Archive of Our Own

  Nearly every time Donghyuck has the first shift of the day, he watches the same person through the corner of his eye - he is, as far as Donghyuck is concerned, the opposite of an enigma. He always wears light brown Timberlands stained with God knows what, blue jeans that don't fit right, and a shirt that's not substantial enough for the weather outside. Donghyuck always scrunches his nose when he sees his dark hair come through the door, and squints as he waits for his boots to leave dirt tracked across the pristine white tile, but they don't, and it only annoys him farther because there's no reason to be annoyed. He never buys anything - he seemingly uses the JCPenney as a hallway to the inside of the mall. Donghyuck doesn't know why he doesn't use any other entrance. He knows the boy is named Mark, because he has sources in almost every part of Gardenview. Donghyuck has deduced that he is a walking heterosexual disaster.

  "Can we not get him arrested for loitering?" he whines, hanging dramatically over the counter and looking up at his red-clad manager. He looks tired.

  "He doesn't bother anyone," Taeil says simply.

  But Donghyuck is bothered, and isn't that all that matters? He tells Taeil as much.

  "You need to get over it," Taeil responds. "You actually annoy me every single day, and you still work here."

  Donghyuck feigns injury and props himself up on his elbows. Taeyong is dancing around the shelves in the brightly lit Sephora, humming along to the Ariana Grande song on the sound system, completely oblivious to Donghyuck's pain.

  Mark walks out of the store and into the mall with a kind of confidence that Donghyuck can tell is built on either toxic masculinity or legitimate happiness. Happiness is foreign, though, and the small smile on Mark's face always aches with emptiness, so it's certainly the former. Donghyuck groans and jumps to sit on the counter.

  "Ah, ah," Taeil interrupts, pushing him back down. "No. I'll put up with your angst, but you aren't sitting on my counter."

  "It isn't your counter. You're a slave to capitalism, just like the rest of us."

  "Get off the damn counter, Hyuck."

  "Roger that."

  Donghyuck jumps down from the counter and winks at Taeil, who just shakes his head and walks away.

  "Yongie, are you working all day today?" he asks, projecting his voice over the small space.

  "Mmhmm! Eight hours," he says, happily, but Donghyuck knows it's the Ariana talking and not genuine enthusiasm. He's glad he won't be alone, though.

  Taeyong is one of Donghyuck's favorite coworkers. He's a baby, sure, but he's the only other guy who works at the Sephora, and Donghyuck appreciates someone finally not trying to make him their gay best friend. He wears dark pencil eyeliner around his eyes that contrasts with the childish twinkle in them, and it's undoubtedly charming. He's not as interested in makeup as Donghyuck is, but he does his job well and works with the little kids who want to take advantage of the free makeovers. It's very cute.

  But, right now, it's early in the morning, so there's nothing to do but watch over the shining displays. Donghyuck opens his front camera to make sure he hasn't smudged his dark brown mascara before tucking his phone back in the pocket of his black jeans.

  "Have you been griping about Mark again?" Taeyong asks, dancing over to where Donghyuck is, yet again, sitting on the counter.

  "He's so loud," Donghyuck complains.

  "He parks his car out there," Taeyong starts, pointing, "and uses the public entrance to go through a public space into a public mall."

  "Just because he's allowed to doesn't mean I have to like it!"

  "You've never spoken to him," he clarifies.

  "I can already guess everything he has to say," Donghyuck huffs, running a hand through fading silver hair.

  Taeyong shakes his head. "Don't oversimplify people like that, Hyuckie."

  "He oversimplified himself! Have you seen him? He's a walking heterosexual stereotype."

  Taeyong raises a suspicious eyebrow. "He's, like, a one-hundred thirty pound Asian-American with a carefully styled bowl cut."

  "He also stomps through my JCPenney with jeans that don't fit and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his armpits."

  "That's a totally fair point. But this just further proves me point that he's likely more complicated than you think."

  Donghyuck shakes his head defiantly and hops off the counter as he sees another red-uniformed employee appears, thinking Taeil's back to scold him, but the boy has bleach blond hair and a much less hopeless expression on his face. "Chenle!" Donghyuck yells.

  Chenle grins and bounds up to him. "Hey, Hyuckie! What's up?"

  "He's getting all irritable about Mark," Taeyong sing-songs, bouncing off down the foundation aisle.

  "Mark's cool!" Chenle says.

  "You know him?" Donghyuck balks. He can't believe that Chenle, beautiful and soft Chenle, interacts with Mark Lee . It makes his brain go fuzzy.

  Chenle shrugs. "Not well. But him and Renjun talk sometimes."

  "Renjun? Panda Express Renjun?" Donghyuck asks. The fact that Renjun of all people would talk to Mark is even weirder. Renjun is tiny, gay, and obsessed with aliens - not exactly the type to hang out with boring straight men covered in dirt all the time. Maybe he thinks Mark is an alien. It would make a lot of sense.

  "Yep!" Chenle confirms. He yawns loudly.

  "Tired?" Taeyong asks.

  "Oh, for sure," Chenle says with a smile. "I forgot I had to work today and stayed up until two playing Minecraft."

  Donghyuck looks at him with his carefully sculpted eyebrows high on his forehead. "Are you serious?"

  "The most serious," Chenle beams.

  Taeyong ruffles his hair and Donghyuck nods. "Nice to know the kid has taste," Donghyuck says with the most serious tone he can manage.

  "Do you even play games, Hyuckie?" Chenle asks.

  "Life is a game," Donghyuck says with a smile.

  "Don't-" comes Taeyong's weak protest.

  "And I'm losing," Donghyuck finishes.

  "You're so angsty," Chenle says with a giggle. "Lighten up, yeah?"

  "Easy for you to say!" Donghyuck says, pinching his ear lightly. "You hardly care about keeping this job."

  Chenle shrugs and bounces off to the front registers, leaving the two of them alone. Donghyuck moves to stand behind the cash register and takes in a slow breath. Eight hours. He can do this.

-

   "I can't do this," Donghyuck complains into his Starbucks, which he is now drinking for lunch, because his head hurts too much to eat and caffeine is the only thing keeping him on his two aching feet.

  Jaehyun rubs his arm sympathetically. "Long shift?"

  "The longest," he says. "If I have to answer one more girl asking me whether I'm gay or not, I will bury myself in Fenty highlighters and never be seen again."

  Jaehyun laughs heartily at that. He works at the Panera across the mall, but Donghyuck suspects something is going on between him and the uptight manager of the Starbucks, because he's there during almost all of Donghyuck's lunch breaks. He usually comes to see Jaemin, his best friend and roommate, but today he isn't working, and Jaehyun is a relaxing break from his own chaos.

  "Is it better or worse than getting hit on by moms?" Jaehyun asks, leaning on his palm and looking at Donghyuck with a glimmer of amusement.

  "We suffer equally but in opposite ways," Donghyuck responds, taking a long drink. "Also. Do you know a Mark Lee?"

  Jaehyun shakes his head.

  "Okay, so I'm not totally out of the loop."

  "Who is he?" Jaehyun asks.

  Donghyuck shrugs. "To be honest, I'm not sure, but he walks through the store every single morning," he says, clapping with each word. "He just gets on my nerves."

  "What for?"

  "He's just so…" Donghyuck sighs and gestures his hand largely. " Annoying. And it bothers me."

  Jaehyun snorts. "So there isn't a reason."

  "No, that's a good reason! He's trespassing."

  "It's a JCPenney, not a private estate," Jaehyun points out.

  Donghyuck can't voice why he's so annoyed by Mark Lee's stupid face, and no one would understand if he could. He settles for "I don't know, Jaehyun, I'm just not happy about him being a human that exists."

  There's a flash of knowing across Jaehyun's face before he speaks again. "A little harsh, isn't it? Have you ever spoken?"

  "How have I never spoken about this with you?" Donghyuck says, scolding himself. He kind of talks about Mark a lot. He kind of thinks about Mark a lot. The space he takes up in Donghyuck's life both physically and mentally is irritating, like a spot in his vision he can't get rid of. "Of course not. But apparently some people know him."

  "Ask them, then," Jaehyun says blankly. He glances from their table back towards the counter and the man at the cash register. He's tall, with dark hair and a wide gummy smile for every customer that comes in, and Donghyuck recognizes him as Doyoung, Jaemin's manager, and, judging by the way Jaehyun gazes at him, the whole reason Jaehyun is there. "Gotta go, Hyuck. Isn't your lunch break over?"

  "It was over five minutes ago," he says, not making a move to stand up.

  Jaehyun looks at him blankly for a second before he waves his hand for him to go , so Donghyuck stands and returns to work. And it's fine, mostly. He matches foundation shades and waits patiently for his shift to end.

  As he clocks out and makes his way towards the exit, there's an all-too familiar nuisance making his way across the floor and towards him. He's a lot sweatier and dirtier than he was before, and it fills Donghyuck with even more reasons to hate him. Rather than face him, he throws the door open and shoves his hands in his jacket pockets as he hops out onto the sidewalk. It's a relentlessly cold autumn, and the leaves are falling off the trees in a frozen stupor instead of changing colors and floating delicately to the ground. He starts his walk home.

  Donghyuck lives in an apartment with his best friend in the whole world - Na Jaemin. They go to school together, so it makes logistical sense, and it means they get to be around each other near constantly with the added benefit of avoiding the dorms. Together, they have been described as "Satan incarnate" (Doyoung), "impossible" (Taeyong), and "the coolest ever" (Chenle). It's safe to say that Donghyuck prefers life with Jaemin at his side, plus it means that he doesn't come home to an apartment full of nothing but his own breath. Donghyuck's goddamn terrified of how hopeless that would feel.

  So when Jaemin is screeching at a mobile game the second Donghyuck enters the living room, he smiles and plops down beside him. Jaemin puts down the game and rests his head on Donghyuck's shoulder. "How was life at the mall without me?" he asks.

  "Boring. I had to talk to Jaehyun on my break instead."

  "Oh, gross," Jaemin says, faking distaste.

  "Also," Donghyuck starts, beginning to card a hand through Jaemin's pink hair. "Do you know a Mark Lee?"

  "I do. Why do you ask?"

  "Traitor! You never told me!" he criticizes, but he doesn't stop his affections.

  "You never asked me, idiot."

  "He's that annoying guy that always comes through looking like toxic masculinity in human form," Donghyuck explains.

  Jaemin snorts. "I don't know anything about him. I just seem him around campus sometimes."

  "What's he majoring in?"

  Jaemin stands up to make his way to the kitchen. "What are you so curious for? Also, I have no idea."

  "I just want to know what I'm up against," Donghyuck defends. Not that he's thinking about doing anything about Mark's constant presence, not really. Donghyuck may be dramatic and often act on impulse, but he doesn't want to talk to Mark when technically there's no problem. He begrudgingly admits that there is no real problem, other than the fact that people like Mark drive him up the wall.

