Chapter Text
Lovino was pretty sure the universe was having fun at his expense. The punchline had been delivered earlier that day when his best friend had slipped a ring on the finger of his other best friend. It had been supposed to be a joyous occasion for everyone – and he was happy, dammit, but it was more complicated than that – but all through the ceremony and the following celebration, he hadn't been able to shake off the feeling that he was the victim of the world's greatest prank.
Growing up hadn't been easy for him. His difficult personality had made sure that most people didn't have the patience to get close to him, and his defence mechanism to that had been to push them away even harder. Even now that he was supposed to be a functional adult, he was still learning that he couldn't be truly happy if he didn't take a risk and open up enough to give people the chance to hurt him.
Antonio had been the first person to break through his barriers. Well, other than his brother and the rest of his family, but they didn't count because family stuck together whether they liked it or not. Antonio's folks had moved down the street when Lovino had been nine, and after somewhat of a rocky start, he had found his best friend in the older boy. In some ways, he had looked up to him as the big brother he didn't have.
That, however, had gradually changed towards the end of the first act of the tragicomedy that was the life of Lovino Vargas. When he had been thirteen, he had begun to realise that he the reason he was always so happy to see Antonio wasn't entirely because he was his best friend. Some time later, he had woken up with a wet spot on his boxers and the uncomfortable gut feeling that he had just dreamt of Antonio.
He had been terrified out of his mind. He had started paying attention in mass, had dug out the cross his grandmother had given him when he had been five, and had spent countless agonizing evenings pacing up and down the street and casting unsure looks towards the church, wondering if he should go inside and get this out of his chest – but oh God, what if someone found out and what if they kicked him out of the house and what if Antonio hated him?
So, he hadn't gone to the church. He hadn't talked to anyone and had tried to act normal, even though Antonio's constant hugs and touching had sent his skin on fire and made him squirm even more than usual. He had hated and liked it at the same time, but the worst had been the mish-mash of conflicting emotions and fear of being abnormal.
It had been the worst year of his life, but then rescue had arrived in the form of Giulia's boobs. She had moved to Rome from Crotone and had come to their class. The first time Lovino had seen her, he had been stunned into silence. For a month after that, his mind had been occupied with her curves and olive skin. Then there had been Sara, and then Francesca, his first girlfriend – if sloppy pecks on the lips behind the teachers' backs and a few shared ice creams counted, but hey, they were experience.
Lovino had figured that he was normal after all and had thrown all of his energy into charming half the girls in his class. It hadn't always worked, but it had been fun, and there was no describing the relief he had felt when he had realised that getting to hold Patrizia's hand was nice.
It had taken several years before this firm belief had been shattered, and it had once again happened because of Antonio.
When Lovino had been sixteen, Antonio had gone to spend the summer with his cousins in Spain. Nothing about him had changed when he had come back, but the time apart had made Lovino realise just how much he had missed him. All the conflicting emotions had come back, stronger than before, and assaulted his world like a tornado. It had taken a lot of angry shouting, slamming doors, avoiding his family and finally a teary confrontation with his grandfather before he had been able to admit to himself that maybe he didn't like just girls but boys as well.
Unlike he had expected, his family had been nothing but supportive. His brother had spent ten seconds mulling it over before asking if anyone else was up for gelato. His grandmother had hugged him and kissed him and told him that there was nothing wrong with him, and his grandfather had proudly declared that now he could be sure his Lovino would find the best and most gorgeous lover in the world since he wasn't restricted by gender.
He had needed a little more time before he had found the courage to tell Antonio, but he had taken it just as well. What he hadn't told him – and it was his secret to this very day and would always stay so – was that he maybe had something resembling a crush on him. Antonio wasn't like him, he knew. If he had been, he would have told him ages ago.
Accepting that Antonio would never be anything but a friend to him hadn't been easy, but he had gradually got over it and begun to search elsewhere. A few casual relationships here, going on a couple of dates there. However, nobody had really caught his attention until he had bumped into the Belgian exchange student in the supermarket.
Isabelle Guillaume was a linguistics major who had come to Italy as an Erasmus student because she felt unhappy with the direction her life was taking and had thought a change of scenery might help her get her priorities straight. Lovino had hit if off with her at once; they had spent countless hours strolling the streets and sitting at cafés, talking about everything that came to mind. He wasn't sure which of them had been more successful at charming the other – he with all the Italian pastries and candy he gave her or she with the smile that made him think of the Mona Lisa.
