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You jump on Dowoon and lock his head in your arm. He grunts. He struggles to get away from your grip but you tighten it. He taps your arm.
“I’m late.” He grabs your forearm and finally exerts a little force to take your arm off him. He straightens up and ruffles your hair. “Don’t just jump unto me like that.”
You giggle as you fix your disheveled hair. “I always do that though.”
“But we’re not in high school anymore.” His eyes shift from you to the three guys that just walked past you. You glance at them, too, and see McKay, the university’s radio dj. Dowoon looks back at you and gives you that knowing look as he moves his eyebrows up and down to tease you. You roll your eyes and he grips your forearm again and tilts it for a bit to see your wristwatch. “I really gotta go.” He rumples your hair again. “See you at lunch.”
You smile and nod at him then he proceeds to continue on his way. Your eyes are glued on his back as he gets farther and farther. Suddenly, your smile fades then you let out a sharp sigh.
You’ve been friends with Dowoon since 5th grade. Ever since you stood up for him because other kids bully him for being a shy bean and they equal it to being weak, you stood by his side. You think of him as a cute kid that needed to be protected. But that changed during middle school.
Puberty really affects a lot of things: your hormones; your moods; your point of views; your physical attributes. Yeah, sure. It affects a lot of things and maybe everything. But you never expected that how you see Dowoon is included.
His voice has gotten deeper. He developed some muscles. His veins became prominent. He’s growing out his hair. He started looking handsome rather than cute. And he started creeping in your heart and give you butterflies.
But the idea of someone having an interest in him scares him. You still remember how he hid behind you when he saw the girl who confessed to him during 10th grade.
You fold your lips together as you turn your back and start walking towards your next class. You take in a deep breath, hoping it will ease the pricking on your chest even just for a little.
You hid your feelings for him for five years. Just thinking about professing what you feel and imagining how he'd take it scares you, too. You don't mind confessing but seeing how Dowoon reacted to every confession, it terrifies you.
So every time someone would ask, even if it's Dowoon, who your crush is, you'd always answer it with potential crushes. McKay is an example. If not for your feelings for Dowoon, he might just be the one you're crushing on. His voice is so soothing, he's cute and smiley, and as you can see how he interacts with his friends, you can say that he's easy and fun to be with.
Dowoon, on the other hand, has this habit of pushing you--pushing you to these so-called crushes of yours, not knowing it's him that you actually like.
At lunch, he flops himself beside you, who are already seated in the cafeteria. You stroke his now wavy hair as he pants.
"Did you run?"
He puts his bag aside and nods a little. "A bit."
You smile at him and fix his hair again, a habit of yours that he loves. "I'll get you food."
He holds your shoulder to prevent you from standing. You glance at his arm and your eyes trace the veins of his forearm before you hastily shift your gaze to his face.
"I'll do it."
He stands up and leaves you for a while. Your eyes follow him for a moment. As you lean your back, you catch a glimpse of his bag. You take a second look and your eyebrows knit as you see an envelope in the side pocket.
Did he get another confession letter? You sigh. Maybe it's the reason why he ran going here.
"I saw McKay there earlier," Dowoon utters a few minutes later after getting his food.
You roll your eyes. "I told you, I don't like him anymore."
"You don't feel giddy every time you hear his voice every Monday anymore?" He asks, pertaining to McKay's radio segment in the uni. You shake your head. "So who do you like now?"
Ugh, so dense. You want to roll your eyes but they land on the tall figure who just entered the cafeteria. Blond, tiny eyes behind the eyeglasses, slender… and cute. A loud guy follows him behind. Black-haired and sharp eyes. You pull your gaze back to Dowoon and you catch him looking at the two guys whom you just saw.
"Jae?" He asks after looking back at you. You raise a brow. "You like Jae?"
You furrow your forehead. Then you realize that he must have misunderstood because you were eyeing the guy earlier.
"So that's why you wanted to come to our clubroom?"
No. You wanted to go to their clubroom to see him play. It's been a while since you've witnessed him play. You also feel proud because he loosened up a bit. He even agreed to participate in the filming of their university promotion. And you were also quite surprised when he told you he joined the music club. You badly want to see him play again after that news. You just want to be there and see every step he takes as he slowly tries to flap his wings and be finally free.
You shake your head. "That's not it."
His forehead folds and he elbows you. "Don't be shy now."
The next days, Dowoon keeps on teasing you especially when you both catch a glimpse of Jae, his bandmate. That guy whom you saw entering the cafeteria and whom Dowoon mistook as the person you like.
You're stroking his wavy hair as you walk around the campus. Fixing it because it was a little disheveled again earlier.
