Chapter Text
mr. electro to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
mr. electro: legend says, if you say mothman five times, a wild todoroki appears
Supreme Queen: mothman
insomnibitch: mothman
bet: mothman
bondage: mothman
hard knock life: mothman
banana milk: mothman sucked my dick behind a ramen stand at 3am
mr. electro: legendary
bet to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
bet: someone wanna tell me why the fuck pikachu is running around with knives taped to his fingers and screaming the lyrics to pinball wizard
bondage: seen: 3:47pm
bet: oh?
bondage: forgive me daddy, i’ve been naughty
bet: seen: 3:50 pm
the creation myth: Bakugou, please don’t murder our classmate. Blood takes forever to get out of the carpet.
Autobot: Is that the only problem you have with murder Momo?
the creation myth: Of course not Iida. The body would be impossible to hide.
muscles: are we just gonna ignore the sudden silence? i was expecting explosions and screaming, but this is significantly scarier
hard knock life: its fine!! bakubro is just muffling sero’s screams with a pillow!
Supreme Queen: yeah! no worries!!
insomnibitch: nothing to see here. move along
mr. electro: ths wil b tkn care of n hous
puttin’ on the ritz: he still has the knife fingers, doesn’t he
hard knock life: yes.
Supreme Queen: yes..
insomnibitch: yes
mr. electro: y
bondage: I LIVED BITCH
bet: for now…
banana milk: ominous… i like it
insomnibitch: adjkhajdfm
boneman to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
boneman: so i was thinking
bet: oh no
Autobot: Oh No.
mr. electro: roasted
muscles: toasted
banana milk: i have some ointment for that if you need it
boneman: SO I WAS THINKING
boneman: todoroki, why the hell is your name banana milk?
bet: pffffFFFFFFTTTTT
insomnibitch: hhhHHHH
banana milk: i have, regerts.
insomnibitch: bakugou laughed
insomnibitch: and todoroki snorted banana milk out of his nose
bet: ‘twas glorious
bet: he turned bright fucking red. i thought he died
banana milk: i ascended alright
insomnibitch: gay
bet: gay
mr. electro: gay
boneman: gay
muscles: gay
the jack: gay
banana milk: shit, you right
…
Autobot to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
Autobot: Would anyone like to confess?
bondage is typing…
bet: i’m out
bondage: when i was in the third grade, i thought that i was gay
Autobot: Sero, you’re a raging bisexual. No, what I want to know is why there are three chickens nesting in the kitchen.
mr. electro: i,, iida. you’re my hero.
muscles: TSYU THEYRE HERE
frogger: it’s time.
muscles: gimme them eggys
Autobot: Why.
frogger: protein.
muscles: chickens.
Autobot: If Aizawa asks– no, I won’t have anything to do with this disaster waiting to happen. I must ask at least once for you to return the animals to their home.
muscles: this is their home
frogger: rib-fucking-bit
Autobot: I tried. I failed. But no one can say that I did not try.
…
Supreme Queen to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
Supreme Queen: so
Supreme Queen: what did you name them
Supreme Queen: @frogger @muscles
muscles: the red one is clucky,
frogger: the brown one is bucky,
bet: and the white one is fucky
the creation myth: Please tell me you didn’t allow Bakugou to name one of the chickens.
muscles: fine,
frogger: we won’t tell you,
bet: but it happened
insomnibitch: please stop finishing each other’s sentences, you’re giving midoriya an aneurysm
bet: you ruin all my fucking fun
insomnibitch: read the name baby, i’m the Big Bitch in town
bet: call me baby one more time
insomnibitch: honestly i’d rather you call me baby but we can always switch
bet:
mr. electro: i think he short circuited
the jack: *ba dum tiss*
banana milk to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
banana milk: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
bet: there there
banana milk: who was it?? who committed this dastardly deed?
bet: there there
banana milk: who betrayed my trust?? who is walking the line of hero and villain?
bet: there there
banana milk: who ate my leftovers
bet: there there
hard knock life: woah bro
hard knock life: i’m sure we can talk this out
banana milk: was it you?!
