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the backstage was filled with trainees wearing their formal uniform, looking restless and nervousness even evident in some of trainees face. how come they not when today, half of them would be eliminated. and ham wonjin was not excluded. his ranking had been consistently high for the past weeks but that didn't ease his nervousness away. the high ranking didn't guarantee him a spot there– anything could happen in such short span of time. the last live voting was the proof of that.
"hyung, are you okay?" hyeongjun asked, snapping wonjin out of his train of thoughts.
"oh, i'm okay," he drifted his eyes away, not capable of lying to this adorable boy he had come to adore after training together for a long time. hyeongjun didn't ask further and shifted his attention to hyunbin instead, probably satisfied with his answer.
when he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure standing with brand new music's trainees, laughing heartily as he patted his friends' shoulder, his eyes lingered on him for a few seconds. sihun hyung was really worried about his rank though. wonjin knew being a leader, especially in a survival was a tough job. sihun got to stay strong for his team but was it weird that wonjin hated it when sihun pretended to be strong when the stress was unbearable. he wished sihun would depend on someone. of course he knew sihun could always depend on his friends from the same company but he also wished sihun would open up to him.
wait, what? why would someone like kim sihun depend on a cry baby like him? no. why would he want sihun to depend on him on the very first place? that just didn't make sense at all. spending all the time practicing with sihun really turned him into a weirdo (especially after meeting him last night).
wonjin however admitted, after their small fight, they had gotten closer to the point where they were comfortable enough to have a conversation about nothing and laughed about everything, with only two of them. but that was all to it. it was pure friendship. even if they did feel something for each other, neither him nor sihun had the luxury to think about that. no, he shook his head. he definitely did not see sihun more than a hyung.
bnm trainees probably noticed he was staring too much at sihun because when he realized it, the four of them were looking at his way with a smile plastered on their face. wonjin replied them with an awkward grin.
sihun detached himself from the group a few seconds later, walking towards wonjin with the smile still on his face.
"your face has lost colour– are you that nervous?" sihun teased wonjin as soon as the younger greeted him with an awkward hi. "didn't we already talk about this last night? you're gonna be fine," he reassured wonjin with a soft pat on his arm as wonjin naturally grabbed his hands.
"you too shouldn't be worried about that, hyung. i'm sure you'll be staying."
while sihun didn't really show it, wonjin knew the older felt as nervous as him, if not more nervous than him if what happened last night was anything to go by.
last night, on his way back from group practice, he saw sihun was sitting alone on the bench near the vending machine. at the first sight, sihun looked like he was taking a break from the tiring and non-stop practice but wonjin knew better than anyone else that was not him resting– something really bothered the older. so wonjin asked his team to go back to dorm without him and he made his way towards the older.
as he approached the older, other bnm trainees went to him. they talked for a while before the other trainees left him alone again. wonjin heaved a sigh– maybe sihun really wanted to be left alone. despite that, wonjin still found himself walking to him, except this time, he didn't directly go towards him but the vending machine instead.
pretending as if he was here for the drink, he asked, "hyung, you're still here?" he pressed the button for an energy drink.
sihun nodded at him as answer while a faint smile was visible on his face.
"can i sit here?"
sihun turned his face to wonjin. this time he let out a small chuckle, "why can't you?"
right. why couldn't him. the bench was for everyone to sit on, but maybe he wanted to make sure that his presence next to the older was not unwanted one.
"why are you still here, though?" sihun continued once he settled himself down on the bench.
the atmosphere fell into silence. sihun was waiting for wonjin's answer and wonjin was thinking hard either to tell the older the truth– he was worried about him– or to tell a lie that he was here because he was thirsty. telling sihun the truth though, wouldn't do them any harm, he figured. they were friends and it was only natural for a friend to be worried and to care about his friend. there was nothing weird about it.
"i was thirs–"
"i saw you walking with your teammates just now," sihun cut him off before he could finish his words.
oh. sihun certainly knew he was lying. wonjin eyes darted around, anywhere but on the older on his right as he felt a pair of eyes staring at him. sihun probably still waiting for an answer from him. "guess i'm kinda worried about you." be natural, friends do worry about each other.
sihun chuckled a little at the answer. "what? why?" wonjin knew the older was amused at his answer if his tone was anything to go by.
"i don't know. maybe because the elimination day is tomorrow and it looks like that bothers you a lot," wonjin shrugged.
wonjin almost dropped his drink when he felt sihun resting his head on his shoulder. he was frozen, his heart beat faster than hummingbirds, and with this quiet atmosphere, there was no doubt sihun could hear his heartbeat. damn his dopamine.
"everyone is not gonna get a good sleep tonight," wonjin heard sihun spoke. "bet even mingyu and yohan can't sleep in peace." he could hear sihun's smile from his tone. he understood what sihun meant though, that it was normal to feel like this. that it was inevitable to worry about the rank regardless of the high rank, because this was a survival show.
the atmosphere yet again fell into silence and they stayed like that for what seemed like forever. wonjin hoped for time to just stop at the moment so he could stay with the older a little longer. just the two of them like this, leaving their worries behind, accompanied by the sound of their heart.