"Isn't that your crush?" He leans a little to ask. You follow his line of vision and you see Jae walking with a guitar strapped around his shoulder.
"Shut up!" You hiss as you look around. "Someone might hear you."
"Step up!" He glances at you. "Why don't you try to make a move?" He rests his hand on your shoulder. "I really couldn't help you with your past crushes, but this time it's different. I know Jae, so maybe I can help a little." He ruffles your hair.
You shake your head. "Nahh, I don't really--"
"Jae!" He cuts you off by calling his bandmate. The latter flips his head towards your direction and smiles when he sees Dowoon. He waves and strides towards you.
Dowoon introduces you to each other and you both acknowledge each other's presence.
"Can you accompany her to our clubroom?" He asks the guitarist. "I forgot something. I'll just go get it."
Jae's eyes go back and forth from you and Dowoon and suddenly, a knowing smile sits on his face. You look away.
"Sure," he smiles widely before he motions you to come with him.
You glare at Dowoon before you finally start walking again. The sadness in his eyes is evident but you didn't see it.
"Are you Dowoon's best friend?"
You nod at Jae's query. "I'm sorry to bother you."
He chuckles and shakes his head a little. "You might be taken aback by this but, you like Dowoon, don't you?"
Your head flipped towards him in an instant. Your forehead furrows then he laughs.
"And I'm guessing that he thinks you like me. That's why he made me accompany you, am I right?"
"H-how do you--"
He flashes a cheeky grin and put an arm around your shoulder.
"You guys are obvious," he whispers before he straightens back up. "Or maybe I'm just fast to catch." He winks. "Want me to help you?"
"No." You answer firmly and Jae stops on his track.
He tilts his head and knits his eyebrows. "Why not?"
"He doesn't like it when someone likes him." You shrug. "He always tries his best to hide from them and avoid them. I don't want that to happen to me."
Jae's forehead folds more. "That's not what I'm seeing."
You raise a brow and he puts his arm back on your shoulder. Surprisingly, you don't find it uncomfortable. It feels like you've known him for a while now.
"What do you mean?"
"Dowoon likes you. It's clear as day."
You chuckle bitterly. "Yeah, right."
Knowing you don't believe him, he proceeds to tell what he always notices. He always sees you and Dowoon together, how he looks at you and smiles in everything you do.
"I love this guitar so much and I won't trade anything for this." He points at the guitar he's holding. You both just got inside their clubroom. "I'll give this to you if I'm wrong."
"You don't need to do that." You shake your head as you take a seat.
"No, no, no." He puts his guitar down. "This goes to show how confident I am that Dowoon really likes you."
You and Jae get closer as days pass by. You also talk about other things, common interests but Dowoon will never be out of the topic.
You also became friends with the other members of the music club. But as Jae promised, he won't tell the others about what you feel towards their drummer.
It's been two months since your first encounter with Jae. Since then, you frequent to their clubroom. You come by at least twice a week.
Dowoon thinks you and Jae have finally come into a mutual understanding that you both like each other, seeing how the two of you have gotten close.
"I feel like he's avoiding me these days," you respond when Jae flopped beside you at the cafeteria and asked you why you were pouting.
"Maybe he's jealous," he grins and wriggles his eyebrows.
You squint at him and rub your palm on his face. He laughs.
"Anyway, we're filming a music video."
You furrow your forehead. "For what?"
"Festival." He bites on his food. "The club adviser told us, we're required to make one for the upcoming school festival. You wanna come?"
"Where and when?"
"This weekend. I don't know the name of the place but it's an open field, I guess? And there's like a barn in the middle?"
After finishing your meal, you both walk out of the cafeteria. Jae offers to hold your books and he keeps on blabbering about his game last night. You laugh and playfully hit his arm as he talks about how he pranked a player, making him think there was no one inside the car but Jae was actually at the back, waiting for someone to get in so he could kill them.
Dowoon sees it. How you both laugh, not minding the people around. How you hit him when he says something funny or just some nonsense stuff. He even knows that the books that Jae is holding are yours.
He slips his arm between the strap of his bag and sighs. He was planning to ask you to eat at the nearby cafe, feeling guilty that he’s been kind of avoiding you. But seeing you and Jae having fun together makes him think that maybe he did the right thing introducing you to each other. And maybe you’re happy now that the person you like likes you back.
“Oh, it’s Dowoon.” Jae points at your best friend, who’s walking. His wavy hair is back to straight and he had it cut, too.
Every time Dowoon touches his bangs, he always remembers how you used to always stroke and fix it. Not wanting to dwell on it, he decided to cut it.
Your shoulders drop and Jae taps your back. “You’re not okay with it, right?”
