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Spider-Man @spidy62 – Oct 27, 2016
GUESS WHO FINALLY GOT A TWITTER!
Spider News @spideyfan – Oct 27, 2016
@spidy62 Is this real life?
Gwen Gray @techphile – Oct 27, 2016
Everyone stay calm. This is not a drill. Repeat: This is not a drill.
Miles High @morales – Oct 27, 2016
yes! finally!
Tony S. ✔️ @ironman – Oct 27, 2016
@spidy62 Kid!
I’m a simulation @realred – Oct 27, 2016
@ironman To be fair, this isn’t the worst thing @spidy62 could do. He could have realized he missed National Coming Out Day
Spider-Man @spidy62 – Oct 27, 2016
@realred omg, ur right, i did! oh noes!Tony S. ✔️ @ironman – Oct 27, 2016
@realred Don’t give him any ideas.
Responsible Adults and 1 Spiderling
October 27, 11:17 AM
Fe-Man: PETER!
Flowers: What did he do this time?
Fe-Man: he got a twitter
Fe-Man: for spiderman
spider-MAN: but u have 1 mr stark
spider-MAN: red does too
Fe-Man: I am an adult and public figure with my identity known
Fe-Man: You are a minor dressing up in underoos and a mask fighting small-time crime
Fe-Man: big difference
Red: and im the oldest being in this chat
Red: who can trick, lie, and manipulate the god of tricksters
Red: twitter shant learn anything about me i dont wish them to know
Flowers: I agree with Tony on this, Peter
Flowers: This was a risky move, and can expose you easily if you aren’t careful
Flowers: At least you should have given us a heads up
spider-MAN: sry aunt may
spider-MAN: but ned and i were going thru old incorrect avengers quotes and ned asked why spidy ddnt have a twitter
Flowers: So you just made one then and there?
spider-MAN: yea
spider-MAN: sry
Fe-Man: well, it’s too late to do anything about it now
Fe-Man: you’ll just have to be careful from now on
Fe-Man: and please don’t make any sudden announcements or anything like that without letting us know ahead of time
Fe-Man: pepper already has enough work without any unexpected pr nightmares
Flowers: And yet she’s engaged to you, a walking PR nightmare magnet
spider-MAN: how is pepper, btw
spider-MAN: and the wedding
Fe-Man: good, busy
Fe-Man: the wedding is going slowly but surely
Fe-Man: we don’t mind though
spider-MAN: have u alrdy decided on grooms prty?
Fe-Man: not entirely nailed down
Fe-Man: rhodey is best man though
Fe-Man: and i guess i can fit a little spiderling in
spider-MAN: YES!
Fe-Man: as my ring bearer
spider-MAN: wait, isnt that for little kids
Fe-Man: i’ll make sure to get a tiny suit that’ll fit you perfectly
Chapter Text
Responsible Adults and 1 Spiderling
November 2, 3:34 PM
Pepper: May, do you want to go get our nails done?
Pepper: My last meeting ended early and I could use some pampering
Flowers: I’m sorry, Pepper, but the hospital is busy and I’m working double shifts tonight
Fe-Man: i didn’t realize you two were friends
Pepper: We bonded over having to look after two superhero geniuses with no sense of self-preservation
Flowers: We often meet up and have lunch or go and pamper ourselves when we need it
spider-MAN: whats it like getting your nails done
Fe-Man: what, you interested, pete?
Fe-Man: nothing wrong if you are, just didn’t expect it
spider-MAN: im curious
spider-MAN: i hear girls talk about getting their nails done so it got me wondering
spider-MAN: but ned doesnt know how and mj doesnt do nails
Pepper: Would you like to come with me then?
spider-MAN: are u sure, ms potts
spider-MAN: you wanted to do this w/ may
Pepper: It’s alright, Peter
Pepper: It would be a great chance to get to know each other better
Pepper: Plus, Tony has some work he needs to be doing
Fe-Man: i’m working!
Pepper: Mhm
Pepper: And if I were to ask FRIDAY, she would agree with that?
Fe-Man: yes!
Pepper: Either way, what do you say, Peter?
spider-MAN: if ur sure
spider-MAN: may?