hard knock life: you know i don’t like the way you eat your curry bro, of course it wasn’t me. but there’s no need to interrogate the class
mr. electro has changed banana milk’s name to “on the case”
on the case: kaminari
mr. electro: wasn’t me dude! i’m just setting the mood!
mr. electro: i’m also wondering why the fuck bakugou’s sarcastic ass consoling has been ignored
bet: drats, my dastardly deed has been deduced. i ate half n half’s three day old tasteless, bourgie curry and sat silently as he almost froze the kitchen in his blind rage
mr. electro: well. someone’s feeling the drama of the moment
bet: i have been awake for thirty six hours and have had nine cups of coffee. i am only alive from pure rage, spite, and a flare for theatrics
on the case: that’s concerning and we’ll get back to you in a moment bakugou, but can we please focus on my curry?
mr. electro: yes of course, your curry is much more important than bakugou’s health
on the case: i’m glad you see the importance of this issue
on the case: now, @baked @void @[REDACTED]
void: you called into the void and the void is now listening
baked: todoroki if this is about our movie night, i already told you, yes we can watch the goatman episode again
[REDACTED] : what.
on the case: you were all in the kitchen around 2am. the last ones to be seen at the scene of the crime. are you the culprits ???
[REDACTED]: it is six in the morning todoroki. why do you want three day old curry at six in the morning
on the case: you aren’t denying your guilt shouji
baked: we made weed brownies and are still stoned. your curry was still there when we left
void: we did eat bakugou’s applesauce though
bet: oh, i know
void: as long as we’re on the same page, i’ll meet you in the pit. monday at high noon
hard knock life: (he means all three of them are gonna spar against bakubro during training right before lunch)
mr. electro: (thanks, we know)
bet: be prepared to be vanquished for your misdeed
on the case: i. i just want my curry bakugou
bet: there there
...
the creation myth: Why were you all awake at six am on a Saturday? Never mind, Todoroki, I threw away your curry because it was growing mold.
on the case: judas
baked to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
baked: imma just,,
baked has changed on the cases’ name to “cryptid fucker”
baked: and leave it at that
cryptid fucker: you compliment mothman’s rippling abs and taunt toosh one time
bet: your bg is that fucking statue icy hot
insomnibitch: you have a poster in your room
boneman: you have told me, in detail, the dream you had about mothman’s surprisingly human monster cock
bet: now that’s just contradictive
boneman: look, i don’t want to introduce you to the wonders of porn kacchan, just google it
mr. electro DONT GOOGLE IT
hard knock life: DO NOT GOOGLE IT
insomnibitch: idk, maybe you should google it or something
bet: bet.
bet: i have no fear
bet:
bet: i have one (1) fear
bet: i just want you all to know that i hate every single one of you and i’m shipping myself to new zealand
cryptid fucker: so what do we think he found
Autobot: This is highly inappropriate and it would do you all well to keep your sexual proclivities between you and your incognito tab like the rest of us.
mr. electro: dad, no
baked: i came here to roast todoroki but now i think i can feel reality crumbling
bondage: we came out for a good time and we’re all honestly feeling so attacked rn
bet to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
bet: oh bother,
hard knock life: i’m so stuffed with fluff,
bet: i’m dummy thicc.
hard knock life: the ClaP of my ass cheeks,
bet: belong to the beeees.
mr. electro: a poem in five parts
insomnibitch has changed bet’s name to “thicc”
insomnibitch has changed hard knock life’s name to “thiccer”
bondage: the prophecy has been completed.
mr. electro: trelawney can now rest
thiccer: amen
thicc: ahh… men
Supreme Queen: let this be the day we rest
cryptid fucker: and so they slept
thicc: and so it was
the creation myth to: this house is a fucking nIGHTMARE
the creation myth: Hey guys but um, what the fuck?
the jack: dammit
mr. electro: HA!
the jack: now i owe kaminari a favor
the creation myth: I am so confused.
cryptid fucker: kaminari bet jirou that he could get you to say the fuck word in the gc
cryptid fucker: so we all got high and kept our phones on to see what would happen
the creation myth: I thought you were having a collective psychotic break you dinguses!
thicc: i’m offended that you thought after all i’ve been through i’d randomly break down in the middle of our most peaceful year
the creation myth: And when was the last time you slept?
thicc: fair enough, have a nice day