You glance at him. “With what?”
He nods at Dowoon, who just slipped away from your vision. “You don’t like him doing that, right? Pretending he’s busy but in fact, he’s just trying to avoid you.”
“I can’t do anything about that.”
Jae arches a brow in challenge. “Yes, you do.” You shake your head to dismiss what he’s thinking. “C’mon. If you won’t do anything he’ll continue to do that and then you guys will just slowly drift apart.” He grabs your shoulders and makes you face him. “You kept your feelings in fear of him avoiding you. Then what’s there to lose now if he’s already avoiding you without you telling what you really feel?”
You pout, not knowing how to respond. Jae’s right. You don’t want to be away from Dowoon but he’s been keeping his distance lately. It’s frustrating. If you don’t do anything, he might just slowly slip away from your life.
The weekend came and you find yourself sitting beside Dowoon at the back of the van. Sungjin, their club president, is driving with Wonpil, their keyboardist, on the shotgun. Jae and Younghyun, the bassist, are occupying the seat in front of you.
Dowoon is silent throughout the ride. Jae, Younghyun, and Wonpil are so loud and you’re joining them from time to time. Sungjin drops a comment and laughs once in a while, too.
“You’re quiet,” you whisper.
“I’m just preserving my energy for the shoot later,” he answers without even landing a glance on you.
You bite your lower lip to curb yourself from frowning because you can’t even prevent your chest from hurting. You just nod and your phone beeps.
From: Jae
You guys should talk later. Leave the guys to me. ;)
Dowoon glances at your phone and to Jae who just sent the text. He then leans his head back on the window. He misunderstood again.
To: Jae
Yeah, I guess we should. Thanks. :)
After arriving at the place, Jae whispers something to Dowoon and the latter nods. Your forehead creases. Jae claps his hand to call the attention of his other bandmates.
“Shall we scout the area and discuss the scenes as we wait for the others to arrive?” Jae suggests. His friends whom he asked to help them with the filming are on the other van and will be running a little late.
The guys nod their heads in agreement. When you glance at the side, Dowoon is already several feet away.
“I asked Dowoon to check the barn,” Jae announces and looks at you. He recommends you to go after him and check the place with him.
The four guys start walking away to survey the area and you’re left with no choice but to go after Dowoon.
He is a bit startled when he turns around and you’re there standing in front of him. You notice his ears turn a bit red. You smile at the sight.
“Why are you here?” He averts his gaze and turns around again making his back face you.
You roll your eyes. You’re not very good at keeping things subtle, Dowoon. You sigh. Or at least when it comes to avoiding me.
“Why are you avoiding me?” His head almost flips back to look at you but he stops himself from doing so as he continues to pretend to check the ceiling outside the barn.
You let out an exasperated sigh as you dishevel your hair from annoyance.
“Dowoon!” You exclaim as your eyebrows are knit together. Your hands are in the back pockets of your jeans. “Fine!” You raise your hands in surrender before dropping them beside your thighs. “If this is what you really want, just discard me in your life. Don’t pull the I-am-just-busy- bullshit in me because I’m not taking any of that anymore. If you want me out of your life, just say so.”
Before you angrily storm away, he gently calls your name and hastily grabs your wrist. You stay unmoved.
“I’m sorry,” he utters.
You heave a sigh once more as you pull your arm from his hold. “What are you up to?”
“I just,” he scratches the back of his head and eyes the ground, “I... I just don’t want to get in the way.”
“What?” You furrow your brows and walk past him. You cross your arms and face him. He turns to let his body face you but his head is still cast down.
“You and Jae.”
You huff and stroke your hair up. “There’s nothing going on between me and Jae. And even if there is, you will never be in the way, Dowoon.”
“Well, your crush finally likes you back. I just thought I needed to give you both your own space and--”
“Why do you always push me to someone?”
He lifts his head up to look at you. His eyes widen a bit, feeling accused. “I’m not…”
“You are.”
“I’m--”
“If you think I like a person, you always tell me to pursue the guy, you always tease me, you--”
“Because you like them.”
“It’s you who I like!” You both pause in surprise. There, you said it.
Fudge. You avert your gaze and moisten your lips. Great. You slowly let out a breath. What will happen now? I guess there’s no turning back.
When you look back at him, he’s already three steps closer. His eyes are dark.
“What did you say?”
Your throat goes dry as you feel your nerves shake in nervousness. You clear your throat and still can’t get yourself to look at him.
“It’s you who I like,” you repeat. “I’ve liked you since middle school.”
He continues to step forward. You step back. At every step he takes, you also step backward. He gently holds your shoulder and pushes you gently on the wooden wall of the barn. His other hand finds its way beside your head, trapping you, preventing you to go away.