  "All I know is he's really loud with his friends and is taking college calculus two," Jaemin calls over the familiar open and shut of the refrigerator.

  It doesn't make sense for Mark to be taking college calculus two, because Jaemin is taking calculus two. Jaemin is a genius. And Mark is… not a genius. Obviously. Taeyong may say he doesn't know everything about Mark, but Donghyuck has eyes.

  "Don't you have class soon?" Jaemin breaks him out of his trance.

  Donghyuck glances at his phone. Jaemin is right. He hurries off to his bedroom to change into a different shirt and rub off some of his overdone face in the mirror (Donghyuck may love makeup, but the look is a little much for an afternoon college class.)

  Donghyuck wants to be a makeup artist. He doesn't have an inspirational answer, it's just that he likes it, which is more than he can say for his actual major - accounting. His mother says being pretty doesn't pay the bills, so Donghyuck figured he would be the prettiest thing in a very boring office instead. It's not what he wants, but it's the closest he'll ever get.

  Donghyuck shakes the thoughts out of his mind and shrugs his backpack on. There's more things to worry about.

-

   Cla-thump. Cla-thump. Cla-thump.

   It's the sound Mark Lee's annoying dirty Timberlands make on the tile floor. Again, again, again. Donghyuck looks up from the glittery mess on the floor that used to be a highlighter palette before he dropped it, holds the broom he was using to clean it up tighter in his hand, and huffs angrily. Chenle gives him a weird look out of the corner of his eye. "You should talk to him, Hyuck."

  "Why would I do that?"

  "To resolve whatever your grudge is," Chenle explains.

  "There is no grudge. And nothing to say to him." Donghyuck knows , because, unlike a certain very annoying alpha male, he is in tune with his emotions. "Do you know where he goes, though?"

  Chenle shrugs. "No clue."

  Donghyuck slaps the counter definitively. "How long until we open?"

  Chenle glances at his phone. "Two minutes."

  "Just tell Yongie I'm late," Donghyuck said, walking towards the edge of the black shelter that is Sephora. He watched as Mark walked through the door and into the mall.

  "Are you going to follow him?" Chenle whisper-shouts.

  "Shush! Yes. Don't make it sound creepy. It isn't." As Jaehyun said, it's a public space. No one can tell him what to do. He crept out of the store behind him, hoping his black and red uniform wouldn't give him away if Mark turned around.

  Donghyuck is fully, dramatically aware that this is not a good idea.

  Mark led him down the smooth marble hallway into the cavernous food court - a massive semi-circle of restaurants staffed by Donghyuck's friends. Donghyuck pretends to glance around curiously.

  Mark waves at Johnny when they pass the Subway, and Donghyuck shushes him frantically when he goes to greet him as well. Johnny's face is screwed up in confusion, but Donghyuck is satisfied with his silence and continues to walk behind Mark at a safe distance. They turn a sharp right corner and continue down a nearly empty wing. There's a Yankee Candle store and what may have been a Victoria's Secret once upon a time.

  Donghyuck is definitely late for work at this point, but he's gone too far to turn around. Or to just ask Johnny where Mark works, since apparently they know each other.

  Mark swerves down into the emergency exit hallway. And all it has is an emergency exit. Confused, Donghyuck waits for about ten seconds before peaking down the hallway.

  There's a doorstop in the emergency exit door, which Mark is messing with. It's a fire hazard, Donghyuck decides. Mark finally stands and pushes his way carefully threw the door. Donghyuck waits another careful ten seconds before he follows down the hallway and nudges the door open.

  All that's out the door is a small concrete patio and a five-foot stretch of grass before the badly-maintained sidewalk. The crosswalk is near, and that's where Mark is, waiting for the lights to change. Donghyuck opts against following him and just watches from behind the door.

  Mark crosses the street. Across the street is a Walmart and a packed parking lot full of impatient parents who seem to have learned to drive from playing Mario Kart. Or Super Smash Bros. They're on the side of the auto shop, Donghyuck deduces. Mark walks straight through the open garage.

  So that's why he's so gross all the time. He fixes cars. How much more annoyingly macho could this guy be? Donghyuck wonders, making sure to leave the doorstop in place when he closes the door again. He may have a (righteous) hatred for Mark, but he's not mean. He's above that. Mark's hypermasculine self can't relate.

   He traipses back into Sephora fifteen minutes late for work to find Taeyong sweeping the highlighter powder off the floor and Taeil with his hands on his hips. "Donghyuck."

  "I know, I know. Won't happen again."

  "Chenle tried to cover for you," Taeil says, pointing towards the boy in question. "He did a very bad job."

  "I appreciate his efforts," Taeyong says with a laugh.

  Taeil shakes his head. "I am going to die in this mall."

  "What a way to go," Donghyuck muses, starting to put away the highlighter palettes again, hopefully without breaking them this time. Taeil leaves to, presumably, have a mental breakdown in the back room.

  "He works at the auto shop. In the Walmart next door," Donghyuck announces.

  "I feel like you could have just asked him that instead of following him."

  "There's no fun in that."

  "Does this at least mean you'll leave the kid alone?"

  Donghyuck skips over to the counter. "I technically have left him alone."

  "You know what I mean."

  "Will I stop being angry that people like him exist?" He pretends to think. "Hmm, no, probably not."

  Taeyong shakes his head. "You never listen to my advice."

  "Nope!"

  And there's Ariana on the sound system again, so Taeyong is silenced from his criticism and Donghyuck is left to sort lipstick in peace.

  Jaemin is working when Donghyuck's shift ends, so he traipses down to the food court and throws himself on the Starbucks counter. "Nana!" he drawls.

  "You're scaring away the customers," Doyoung says blankly.

  Donghyuck glances around the mostly empty food court. "Sure, Jan. Where's Jaeminnie?"

  "In the back," Doyoung says.

  "Will you go get him for me?"

  "No."

  "Then I'll just yell for him."

  Donghyuck took in a loud breath.

  "Don't!" Doyoung panics, slapping a hand over his mouth. Donghyuck licks it. He recoils.

  The door to the mythical back of the Starbucks swings open and Jaemin walks through with a tall teenage boy with gangly limbs by his side. His name tag reads "Jisung".

  "Hey, Hyuck!" Jaemin greets.

  "Jaemin! When is your shift over?"

  Jaemin turns to Jisung questioningly. Jisung holds up three long fingers and emphatically mouths "three hours".

  "Three hours?" Donghyuck complains. "That means I have to go back by myself!"

  Jaemin shrugs. "Sorry about it. Also, Hyuck, this is Jisung."

  "Hi! I'm Donghyuck." he waves.

  Jisung smiles, laced with anxiety, and waves back. "Hello," he mouths.

  "Are you new?" Donghyuck asks. Jisung nods. He's not very outspoken, Donghyuck notices.

  "Nice to meet you," Donghyuck says with the brightest smile he can manage. "Anyway, I guess that means I'm going to head home. See you all later."

  Jaemin blows him a kiss as he backs away from the counter. Donghyuck catches it and presses it against his cheek, causing Doyoung to give a dissatisfied frown. Donghyuck walks back towards the JCPenney, since the entrance is the closest to his apartment and it's some ungodly cold temperature outside that he doesn't want to brave any longer than necessary.

  Donghyuck has terrible timing.

  In front of him is Mark, rolled up stained t-shirt and all, making his way towards the other end of the store. They're a good fifteen seconds apart, though, so Donghyuck takes an unreasonably slow pace. He scowls at Taeyong when he raises his eyebrows.

  Mark opens the glass door out into the parking lot and, because he's that kind of person, turns to look behind him. Donghyuck's heart leaps painfully as if Slenderman was across the JCPenney instead of just the most intolerable person ever born. Mark holds the door open. For him. And it's stupid and chivalrous and nice. Donghyuck hates him. He breaks into a little half-jog to go through the door before it's been an awkward amount of time and breathes out a "thank you".

  Luckily, Mark doesn't say anything else, just nods and holds the next door before making his way to his own car. A red pick-up truck, Donghyuck notes. Absolutely ridiculous. Though, to Mark's credit, it's bright and shiny, eye-catching in the drab parking lot.

  It's getting colder outside - the last day of September, actually, and Donghyuck remembers Halloween, a makeup artist's dream and nightmare all in one month-long celebration. He can use his natural dark circles and be more zombie chic and amplify it with the feeling of green sickness that plagues him when he walks into his silent, airy apartment.

-

  Donghyuck sighs as he thumbs a generic sweater with a black cat on it. "October first," he muses. Chenle hums in acknowledgement. His hair is freshly dyed purple to celebrate the occasion.

  "And we're working the late shift," Chenle sing-songs. "Spooky, eh?"

  "It's not even eight."

  "Oh, whatever."

  "Donghyuck!" Taeyong is calling for him, so he looks over noncommittally. "Get over here!"

  "I'm on break?" he tries.

  Taeyong gives him a look that screams I know you're lying, and you know that I know, so drop it and sell some damn moisturizer. Donghyuck thumps his way back into the Sephora.

  "Your shift isn't over yet," Taeyong points out.

  Donghyuck thinks. Realizes. "Actually," he says, grin already stretching across his face, "I'm off in five minutes. At eight."

  Taeyong groans. "Oh, God dammit. Just get out of here."

  "Woah, serious?"

  Taeyong waves his hand dismissively. "Yeah. Whatever. It's basically empty."

  He's right. There's a few teenagers looking at liquid lipstick, but they don't seem to need or want help, and the store is largely deserted. Donghyuck grins and goes to find his sweatshirt.

  It's a leisurely and peaceful stroll out the front entrance of the store, but it feels almost eerie. Nothing in Donghyuck's life goes without enough bumps in the road to total the car he hardly knows how to drive. He tries his best to just let himself feel okay and pushes open the door.

  The door doesn't start its slow swing closed when he lets go of it, and there's a hand in his peripheral vision. Donghyuck turns around.

  It's Mark, small, stupid smile in his face and eyes wide as if he's staring through Donghyuck's terrified irises and into his soul. Donghyuck flinches hard enough to send him a safe distance away from him.

  He turns.

  He bolts.

  He runs as fast as his legs will carry him out of the building and towards the sidewalk, and keeps running until he realizes he hasn't run for any reason since he graduated high school, and now his feet are burning and his face is raw from the cold wind. He realizes how stupid that must have looked, but he was, frankly, terrified. Donghyuck was jumped by a straight boy covered in motor oil. It's not exactly his fault that he ran.

  It's an awkward transition to a normal walking pace so he can get back to his apartment like a normal person in the dimming October light.

  Jaemin makes fun of him.

  "What, did you say anything? Or did you just? Nyoom!" He's a cackling mess on their couch, instant ramen left forgotten on the coffee table.