Flowers: Go ahead and have fun, sweetie
Flowers: I have to work late, and this way I know you aren’t out there patrolling
spider-MAN: alright ms potts if youll have me
Pepper: Alright, Peter, that sounds like a plan
Pepper: We can even grab dinner after
Pepper: I’ll come pick you up
spider-MAN: ok
spider-MAN: i still got acadec for another 15 mins
Pepper: OK, I’ll swing by Midtown at 4 to pick you up
spider-MAN: 👍
Flowers: Thanks, Pepper
November 2, 5:02 PM
spider-MAN sent a PM to Flowers
spider-MAN: y do ppl like foot/leg massages
Flowers: They feel nice!
spider-MAN: no they don’t
Flowers: For you, my little spider-baby
spider-MAN: spider-MAN, not spider-baby
spider-MAN: and im sorry but feeling someone rub their thubs up the side of my shin for th 50 time is not pleasant
spider-MAN: the foot part isnt so bad
Flowers: 🤷🏻♀️
spider-MAN: but the leg portion is going to leave me with bruises up and down my shin i swer
Flowers: Could just be you have a lot of knots there
spider-MAN: its the front of my shin
spider-MAN: where the bons is right under my skin
spider-MAN: now i latterly will have bruiss
Flowers: You’ll be fine
spider-MAN: they started hit up and down along the entire lengh of my tibia
Flowers: Yes
spider-MAN: theyre literally knocking right up against my bones!
Flowers: For some reason, I think a foot massage is less painful and likely to bruise you compared to patrolling
spider-MAN: …
spider-MAN: they just started on the paintin
Spider-Man @spidy62 – Nov 2, 2016
@PottsOfficial took me to get my nails done, don’t they look pretty?
[Image of a foot with ruby red nails that have glitter on them]
Jessica @drewdrew – Nov 2, 2016
@spidy62 OMG I love your nails!
Whatev Loosers @michl_jons – Nov 2, 2016
@spidy62 Not bad, arachnokid.
Pepper Potts ✔️ @PottsOfficial – Nov 2, 2016
@spidy62 They really turned out nice, and I enjoyed getting to know you. Maybe we do this again, sometime?Spider-Man @spidy62 – Nov 2, 2016
@PottsOfficial I wouldn’t mind, it was a lot of fun!
Tony S. ✔️ @ironman – Nov 2, 2016
@spidy62 Not bad, Underoos
Dero @herpderp – Nov 2, 2016
WTF @spidy62 I thought you were a man!Spider-Man @spidy62 – Nov 2, 2016
@herpderp I amDero @herpderp – Nov 2, 2016
@spidy62 A real man doesn’t wear nailpolishSpider-Man @spidy62 – Nov 2, 2016
@herpderp Funny, I thought that to be a man I must be (1/2)Spider-Man @spidy62 – Nov 2, 2016
@spidy62 As swift as a coursing river forceful as a great typhoon strong like the raging fire mysterious as the dark side of the moon (2/2)I am a simulation @realred – Nov 2, 2016
@herpderp There is nothing that is only for males or females. If someone wishes to do something, they are allowed to, no matter the gender.
I am a simulation @realred – Nov 2, 2016
@spidy62 I approve of the color choice!Spider-Man @spidy62 – Nov 2, 2016
Thanks @realred! It’s Splatter Ruby Slippers! @PottsOfficial got rose gold. Hers is so pretty.
Notes:
This is actually a similar experience to something my mom and I did today. Mom just asked if I wanted to get my nails done, and I said sure. She got a mani-pedi and I just got a pedicure and a foot massage. In fact, the convo Peter has with May was the one I had with my friend, though slightly edited.
For Peter's pedicure: https://horrendouscolor.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/red1.jpg It's the second to the left. (So if counting off from left to right, it's #2)
For Pepper's nails: https://pinimg.icu/wall/1440x2560/gold-polish-ah-rose-gold-such-a-lovely-and-popular-color-D9fd2ab868b7a1fa1bf4608bcc4c14c33.jpg?t=5cfd462c1d228 It's the center-right. (So if counting from left to right, it's #6)
Chapter Text
Gwen Grey @techpile – Nov 21, 2016
So I saw @spidy62 swinging around in just his suit and it got me curious, don’t spiders hibernate during the winter?
LegoMan @pbparker – Nov 21, 2016
@techpile Spiders are cold blooded, so they can’t thermoregulate. When they get too cold, they enter into a hibernation like state.Han Shot First @nleeds – Nov 21, 2016
@pbparker but what does that mean for @spidy62? Is he going to be taking a winter nap soon?I am a simulation @realred – Nov 21, 2016
@techpile @pbparker @nleeds No, @spidy62 won’t be hibernating. He doesn’t need to.I am a simulation @readred – Nov 21, 2016
@realred His increased metabolism counteracts the inability to thermoregulate. @spidy62 is just as susceptible to temp as a normal human.Spider-Man @spidy62 – Nov 21, 2016
@realred @techpile @nleeds @pbparker My suit also has a heater built in. It’s very warm.