Eventually, he had introduced her to Antonio. After all, it was only natural that his best friend got to know the future Mrs. Vargas, right? Everything had been perfect at first. The three of them had got along wonderfully, and Belle's Italian had improved heaps with their help. She had been particularly talented at picking up Lovino's colourful language that he sometimes let slip in her company despite his attempts to act like a gentleman.
But then Antonio and Belle had started looking more at each other than him when they went out. They had begun to laugh at each other's jokes in ways that they never did at Lovino's. There had been warm glances as their hands casually brushed against each other. After that, they had started to go out without asking him to join them. Lovino hadn't been one bit surprised when they had announced that they were dating and that Belle wouldn't be going back to Belgium after her exchange year was over. Disappointed and angry, sure, but not surprised.
Flashforward to a year and a half later and here he was, the bestman at a wedding that had done a great job at crushing every serious romantic dream he'd ever had. The only two people he had ever been truly interested in were off limits. Even worse, they had each other. He was being a dick, he knew, but he couldn't help but resent them for that. It would have been easier if they had both found someone else.
It wasn't as if he wasn't happy for them. Apart from his family, Antonio and Belle were the most important people in his life. If they wanted to be happy together, so fucking be it. He wouldn't try to stop them. He'd keep his mouth shut and never let them know that watching them cut the cake together and feed pieces to each other made him feel like someone was making coratella out of his heart.
He grabbed his wine and took a generous gulp as he observed the scene around him. He had held off the alcohol earlier because everyone had bugged him until he had agreed to give a speech. He might have been feeling sour about the wedding, but he wasn't so much of a dick that he wanted to ruin Antonio and Belle's day by accidentally slipping out something that nobody was meant to hear.
It hadn't been a large celebration. Antonio's job as a gardener didn't pay all that well, so the party had been scraped together by his vast circle of friends. Someone's uncle owned a nice house with enough room for all the guests and had let them have it for a day. The wedding cake had been provided by Antonio's idiot friend from France; Belle's brother had flown over and brought chocolate; Lovino and Feliciano had helped with the rest of the menú, and many of their friends could play countless catchy songs with the guitar.
At first Antonio had objected to that, saying that he couldn't have his friends arrange everything for him, but nobody had listened. He had helped them out countless times, they had argued. Antonio never stopped to think about himself and his own problems when his friends were in trouble and was willing to skip as many meals as necessary if someone else was short on cash and couldn't pay their rent. And he never asked for the money back.
“Lovi!”
He looked up to see Antonio hurrying towards him, an exhausted but happy smile on his face. His hair had turned into a mess and he had lost his tie somewhere during the evening, but he was positively glowing. He looked gorgeous, and if Lovino hadn't given up all hope of having him years ago, it would have been devastating to see him like that. Now it only stung.
“What now?” he asked.
Antonio let out a long sigh as he claimed the empty seat by Lovino's side.
“I just wanted to thank you again. I know you're the one who organized half of this, and I can't even say how grateful I am. Belle is so great and I really wanted this to be a special day for her, but I wouldn't have been able to give her any of this without everyone's help.”
Lovino snorted into his wine. “Like she gives a damn about how many layers the wedding cake has. Do you think she would have said yes if she cared about anything but you? You could have got married in a gutter, and she would have still been the happiest woman on Earth.”
“I guess you're right,” Antonio said with a laugh and reached out to wrap his arm over Lovino's shoulder. “But I'm still so happy that you'd all do something like this for me.”
That's because you're such a great guy, Lovino thought. And so was Belle. She and Antonio were both so amazing, beautiful, selfless, positive, helpful... The list went on and on. They were perfect for each other. No wonder neither of them had given a serious thought to going out with him.
“Anyway,” Antonio continued, “I think we'll stay for a few more dances and then we'll be off. We have to get up early tomorrow and start driving so that we'll make it to the house Gilbert arranged for us before the afternoon.”
“Your stupid boss could have given you more than two days off so that you could have a proper honeymoon,” Lovino grumbled.
“It's okay. I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway, and Belle is pretty busy with her studies. She wants to graduate by the end of the year so that she can quit at the café and start looking for another job.”
Lovino acknowledged these words with a grunt. Belle had changed her major at some point and was now pursuing a degree that would let her work as a kindergarten teacher. It wasn't a job that would pay her all that well, but she looked much happier these days than when he had first met her.