  "What was I supposed to say? I panicked!"

  "You gay panicked, Hyuckie."

  Donghyuck is struck silent for a second before he slaps Jaemin's leg. "No, I was concerned for my safety! Straight boys are scary."

  Jaemin smirks and shrugs, sitting up properly. "Whatever you say, Hyuckles."

  He scoffs at the nickname and the implication. Because Donghyuck knows he doesn't like Mark. That is exactly the opposite of the problem, actually, because Mark is only twenty pounds of muscle away from being the exact problem Donghyuck has with the world.

  "You're intolerable," is all he says to Jaemin.

  "I know," Jaemin hums.

  "Anyways," Donghyuck says, for once keen on changing the subject away from Mark. "Halloween is soon, as well as Chenle's legendary Halloween party, and we have to start planning."

  Jaemin raises an eyebrow. "We? What makes you think I want to go with you?"

  Donghyuck stares at him until he laughs. "Just kidding, just kidding. What are we gonna go as?"

  Donghyuck snatches Jaemin's chopsticks and takes a mouthful of noodles. "I was thinking matching sexy vampires, but I am totally up for suggestions."

-

  Donghyuck shows up to work just after his last class ends, and it is absolutely packed. It's a Friday, so it makes sense, but it's still loud, and Taeyong is sprinting around the Sephora with a strained smile on his face and sweating through his foundation. Chenle is at a cash register drinking some bright pink Starbucks thing, eyes glazed over, while an angry mother yells at him. Donghyuck can make out the words 'discount' and 'manager'.

  "Hyuck, you're here," Taeyong says, voice full of relief. "I need you at checkout."

  "Roger that."

  And it's flurried. Harried. Some girl asks for a Colourpop eyeshadow palette and gets immensely frustrated when Donghyuck tries to explain that Colourpop is online exclusive. More white people buy Trophy Wife. It's a normal day, for the most part, but just in concentrated quantities, and Donghyuck is exhausted by the time the store closes and everyone leaves. Chenle walks over and Donghyuck hugs him. "You good?"

  "Twelve. Twelve entitled parents trying to get free stuff and asking to see the manager," Chenle deadpans.

  "Shh, shh. I know."

  Taeyong's eyeliner is smeared down his face, and he's blotting at it uselessly. "I need a different job."

  "In this economy? Good luck," Chenle says hopelessly into Donghyuck's chest.

  Donghyuck runs a hand through his hair. "Let's get you home, Lele."

  "I can take care of myself."

  Taeyong rolls his eyes. "His mom always comes to pick him up. She's probably here."

  Chenle nods and makes his way out of the store. Donghyuck does the same.

  He slams the disabled button to open the door automatically with a closed fist and is met with cold air. Even in the entryway, it's frigid and bitter. Donghyuck steps into it and immediately feels more dejected than he's ever felt in his life. It's snowing.

   "Umm."

  Donghyuck squeals in fright and leaps away from the noise, and of course it's Mark Lee. He doesn't look as gross as usual, but he still makes the inside of Donghyuck's mouth feel sticky and sour.

  "You scared me," he mutters out.

  "It's snowing."

   Wow, nice. Donghyuck is totally unsurprised by how useless this straight boy is.

  "...uh-huh," Donghyuck replies, with as much snark as he can muster.

  "You, uh, walk home, right?"

  "Uh-huh," Donghyuck repeats, staring into the clueless abyss that is Mark Lee's cranium through his irises.

  "And it's really cold."

  "Yep." Donghyuck is done. He doesn't know why Mark is talking to him, but he's over it, and he just wants to get home as fast as possible and complain to Jaemin. He pushes the next door open and winces at the cold.

  "Um!" Mark interrupts. "I just wanted to know, like, if you wanted a ride home."

   Oh, Hell no.

  But then he looks outside, at the faint dusting of snow on the ground, and back at Mark. He almost looks scared. Or concerned. Something to that effect, and he definitely doesn't seem to be filled with homophobic rage.

  "A car is faster than walking," Donghyuck replies with a shrug, and Mark offers a small smile in return. It doesn't look gross. Well, maybe a little.

  Mark follows him out the door and points out his bright red truck, not too far from the entrance. Thankfully, he doesn't try to open the passenger seat door for him.

  Donghyuck wants to not speak to him, but Mark starts the car and drives towards the road and raises his eyebrows at him questioningly. "Left," Donghyuck says.

  "So, uh," Mark starts, tapping a finger against the wheel. "I didn't catch your name."

  "Donghyuck," he answers before he can stop himself.

  "Hmm. Korean?"

  "Yeah."

  Mark nods. "Me too. I'm Mark."

  Donghyuck already knows this, obviously, but he nods his head as if he's taking in the information for the first time.

  The inside of Mark's truck is very clean. Almost suspiciously clean, like no one had ever driven it before. "You, uh, work at the mall?"

  "Sephora."

  "Oh. That's cool."

  Donghyuck feels bad for killing the conversation he never wanted in the first place, so he speaks again. "How about you?"

  "I work at the Walmart across the street," Mark answers. "In the auto shop. I fix cars."

  "Huh." Donghyuck is doing his best to sound disinterested, but not mean, because Mark is the problem. Donghyuck is flawless. A victim. An angel on Earth forced to work in a JCPenney in an American college town so he can pay his rent and fund his makeup addiction.

  "Right."

  "Huh?"

  "Turn right."

  Mark fumbles and turns the wheel, and Donghyuck shakes his head disapprovingly. Mark breathes out something that sounds like "sorry."

  After a few more directions, Donghyuck tells him to stop. They aren't at his apartment building yet, but Donghyuck is wary, and still a little scared, so he stops him on the corner of the street, still a block from where he needs to be. "Thanks," Donghyuck says, opening the passenger door.

  "Umm, you're welcome. Anytime. Yeah."

  "Bye."

  Donghyuck steps out and the snow crunches satisfyingly under his shoe. He closes the car door behind him, walking slowly up to the sidewalk and taking painfully lazy steps until Mark drives away. He speedwalks back to the apartment. It really is too fucking cold outside.

   "Umm, you're welcome. Anytime. Yeah."

  Anytime? Is this going to be a thing? Donghyuck doesn't want to spend any more time with local hopeless heterosexual Markus Lee. He's spoken to him more in the past fifteen minutes than he ever has in his life, and it left his skin warm and itchy like he's been exfoliating with sandpaper. Harsh, wrong, definitely not intended.

  But it's cold outside, and Mark's truck does have heating. And it's faster than walking.

  He collapses into Jaemin's arms on the couch. Donghyuck knows he got off work hours ago, but he's still wearing his uniform and smells like coffee. "I want to commit die," he huffs.

  "Oh, tell me about it," Jaemin responds quickly.

  So Donghyuck does. He pours out the details of his shift and his stupid encounter with stupid Mark Lee. Jaemin finds it very amusing.

  "And you hate him?" he asks, giant toothy smile on his face.

  "Almost as much as I hate you," Donghyuck coos, pinching his cheek harshly.

  "I'm just saying, Hyuckie. He doesn't even seem that bad."

  "He's straight," Donghyuck deadpans. "He's automatically that bad."

   "First of all, we have, like, three whole heterosexual friends. Second, you don't know he's straight."

  Donghyuck raises his eyebrows and waits for Jaemin to break into uncontrollable giggles, but he doesn't. "...are you serious?"

  "Yeah! You never know," Jaemin says.

   "I always know."

  "Fine, just be sad and gay and alone forever," Jaemin teases. "Don't say I never tried to help you."

  "He's gross, Nana!"

  "So are you!"

  "Okay, you worthless fucking weasel."

  "No, you."

  "...are you kidding me right now?"

  "Do I look like I am?"

  "You look stupid."

  "Right back at you, Duckie."

  "I can't fucking stand you."

  "Watch your language, bitch."

  Donghyuck storms into his room, slamming the door behind him, before turning back around and opening it. He beams at Jaemin. "Dramatic enough?"

  "Hollywood better watch out," Jaemin responds, exasperated, but with a lazy smile.

-

  "The usual, Doyoung dearest."

  Doyoung rolls his eyes, but Jaemin swoops in from behind him and hands Donghyuck an already made drink, Duckie written on the side with an exaggerated heart for the dot of the 'i'.

  "Jaemin's my favorite," Donghyuck announces, taking the drink. He doesn't pay for it. He usually doesn't.

  "Actually, Jisung made that, Jaemin just told him to," Doyoung explains, face dead.

  "Jisung's my favorite."

  Jisung smiles awkwardly and bows his head.

  Donghyuck reaches out to pull a chair from the nearest table in the food court seating area and sits down right next to the Starbucks counter, but is quickly waved off by Doyoung, presumably because it's going to be crowded in approximately three minutes. Donghyuck sticks his tongue out but puts the chair back anyway. His shift doesn't start for a little while, so he looks around.

  Winwin and Yangyang are working the Subway, and Donghyuck doesn't talk to them much, so he drags his eyes to the next stall. Panda Express - featuring one Huang Renjun. Donghyuck makes his way over.

  "Donghyuck," he greets simply. "Doyoung kicked you out."

  "Mmhmm," he hums around his straw. "But, I actually had a question for you."

  "Shoot."

  "What do you know about Mark Lee?"

  "Why do you want to know?" Renjun asks suspiciously.

  "Because I personally believe him to be annoying as fuck, but Chenle told me you talk to him sometimes."

  "Oh, I love Chenle!" This Donghyuck already knows. Renjun and Chenle share Mandarin as a first language, most of a friend circle, and the virtue of being misleadingly adorable.

  "Me too!"

  Renjun makes his way to lean on the cash register. "So? What about Mark Lee?"

  "Why does he talk to you?" Donghyuck asks.

  "Why wouldn't he? I'm great."

  "Debatable. But what I mean is that he's loud and annoying and heterosexual. And you're you ."

  Renjun shrugs. "I'm not gonna claim to be an expert, but I'm an expert, and my gaydar says he is most likely not straight."

  Donghyuck screws his face up in disbelief. "Okay, but my gaydar is impeccable, and it says he is."

  Renjun shrugs again. "I've never asked him, to be honest. I just know him from class."

  "Class?"

  "Yeah, we're both engineering majors? Both trying to get into aerospace, too."

  Okay, so Mark's brainless self is an engineering major. Okay. Whatever.

  "Huh."

  Renjun makes eye contact half-heartedly. He looks tired. "You planning on going to Ten's Halloween party?"

  "Wouldn't miss it for the world," Donghyuck shoots back. "See ya later!"

  "Bye."

  New information obtained and coffee half-finished, Donghyuck returns to Sephora. He's actually early for his shift. Taeil looks surprised. Frankly, Donghyuck is surprised, also.

  It's not as busy as Friday, so Donghyuck spends a lot of time teasing Taeyong and planning Halloween outfits. (Jaemin said that Ten always goes as a vampire, and they can't compete with that. Donghyuck reluctantly agreed.) Donghyuck gets to go home at noon.