Notes:
This popped into my head and I thought I'd do this now. Yes, Peter's enhanced metabolism will counteract any thermoregulation problems he inherited the spider bite if he eats right and sleeps well. Add to that the fact that Tony made the suit well insulated and included a heater and we will not have a hibernating Peter.
Remember, if you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to share!
Chapter Text
LegoMan @pbparker – Dec 1, 2016
24 days until Christmas!
Han Shot First @nleeds – Dec 1, 2016
@pbparker Woo!!Whatev Loosers @michl_jons – Dec 1, 2016
@pbparker @nleeds Don’t forget we have finals before then, losers.
I am a simulation @realred – Dec 1, 2016
@pbparker 25. You still have to get through today.
LegoMan @pbparker – Dec 1, 2016
Ever stub your toe or get a papercut that hurt so bad you just want to rip the entire appendage off?
Murphy @bjov – Dec 1, 2016
rt
Celene @loohoo – Dec 1, 2016
rt
Gwen Grey @techphile – Dec 1, 2016
rt
Tony S. ✔ @ironman – Dec 1, 2016
rtironstan @starkson – Dec 1, 2016
wait, why is @ironman retweeting some random kids tweet?Machine Love @mybbs – Dec 1, 2016
Why is @ironman FOLLOWING some random high schooler?
Avengers News @avnews – Dec 1, 2016
Who is @pbparker and what is his connection to @ironman? #pbparker #starkkid
Responsible Adults and 1 Spiderling
December 1, 1:29 PM
Pepper: TONY!
Fe-Man: what?
Pepper: Twitter.
Pepper: Now excuse me, PR is melting down
Flowers: I said you were a walking PR nightmare, Stark
Flowers: I just didn’t think you’d cause a storm this soon
December 1, 2:59 PM
GINC sent a PM to spider-MAN
GINC: dude, iron man retweeted you!
GINC: also do you actually rip off your hurt appendages?
GINC: can you regrow limbs?
GINC: what happens to the ones that you lose?
GINC: do you eat them or just bury them somewhere?
GINC: or does tony stark get rid of them for you?
GINC: or do you just melt them down with venom?
spider-MAN: ned i told you dont have venom
spider-MAN: and no i cant regrow limbs
spider-MAN: i just stubbed my toe in apush and it hurt
GINC: you disappoint me, man
spider-MAN: oh sure i can lift a building stick to walls and work alongside actual avengers
spider-MAN: but bcs i cant regrow limbs and get hurt like evry1 else i disappnt u
GINC: pretty much
Notes:
I honestly didn't know I was going to have another chapter out this soon. But we finally have a story thread that'll maybe last another chapter or two.
If you guys have anything you want to suggest or any comments, please, share them! I'm always looking for ways to improve or inspiration for my writing. I've kind of just used this chapter and the last one to set up my take on Peter's powers, and I'm starting to run dry (beyond my kinda running gag, but that won't start until chapter 7, and only be every 7 chapters).
Hope you enjoyed and see you next chapter!
Chapter Text
Tony S. ✔ @ironman – Dec 2, 2016
So it has come to my attention that I need to explain why I retweeted @pbparker tweet yesterday. #starkkid #pbparker (1/ )
Tony S. ✔ @ironman – Dec 2, 2016
Simply put: he is my personal intern. Not some secret lovechild from my younger years. (2/ )Tony S. ✔ @ironman – Dec 2, 2016
I noticed some of the things he did on YouTube, looked into him and decided to take him under my wing. (3/ )Tony S. ✔ @ironman – Dec 2, 2016
For all his youth and inexperience, he shows definite promise and can easily be one of the best of us someday. (4/4)
Responsible Adults and 1 Spiderling
December 2, 9:51
Flowers: Well, you were vague
Fe-Man: for what?
Fe-Man: i’m vague on a lot of things
Flowers: On Twitter
Fe-Man: ah, yes, i kind of have to be
Fe-Man: i can’t tell the truth for obvious reasons
Fe-Man: but i can’t lie or it will come back and bite us when pete goes public
Fe-Man: better to give them a vague version of the truth
Red: its honestly the same tactic i use to get around the no lying rule
Red: give people some of the truth and don’t correct any assumptions they make
Red: it works so well i once convinced nat that the rest of her team found her secret stash of cocoa
spider-MAN: y
spider-MAN: and black widow has a secret cocoa stash
Red: i was bored and she didn’t believe i could do it
Red: its supposed to be high quality and is expensive
Red: tony and rhodes are still trying to find it
Fe-Man: and you can’t give us a hint?