“Aren't you going to come and dance?” Antonio asked.
“No, I've had enough. My shoes are killing me, and I want to be able to stand tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay. But if you change your mind, join us! I want to see you smile one more time today!”
Lovino watched Antonio go back to join the others. He wasn't really up for dancing, but he couldn't help but feel a little lonely and miserable as everyone else drifted to the empty space on the cobblestone yard that served as their dance floor. Feliciano had found some pretty girl to attach himself to, and their laughter rang loud against the music.
I have no idea why I do this to myself, Lovino thought as he tried his best to look like he had a purpose sitting alone at his table while everyone else was having fun. All he had to do was go out there and join them. There was no reason to stay here and sulk.
“Hey.”
He looked up to see someone approaching him and searched his memory to find a name he could attach to the pale face and the hair that was so blond it was almost white. The guy was Antonio's friend, so he was sure he should have remembered who he was. Antonio was the kind of person who didn't understand the concept of multiple social circles. He thought it was only natural that if he was friends with two people, those two were friends as well. As such, he was always inviting Lovino to things even though he had told him countless times that he didn't want to hang out with a bunch of total strangers.
This guy was... Damn, he should have known him. There was something familiar about him, so he was sure they had been at a party together or maybe gone to the pool with Antonio. He just couldn't recognise him right now.
“Uh, hey,” he replied, hoping that the other would let something slip that would reveal his identity.
“So, what are you sitting here all alone for?”
Ah, now Lovino remembered. Gilbert Beil-whatever-the-fuck. There was no mistaking that accent that sounded like he had a fork stuck down his throat. He was used to seeing Gilbert in old T-shirts and dirty jeans, so the suit and hair that almost looked like he had combed it that day had distracted him for a moment.
Gilbert was German and had been living in Italy for about a year now. Lovino had no idea what he was doing in Rome or how he and Antonio had got to know each other, and he couldn't say he was all that interested in finding out. Gilbert didn't seem like the kind of guy he wanted to include in his life, so he had been doing his best to avoid him.
“What do you want?” he asked.
Gilbert took a seat. “Just came to see what you're doing. Aren't you the bestman? Why is it your brother and not you who's giving the bridesmaid the time of her life over there?”
“I didn't come to this wedding to pick up women.”
“That's the best reason to be at weddings! Don't tell me you've never crashed a complete stranger's party just to get some free cake and chat up the bride's sister.”
“I've got more class than that. And I bet stunts like that never work, except in shitty movies.”
“At least the cake is always good.”
Lovino let out an indifferent sound and turned his attention back to the others who were dancing. Most of his friends were dating or had hit it off with some of the other guests, so he couldn't help but feel a little left out. It wouldn't have usually been such an issue, but the way Antonio had his hands on Belle's waist and how she reached up to ruffle his hair reminded him all too clearly of the fact that he was alone.
“So, did you hear that I arranged a house for Antonio and Belle's honeymoon?” Gilbert asked.
“Yeah, me and everyone else, I bet. I'm sure you haven't shut up about it all evening.”
“Why should I? It was the best present in the bunch! Without me, they'd have to stay in town.”
Okay, Lovino could admit that much. Nobody in their circle of friends was exactly wealthy. They all got by, but even if they had all put their extra cash together, they probably wouldn't have been able to get Antonio and Belle a nice place to stay for the few days they could afford to take off from work.
“It had better not be some shitty shack with no running water. How did you even get it?”
He realised that he didn't know what Gilbert did for a living, if anything. Judging by the fashion catastrophe he considered casual clothing and how he was always mooching off on someone else, he had often thought he was just an unemployed bum. But if he could arrange a house in the countryside on short notice, he had to have something up his sleeve.
Gilbert grinned at him. “That's my awesome secret.”
“Like I even care.”
“But you still haven't answered my question. Why are you here?”
Because I have a broken heart, you dumb fuck.
“I'm tired. Who do you think organized half of this and stayed up until three gluing little sparkly hearts into the napkins?”
“Oh, that was you? I thought Francis did that. I didn't realise you were into such girly stuff.”
Lovino wasn't, but he had remembered how, back in the beginning when he had still thought he had a chance with Belle, she had sheepishly told him that she had always wanted a cliché princess wedding. They couldn't afford anything like that, but dammit, he could get her glittering napkins for her special day even if it was the last thing he ever did.
“What about you? Why are here?” he asked.