  He hasn't seen Mark at all, which only becomes concerning when he sees the flurry of powder gray through the sets of glass doors. But no , he shouldn't feel that way. One day he didn't have to walk home because Mark kidnapped him. And drove him home. Okay, maybe it wasn't kidnapping, but still, it was a one-time thing and now Donghyuck has to brave the outside in his sweatshirt like the mature but foresightless adult he is.

  He opens the first glass door and is met with a painfully familiar form.

  Mark lifts his head and his eyebrows at him questioningly, and Donghyuck pretends to not know what he's asking by furrowing his eyebrows. "Do you, like, want a ride?"

  "Sure."

  And so Donghyuck clambers into Mark's pristine (but still stupid) pick-up truck again, and Mark doesn't ask for directions, so there's no reason to talk. But the sound of the heater is too similar to the sound of his apartment when Jaemin is gone, and it pounds against Donghyuck's eardrums until he simply has to speak. "So, Mark, are you going to school?"

  Mark almost startles "Like, university, yeah. I'm a sophomore. I major in engineering. You?"

  It's nothing that Donghyuck doesn't know, but it'd be creepy to bring that up. "Me too."

  "Your major?"

  "Accounting."

  Mark looks at him suspiciously out of the corner of his eye and Donghyuck shifts in his seat. "What?"

  Mark shrugs. "I don't know, I just figured you'd be doing something more creative. But if you like it, I suppose."

  Donghyuck laughs bitterly. "Well, I don't like it, really."

  "Then why are you doing it?"

  Donghyuck crosses his arms. "I just am. Feel like I should."

  "It's not my place to say, but, like, things don't generally work out… if you do them just because you feel like you should."

  Donghyuck knows this, but no one ever says it, so it feels harsh and foreign and almost like an epiphany. "Well, I want to be a makeup artist, if that's what you were expecting me to say."

  Mark laughs awkwardly. "Yeah, that is what I expected."

  Donghyuck smiles. Against his will. Like a genuine, real smile, and he kind of wants to tell Mark about his pitiful Instagram following and his dreams and how unsure he is about the future - things he hardly even talks to Jaemin about, because their relationship is built on jesting to keep the pain away. The air here is easy to speak into. "I hope it'll happen someday," is all he says.

  "I hope it'll happen for you."

  And something pulls weirdly at the forming lump in Donghyuck's throat. It sucks that the thing that's making his life make sense is someone he swears to despise. He's grateful when he gets out of the car because he's kind of about to cry and, God, Lee Donghyuck does not want to be an accountant. He won't do it.

-

  It's not like Donghyuck wakes up on Sunday, the one day he has off of both work and classes, and immediately changes his major or drops out entirely. He wakes up to a hungover Jaemin sleeping on the kitchen floor with an empty coffee pot held tightly in his hand and a sizable electric blue stain on his white shirt. Donghyuck sighs in understanding and kicks him awake.

  "Nana. Hey. Nana. Please get up, you're blocking the fridge."

  Jaemin stirs awake and blinks at Donghyuck. "Oh." He shuffles to sit up and squints into the sky.

  "You didn't tell me you were going out," Donghyuck huffs.

  Jaemin winces. "Sorry. I went out drinking with Ten, since he's really upset."

  "About Johnny?"

  "Yeah," Jaemin sighs out.

  Donghyuck fetches a glass of water and hands it to Jaemin, who smiles appreciatively.

  "They're both such idiots," Donghyuck says with a small laugh.

  "Well, they aren't alone."

  Donghyuck accepts the half-hearted insult since it could be directed towards everyone in their friend circle, really. They're a whole clan of idiots.

  "Get off the floor, at least," Donghyuck says, offering his hand. Jaemin takes it and hoists himself to his feet, teetering a little before he managed to stand his ground.

  "I'm gonna go… find some painkillers."

  "You do that," Donghyuck says, ruffling Jaemin's hair and fetching the milk from the refrigerator.

  Halfway through Donghyuck's bowl of cereal, Jaemin flops down in one of two other chairs at their dining table, eyes sparkling. "I wanna be Spider-Man."

  "...okay?"

  "For Halloween, dumbass."

  Donghyuck hums around his spoon before answering. "...can I be Spider-Gwen?"

  Jaemin grins. "Of course."

  "Then I'm in."

  "And maybe we won't freeze to death this year!" Jaemin cheers.

  Donghyuck takes a glance out the window at the snow-covered ground, and, well, he doubts it.

-

  "Uh. Hi."

  Donghyuck nearly drops his coffee in surprise, which makes Chenle howl with laughter even though he's all the way at the cash register a few dozen feet away with another bright pink Starbucks in his hand. (It's far into the afternoon, but coffee consumption never stops.) Donghyuck scowls at him before his eyes land on the culprit.

  "Hey, Mark."

  Mark nods and glances around, as if he didn't think he'd make it this far. Donghyuck is surprised he dared to enter a Sephora, as well. He looks almost comically out of place with his bare face and baggy white t-shirt, with some university logo on it that Donghyuck doesn't recognize. Donghyuck pities his struggle, so he speaks for him. "What, did you miss me yesterday?"

  Mark laughs. "Uh, no, but I did notice you weren't here."

  "I don't work seven days a week," he says with a shrug. "Sunday is the Lord's day."

  Mark's eyes widen. "Are you… religious?"

  "Hell no, it's just my excuse to not have to work on Sunday. I generally take Wednesdays off, too, for the same reason."

  Mark seems amused by that. "Surprised you haven't been, like, called out for lying."

  Donghyuck shrugs. "What are they gonna do about it?"

  He can see Taeyong shaking his head in disapproval. "Well, I gotta get going," Mark says. "You working until closing?"

  Donghyuck nods.

  Mark nods, too, and he makes his way out of the store.

  Taeyong looks at him and smiles. "Oh, so you hate him?"

  Donghyuck quickly wipes the smile off his face that he didn't realize was there in the first place. "So what if I don't?"

  Because Donghyuck doesn't hate him. Not really. The reasoning was never there in the first place and now he's… nice? Talking to him is nice.

  "I'm proud of you, Hyuck. Also, we're supposed to start wearing winter makeup. Sephora orders."

  Donghyuck groans. "But look at this!" he cries, gesturing to his face of dewy foundation, orange blush high on his cheekbones and gold highlighter across his eyelids and nose. "This face isn't made for mattes, Yongie!"

  Taeyong looks legitimately apologetic. "I know you don't like it, but you look good in everything. You'll be okay."

  Just because he's right doesn't make it hurt any less. Donghyuck is gonna miss all his yellow tones. It's Halloween, so he could just shift his tones to orange and it'd be fine, but Donghyuck doesn't do that - he goes all in. He bids a temporary goodbye to his Naked Heat palette. She will be missed.

  Donghyuck meets Mark in the space between the two separate sets of doors after his shift is over.

-

  "Hyuckie!"

  Donghyuck closes his notebook and laptop simultaneously and pads into the living room. "Hyuckles! Duckie! Hy- oh, there you are."

  Jaemin is lying on the couch, his head hanging upside down off the armrest closest to where Donghyuck is standing and he's smiling, accomplished. "There's no food in the house."

  Donghyuck, of course, wants to call Jaemin's bluff, but he's right. Their fridge has measly offerings of two eggs, half a bottle of ketchup, and an empty milk carton. All that's left other than that is coffee and cans of God knows what at the bottom of their pantry. They usually grocery shop on Wednesdays, and now it's Thursday. They forgot and now they're suffering the consequences. "Alright, you big baby, let's go."

  Jaemin leaps up. He's wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, wrinkled because he probably slept in them, but Donghyuck quickly goes to his room to change. His brain reminds him that they grocery shop at Walmart (broke college student life) and Mark Lee works at Walmart. Not that it matters or that he cares at all.

  "You got a shift today?" Jaemin asks when Donghyuck reemerges.

  "Nope," Donghyuck says. "Some new guy named Dejun started working and Taeyong's training him."

  "So, less hours for you?"

  "Less hours for me!" Donghyuck celebrates. "Totally worth being broke, honestly."

  "You won't say that when you can't afford your americanos anymore," Jaemin says, following him out the door.

  "Not like I pay for those, anyway. I think Doyoung has a soft spot for me."

  "No, he has a soft spot for me. You're just privileged by association."

  "I'm offended by the prospect of such a thing."

  It's not a long walk to the store. Donghyuck pouts until Jaemin lets him stand on the front of the shopping cart. It squeaks under his weight, already haphazardly aligned wheels complaining as they scrape against the tile floor, but Jaemin is pushing him and they're both laughing like it's the funniest thing ever.

  They gather more instant ramen, snacks, cereal, and milk. (Donghyuck really regrets the fact that he's never learned to cook. He can make eggs, though, so they get eggs. Eggs or not, Jaemin and him will both die of heart disease together, and it's a comforting thought.)

  Jaemin takes them on an expedition to find paper towels, and Donghyuck hangs, burdensome, to the front of the cart. Jaemin whines about it for a little before he gives up. "So, Jisung told me that Chenle told him that Taeyong told him that you've been driven home by Mark Lee?"

  Donghyuck forgot to tell him. Of course.

  "Uh. Yeah. He has a car and he offered, so."

  Jaemin smirks, raising his eyebrows.

  "Don't look at me like that. It isn't like that. He's intolerable."

  "I think I was right," Jaemin sing-songs. "You at least kinda sorta like him."

  "I use him as a method to avoid walking him in the snow and getting pneumonia," Donghyuck corrects. Jaemin nearly rams the cart (and Donghyuck, subsequently) into a shelf of laundry detergent. He stumbles off the cart and scowls.

  "The longer you spend in denial, the more fun it'll be when you're wrong," Jaemin answers, tapping his temple with his index finger. Donghyuck scoffs and rolls his eyes, hopping back up onto the cart.

  "I'm not in denial. If anyone knows about being in tune with their own emotions, it definitely isn't you, Na Jaemin."

  "For the last time, I'm not in love with Jeno!"

  "Who's Jeno?"

  "The admittedly very cute boy who works at GameStop," Jaemin informs him.

  "Oh, Yoshi. Yes, you are in love with Yoshi. That's common knowledge." Yoshi is a big puppy of a college student and is dense enough to prove it. The only person less aware than Jaemin of his pining is Yoshi - Jeno, as Donghyuck has just been informed.

  Jaemin groans, looking up into the fluorescent lights as he walks. "Okay, maybe I'm a little in love with him. But I am not the subject of this conversation."

  Donghyuck smiles lazily. "People always pay attention to me. I'm being charitable."

  "Honey, no," Jaemin replies with a snort. Donghyuck waves him off with some motion that is half a shake and half of nod of his head.

