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The guys were all joking happily as they made their way to a meet and greet. Well, all but one of them. One of them felt like he couldn't be bothered, one of them had a unexplainable dampened mood, and he hated himself for his lack of control over it. He couldn't help how down he felt, but it was just how he was feeling. Was it selfish to feel this way? He felt like it must have been, since his life was what many people dreamed to have, did he have any right to feel this gloomy about everything?
"C'mon, Jordon!" His brain got dragged back to the present as he looked to Dylan, one of the four close friends he worked with now walking ahead of him. "Hurry yo ass up!" At the request Charlie did speed up, effortlessly catching up with the Hollywood Undead guys. Well, it should have been effortless. For some reason he was dragging his heels even if he didn't want to, but finding why was tough.
A small sigh left him as he watched Johnny open the door and Danny followed along with the rest. Charlie was the last to walk through the door. He felt too tired, he didn't feel like doing a meet and greet today, he had been sick of putting up with people for the past few days, it was just how he felt. He had no right to ever complain. The fans paid good money for it, and maybe they could lift his spirits, he did love talking to the people who appreciated their music. He walked through and took his seat next to his friends behind a desk, forcing the most realistic smile he could manage onto his face as the fans approached.
"Are you okay, man?" Danny had sat next to him, and had noticed his friend's weird change in behaviour when he sat down. Jordon smiled towards him, noticing the concern on his face.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Jordon was actually used to pretending to be okay. And he hated that he was used to it, but he never wanted his friends to worry about him too much, especially when they've all got their own problems to deal with. He didn't need to be an extra burden on them, and he was perfectly capable of handling himself. He was a grown ass man and he knew how to take care of his health.
"Just checking, you seem a little... Off." Charlie's heart melted a little at the worry Danny gave him. He didn't want the man to worry, but he couldn't help how it made his heart feel when the singer displayed his care so clearly. There was no doubt in his mind that it was the tiny crush he had for the man that made his heart melt at every caring word Danny said, but it still didn't help him feel better. It was something he had to deal with himself.
"Don't worry, dude. I'm fine." Jordon smiled, before looking away to talk with a fan and signing their poster. But his words didn't convince Danny, and the singer remained to be worried about his rapper friend. Maybe it was just a down day for the usually happy man, so Danny decided to just let it slide.
"If you say so..." Danny muttered. Maybe their show tonight could cheer him up.
---~~~---
"I swear, Jordon, if you want us to create another song like Bullet with these lyrics it is not happening." George folded his arms and frowned, his voice flat and serious. He didn't want another song like that, and neither did the rest of the band. His words weren't intended to be mean, and Jordon understood that. The lyrics he wrote weren't that good anyway, at least, not his best. They were more of a release of emotions than lyrics, but he didn't want to show up with nothing. He didn't mind if the lyrics weren't used, he didn't really care for them.
"Understandable." Was all he replied with, folding his arms in a similar way with a little frown. Again, his mood was down, as it had been a lot lately. His lacklustre reply surprising the rest of the band, leaving them staring at him in slight shock and concern. Usually Jordon would put more of a fight into his lyrics, a semi-strong fight for them to be part of a song at the very least.
"Maybe we could use this bit?" J-Dog circled a couple of lines that he thought could be fixed up with his slightly chewed pen, a bad habit he had when he concentrated on what he was doing. Jordon gave a small nod of agreement, but that was it. The lightest lyrics he wrote were circled, but he still didn't care. Jorel looked back to see if anything had changed, silently confused when he didn't even see Jordon crack a smile and say that he used some sort of mental trick to see if it worked. That was what Jorel expected anyway.
"I'm gonna go smoke for a bit outside, gimme five." Jordon sighed out, standing from his seat and walking away, leaving the rest of the men concerned for him. But before he walked out of the office, he had to take his flannel off, finding it way to uncomfortable in the heat to be wearing both the flannel and the top he had under together. He frowned when his arms were revealed to him with faded out scars, cruel reminders he had placed on his skin in his teenage years. He had came a long way since then, but the marks he had made were his biggest regret. His younger self didn't allow him to forget all the shitty things he did, and it only added to his mood. The scars always cast a negative spell for him, because he felt he'd never accept and get over what they meant.
Back in the studio, the rest of the guys had all agreed to take five. A small break would never hurt anyone, and they all sort of needed it anyway. No one felt any intense inspiration today, so no one expected much. Danny was the one to take this small break to his advantage. Out of all the guys, Dylan was Jordon's closest friend, not that they all weren't close. Maybe Dylan could help give Danny answers, as his worry for the rapper only ever seemed to grow. "Dylan?" He instantly got the attention of the other, who was playing around on his phone.
"Yeah?" A smile was on Dylan's face. It surprised Danny, how Dylan was the least bothered about how Jordon had behaved. As if it was something normal, as if it was who Charlie usually was. But it wasn't. Usually Charlie would tell jokes, mess around and tease everyone, make working more fun. He even once showed up dressed as Batman and no one expected it.
"Do you know if everything is alright with Jordon?" He asked, his question making Dylan chuckle.
