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DAY 1
It's dark, no matter how far I look. The Earth is still there, but increasingly a blur, further and further away. Soon, this only reassuring, known point will be gone too. I'm floating further. Not without a struggle, I was never a quitter, never one to go down without a fight, never the one to not get up, no matter how devastated. I tried to use the abilities of multiple organisms, from flying creatures to resistant insects. I can still change, briefly- but before it brings any benefit, the ice demobilizes me right back. I could steer the floating direction to the sides if needed, but going back is impossible.
All I can do is keep floating. And hope I pass close enough to the moon to catch onto in. How far away was it again? It was going to be months at this pace...perhaps more, considering I was losing velocity. The one initially forcefully pushing me up here...from that volcano.
That damn Joseph. I sure hoped he was at least dead. He couldn't survive a fall from this height, could he? A meager human like him...
But if he planned so far, he might have as well planned more.
HOW even?!
Oh, how I hated him. It wasn't even the defeat, just this insufferable confidence, that snarky attitude as if he was worth something or even BETTER. All he ever did was bluff, cheat, and use others for his benefit and despite that, he dared to see me as the bad one. Me, who only wished to evolve and pull others up with me. Me, who was willing to let live all the beings inferior to me peacefully, to let them live in comfort and affluence, if only they accepted my rule. Me, the Ultimate Life Form, born eons before him to persist forever.
Thinking of my prior greatness pains me more than the merciless cold. Especially when the memories, recalling these days when the future seemed bright and promising, contain Them. Two...no, three of the only beings I ever respected... cared for...The only beings I ever loved.
Hot-headed, emotional, smart Esidisi. Honorable, idealistic, dedicated Wamuu. Quieter, shy, ambitious Santana.
I might have been suffering in here, only the awful obsessive thoughts of failure left, but they were so much worse off. Completely gone, burnt by the sun or this asshole's Hamon.
I wonder how much it hurt.
Even being lightly injured like that was horrible, I remembered it well enough from the fights of the past. Being completely dissolved with it...I couldn't begin to imagine. At least I gave Joseph a dose of his own medicine. At least maybe he'll think of how it felt to them... If he had the slightest bit of empathy. I was always called the cold, emotionless person, without ties and any basic decency. But him?
He must've had no soul.
Dark, freezing, terrifying.
I gaze into the void and it gazes back.
Esidisi? Wamuu? Santana?
Are you with me?
DAY 5
Emptiness can and will change anyone.
I used to think of the future.
Now all I have is the past.
I replay the memories in my head, simply not to lose my sanity. I make scenarios of what could've been, closing my eyes to forget my surroundings. In my mind, we've won. We stand together in the rising sun on top pf the world, letting it caress our faces. Ultimate Beings, not threatened by anyone, Joseph's skull and bones under our feet. We're holding hands, Wamuu subconsciously leaning onto my shoulder with his entire body like he always did. I look to the side and see Esidisi's sweet smile, tears glistening with his eyes, but without worry- I know they only show his joy. I'm thankful for each of them, for their presence and loveable quirks. The world would be empty without them. So meaningless. So empty...
Like this place.
Once in a while, I have to open my eyes. If I didn't, I could never do it again; having them turn into a fine mineral that my feet already became.
Those moments leave me suicidal.
If only I could be sure there was an afterlife...somewhere where they waited.
If only I had any tools in here.
If only I could die at all.
Please. Risking is worth it, if only there's a small chance I could see them again...
I regret my immortality.
DAY 20
I'm sick of reminiscing. I have had enough. Lying to myself is no solution, only driving me crazy once I realize. I scream but screams are lost in the neverending space. I try to pull my hair, but instead of the locks, I only touch the stone cold wavy surface.
Once, I cried. I never thought I would... or even could. It only made me feel worse, after all. The tears transformed into bumps on my cheeks and jaw I couldn't wipe out anymore. Like a never-ending sign of my one-time weakness, they solidified. And simply stayed here.
Forever.
Now, I only count the seconds.
Not to go completely blank, I have to occupy my brain with something. Not to go insane, it can't be memories. Not anymore. I don't want to cry again.
259048.
259049.
259050.
I'm forgetting who I was.
Who am I?
DAY 30
When hallucinations happened for the first time, I lost count.
I keep losing it and starting over. More and more often.
Real memories and fever dreams keep mixing up. I don't remember who I was. I feel like every creature which abilities I possess- and simultaneously nobody. Was I...a bird? A roach...? A lion, a crab, a shark? Was I... a human?
I don't remember my birth. I don't recall this life. Anything...ANYONE.
How did I get HERE? Was I always here?
Was I always alone?
All I can recall is greatness. Big dreams and great expectations I used to possess.
Whatever it was, I used to wish for so much.
Now all I want is death.
I hate this void.
But seeing something, even just a meteor in the distance...
Feels worse.
It reminds me of how stuck I am.
How I'm going nowhere.
Even a simple comet has a more interesting fate than me.
DAY 40
Resuming counting became harder. I have no motivation to.
I think I'm forgetting the order of numbers.
I think I'm forgetting words.
It's irritating but perhaps it's for the better, really.
Insanity is too consuming. Especially if it's meant to last forever.
One final flash of memories in my mind before I succumb to the darkness.
Esidisi....
Wamuu...
Santana.
I hope you're feeling better than I am.
DAY 50
Nothing.
No past.
No present.
No future.
A nobody floating through space.
Eventually, Kars stopped thinking.