  "Yoshi and you are interesting because you're probably actually going somewhere," Donghyuck points out, leaning so far forward he almost falls into the cart.

  "Don't get my hopes up," Jaemin whines, hanging his head dramatically before he pops up again with an easy smile. Donghyuck knows it's strained, but he lets it slide.

  "Seriously, Jaemin," Donghyuck says.

  Jaemin looks back up and his eyes widen before he schools his expression into the same smile, waving at someone behind Donghyuck. Jaemin talks to everyone , so this is totally unsurprising, but Donghyuck just wants to check out, call an Uber, and head home as fast as possible. He's tired.

  Jaemin grins. "Hey! Mark!"

  Donghyuck feels his joints lock up and his grip tightens on the edge of the shopping cart. He widens his eyes at Jaemin, who winks at him. Donghyuck flips him off pointedly.

  "Oh, hey, Jaemin!" It is, to Donghyuck's despair, definitely Mark Lee.

  "The very same," Jaemin responds. There are footsteps and Mark is walking closer and Donghyuck does the only thing he can think to and whips around, both feet still balanced on the cart. He has to lace his fingers through the holes in the basket to keep from falling over. Jaemin leans on it from his side to keep it from tipping over entirely. Mark watches all of this with eyes wide. He's close, and looking straight at Donghyuck, which is definitely new. Donghyuck has looked at Mark plenty, even too much, but not like this, not some mutual exchange of gazes to nearly black eyes. The sudden sight makes Donghyuck's heart splat right onto the dirty white tile floor. It passes his mind that he's only wearing concealer. Mark's never seen him without his full face

   Mark rubs his cheek with the back of his hand and smears something ash-colored across it. Donghyuck snorts.

   "Mark." Wow, so eloquent. Shakespeare left jobless , he thinks.

   "Donghyuck." Mark is smiling, as if this is amusing to him. Donghyuck is taller than him because he's standing on the cart, and it is the only thing keeping him from feeling totally defeated by circumstance.

   Donghyuck can't think of anything not stupid to say, regardless. He's relieved when Mark takes up the responsibility instead. "What're you doing?"

   "Nana complained about there being no food in our apartment," Donghyuck answers, pointing to Jaemin with a thumb over his shoulder.

   "There really wasn't anything," Jaemin answers. "I'm just not stupid enough to try to survive off of Starbucks and lipstick."

  Donghyuck ate lipstick. Once. One goddamn time, because he was curious. Jaemin never brought it up again. Until now. Donghyuck reminds himself to jot this down as the worst day of his life. Mark doesn't seem to catch it.

  "Ah, right. I forgot you two are roommates."

  Donghyuck never told him that. Who fucking told him that? He turns around and glares daggers at Jaemin, who shrugs his shoulders innocently. Donghyuck's mental to-do list has grown to include 'get new friends' and 'shave Jaemin's head in his sleep'.

   "Yep," Donghyuck responds. "Sadly. Anyway, we should probably get going."

  He doesn't wait for Jaemin to answer and jumps off the front of the shopping cart. Mark is much closer now, because Donghyuck seems to have tragically miscalculated, stumbled a few feet closer. Mark keeps him from falling with a firm hand on his shoulder. Donghyuck curses how Mark smiles as if he didn't just stain his favorite sweatshirt with grime and heterosexuality.

  Donghyuck grabs the cart and pulls it and Jaemin out of the area. The auto parts area. There's absolutely no reason for them to be there, unless-

  "Na Jaemin. Jaemin Na. What the actual fuck was that?"

  Jaemin cackles. "Maybe I've been talking to Mark ever since you mentioned him-"

  "You're kidding."

  "Nope! I still ship you guys. This needs to happen."

   "No, it doesn't. There is no 'this'. Just Mark and the fact that he has a car. And Donghyuck. Separate." He exaggerates the pronunciation of every word, which makes Jaemin roll his eyes. He pulls the cart into the self-checkout area and Jaemin starts swiping. "You don't ever work until closing, you wouldn't understand."

  "Just because you say it doesn't make it true," Jaemin points out. "You're wrong all the time."

   Donghyuck is not. He's nearly always right, just in the weirdest way possible. Unless Renjun is involved. Renjun is actually always right. And Jaemin is notoriously and perpetually wrong . Especially now.

   "Nana, I'm gay gay gay, work at Sephora, and spend all my free time on Instagram. Mark Lee is toxic masculinity personified." Does he believe that? Not really, not anymore, because he doesn't mind Donghyuck's presence and that itself counts for something. But he says it anyway. "Drop it."

  Jaemin senses the slight sharpness in his tone and does as he's told. There's several beeps as he scans items. "He talks about you sometimes, you know?"

  Donghyuck lifts a plastic bag and puts it in the cart. "What?"

  "Mark. He talks about you."

  "How often do you talk to him?" Donghyuck asks sourly.

   "We're friends now! He does hang out with Renjun. And Renjun is my best friend."

  Donghyuck gapes and gestures to himself. "Oh, right," Jaemin realizes. "You, also. Anyway, we talk a lot, and he's mentioned you. Without me mentioning you, God, don't look at me like that."

  Donghyuck can't stop his own curiosity that bubbles up in his chest. "What does he say?"

  Jaemin smile is small, victorious. He scans the last of the items and slides his card into the chip reader. "That you're cool. And he says that your makeup is really pretty."

  It's true, but the comment sounds a lot like you're pretty and Donghyuck chokes. Because straight boys like Mark Lee don't say stuff like that. Jaemin doesn't lie, but the fact doesn't stop Donghyuck from distrusting him. "Okay? He has eyes. Whatever."

  Jaemin's eyes are starry as he hands the receipt over to the employee who asks and Donghyuck busies himself with getting an Uber. "I'm just saying, Donghyuck. You're being a little harsh."

  Donghyuck sucks in a slow breath of cold air as the automatic doors open. Is he? He's hated Mark for months, and only tolerated him for several days. Of course he doesn't like him enough to be friends, much less whatever the Hell Jaemin has been insisting. It's simple mathematics. "I'm being perfectly reasonable."

  Jaemin shakes his head. "He's really nice, Hyuck."

  Donghyuck snorts. "Okay, whatever you say."

  Jaemin doesn't want to argue with him, evidently, so they talk about school instead as they head home. Donghyuck still has to go to class, he realizes, and he welcomes the distraction. He can't put a finger on what he's trying to distract himself from.

-

Donghyuck does miss his summery makeup the next morning, but he must admit that he doesn't dislike his more matte foundation. His eyeshadow is a deep cool brown, lipstick a muted red. If he was paler, maybe he'd look like a vampire, but the shade of his skin hardly fades in the winter months so he just looks good. Taeyong applauds the look when he gets to work. Donghyuck tosses imaginary hair over his shoulder as he walks towards the counter, and he hears a giggle from behind him that nearly shakes him out of his skin. He turns to see Mark, loose denim jeans and all, a hand over his mouth and a smile in his eyes. Donghyuck doesn't have it in him to be embarrassed, especially after Mark's eyes go wide in surprise and his hand drops. "What is it?" Donghyuck asks.

   "You… you look good."

   It feels like a billion needles plunged into his chest. "Good?" Donghyuck asks.

   Mark seems like he didn't realize what he said until Donghyuck pointed it out. "Your makeup… is different. It looks good. I think I like whatever you were doing before better, because, like, it suits you. But this is still really nice. You're really… uh, yeah." Mark finally stops himself with a hand on the back of his neck, looking at the ground.

  "Thank you." He means to tease him, but the words come out genuine. Mark smiles. Another needle, tingling in his chest cavity.

   Donghyuck knows this feeling, but he can't name it. He chalks it up to discomfort. Anxiety. Paranoia.

   "You know," Donghyuck throws in, attempting to regain some semblance of control, "you should let me do your makeup sometime. Bet you'd look much less gross."

   Mark smiles. "Wait, are you serious?"

   Donghyuck falters. Well, no, he wasn't serious, but Mark's eyes are twinkling with amusement. Of course he would think makeup is amusing. He's a straight boy. But he doesn't seem opposed. Almost… excited? "If you want me to," Donghyuck answers with a shrug.

   "I do. Want you to, I mean. It sounds fun. Yeah."

   Donghyuck smiles. "Come by whenever your shift is over. I'll be here until three."

   Mark nods and bounces away.

   Taeyong watches Mark retreat before looking at Donghyuck pointedly. "Hyuck. What was that?"

   Donghyuck sighs. "I don't know."

   "Would you like my input?" Taeyong asks, putting down the mascara he's been shelving.

   Taeyong's opinion is probably going to be more accurate than he can stand, but he accepts anyway.

   "Mark is whipped."

    "...huh?"

   "Like, he's whipped for you," Taeyong explains. "Did you see how he looked at you?"

   "Yeah? Doesn't everyone look at me like that?" Donghyuck asks.

   Taeyong quirks an eyebrow. "People who are whipped. Just because you have half the world wrapped around your finger doesn't change that."

   Donghyuck takes the compliment in stride, but immediately rejects the point Taeyong is making. "Yongie, he's straight. Clearly."

   "You don't know that," Taeyong sighs.

   "Yes, I do."

   Taeyong drops it.

   Donghyuck knows Mark is straight. There isn't a single doubt in his mind. But it doesn't stop the prickly cactus that seems to have grown in his lungs and through his liver, and is currently scratching delicately at the back of his throat. That remains, and it thrashes painfully every time he recalls the way Mark's jaw dropped when he looked at Donghyuck, at Walmart the day before and just now. Mark's shining black eyes and stupid rolled up sleeves. Donghyuck does know this feeling, and it's tragic.

  Donghyuck has fallen in like with Mark Lee. Heterosexual disaster Mark Lee. The tingling hums in satisfaction when he thinks it clearly despite the way his stomach drops in terror.

   Donghyuck doesn't keep secrets unless there's a good reason, especially about liking people. He's confessed more times than he can count on both black-fingernailed hands, (Jaemin painted them when he got bored on Thursday night) to boys and girls and his own friends and people he hardly knows. His reason now is that Mark is straight. Definitely straight. And as much as Donghyuck's type may be boys he can't have, straight boys are out of the equation.

  "Wait, seriously?"

   Donghyuck stirs his frappuccino with his straw. "Of course. I like him." The words don't even get stuck in his throat, because he's decided, admitted, and come to terms with it. "And I don't know what to do about it."

  Jaemin looks almost pitiful, and it's not a good look for him. "You're Lee Donghyuck. A bad bitch. You confess, and if he rejects you, you move on."

  Donghyuck huffs and Jaemin sits on the food court table he's at. "He doesn't like boys."

  "Did you ask?"

  "I'm not going to do that."

  Jaemin looks at him through his bangs for a few seconds, reading him. "You… you want him to be straight."

