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When Ryan had left to grab something quick from the store, he had expected to see Gavin right in front of the TV playing Xbox like he had left him. So as he got closer to the door, his steps were momentarily haunted by the very loud sobs he could hear from inside the house. It took his mind a minute to catch up before he hurried into the house, to find his fiance face down in the couch. His brits shoulders shaking with loud sobs, that were coming out in almost hoarse yells, that told Ryan he’d been like this for a bit. He also just barely noticed the phone broken on the floor near the wall, clearly having been thrown there.
He dropped the bag from the store onto the floor, not really caring about anything but Gavin at this point, as he knelt before the couch.
"Gavin? What’s wrong? What happened," Ryan asked, running his fingers through Gavin’s hair in an attempt to soothe him. Gavin picked his head up, but no words came out, as Gavin launched himself at Ryan, clinging so tightly it was if he was trying to climb inside of Ryan to escape whatever was causing him pain. Ryan wrapped his arms around Gavin, holding him just as tightly to him, letting the boys tears soak into his shirt. Listening to the sobs by his ear, not slowing in the slightest, nor getting any less severe.
As Ryan held onto him, he managed to coral the boy into his arms as he reclined on the couch a bit, holding Gavin to his chest. Ryan could do nothing but hold him, going from petting Gavin’s hair in a soothing manner, to wiping away the never ending tears. Ryan placed a kiss to Gavin’s hair, before resting his chin atop Gavin’s head. It was at least an hour they just lay there, Gavin’s crying seemingly stopping only from exhaustion, and lack of decent breaths, and not really because Gavin was calming at all. Ryan didn’t dare ask what was wrong now, deciding to let Gavin tell him on his own, whenever he was ready.
"Dan," was all Gavin could manage, before he grit his teeth, and shook his head, a choked sob slipping past his lips. Really it was all Ryan needed to hear anyway. Ryan said nothing, and just renewed his tight hold on Gavin. Everyone knew where Dan was right now, and the only way anything to do with Dan could upset Gavin this badly, Ryan closed his eyes momentarily apologizing to Dan in his mind for what had inevitably happened to him.
"I didn’t get to say goodbye," Gavin managed, picking up his head to look at Ryan, his breath coming in shallow hiccups, and sniffles. His lower lip quivered before Gavin pulled it between his teeth, biting down,
Ryan, who was usually so good with words, found himself at a loss. He knew whatever he would say, could say, would never be enough. He couldn’t give Dan back to Gavin, couldn’t magically make things better, no matter how much he wished he could. All he could do was place a kiss to Gavin’s forehead as he pulled him back down to rest against him.
Gavin’s hand fisted in Ryan’s shirt, as a few quiet sobs escaped him before he yelled at the top of his lungs, only barely muffled by Ryan’s chest.
"It’s not fair!" Gavin sat up suddenly looking down at Ryan, not even caring about the tears trailing past his lips as he spoke brokenly through gasping breaths, and sobs. "He said he’d come back. Said he’d be fine," Gavin spoke, wiping at his tears furiously with his hands, but no matter how many times he wiped his eyes, there were always fresh tears to replace them. "He’s.. he’s always supposed to be with me."
They stayed on that couch, well into the morning hours. Ryan holding Gavin, and Gavin crying against Ryan. It was at 4:16 am when Gavin had managed to cry himself to sleep, his weeping turning into quiet sniffles, and then eventually quiet snoring. As gingerly as he could, Ryan grabbed his phone, texting Geoff that he and Gavin would not be coming into work today, and asking if Geoff wouldn’t mind coming by after work. Geoff agreed, and though he asked, Ryan told him it wasn’t something that should be spoken about over the phone.
It was a little past 9am when Ryan was awoken from his light slumber by Gavin moving off of him. As Gavin went to wash his face a bit, Ryan grabbed the previously ditched bag from the store, and took it to the kitchen, placing the, thankfully non-perishables, where they belonged. He had just finished placing a can of soup in the cupboard when he felt the arms circle his waist, and Gavin’s head rest in between his shoulder blades. There were not tears this time, but as Ryan thread his fingers through Gavin’s, he could still feel the sadness rolling off of Gavin.
