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At first, he only felt pity towards Leonid Toptunov. Most people start working young, some before finishing school, but Toptunov's job was an important one. Operating the reactor was a very heavy duty for someone so inexperienced as Leonid, in his opinion. But it wasn't Aleksandr Akimov's job to decide who gets the jobs in the plant: his job was to supervise, to make sure everyone does their job correctly and, with Leonid, it wasn't going to change.
"If you've any questions, I'll answer them with pleasure.", Akimov reassured, almost in a whisper, to Toptunov who was sitting and ready to start his shift. Leonid looked at Aleksandr with his youthful blue eyes and nodded positively, showing some of his nervousness with the gesture, "Did you read the manuals they gave you?", asked Akimov just to make sure.
"Yes, Comrade Akimov."
"Call me Sasha.", words that aren't supposed to come out left Aleksandr's mouth. But Toptunov's entire posture changed as if a heavy weight that pulled him down disappeared and a semblance of a smile appeared on his lips.
"Thank you, Sasha."
Although green, Leonid was capable and hardworking, always eager to learn more from Akimov. Toptunov tried to socialize with the other workers after their shift. They once invited him for drinks, but the night ended with Leonid almost passing out. Akimov, one of the people who lived the closest to him and didn't mind to help, hold Leonid over his shoulder who couldn't even stand and walk by himself and made sure the young man arrived at home.
"Why do try to keep up with the others if you're this lightweight?", Aleksandr was concerned, but his tone came out harsher.
But Leonid laughed, lighting up the dark night.
"I shame all Slavs around the world with my inability to hold alcohol."
He didn't answer Aleksandr's question, but they giggled together as if they're teenage girls, just a couple of drunk friends celebrating life.
Akimov entered Leonid's apartment for the first time and stayed there until morning. Leonid refused to let go of him.
"Stay. Stay, Sasha. I need you."
And Sasha stayed, Leonid finally falling asleep with his head on Aleksandr's lap. He too was a bit drunk, because the vision of the young man ("No, a boy.") curled around Akimov seemed like the sweetest visions out of his sweetest dreams. Yes, Lyonya looked like the loveliest of cherubs. Gently, Aleksandr petted his strawberry blonde hair and Leonid moaned in reaction to the warm touch. So lovely. So nice. Aleksandr traced Leonid's high cheeks with his thumb, admiring its form. He moved his hand down to the line of the jaw, where, in times of stress, Akimov noticed it tensed. But, at that moment, every part of Leonid's body was soft and inviting. So beautiful. So lovely. And they slept in peace. They were both nervous men, it was in their nature, but on that morning, singing birds bought the calm they deserved.
Tragedy stroke.
Akimov's brain couldn't understand. Akimov's brain refused to understand. He was a good student in college, he studied the manuals and handbooks. But it was the sketchy details that ruined him. Not just Aleksandr. Him and everybody in that building. Him and maybe the entire continent.
"We did everything right.", he told to someone, maybe everyone. He kept repeating, mostly to himself.
His nerves got the best of him. Aleksandr could only think of one thing. It was clear as day. It wasn't a sudden realization. Bit by bit, he slowly started to observe what was happening around him and when the burns started to get better, he knew.
He was going to die.
And Leonid too.
Leonid couldn't die. He was always on his side. He trusted him. How could he? How could Akimov take advantage of him? He...he couldn't die. Only 25, with a full life ahead of him.
Aleksandr spent his days alone in his room, waiting for his death. Day by day, he felt less sane. He replayed that fateful day over and over in his head, trying to understand what happened. What did he do wrong? He only could come up with one conclusion:
He didn't save Leonid.
"It probably wouldn't matter.", said Leonid, lying on the bed with him, head on Akimov's chest, too much contact to Aleksandr's comfort, "When the explosion happened, it quickly filled the building with radiation. The true problem was how long we were exposed to the radiation. 3.6 roentgen per hour... How many hours did we spend on those valves?"
Aleksandr choked, breath caught on his throat.
"I'm sorry, Lyonya."
"Don't be.", Leonid rested his left hand on Aleksandr's right collar bone, "We did everything right.", and then he kissed his lips, "Thank you, Sasha. For everything."
Aleksandr didn't move. He didn't want to ruin that moment. A chaste kiss from an angel. And that was it was. The last sane moments of Aleksandr Akimov's life. Leonid Toptunov disappeared, leaving him alone. Aleksandr would spend the rest of his short life, wondering if what had happened was just a hallucination, a sorrow harder to handle than the physical pain of his burns.