   "Of course I do," Donghyuck retorts, leaning back in his chair. "Then I'm right, and both you and Taeyong are wrong. And I get to remain single and happy."

   Jaemin sighs. "And if he isn't?"

   "Then I have to confess. Because that's how I do things."

   He says it like it's easy. He acts like it's easy, and he always does. But Donghyuck is a human, a very emotional one at that, and he'd probably have to sulk for at least two weeks if Mark rejected him. He's surprised by how lengthy the estimation is. Usually one night with Jaemin, ice cream, and ridiculous shows on HGTV is enough.

   "If he rejects you, he probably actually is straight," Jaemin says helpfully. He places his hand over Donghyuck's for a second and smiles.

  "Hyuck!"

  Chenle waves at him and makes his way over to the Starbucks counter. The kid behind it with the huge hands, Jisung, hands him a neon pink beverage and Chenle beams at him. "Taeil says your break is over."

   "Ugh."

   Donghyuck stands and sucks down the rest of his coffee. Jisung must have said something, because Chenle's laughter is squeaking out and echoing around the entire food court. "Does that Jisung kid actually talk?" Donghyuck asks. He can't hear Jisung's laughter over Chenle's, which is reasonable, but there isn't any sound from him at all.

  Jaemin rolls his eyes. "He's mute, Donghyuck."

  "...oh."

  Jaemin laughs and slaps his arm. "Get out of here." Donghyuck takes a few steps before he hears Jaemin speak again. "You're gonna be okay."

  Donghyuck believes it, but the tingles return, this time in a slow stretch across his brain, and he sighs. It's going to be hard while he waits for them to fade. He slumps back to work.

  There's giggling sounding from the Sephora. Joy. As if joy has ever entered Gardenview and lived to tell the tale. Donghyuck takes quicker steps to investigate.

  First, he sees Johnny, forest green uniform and strong bready scent comically out of place in the perfumed, well-lit store. He's spinning someone around in the makeup chair with a massive smile on his face, and the one in the chair is the one giggling like a kindergartener on laughing gas. Ten, also in a green uniform, is looking at pencil eyeliner while Taeyong watches peacefully from the counter.

  "Oh, hey, Hyuck!" Johnny says, latching his hands onto the back of the chair to stop it from spinning.

  Donghyuck meets eyes with Mark and the cactus under his skin blooms flowers. Mark is wearing his Timberlands and jeans still, but he's in an oversized orange sweatshirt instead of a t-shirt, and he's grinning up at Donghyuck like he just announced the cure for cancer when, in reality, Donghyuck hasn't said anything. He must be dizzy.

   "Uh, hi. Johnny. Mark. Ten."

   Ten lifts up a pencil victoriously and moves to slam it on the counter. Taeyong rings it up and applies his employee discount after Ten whines for at least ten seconds straight, and him and Johnny both leave, the latter laying a hand on Mark's shoulder before walking away. Donghyuck reorients his eyes on Mark. He's cute. Bad idea. He looks away.

  "So? What's up?" Donghyuck asks. He kicks the ground.

  "You said, you'd, like, do my makeup!"

  Mark is grinning and bouncing in the seat like he's been told he's going to Disneyland. Donghyuck kind of regrets every negative thought he's had about Mark. It's all dissipated into thin air with the smile on his face. "Yeah, I did. But don't you have to go back to work afterwards?"

  Mark nods. "I don't mind!"

  Donghyuck smiles and busies himself with looking through the makeup already at the station. Mark really is too polite, too nice, too considerate. He realizes he's about to spend much more time than he would like to much too close to Mark's face. Don't make it awkward, he curses himself.

  Donghyuck dispenses a pump of moisturizer onto the back of his hand and dips a blender in it. As soon as it touches Mark's forehead, he laughs again. "What?" Donghyuck asks. He's laughing, too.

  "Feels funny."

  Donghyuck shakes his head and taps the rest of it in. He should be using his hands for this part, but something about him is hesitating to do it. He huffs at himself. Just because he's decided he likes him now doesn't mean he isn't idiot Mark Lee who fixes cars for a living and is always covered in mysterious stains. He glances down at Mark's boots quickly to remind himself. He puts down the sponge and rubs in the remnants of the moisturizer with his hands. Mark's skin doesn't feel gross or petal-smooth. It feels like skin.

  "So," Donghyuck starts, trying to regain call back his own personality. "Any requests?"

  "I don't know much about makeup," Mark confesses, unsurprisingly.

  "Duh," Donghyuck answers, mixing two foundation shades with a beauty sponge on his hand. The formula is thin, but Mark's skin may panic if he tries anything else. "Still. I mean, we going for drag? Kim Kardashian? Natural?"

  "Uh, I don't know."

  "Then I'll make you look pretty," Donghyuck decides, already tapping the foundation into his face. Mark is quiet for a while, and Donghyuck is focused. If he doesn't think too hard, he can ignore the warmth of Mark's face close to his hands.

  "You really like makeup," he observes.

  Donghyuck finishes and steps back, bewildered. "Course I do."

  "It's just," Mark starts, and Donghyuck busies himself with concealer shades. "I can tell… it means a lot to you."

 Donghyuck swipes the concealer wand across Mark's under eyes, which are the color Donghyuck refers to as Deep University Taupe - iconic. Mark's words float aimlessly around his skull. "Well, it does. Just like your engineering… thing."

  "I'm gonna build spaceships." He looks content in that, almost as if just saying it had calmed him. His shoulders relax.

  Donghyuck snorts. As soft as the present situation may be, he has a moral obligation to clown Mark. "No wonder you and Renjun get along."

  "He's using me for the aliens."

  Donghyuck barks out a laugh and finishes blending the concealer. "Renjun is using all of us for the aliens."

  "Oh, of course."

  Donghyuck powders his face before looking through eyeshadow palettes. "Hmm, what's your favorite color?"

  "Blue," Mark answers after a beat.

  Donghyuck nods and opens a palette.

  Donghyuck works diligently. He doesn't end up applying lipstick, because he isn't planning on dying, but looking at him still makes him think his arteries are about to burst.

  The eyeshadow over Mark's eyes is dark blue that fades quickly to cool brown, with white eyeliner in his waterline. The highlighter on his already dramatic cheekbones shifts blue and purple under the light. Donghyuck's first thought is I am an artist. His second thought is a much more concerning he's pretty.

  Donghyuck quickly picks his jaw up off the floor so he can smirk and spin Mark around in the chair. And that is somehow worse, because now Mark is beaming into his reflection and prodding at his own face. "Wow, Hyuck! This is amazing."

  "Yeah, yeah, I know." Hyuck? "You're welcome."

  Mark leans forward, bracing himself against the armrests, and twists his head every which way to look at the makeup. He looks back at Donghyuck, eyes sparkling. "It's beautiful."

  "I did my best," he says earnestly, busying himself with putting away brushes. "You won't just wash it off as soon as you leave, right?"

  "Of course not," Mark answers. Donghyuck takes pictures of him under the guise of a portfolio (Instagram). Mark gives him his username so Donghyuck can tag him, and he leaves. Donghyuck feels the cactus in his limbs as he stretches them and returns to the counter. Taeyong just smiles at him.

-

  Donghyuck remembers how he used to feel about Mark. Hatred used to boil in the portion of his cranium not already filled with exhaustion with every breath Mark took, and all because of some idea of toxicity he saw in the way he walked.

  Mark Lee hates ketchup. His favorite color is blue. He used to play volleyball in middle school (something him and Donghyuck have in common, actually). He stutters a lot and repeats himself and Donghyuck makes fun of him for it, but it's only to hide the flush of endearment that grows beneath his foundation. He loves his parents. Jisung, from the Gardenview Starbucks, is his cousin. He loves to fix things and has scars on his hands from doing just that, though Donghyuck's favorite is one up by his hairline from accidentally hitting himself in the face with a screwdriver. ("It really was an accident!" he had cried as Donghyuck got out of the car that day.) When Mark laughs, his eyes turn into crescents and his whole face glows. He speaks fluent Korean, which just makes Donghyuck realize how bad his own is. Mark is shy and not good at expressing himself.

  Donghyuck has learned a lot about Mark Lee.

  And every little fact, every notion, it just buries further into his lungs the fact that he likes him, he really does, and there's nothing he can do about it unless Mark likes boys.

  He's still too afraid to ask.

  Donghyuck hits ten thousand Instagram followers after posting the image of Mark, dark shadowed eyes closed and serene smile on his face. Mark comments a collection of heart and star emojis underneath it.

-

  It's snowing flurries in the dark air, and the mall closed ten minutes ago, but Donghyuck hasn't seen Mark.

  He wants a ride home, obviously, because otherwise he might get hypothermia and die before he's even gotten a chance to matchmake Jaemin and Yoshi from GameStop, but he's concerned. He knows Mark came in already, because Renjun told him when Donghyuck demanded information, but he hasn't seen him. He can still see his red pick-up truck in the lot outside.

  So, he has to presume that Mark is still at work, and Donghyuck is too tired to wait up for him. He stomps out of the JCPenney and into the empty halls of Gardenview Mall. He walks past the Yankee Candle store and turns the sharp corner to the emergency exit. It's propped open with a doorstop, and there's snow dusting the tile of the hallway. He huffs and pushes it the rest of the way open.

  The street-lights are blinding, but he can see clearly enough through the blizzard to sprint across the road (not using the crosswalk, obviously). With every step, snow crunches under his feet, and he knows his mother would chastise him about getting sick if she were there. The door to the garage is open, filtering yellow light onto the pavement, and the parking lot is mostly empty. He takes careful steps towards the garage.

  There's laughter and the sound of shoes hitting the cement, but Donghyuck is drawn in by a few familiar notes. He takes confident steps into the space.

  It's hardly any warmer inside the garage. The first person Donghyuck spots is a monstrously tall person, probably older than him, sleeves rolled up like Mark's usually are and a lazy smile across his striking features. He looks totally unfazed by the weather, and has a basketball held in his large hands. He throws it across the garage.

  Donghyuck follows the ball as Mark catches it. He's smiling widely, glowing, and it's been days since Donghyuck did his makeup but he's still thinking about it. "Hey."

  Mark startles and throws the ball under his arm. "Hyuck!"

  "Hyuck?" the giant asks, but it doesn't seem like a question. He's looking at Mark when he asks it. He surges forward to clasp a strong hand on Donghyuck's shoulder. "Donghyuck, man! I've heard so much about you!"

  He quirks an eyebrow at Mark. "Huh, really?" Mark talks about him. If he's talking about him like a homosexual pity project, Donghyuck would be dejected, but the way Mark's face glows like a stoplight convinces him it isn't like that. That, and the friendly, enthusiastic smile on the giant's face. "I'm Lucas!"

  Donghyuck grins back. It's infectious. "Hey, Lucas, man. What's up?"

  "What are you… what are you doing here? I thought you went home earlier," Mark asks.