The day was sluggish, and quiet for the both of them. Ryan suggested food, but didn’t push it when Gavin explained he wasn’t hungry, and just wanted to lay down. So a large portion of the day was spent in their bed. With either Gavin curled up against Ryan’s side, head on his chest, or with Ryan curled tightly around behind Gavin, holding him close. When Gavin wasn’t sleeping, he was quietly crying, and once during the day, managed to get out a good amount of what had happened to Dan. Ryan could fill in the blanks where Gavin got too choked up, and the tears would fall quicker at just the remembrance.
When Geoff arrived that night, it was Ryan who had to explain to Geoff just what had happened. As the moment Gavin had seen his pseudo-father in the doorway, he was a weeping mess in Geoff’s tattooed arms. Geoff held onto him tightly, just as Ryan had the night before, whispering quiet, soothing words.
It was a couple weeks before Gavin could make it through an entire day without getting a bit choked up. He was doing much better at handling it, until the day of the funeral. Any and all Rooster Teeth employees had been friends with Dan were allowed free vacation to attend the funeral in England. Where as Gavin had been expecting sadness, tears, and black, it was surprisingly upbeat. Of course there were still tears, and sadness, but through it all, a lot were smiling, some even laughing as they told stories with each other.
As they entered the cemetery, Gavin, and a few members of Dan’s family were the ones to help pull the casket from the car, and place it on the stand above the hole he would be lowered later. It seemed such an easy task, until all of the casket had slipped from the car, and suddenly Gavin could feel the weight. Knew that weight was his best friend, and it took all his will power to not vomit. His hand shook, and by the time they had set the casket down, his whole body was quaking as he went to stand between Geoff and Ryan. Reaching out for comfort from both as he held their hands in his shaking ones.
Once a few words had been said the funeral arranger explained that it was not a good idea to watch the body being lowered into the ground, as it caused many people too much grief, and whilst many left, Gavin remained. He stayed when the first bit of dirt was put in, and he stayed up until the very last was placed. Continuing to stay even as many began saying their goodbyes, heading to their homes, or hotels for those from out of town, or country.
It wasn’t until everyone but Ryan and him were there, and it was starting to get dark, did he allow Ryan to coax him back to their hotel. When he returned, he shed his suit as quickly as possible, before crawling under the stiff, cold blankets of their hotel bed, and shutting his eyes tightly. Willing himself to sleep, and trying not to focus on the weight of the casket, the thoughts of who was in it, and trying to just ignore all of the negative thoughts flowing through his mind. It wasn’t much longer before he felt the steadying warmth of Ryan behind him, and though it didn't help unclear his mind, it was a welcome comfort, that allowed him at least to begin to fall asleep.
It was seven months later when Gavin brought up their wedding, which by now, was really only three months out.
"Gavin, we can postpone-"
"No," Gavin interrupted quickly. "Dan hated when anyone felt inconvenienced because of him, and I won’t have him resting uneasy because we postpone our wedding." Ryan merely nodded, smiling, and placing a kiss on Gavin’s forehead. Pulling back, he looked at Gavin to see him smiling back, before his smile faded a bit, and he nervously chewed his lower lip. "I do have a favor… or really a question to ask though."
Three months later Geoff was walking Gavin down the aisle, toward his soon to be husband. As Gavin got closer, he couldn't contain the large watery smile he gave to Ryan, who’s blue eyes had taken on a wetness of their own. Ryan never heard the end of it after their wedding about the way he attempted to subtly wipe away tears as Gavin stood before him, having been handed off from Geoff.
The ceremony was a beautiful one, and when the grooms kissed, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. And as Gavin looked out to all his friends and families, he couldn't help the bright smile that came to his face as right next to Michael, in the ‘best mans’ position, was a framed photo of Dan, smiling right back at him.