Red: haha
Red: nope
Notes:
I'll probably do the public reactions next chapter and put the first "running gag/storyline" chapter in the one after. I'm just too tired to write them, as well as think of random handles and screen names.
As always, if you have any comments or suggestions, leave them down below or on my Tumblr!
Chapter 6
Notes:
Another chapter is up!
Just a quick heads up, the usernames in the Aca Dec GC are:
Jov-Charles Murphey
pb&p-Peter
speedy-Flash
ADQueen-MJ
Garnet-Red
4score-Abe Brown
sRide- Sally Avril
Jade Rabbit-Cindy Moon (not in this chapter)
I'm In-Ned (not in the gc this chapter)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Avengers News @avnews – Dec 2, 2016
This just in: @ironman has taken on a personal intern: 15 year old @pbparker #starkkid #pbparker
Gwen Grey @techpile – Dec 2, 2016
How smart is this kid if @ironman took him on as an intern while just 15? #starkkid #pbparker
I am a simulation @realred – Dec 2, 2016
Actually, @ironman took him on when he was 14. As for his intelligence: I can’t reveal too much about what he’s done, but it’s genius level
War Machine ✔️ @colrhodes – Dec 2, 2016
I’ve met @pbparker and I can personally say he’s a good kid with an absolutely astounding intellect. #starkkid #pbparker
Machine Love @mybbs – Dec 2, 2016
So I did a little digging, and apparently @pbparker attends Midtown Tech and is on their Aca Dec team. #starkkid #pbparker
Pepper Potts ✔ @PottsOfficial – Dec 2, 2016
I’d like for everyone to remember @pbparker is still a minor and to please respect his privacy. #starkkid #pbparker
Aca Dec Squad
December 2, 4:28 PM
Jov: so the intership was real?
pb&p: yea, y wuld i lie abt tht?
speedy: there is no way penis parker has a stark internship
ADQueen: seeing as Tony Stark said parker is his personal intern and War Machine and Pepper Potts confirmed it?
ADQueen: i’d say he does
speedy: he couldve hacked there accounts
pb&p: so im smart enough to hack twitter but not have an internship
Garnet: seems that way
Garnet: and why am i here again
Garnet: im not on the aca dec team
4score: u’re an unofficial member
4score: u come to all our practices and help us study
sRide: you’ve been to almost as many competitions as peter
ADQueen: honestly, if you officially joined the team, i’d have a reason to kick flash off
speedy: what why me
speedy: why not parker
ADQueen: 1. you're an alternate, not a full team member
ADQueen: 2. parker actually earns points at the competitions
Garnet: thanks for that, michelle, but i have to decline
Garnet: my guardians and i agreed no competitions for me
Jov: then why do you come to practice?
Garnet: because my ride can’t pick me up until 4:30 and i’d rather hang with you guys than sit around the library
sRide: aww, we love having you!
sRide: also, where’s cindy and ned?
pb&p: ned’s at driving school
4score: cindy is helping her parents
December 2, 6:32 PM
spider-MAN sent a PM to GINC
spider-MAN: so it looks like most of the team believes the internship now
GINC: i mean, TONY STARK tweeted out that you are his PERSONAL INTERN
spider-MAN: yea bt still
GINC: speaking of your internship, you about to go on patrol?
spider-MAN: yea just finished dinner
GINC: cool, have karen hook me up
GINC: we can talk about the physics project
spider-MAN: shuld i also incld red
GINC: don’t see why not, she’s in our group
spider-MAN: yea bt it stl feels like cheating
spider-MAN: hving the Primordial Embodiment of All of Reality hlpng on r prjct
GINC: but isn’t she supposed to be acting like an ordinary student?
GINC: be even weirder if she wasn’t helping us
spider-MAN: i knob t stl
spider-MAN: alrt, lving, hving karen connect u and red
Notes:
Yep, another chapter is up, and you finally got a big hint who Red is!
If you have any suggestions or comments, feel free to share!
Also, no spoiling Far From Home in the comments! I already saw it, but I know not everyone has. If you haven't, please go see it, but I shan't spoil it.
Chapter Text
Thanos @thanos – Dec 8, 2016
@misnake Where are those Infinity Stones I sent you to get?