"Why? Do you care about him that much?" Dylan teased, knowing fully how Danny felt towards his friend. The singer's neck tinted red at the comment, embarrassed by the truth. "He's fine, sometimes he's like this, but he's nowhere near as bad as he used to be years ago. He'll get over it." Danny frowned, now back onto the main topic.
"What if he doesn't?" That was his biggest worry. What if Jordon really wasn't okay and he had just done a crazy good job of hiding it from everyone? And what if it was really bad? He didn't want to lose Jordon forever if he knew he could do something about it. And those lyrics... Those couldn't come from someone who was okay...could they?
"Danny, it's Jordon you're talking about." Dylan smirked. "He will." But the singer still wasn't convinced.
---~~~---
Another day working at writing an album, and Jordon was still not feeling at his best. He was grateful that the rest of the guys were respectful about it, even if everything had become more awkward without his funny and rediculous antics. They let him quietly play around on his guitar, as that was still technically working, since he could find a riff or something.
The only one who thought that it could be something that was serious with Jordon that was making him act so different was Danny, and the concerns he had would never leave him if he didn't go and try to help the other get back to his usual self. He did have a part of him thinking that maybe Jordon was a just little down, but the scars on his arms, revealed by a warm day told Danny otherwise. It persuaded him to think that Jordon could be a danger to himself, and he wanted to help. It was just in his nature. With a sigh, the singer placed down his own guitar and moved towards the rapper, who had moved on from figuring out riffs and was just doing whatever. He must have felt like he wasn't going to find anything useful, it hurt Danny's heart to see the usually smiling and creative man acting the complete opposite. "Jordon?" He started.
"Yeah?" The singer hated seeing that fake smile, but there was nothing he could say to change that. All he could do was offer help.
"Is there anything you want to talk about?" He sat on the floor in front of his friend, his knees cracking as he groaned when his ass got to the ground. A sign that he was getting old.
"Uhm, no?" Jordon was confused, not really getting what Danny was trying to say as he held onto his guitar and stopped playing. "Why?"
"I just thought since you've seemed upset lately, maybe there was something you wanted to talk about." Danny shrugged, looking up into the confused blue eyes of his friend.
"Well, I'm fine. Don't worry." Jordon replied, his smile a little more genuine. That was until he watched the honey-coloured eyes of his crush go to his arms, and the smile fell when he realised what the singer was looking at.
"Are you sure?" Danny pushed, not feeling like he should be leaving Jordon alone. The rapper, however, appreciated Danny's concern, but there was no need for it, and his guard was up when he looked to the scars, whether it was intentional or not.
"Those scars are old, Danny. Really old." His grip on his guitar tightened a little, he heart pushing more against his ribcage as his emotions became stronger. The singer's eyes grew wider than they naturally were, realising he was caught looking at his biggest cause for concern. "Just let them be, they are what they are. Old memories I'll never forget."
"It's just that-"
"Since I used to be a cutter and wrote depressing lyrics that I was trying to get one of you guys to save me?" Jordon didn't feel angry or upset at Danny. He knew where the male was coming from, but Jordon was perfectly stable, he was just a little sad like any other normal human. He didn't want Danny to pry into his life and try and find something that wasn't there, and he didn't want Danny invading more than he already had. The singer was left silent for a moment, staring at Jordon with a blank look, now he was the confused one.
"Those lyrics made me really worry, I just thought that maybe you wanted to have someone help you get out of something, y'know?" Danny shifted on the ground. Maybe he should have listened to Dylan when it came to this, Jordon really did seem to have everything under control, but the singer just had to know.
"That's wishful thinking, Danny." Jordon frowned. Sure, he loved Danny. He loved the blonde singer way more than a friend, but he didn't like that the other was viewing him as some form of depressed person who was crying out for help. It was nothing of the sort, and he had to make sure that the other knew that. "And those lyrics, maybe I just wanted to vent? Ever think about that?" He added on.
"I guess not..." Danny felt dumb now, raising his hand to awkwardly scratch the back of his neck. The other musician really was just a bit down after all, like everyone else. He just read into it way to much and thought he knew what Jordon was going through, it was his mistake. Jordon noticed the embarrassment that the singer felt and sighed, placing his guitar down.
"It's irritating when people try and dig for a deeper meaning in what I write or do, Danny. If there is, I'd say so to the ones I've let in my life." Danny didn't want to look at him anymore, now feeling ashamed of himself for upsetting Jordon even more. He was just so used to people not being okay. Maybe it was wishful thinking that there was something wrong with Jordon, and he felt dejected now that he realised he had wanted there to be something wrong with Jordon just so Danny could be his knight in shining armour. He was an idiot.
And he was left stunned when Jordon gently grasped his chin and lifted his head a little, pressing a light, quick kiss to the singer's lips. All he could do was stare at Jordon, completely frozen from the affection. "But it doesn't stop me from loving you." The rapper winked.
"Just let me be a little unhappy sometimes, okay?" He grinned, leaving Danny where he was sitting on the ground to help write music now that he had felt more motivated to. Kissing Danny had helped lift his spirits, so in the end, the singer did end up helping him. He was just left too shocked to realise what that kiss even meant, but if the sudden boost of happiness in his mood was anything to go by...
He went to the rest of his friends with a lovestruck grin, one that made Jordon let out the first joyful laugh he had felt in a while.