  "No? Where'd you hear that?" Lucas finally removes his hand and Donghyuck stops smiling.

  "Renjun."

  Donghyuck gasps. "Fucking Renjun. He just wanted me to have to walk home in this," he hisses, gesturing out the door.

  "Oh, right! I should probably take you home, then." Mark throws the basketball towards Lucas, but Lucas's back is turned. Donghyuck catches the ball awkwardly and clutches it against his chest.

  "What, have you never touched a basketball before?" Mark teases.

  "What would give you that idea?" Donghyuck scowls, bouncing the ball across the room towards Mark. He pulls it out of the air effortlessly and chucks it back towards Donghyuck. It almost breaks his nose, but Mark seems to think it's funny, so Donghyuck laughs with him.

  Lucas turns back, motorcycle helmet on his head and keys in his hand. "I'm heading out, Mark."

  "See you later," Mark responds, flashing a peace sign before grabbing his own keys off a table. "Let's head out?"

  Mark holds his hand out for a second, expecting him to take it, but he instantly pulls it away to rub at his neck. Donghyuck bites his tongue to prevent himself from saying something stupid, like "give it back."

-

  "Do you think people will think we're together or something?"

  Donghyuck snorts as he sprays his face to fix his makeup in place. "Jaemin, you're, like, my brother or something."

  Jaemin shrugs and smooths over the red mystery material of his suit. "Spider-Man and Spider-Gwen, ya know?"

  Donghyuck shakes his head. "You aren't the Miles Morales Spider-Man. Your the Spider-Man with Mary Jane. Mary Jeno. Marry Jeno. See, all of this connects."

  "That's the first time I've ever heard you call him something other than Yoshi."

  "It was for the pun."

  To say Donghyuck looks good in his costume would be an understatement. He had to do most of it himself, given the (understandable, but still inconvenient) lack of men's Spider-Gwen costumes on the market, but it came together and he looks striking. Striking enough to make out with a straight boy, for sure, but he knows how much that would aggravate the stabbing at his lungs. He doesn't want that. He doesn't even know if Mark is coming.

  They head out of their apartment and head to Ten's house soon after nine, and, it is, as expected, cold as fuck outside. Their costumes don't help as much as anticipated, and Donghyuck is almost grateful that Ten's house in the suburbs (funded by his parents in some foreign country, Donghyuck can't recall) is too far to walk to. They catch an Uber and soon Jaemin is pushing his way through the door, Donghyuck holding onto his wrist.

  The outside of Ten's house is totally unassuming. It has pristine blue siding and white detailing on the windows, with a wrap-around porch that looks innocent enough when not filled with bodies and red plastic cups. However, the interior of the house is black, including the hardwood and marble countertops. The walls are gray instead, but it still contributes to the suffocating nature of the space. Now, since it's Halloween, there are fake cobwebs and jack o'lanterns littered around, even though it's just as spooky without them. The space is already full of people in half-hearted costumes who are wholeheartedly drunk.

  Donghyuck doesn't drink a lot. It's news to almost everyone who knows him, since he has an "aura of carelessness" (according to Doyoung) and has Jaemin as a roommate, but that's precisely why he doesn't. His life would be a lot more difficult if he allowed himself to get absolutely smashed at every opportunity. He already has few inhibitions. He can't afford to lose them. And besides, who would take Jaemin's flirty drunk ass home if Donghyuck was hammered?

  "Jaemin! Donghyuck!"

  Ten is wearing all black, a fake pistol strapped at his hip, and his hair is dyed red. Black Widow. It suits him. "See you got the Marvel memo," he jokes, leading them farther away from the door. Donghyuck pulls up the white hood on his costume and smiles.

  "Of course," Jaemin answers easily, accepting a drink from Ten's hands. Donghyuck takes one, as well. It tastes like pumpkin spice plus the burn of alcohol, which is awful, but he swallows another sip anyway. Jaemin's cup is empty in seconds.

  "I'm gonna. I'm gonna go talk to Jeno," Jaemin says.

  "Do you think that's a good idea?" Donghyuck asks. It's standard procedure.

  "I do," Jaemin answers. His face is set and he's not even drunk yet, so Donghyuck nods and he goes.

  Donghyuck checks his pink and purple eyeshadow in his phone camera before putting it down and looking around the room for more people he knows. Ten is with Johnny, seemingly yelling about something over the sound of some top 40 pop song. Doyoung is sitting at a stool in the kitchen, silent, which is unsurprising, but it's impressive he's there at all. "Donghyuck."

  He turns to see Taeyong, dressed in his vampire best. It doesn't look too different from how he usually dresses, just that the eyeliner around his eyes is even heavier and there's artificial blood leaking from the corner of his mouth. Donghyuck grins at him. "Yongie!"

  Taeyong smiles at him a little, taking a drink off the counter. He sips it and immediately scrunches his face up in disgust. Donghyuck accepts when he dumps the remainder into his cup. "You look lost," Taeyong jokes.

  "I'm bored," he whines, taking another drink. It's been less than five minutes since he arrived in the first place. It's going to be a long night.

  "Do you know if Mark is here?"

  "Why do you want to know?"

  "I was asking for your sake, Hyuckie."

  Donghyuck laughs it off. "I don't know, actually. He never mentioned it."

  "Have you asked him?"

  Donghyuck takes in a breath of uncomfortably warm air. "No."

  Taeyong sighs, and his disappointment causes guilt to settle in Donghyuck's stomach. "You don't need to be afraid of it."

  "I'm not afraid. I'm Lee Donghyuck," he lies through his teeth.

  "Well, how about this," Taeyong says, turning to him. "You have to tell him anyway. Because it's bothering you, and everyone can tell."

  "I have no clue what you're talking about."

  "Do you remember when Chenle smiled at you last week?"

  Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, challenging him.

  "You said, 'Mark used to smile at me like that.'"

  "He wasn't working that day," Donghyuck huffed, pulling on his hood.

  "And yet he still came to pick you up after your shift," Taeyong counters, but his voice is gentle.

  Donghyuck shakes his head. "For practicality's sake, I can't lose my ride home until winter is over."

 Taeyong looks at him. "It's not gonna stop snowing until April."

  Donghyuck takes a long drink and looks at him pointedly. Taeyong sighs, long and drawn-out. "Donghyuck."

  "I'll do something about it eventually. That's a promise. But for now, he's a straight boy who's too valuable to lose." And I love being around him too much for him to stop talking to me.

   Mark is, sexuality aside, nice and warm and considerate. He's everything Donghyuck isn't. And yet he still tolerates Donghyuck, even likes him, in a sort of dude-bro way. He's a saint, and Donghyuck doesn't deserve him.

  "Promise?"

  "I promise."

  Donghyuck jumps when a loud voice rings through the house, much too close to his ear for comfort. "Hey, man!"

  "Lucas," Donghyuck greets, wincing from the noise.

  "Sorry! I got excited," Lucas says, correcting his volume. He's wearing basketball shorts and a jersey as if it's a full-fledged costume, when he hardly looks any different than the first time Donghyuck saw him. "I like your costume."

  "Thanks. Actually, Lucas, do you know where Mark is? Is he here?" He asks out of curiosity, of course, not because he needs someone to hang out with and all of his contemplation has made him miss Mark.

  Lucas looks around over the crowd. "He's over there," he indicates. "I actually think he's with… that Jaemin kid? Your roommate, right?"

  "Oh no," Donghyuck mumbles, downing the rest of his drink. He shouts a quick "Thank you!" back towards Lucas before throwing his cup somewhere and stepping away.

  "No problem!"

  Donghyuck fights his way into the living room through the sea of teenagers (and adults, but being grown-up is a facade and Donghyuck refuses to acknowledge it). The music has changed to This Is Halloween from Nightmare before Christmas - an uninspired choice, but he bops along to it involuntarily.

  He finds Jaemin first, because he throws his arms around Donghyuck's shoulders and laughs to announce his presence. "Hyuckie!"

  "You aren't drunk, it's been ten minutes," Donghyuck says calmly, pushing him off. "Now what the fuck have you done?"

  Jaemin stands up straighter. "For your information, I consumed an impressive amount of alcohol while you were gone."

  "Sure, Jan."

  Jaemin rolls his eyes. "Also, Mark asked about you."

  "What about me?"

  "He asked where you were!" Jaemin enthuses, as if he was announcing a wedding. "But, we need to talk first. And I need another drink."

  Donghyuck follows him until he ends up with another plastic cup in his hand. "Okay, so," Jaemin starts, leaning against a dark-painted wall. "I am pretty sure Mark like boys."

  "Gaydar is not evidence!" Donghyuck points out for what feels like the millionth time. "Unless you asked him? Please don't tell me you fucking asked him-"

   "No, no, I didn't," Jaemin interrupts. "I just have a gut feeling."

  "It's called alcohol poisoning."

  Jaemin slaps his arm lightly. "I'm serious!"

  "And I'm serious. I don't want to know. Because I already do know."

  "You aren't making any sense right now."

  Donghyuck knows he's right, but usually Jaemin is wrong, so it's a weird thing to think.

  "Well, what about it, anyways?"

  Jaemin smiles simply. "I'm gonna prove it."

  Donghyuck snorts. "What are you talking about?"

  Jaemin waves him off as he walks away. "It's gonna work, I promise!"

  And then Jaemin floats off into the crowd, towards Renjun, who has his tongue down some girl's throat despite the fact that Donghyuck, and the rest of the world, knows he's gay. The girl probably does, too, because they separate and she won't stop laughing.

  Donghyuck reverts his attention to finding Mark, who could have easily migrated across the party in the time Jaemin spent distracting him with his nonsense fuckery.

  "Donghyuck?"

  He turns to Mark and beams as well as he can before he actually sees him.

  He's wearing a black cape with a red and gold scarf, but all of that fades into the background because he's wearing glasses and he looks cute enough that Donghyuck could, theoretically, cry about it. Maybe he would. But later, not right now, not in the middle of this party and in his winged eyeliner.

  "Mark," he breathes out alongside a laugh. Mark looks surprised to see him.

  "Hey! You, uh. You look good."

  Donghyuck feels his heart hiccup against his ribcage. "I know. And you're… Harry Potter?"

  "The one and only." Mark procures a wand from his sleeve and waves it threateningly. Donghyuck can't decide whether to laugh or roll his eyes, so he does both.

  "Last time I checked, Daniel Radcliffe was still alive."

  "Uh, well, he just played Harry Potter in a movie. I'm the real deal. He wishes he could be me."

  "Oh, is that right?"

  "It is. It's a fact."

  Mark is smiling and his eyes are wide and sparkly, and maybe it'd be easier if Donghyuck's insides actually were buzzing with alcohol. "I would ask if you were drunk, but I know you're a massive loser all of the time."