Gilbert leaned back on his seat. “Oh, well, you know. I already danced with all the free chicks, and nobody measured up to my standards, so I'm just chilling for now.”
Yeah, right. Lovino had seen at least Maria, Elena and Lucrezia give Gilbert the cold shoulder. Elena had even looked ready to pour punch down his pants if he didn't back off.
He didn't want to lump himself in the same group, but he couldn't help but think that they were just two idiots sitting on the sidelines of a party because they weren't good enough for anyone.
“You wanna dance?” Gilbert asked all of a sudden.
“What?”
“If we just stay here, the others will think we're losers.”
“No, they won't. They're too busy having fun to notice us.”
“That's even worse.” Gilbert thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I'm not going to let my reputation get ruined like this. Come on!”
Before Lovino could object, Gilbert had grabbed his hand and pulled him up on his feet. He staggered after him until they reached the others just as a new song started. They hadn't been able to afford a live band, so someone had burned a CD mix of Antonio and Belle's favourite songs. The one that started playing now was some Spanish pop song from the 90s that Lovino had had to listen to at Antonio's place for more times than he cared to count.
“Now I know why nobody wants to dance with you. I don't even recognise those moves,” he said.
“They're my own! I've improved this thing!”
“Or you just don't know how to dance.”
Then again, that was like blaming a chicken for not being able to fly. Gilbert had Germanic blood flowing in his veins, so was it any surprise that he moved like a marionette with a few cut strings?
“Or I just refuse to be bound by rules!”
“So that's why you've already made a dozen grammatical mistakes.”
It probably wasn't fair to make fun of Gilbert's Italian. At least it was understandable, and Lovino still had nightmares about his English classes at school, so he knew how difficult it was to use a foreign language. To actually live in a foreign country and be forced to do everything in a language that wasn't his was quite a feat.
But Gilbert didn't seem offended. He flashed him a grin and stopped moving when the song began to fade away.
“If you've kept count, I guess that means you've been paying attention to what I say.”
Was that flirting? Lovino was usually good at telling when people were trying to make a move on him, but he was better at reading women than men. He'd had a few casual flings with guys and even one relationship that lasted nearly three months, but he tended to stick to women because they were easier to understand and because he felt that when he was with them, he knew what kind of role was expected of him.
But even more importantly, what did he think of Gilbert maybe flirting with him? He wasn't the kind of guy Lovino usually described as his type – he liked masculine men with tanned skin and some body hair. Gilbert was the complete opposite, too pale, too lanky. The only thing about his looks that wasn't bland were his eyes.
He didn't even know him, but – oh, fuck, who cared? It wouldn't be the first time he had a short thing with someone just because he felt like it. And he sure felt like it now. After spending the whole day watching Antonio and Belle make each other beam, he needed someone to hold him and make him feel good, even if it was only a one-time thing. It wasn't like he and Gilbert were friends, so they had nothing to lose.
“Hardly,” he said. “But I can always start if you can think of something worthwhile to say.”
“Well, what would you like to hear?”
But the next song was starting, and it was a waltz, so Lovino grabbed Gilbert's hand and placed it on his shoulder. The other man looked a little startled and stumbled with his first steps, but he quickly covered it up with a grin.
“I'm usually the one who leads,” Gilbert pointed out.
“Then I hope you like trying out new things.”
Gilbert's laughter had an awkward edge to it, and somehow Lovino almost found that endearing. Who would have thought that the self-centred ass had a shy side? Maybe he was one of those guys who were all talk without anything to back it up.
It was a little strange to dance with a man like this, but they weren't the only such couple, so Lovino didn't think anyone was paying any special attention to them. Even if someone was, it wasn't out of the ordinary for friends to dance together when they wanted to goof around or when there weren't any partners of the opposite sex available.
They danced through several more songs and didn't stop even when Antonio and Belle left. Lovino found it beyond liberating to forget about them and how much his love life sucked, instead focusing on the rhythm of the music, his own rising heartbeat and the pleasant heat that brought colour to his cheeks and a thin layer of sweat to his skin.
“I need another beer,” Gilbert announced.
Lovino followed him to where the remaining drinks were. They were out of wine by now, so he grabbed a paper cup and filled it with water that was stale but felt heavenly as he swallowed it.
“You sure like dancing. With the way you were sulking to yourself earlier, I wasn't expecting that,” Gilbert said.
“There isn't much else to do here now that people are leaving.”
