it, the more it seemed like this wouldn’t work out. You didn’t want to outright tell him no, but you weren’t sure what to say. “It’s just, I don’t know much about vacuums. I thought maybe if I saw them in person...”
“That’s quite alright. We’re the experts here so you don’t have to be! And an evening visit would not be a problem at all! Our services are provided any time of day, any day of the week! We’ll even come to you during the holidays. Our passion is all about getting you the right product to fulfill your needs!”
Wow. It was hard for you to believe there exist people whose customer services around vacuums is that extreme. The smile was back on his face and he had both hands pressed on the counter, his posture leaning towards you. He looked so excited. And you did not want to upset him. Were you actually going to agree to this? On the one hand, it solved the walking a vacuum home predicament. On the other, this whole concept seemed to border on the edge of too much trouble and sketchy. But you’re not getting a bad vibe from this guy at all. He seems so genuine. And he has braces. You can’t name one crook you know who has braces.
You contemplated for a while longer, then hesitantly you nodded your head. “Ok? Umm, yeah. OK. So, you’ll be needing my address then?”
“If you don’t mind!” He pulled out from behind the desk a black book and flipped it open. From where you were standing you could tell the book was filled with many rows of names and addresses. A telltale sign that they clearly had a lot of customers. Reassuring in a way, but still kind of odd. He picked up a pen and met your gaze. “My name is Sugar and it’s very nice to meet you human. May I ask you yours?”
You spelled out your name and gave him your address. Sugar read it all back to you ensuring the information was copied correctly. He finished off by writing that your time of visit tomorrow was to be at 6:45 pm. The skeleton seemed so happy about you agreeing to have his brother come over you wondered if maybe they are on commission.
Sugar waved at you as you made your way out the door. “Thank you so much for stopping by today. Rest assured that my brother will take good care of you tomorrow!”
By the time you left the shop, it had already gotten noticeably darker; the sun long since set over the last of the high-rises. You fiddled with the zipper of your sweater, part of it was stuck along the teeth. You still felt uneasy about the mess continuing its heinous existence for another night, and the idea that Sugar’s brother was going to see it tomorrow wasn’t very appealing. But Sugar seemed so sweet, much like his namesake. Maybe his brother would be similar? At this point, you really didn’t care too much about what kind of vacuum you were getting. You’d take anything.
“Tomorrow.” You tried to assure yourself. “The chaos that controls my life will be gone, tomorrow.” After far too long you finally got your sweater zipped up to your collar and set out on the journey home. With your back turned to the store you didn’t notice the V and A of the sign had flickered out completely.