You swallow the lump that formed in your throat. You glance at him and see his eyes turned hooded. It sends shivers down your spine and you suddenly feel your knees weaken.
The loud thumping in your chest gets louder and louder. Your hands are cold and your intestines are twisting.
“It’s so frustrating how you always push me to other people.” You don’t even know where you’re getting the energy to speak but you can’t stop. “Even Jae knew I like you at first glance. I’ve been keeping it because I was afraid you’d avoid me like how you did to--”
Your next words are trapped between your lips and his. You feel your breathing hitches. Your shoulders tense. Your eyes widen while his are closed. As he slowly opens them and as he detaches your lips from each other, just an inch away, he pierces your eyes with his. Your throat seems clogged that it feels hard to even just take a gulp.
He discards the space between your mouths again with eyes closed. Although taken aback a little, you finally start to relax. He’s trying to deepen it as if telling you to respond. Your lips part as his upper lip finds its way between yours. Feeling your knees turning jelly, you snake your arms around his neck to support your weight. You might just fall on the ground if you won’t do so.
He continues to take your lips between his and you kiss him with the same intensity. Damn, he’s good. How does he even know how to kiss when he hasn’t dated; when he always hide from girls? His hands travel from the wall to your back, pulling you closer to him and the space between your bodies vanishes. He gently bites your lower lip and you clutch his hair as you let out a hum. You unconsciously pull him, too, as if there’s still space between you when there’s already none.
You both take a second to breathe then, this time, he slips his lower lip as he takes your upper lip between his. His tongue traces the outline of it as his hands go to your neck. He pulls your head as he pushes his forward. He continues to take your mouth in.
Damn. Is this Dowoon your kissing? Is this your best friend? That shy bean from elementary and middle school? Is this the one who runs away from the sight of girls? Is he the same person who turns into a tomato when he’s shy? Where did your bashful best friend go? Who is this guy? It’s like he’s someone who was starved and just had his first meal, feasting on your lips. All the frustrations and suppressed feelings are out. You can’t blame him for being this hungry , because you’re just the same.
You open your eyes for a second. Damn, it really is him. It’s Dowoon you’re kissing.
Your left arm holds his forearm and you feel his protruded veins. Your thumb traces them while your other hand plays with his hair.
Distinct voices are nearing and the space between your bodies resurfaces when you both slowly pull away. Eyes are darted on each other. The fire in his eyes is almost visible. You take a gulp. Damn, my best friend is not a boy anymore--not that innocent boy whom I’ve known in middle school. You pant as your hands are rested on his shoulder.
He holds your left wrist and he starts walking. He leads you inside the barn and as soon as he closes it, careful not to make a sound, he gently pushes you against the wall again. He consumes your lips once more, his hands exploring your back.
When you put your arms back around his neck, he tightens his hold of your body, taking strides until you both stop when your butt hit a table. He lifts you to sit on it and his hands cup your face. You sigh in between the kiss as your hands grip his hair.
“Are you sure it’s this barn?” You hear Sungjin’s voice outside.
“This is the only barn,” Jae answers.
As if not hearing anything, Dowoon slips his tongue seeking for entrance. You almost gasp but your voice is trapped when he doesn’t stop devouring your already numb mouth. The room feels like getting smaller and hotter.
“Maybe they’re inside?” It’s Wonpil’s voice.
Your eyes widen and you gently push Dowoon. You hear him click his tongue, annoyed for being interrupted. You almost want to laugh so you smile widely instead.
He leans closer to your ears as he whispers, “Meet me after the shoot.” Damn that voice. It made the hair on your neck stand and the hot air that kisses your skin when he spoke didn't help. He takes your upper lip for one last time before he encloses you in his right arm to let you down from the table.
He starts walking towards the door while you try to fix yourself first.
“There you are!” Younghyun exclaims when Dowoon opens the door.
Jae notices how red Dowoon’s ears are and his disheveled hair. His eyes shift to you. You instantly avert your gaze but his knowing and cheeky smile didn’t escape your eyes.
“We checked the inside of the barn,” Dowoon says. “Are we going to start filming now?”
When you finally go out of the place, Jae stands beside you and elbows you making you almost lose your balance. “You sure had fun exploring , huh?” He wiggles his brows. “I wonder what you guys explored? ”
You hiss at Jae. You’re pretty sure your cheeks are red because you can still feel the heat on your face. You eye Dowoon and you take a gulp as you remember his words. Why does he want you to meet him after their filming?
You shake your head as you prevent your mind from wandering. Don’t even think of anything. You bite your lower lip. Let’s just wait and see.