Work Text:
michael: hi guys
calum: what do u want
michael: wow hi calum, how are you? oh yes, i'm fine thank you, absolutely amazing, thank you so much for asking
calum: ur welcome
michael: so michael, what have you been up to on this mighty splendid day?
michael: oh, nothing much really, calum. just the usual, you know, lad stuff
luke: michael u ok
michael: oh yes i'm absolutely fantastic i'm just sat here contemplating about what ever it was that i did to deserve such lovely and thoughtful friends
calum: u have friends ?
michael: fuck off calum
ashton: now now that's no way to treat your friends michael
michael: you can fuck off too irwin
ashton: woah, michael, dude, just because no one likes you it doesn't mean you have an excuse to be such a sassy bastard
luke: yeah michael no one likes you
michael: wow luke why do you always have to echo everything that ashton says like here have a shovel it may help you to dislodge yourself from ashtons arse as you seem to be so far up it
michael: literally
luke: hey
ashton: hey leave my lukey alone
luke: thanks babe
michael: ew fucking vom
michael: next you'll be going all "oh, daddy, please" on me and i will have no other choice than to shove a vacuum cleaner down my throat and suck my intestines out
luke: MCIAHEL
luke: HWO DO YOU KNEO ABOUT THAT
michael: oh please c'mon luke who doesn't know that i'm pretty sure that fucking obama knows about ashton's daddy kink
ashton: oKAY THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH
calum: it's ok mikey is just jealous because u guys are getting action and he's not
ashton: mikey wouldn't get action if he went into a shop and paid for it
calum: omfg
michael: WHAT IS THIS BULLY MICHAEL CLIFFORD DAY OR
luke: hey i like that idea maybe it should become a annual holiday every year where the people of the world can come together and bask in the glory that is bully michael clifford day
michael: ASHTON CONTROL YOUR DAMN BOYFRIEND
ashton: nah i agree with him
michael: wow thanks dude come on calum back me up on this
calum: sorry bro the blonde kids got a point
michael: wow fuck you dude
luke: the blonde kid really calum ?
calum: i love u
ashton: hey back off calum i will fight you
calum: lol ok
ashton: no seriously i will go through you like a tonne of bricks mark my words sunshine
michael: guys
calum: well fuck me i am so scared i'm gonna be beaten up by some minuscule shrimp dude
ashton: fuck off
calum: u fuck off
luke: hey don't tell ashton to fuck off i'll fuck you up
calum: oh my god i'm so fucking scared now i've got shrimpy and his lanky bastard boyfriend after me someone call my mum and tell her i love her
michael: i fucking hate this band
calum: we hate you too
ashton: what calum said
luke: what ashton said
michael: that's it i'm quitting the band
calum: LUKE ASH QUICK PARTY IN MY ROOM MICHAELS QUITTING THE BAND
michael: calum we're sharing a room you fucking moron
michael: wait what are you doing
michael: i'm coming over right now
michael: calum
michael: cALU M WAHT AR E YUO DOIGN
michael: WYH IS THE DOOR LOCKED
michael: YUO CATN KICK ME OTU OF MY OW N ROOM
michael: CALUM HOOD OPEN THE FCKIGN DOOR RIGHT NOW
michael: CALUM
michael: WOW FU CK YOU CALUM
michael: FUCK YOU ALL
michael: i hate this band