Thanos @thanos – Dec 8, 2016
@misnake I have been trying to contact you for the last several years and I want answers.I am a simulation @realred – Dec 8, 2016
@thanos Sorry, @misnake and the Space Stone haven’t been on the planet for the past 4 years.Thanos @thanos – Dec 8, 2016
@realred Who are you? And what about the Time and Mind Stones?My sister calls me Green @timemaster – Dec 8, 2016
@thanos Well, I’m pretty sure the Time Stone has been jumping throughout the time line, so it’s hard to say.Tony S. ✔️ @ironman – Dec 8, 2016
@realred What’s going on here?I am a simulation @realred – Dec 8, 2016
@ironman I’ll explain more later, but for now just know that @thanos is a giant grape that wants to ruin all that’s good in the universe.
I am a simulation @realred – Dec 8, 2016
@timemaster Hi, Green! How’s your new guy?
My sister calls me Green @timemaster – Dec 8, 2016
@realred His training goes well. He also seemingly does not mind me or my presence.
Notes:
Yes, these are the once every 7 chapters things. I wonder who this Green is... I mean, I know, but what do you guys think?
Remember, if you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to share!
Chapter Text
Spider-Man @spidey62 – Dec 9, 2016
So @realred whos @thanos and @timemaster
I am a simulation @realred – Dec 9, 2016
@spidey62 @thanos is someone you never want to meet. @timemaster is my brother. He’s like me only for time instead of reality.Tony S. ✔️ @ironman – Dec 9, 2016
@realred How many of you guys are there?I am a simulation @realred – Dec 9, 2016
@ironman primordial embodiments of different aspects of the universe: hundreds.I am a simulation @realred – Dec 9, 2016
@ironman of my siblings: I have 5 siblings, though they mostly keep to themselves. Green just doesn’t wander far and lives on Earth.
Natstan @blkwidow
Are we just going to ignore that @realred just hinted to be the embodiment of reality? And knows @spidey62 and @ironman
I am a simulation @realred – Dec 9, 2016
@blkwidow hinted?Spider-Man @spidey62 – Dec 9, 2016
@realred knows all the heroes and she tends to help us, mostly by giving us hints about bad guys or whatever we need.Tony S. ✔️ @ironman – Dec 9, 2016
She also likes to play tricks on people who know her.I am a simulation @realred – Dec 9, 2016
@ironman Ah, those are always fun… You know, it’s been a while since I last visited Thaddeus, wonder how he’s doing.
Responsible Adults and 1 Spiderling
Dec 9, 2:12 PM
Col Rhodey: No pranking Secretary Ross
Red: 🥺 pwease…
Col Rhodey: No
Red: fine…
Flowers: I thought she was supposed to be as old as reality itself
Red: im physically and mentally forever a teenager
Red: all my siblings are the same way
Flowers: Are all primordial beings like that?
Red: nope, just us and a couple others
Red: most have adult forms
Red: dont ask me why, i didnt make the rules
Fe-Man: but you control all of reality?
Red: other primordials don’t fall under my influence so i have no control over them or their forms
Responsible Adults and 1 Spiderling
Dec 9, 8:38 PM
spider-MAN: ok nt 2 frek any1 out bt i hv a bt of a situation
Red: …only you, peter
Flowers: What happened?
Fe-Man: karen said that he’s mostly unharmed, just a bruised back
Fe-Man: baby-monitor isn’t picking anything situation worthy
Red: would you like for me to tell them or do you just wanna show them?
spider-MAN: I’m already on my way to the tower.
Red: ok
Red: tony, no need for medical, but you might wanna pick may up
Red: and make sure you have some clothes for peter
Fe-Man: ok, spiderling just showed up, i’ll check on him and report back
Fe-Man: also, happy, go pick up may, please
Flowers: We’re already on our way
Fe-Man: that was fast
Flowers: We were just finishing having dinner together
Fe-Man: well, i just found out what the situation is
Flowers: What happened, Stark?
Fe-Man: apparently spiderkid was taking down some crooks
Fe-Man: and they shot him with an experimental weapon or something
Fe-Man: he was knocked back, but recovered and webbed them
Flowers: What did the weapon do?
Fe-Man: let’s just say mr parker will get to see what it’s like being a girl
Red: what tony means is that peter has experienced a sudden and unwanted sex change
spider-MAN: y dos god hate me?
Notes:
So Red has 5 siblings, and all 6 of them are eternally teenagers... And she and her brother are named after colors. I'm curious to see what you guys think of them.
Yes, Peter is going to be female for the foreseeable future. He still identifies as male, his body just no longer matches. BTW when Peter uses proper grammar and punctuation when texting, assume Karen is typing for him.
I look forward to your comments and suggestions! Lots of Love!