Gilbert's grin widened. “Are you kidding? This is always the best part. Now's the time when you pick up someone and take her home.”
“No candidates in sight,” Lovino pointed out, scanning the nearly empty dance floor.
Gilbert finished his can of beer and tossed it away. “There's still time. The best catch could be right there when you least expect it.”
If that wasn't an opening, Lovino didn't know what was. With a snort, he slipped a hand to Gilbert's waist and pulled him closer, earning himself a surprised bark of laughter that further encouraged him.
“What, another dance? Aren't you getting tired of –”
Lovino silenced Gilbert with a kiss. It was a bolder move than what he was used to, but he figured they were past tiptoeing around each other and could go straight to the point. They'd have to wait until later before they could go to his place since they had both drunk too much and Feliciano was his designated driver, but a little making out to get into the mood couldn't hurt.
Except that Gilbert wasn't responding to his kiss. His lips weren't moving, and the body that Lovino was holding had grown so stiff that it was almost like he was handling an iron bar. Confused, he pulled back.
“Um...” Gilbert was staring at him with bewildered eyes.
“What?”
“I'm not gay!”
Oh.
Oh, fuck.
Lovino let out the most detailed and colourful profanity he knew and buried his face into his hands. Holy hell, it was a while since he had messed up like this. And he wasn't even drunk enough to use that as an excuse!
He tried to force something coherent out of his throat. “Listen. That was –”
“You know, I think I'll just go over there to... to do stuff. Bye!”
When Lovino found the courage to take a peek from behind his fingers, Gilbert was gone. He drew a deep breath and gritted his teeth, trying to pick up the pieces of his dignity but finding it quite a tiresome thing to do.
Fucking hell, he thought. Nobody wanted him. Not Antonio, not Belle, and not even that German krautbrain.
But it's not your fault, his pride tried to argue over the sound of his emotional balance being ground to dust. Okay, so maybe it had been a bit of a jerk move to kiss a near stranger out of nowhere like that, but Gilbert had no reason to act like he had just taken a dump on him. He wouldn't have run off like that if a woman had kissed him without a warning, would he?
He's just a homophobic ass, Lovino decided. Good thing he had found out now and not later so that he didn't have to waste any more time on him. Heck, maybe he'd tell Antonio all about this after he came back from his honeymoon so that he'd know to cut off all ties with Gilbert.
Now, where the hell was Feliciano? The party had grown sour even beyond his expectations, and it was time for them to leave. Even if he had to drag his brother away from on top of his conquest of the night, they were getting into the car and driving straight home right now.
It took him nearly an hour before he finally discovered his brother and the pretty bridesmaid whose name was apparently Michela since that was what Feliciano was moaning when Lovino found them. He wasn't completely heartless, so he gave them a few minutes to finish and make themselves presentable, and went outside to wait, even if he was already plotting to force Feliciano to do his shift at work next Saturday as compensation.
Almost everyone had left now, and the front yard had grown quiet. There were paper cups, plastic forks and all kinds of trash everywhere. Seeing the glittery napkins he had made trampled on the ground was pretty damn poetic.
He shoved his hands into his pockets and decided to go and help the guy who was blowing off all the candles they had used as lightning.
“Oh, hey,” the man said when he noticed Lovino. “Good thing you showed up.”
“Why's that?”
“That German guy is passed out on the porch. I've been trying to find someone who knows him. I saw you with him earlier, so you'll take him home, right?”
“What? No, I –”
“Great, thanks! For a moment there I thought I'd have to bring him to my place, but I don't know him at all.”
“I have no idea where he lives!”
“I'm sure he'll make it there himself when he wakes up. He just needs a roof over his head for the night. It's not like we can leave him here.”
Oh, yes, we can, Lovino thought. He made a grumpy face as he walked up to the porch and saw the pathetic, snoring heap under the table. So, apparently being kissed by a man was such a blow to this idiot's manhood that he had decided to drink the memory away. What an ass. He deserved to be left here for the night so that he'd sleep in that position and have one hell of a backache in the morning.
But suppose something happened at night. Anyone could come here, thinking that there was something to pinch after the wedding. The guy from earlier had made Gilbert Lovino's responsibility, and if something went wrong, everyone would blame him.
With a disgusted sigh, Lovino figured that he had no choice but to take this dumbass home with him to sober up a little. Now he certainly knew that the universe had chosen him as the victim of the grandest prank in history.