"anyway," sihun spoke again, making wonjin to jolt a little when he laced his fingers with wonjin's like it was the most natural thing to do. "you've been fine all these time, you sure will be for tomorrow too. don't think about that too much. the worst could happen is you are voted out from your team but i doubt that. ‘pretty girl’ really suits you."
"i could say the same to you, hyung. you shouldn't think too much too because you're so gonna survive tomorrow's elimination. everyone knows you worked so hard for our group and you led us well so i'm sure they notice your efforts."
"maybe minus that one time when i ignored you and we had a little misunderstanding?"
that one line was enough to make them laugh. wonjin still thought they were stupid to fight because of that when everything could be solved easily with a little discussion with sihun. but he just needed to sulk and ruin their group atmosphere. for the record, he was a bit immature at that time. now, he was a week older and thus, a little mature than then.
"earth to wonjin," sihun waved his hand in front of wonjin. "you're doing this again," he shook his head.
he laughed. if only sihun knew that he was neither daydreaming nor thinking about his ranking and instead his thought was rather full of him. nah, sihun didn't have to know that, not now when they had more important thing to worry about, namely their ranking announcement filming that would start anytime soon.
wonjin was about to reply sihun when he heard jungmo called for him. "i'll see you after the announcement."
***
"see, i told you not to worry," wonjin mumbled alone as sihun walking towards the stage. he was happy that the older made it into the next evaluation but at the same time, he couldn't hide his disappointment. sihun's name was called too early, too soon than he expected him to be. after all those effort he had been putting on, sihun deserved a rank way higher than this.
weird enough, time seemed to past quickly after sihun's rank was announced. without him realizing, he was now walking backstage with his friends. it was regretful that half of them had to go home but they couldn't do anything about it. after saying their good byes to eliminated trainees, they all head back backstage.
wonjin didn't have the chance to go to sihun that afternoon. plus, sihun was with eunsang the whole time so he figured he would just leave the two together and spent their free time with his friends. when he finally able to talk to sihun– just the two of them, it was during a short break during their practice and that was only because he accidentally bumped into him on his way to toilet.
"sihun hyung," wonjin called sihun as the latter walked passed his practice room. he slowly closed the door not to disrupt anyone in the room.
sihun stopped walking upon hearing wonjin. he turned around, facing the younger. "wonjin-ah, hi. i didn't see you after the announcement."
"oh that," wonjin paused. his right hand went to the back of his neck. "you were with eunsang, so," his voice trailed off, at the same time earned a small giggle from sihun. "anyway, you should've trusted me next time. my instinct is always right."
sihun was smiling fondly at him. fondly? wonjin wasn't really sure about that but whatever it was, he still wanted to think the hyung was smiling fondly at him.
"sure, sure," sihun nodded. "i might have jinxed myself by the way– i'm moved to ‘super special girl’ team."
"eh?" wonjin half shouted. that was just absurd. ‘move’ really suit sihun and everyone knew how happy the latter was when he found out he was in move– he really liked move. it must be suck to be voted out. "that's just sad. wait, that's not i mean," wonjin wanted to curse himself. damn his brain just stopped functioning properly when he tried to find words to comfort his hyung. "you're like perf–"
wonjin couldn't finish his words when someone opened the door from the inside and minhee showed up. minhee was giving them look though, eyeing him and sihun back and forth and a smirk was visible on his handsome face. it was then he realized he had sihun's hand in his. by that moment, he should've pulled his hand off, but doing so would've made it suspicious as if they really had something to hide, he figured. so he continued holding the older's hand not minding minhee at all.
"i thought you said you're going to toilet," minhee spoke before he walked away from the two.
"i'm about to," wonjin shouted at minhee, just enough for his label mate to hear him and turned to sihun again afterwards. "sorry for that. but anyway, what i'm saying is you're perfect for move but super special girl suits you too. actually, every concept suits you, i think," he grinned widely.
"are you sure every concept suits me?" sihun joked but wonjin nodded at him anyway because he really thought so. he might even pull off pretty girl perfectly like he always did, being honest. "i have to go back now so i'll see you after practice tonight?" there was a short pause before he continued again, taking back his words. "i'm not sure at what time i'll finish though. i'm planning to stay a little longer tonight."
"i'll wait for you at your practice room then?" wonjin offered. sihun probably wanted to practice the choreography since he just joined the team today. it must be hard for him but wonjin believed he could manage it well. "i mean, if that's okay with you."
"okay, sure."
wonjin watched as sihun walked away from him. oh my god, he might like the older more than he should. there was no other explanation to it. there was no other explanations to him feeling giddy every time he talked with the older or why his heart would skipped a beat every time the older was with him or why he always tried to find time to spend with the older. that was it. he finally came to term with himself that he actually liked the older. there was no denying in that.
"sihun hyung," he called the older again. "i might cry a lot and am younger than you, but you know you can always depend on me and tell me your worries," he could feel the blood rushed to his face and his cheeks slowly turned pink but he couldn't care less about that because a few seconds had passed and yet sihun hadn't answered him. he bit his lips. did he mess up? did he step over line and cross the boundary?
but when sihun replied him with a smile that could light up the whole town, wonjin finally heaved a sigh he didn't know he was holding and at the same time, the butterflies inside his stomach began to flip around crazily.
"sure, i'll go to you first next time."