  "I don't drink, actually." Mark holds up a red cup of water.

  Donghyuck wrinkles his nose. "Not at all?"

  "Not at all. I'm underage!"

  Donghyuck shrugs. "It's never stopped anyone before." He jerks a thumb over towards Jaemin, who seems to have actually found Jeno. He's wearing a Luigi costume, but without the mustache (thank God), and Jaemin is drooling over him from a few feet away. If Jeno wasn't as oblivious, Donghyuck would find it ridiculous, but instead it's just a little bit sad.

  "What, you're not drunk, too, are you?"

  "I don't get drunk."

  Mark points at him accusingly. "So you're calling me a loser for no reason!"

  Donghyuck sticks his tongue out at him. "I said I don't drink much. I still drink. You're a fucking square, Mark Lee."

  "A square?"

   And soon someone is calling for a drinking game Donghyuck doesn't understand, and he has to make sure Jaemin doesn't kill himself, so he leaves Mark with an awkward goodbye and a fuller feeling in his chest. The needles stab into his skin.

  "Okay," Jaemin says, when he finally returns. His makeup that Donghyuck worked tirelessly on has melted off his face, and his hair is sticking up in places, but he still looks good. Jaemin just has that effect. "You remember… I told you… I would prove Mark likes boys."

  "Yes?" Donghyuck hardly remembers. Time at parties passes in a strange blur.

  "I actually told Renjun, and now he's gonna figure it out," Jaemin explains.

  "Oh, God, not Renjun," Donghyuck curses. "He indirectly tried to kill me by making me walk home in the snow!"

 Jaemin shrugs. "Junnie works in mysterious ways."

  Jaemin points out Renjun, who's wearing all white, with a pair of feathery white wings attached to his back and a halo around his head. It's a stark contrast from both the rest of the party and Renjun's personality. "An angel?"

  "He is an angel!" Jaemin argues.

  "Have you ever spoken to him before?"

  "Good point. But I still love him. He's great." Jaemin hiccups.

  Donghyuck crosses his arms. "Fine. Did he tell you how he was planning on doing that?" His eyes find Mark from across the room, still in his ridiculous scarf and glasses. Dammit.

   "Nope," Jaemin responds. "But I assume he's going to do it now."

  Renjun nearly floats across the room towards Mark, eyes full of indifference, and settles his arms around Mark's shoulders. "What is he doing?" Donghyuck whisper-shouts.

  "Renjun gets touchy when he's drunk," Jaemin explains.

  "Oh."

  He watches Renjun's lips move, but Mark's back is turned to him. At one point someone moves to stand between them and the scene, and Jaemin unapologetically shoves them out of the way.

  If Donghyuck had any expectations for what was going to happen, it wasn't this.

  Renjun, expression flat, leans in and kisses Mark. And it's not loving or desperate or passionate or anything . He's pretty sure Renjun's eyes don't even close as he forces his way further into the kiss. Donghyuck doesn't process it at all other than Mark kissing Renjun and tears leap to his eyes as if they've been waiting for this moment. It feels like the cactus growing inside his bones has been ripped from his body, tearing every organ open on the way out, because Mark kissed Renjun and not Donghyuck. It feels awful, like the feeling of falling off a high rise building and bitter poison, because Mark kissed Renjun. Fucking Huang Renjun. The world is a joke and Donghyuck's life is the punchline, but nobody's laughing.   

  "Woah, Donghyuck, are you okay?"

  "What?" Donghyuck asks. "No, I'm good. I just…"

  He's not sobbing but the tears are flowing down his face freely, making rivers of his mascara. Renjun separates from Mark, pats his chest, and saunters over to the wall they're standing next to. "He likes boys," Renjun says easily, settling on Donghyuck's other side.

  "Renjun, that was your plan?" Jaemin scolds.

  "Oh, shit," Renjun says, expression softening. "Was this because you like him? Nobody told me that."

  "You didn't tell him?" Donghyuck said, turning to Jaemin.

  "You said it was a secret!"

  "Sometimes I wish you were a worse friend," Donghyuck huffs. "I wish I could say I was happy for you, Renjun, but, like, fuck you. You understand, right?"

  "I'm not into him," Renjun deadpans.

  "But-"

  "Oh, my God, just listen for a second. I only did that because apparently you couldn't take a hint that maybe he isn't straight, and you're just basing your ideas off of stereotypes. Second, the only thing he said the entire time was some variation of 'but Donghyuck'."

  Donghyuck's brain is spinning. Renjun looks so done with his bullshit, and Donghyuck feels the weight of the criticism like a slap to the face. "Oh. Wait, what?"

  Jaemin tugs on his hood. "He's saying you're an idiot and Mark likes you."

  "You don't know that for sure. Still, I can't tell him like this," Donghyuck says, gesturing to his ruined face. "Fucking… tomorrow. Something. I don't know."

  He's shaking, overwhelmed, still blotting at his face in an attempt to make himself look more presentable but only succeeding in staining the white sleeves of his costume. Does Mark like him? It doesn't make any sense, even the question itself seems nonsensical as he strings the words together. "Oh, he's coming over here," Jaemin says, holding onto Donghyuck's arm.

  "Nope, nope, we're going outside," Donghyuck insists, and Jaemin drags him out.

  It's cold outside. Even colder than it was earlier, and it sinks right through Donghyuck's skin and freezes the tear stains on his face. He isn't crying anymore, just trembling, mind racing as he stumbles off the porch and down the sidewalk.

  "I want to go home," he tells Jaemin.

  "Okay. I'll call an Uber."

  Donghyuck nods. He swallows hard and feels like his ears have popped, because the hefty feeling in his head clears and he can hear the sounds of the frogs and the leaves on the wind.

  He breathes in slowly.

  "Donghyuck!"

  And Mark is ruining it, as per usual.

  Jaemin looks at him, eyes wide, and Donghyuck lets his shoulders slump. "I'll be okay, Jaemin. Let Doyoung help you get home if you drink any more, okay?"

  "Are you gonna be okay?"

  "Don't worry about me."

  With a few empty blinks, Jaemin is replaced with Mark's panting figure. His face is red and his lips are swollen, but his glasses are still neatly set on his face. "Donghyuck."

  Donghyuck folds his arms in around himself, partially to conserve heat and partially to shield himself, hide for a little while longer. "Do you want a ride home?"

  Donghyuck nods.

  Mark's distinct red pick-up truck is parked a ways down the road, and they walk there in silence. Donghyuck gets in on the familiar passenger side, and watches as Mark starts the car. Sits. Waits. Leans forward and places his forehead against the wheel. "...do we have stuff to talk about? Or not?"

  Donghyuck pulls down the visor as a distraction and looks in the mirror. His face is swollen, but most of the mascara and eyeliner on his cheeks has been transferred to his sleeves, so he only looks a little tragic. It's just a distraction. "Yeah, I have stuff to say. I'm gonna talk, and you're gonna listen."

  Mark nods.

  Donghyuck knows the confession drill, but he's at a loss for words. All that's inside him is noise noise noise and the familiar pricks of cactus needles. He stares straight through the front windshield at the car in front of them. "I like you."

  "...what?"

  "I like you. I used to hate you because I thought you looked toxic, but it turns out you're kind and smart and a giant dork. The only reason I didn't tell you earlier is because I thought you were straight. So I'm saying it now." A weight lifts of his chest. He breathes out steadily and it doesn't shake in his throat.

  "... Donghyuck."

  "I'm right here."

  "Look at me."

  It hurts, but he does, and Mark has the beginnings of a smile etched into his eyes. "I really thought you knew."

  "That you weren't straight? You weren't super obvious, to be fair, but Renjun did just call me out on my stereotyping." Donghyuck laughs, but even he thinks it sounds forced.

  "No. Well, yes. I don't know how you didn't notice that I'm basically in love with you."

  Donghyuck sucks in a breath too fast and nearly chokes on his own spit. "You're what?"

   Mark smiles, nervous. "I've kind of had a really big sorta crush on you for months? I know it sounds creepy because I didn't even know you and it's kinda weird to hear that you didn't like me. Um, I just thought you were really pretty and cool. And so I offered you a ride home, and… yeah. You are both of those things. But you're also really funny and ambitious, and, um, yeah. That's basically it."

  Donghyuck lets it sink in. "Then why the fuck did you let Renjun stick his tongue down your throat?"

  Mark laughs brightly. "He said 'just trust me', and so I did."

  Donghyuck shakes his head. "You're a dork."

  "Did I, like, make you cry? Because I'm really… really sorry."

  "Renjun made me cry. You're fine."

  "You're crying again, though."

  "And what about it?"

  Mark nods. "Okay, then."

  He maneuvers the car out of the parking space and onto the road. "You aren't just drunk and lying to me, are you?"

  "I barely drank anything," Donghyuck argues. "I told you."

  "I'm just making sure."

  The cactus in his abdomen in thrashing around now, and Donghyuck feels like his whole body is shaking. He is shaking. "Mark?"

  "Yes, Hyuckie?"

  He coughs, and Mark laughs. "Nevermind, I'm not gonna say it now."

  "No, please? Unless it's mean or something. You know what, even then, you should still tell me."

  Donghyuck wishes Mark could see how heavily he just rolled his eyes. "I just… I really like you."

  "I like you, too."

  Donghyuck beams.

  Mark doesn't stop where he usually does, about a block from Donghyuck's apartment building. He pulls right up to it before stopping the car and turns to Donghyuck. "I've seen you walk over here. You aren't slick."

  "Dammit."

  Mark taps on the steering wheel with his thumbs, glancing at Donghyuck through the corner of his eye. "You're beautiful."

  "Oh, don't fucking lie to me," Donghyuck chuckles. His face is swollen and his makeup is a colorful disaster around his eyes. His lip gloss is surprisingly intact, though.

  "I'm not," Mark responds, turning to face him. He holds Donghyuck's hand over the center console, and his palms are rough but comforting. "You are. Always."

  "Okay, okay, Adam Levine." Mark laughs brightly. "You aren't so bad yourself," Donghyuck adds.

  Mark is smiling softly at him, glasses reflecting the streetlights, and Donghyuck doesn't care if the moment is cliche. He leans over the center console to press their mouths together.

  It's soft, and he backs up with a struggle, his lip gloss cementing them together. He can't stop the smile that spreads across his face, and Mark has a hand over his own. Donghyuck just kissed big heterosexual disaster Mark Lee in his red pick-up truck. Except he's actually big queer dork Mark Lee , and he likes Donghyuck back.

  Donghyuck lets his head hit the headrest with a thump. "You just kissed Renjun. And then I kissed you."

  "That's an indirect kiss," Mark says disapprovingly.

  "Mmhmm."

  "Can't believe you'd cheat on me when we've only been dating for five minutes."

  Donghyuck giggles and looks out the window. Snow is beginning to swirl to the ground.